Uncle Fester is going in for surgery

Das okay, I unnerstand.
It was a pretty easy and "in-n-out" deal. I was offered a general Anestitic<SP> where the Nurse said "it was against the law for me to leave by myself".
I stood a good 4 inches and 150 pounds over her and asked her that if I got it in my mind to leave, there would be little she could do to stop me.
But my main reason for taking a local was this:
I could,
A} Take a local and drive myself home after only 3 hours in the outpatient pavillion

Or I could,
B}Take a general and after my begging off the ride my wife had arranged with her girlfriend for me (Who, it should be noted, drives like a kamakazi pilot with manic depression) and later being compelled to call my wife from her job to come all the way to Norfolk General, pick me up and be subjected to her hen-pecking me all the way home.

Some choices are obvious, for everything else, there's MasterCard!

I didn't need new wires, just the pacemaker itself. The Doctor asked me if I wanted a new incision or should he just hack open the old one. I said, "Well John, you know what a slave to fashion I am and the Frankenstien look is IN, BABY!

It's funny, I got a call Friday from the Doctors Office to see if I was okay.
"Yea, I'm fine."Says I.
They further asked, "Did you get the perscription for the antibiotics filled?"
"Nope" says I.
"Why not, Mr. Frost?"
"It's cool, I saw the Doctor wash his hands and He was the only one reaching into my shoulder all day!"

The REAL reason I didn't get the perscription was, I had forgotten to go to the bank after blowing all my cash on Zoey's new I.D. chip Friday morning!

LOL Jimmy! I think you should entertain this group with your story about the bar stool, the diner the waitress and the cell phone! LOL

Glad to hear everything went smoothly for you! I love reading your posts and stories - your great sense of humor makes for such entertaining reading!

I wanna hear about the bar stool, waitress and cell phone too!

Oh, that!

A few weeks ago, I was eating breakfast at the Petro Truck Stop in Amarillo Texas.
I was yucking it up with some other mis-fit truck drivers and I wa laughing at something someone said, laughing HARD!
I leaned back in the seat, it was a little stool, close to the ground and as I leaned back, I heard a CRACK and the seat ripped off the pedastel and dumped me onto the floor, laughing HARDER now!

The waitress hit the "auto-freak" button and went running for the manager.

I was finished with my meal and went ot pay my check, the cashier told me that the manager wanted to see me before I left. I thought "Great" and was trying to figure what a new barstool would cost me.

The manager just wanted my name, address and such for her accident report and even offered to pay for my meal.

After that was done, I went around the corner, called the truckstop on my cellphone and got the manager on the phone. She didn't know it was me and CERTAINLY didn't know I was watching.

She answered and I said, "Hello, my name is Bernard Shapiro and I understand the my client, Mr. James Frost recently suffered a personal injury from a fall off of a defective seat and could be entitled to MILLIONS of dollars for his suffering."

This poor manager turned as white as her shirt, her jaw dropped open and started stammering and stuttering. Remember, she hadn't even finished the accident report yet.

I let her twist for a few minutes and told her that her assest were also at risk "and what a fine asset it is, if I may say so"
She looked shocked and I started giggeling and the jug was up.
She looked around and saw me laughing-she wasn't, but then she did.

That was a hoot!

Call me twisted but I loved that story!

You are SO funny Uncle Fester!!!!!!!

Glad you are back to your fiesty self!

OMG you are so bad Jimmy ...... to funny

This morning, I had an appointment with my dentist and I'm smitten with his Hygenist, Tasha.

(If I wasn't married to Kim, I'd be after Tasha. That's exactly the reason I try to AVOID the Dentist at all costs.
When met with temtation, the married man should do what ANY married man should do, turn around, run like h--l and NOT LOOK BACK )

I like to eat a whole box of Oreo cookies prior to seeing Tasha for a teeth cleaning becasue that way, she would have to cancel all her appointments for the rest of the day and spend it on me.
My Wife took my box of Oreo's this morning

Funny stories!

Jimmy laughing on the bar stool -->

LOL! I have to tell you guys this story.

When I went to meet up with Jimmy and Zoey, he told me to go into this store at the truck stop and have him paged because I had no clue what he looked like. So we get there, and I walked right by him, I knew it was him, but I was going to page him anyway. He was buying food at the counter, and I heard him lean over to the cashier (who was having a real bad day) He said- "Hey Marsha, would you do me a favor?"

She looked up at him, and I swear she glared at him and snapped "What?"

Then I heard him say-

"Honey, would you go and slap some cold cream on your face, put your hair in curlers, put on a frumpy robe and fry up a steak, cuz I am homesick!"

I was rolling by that time and knew exactly that I had found Uncle Fester! LOL

You're hysterical Uncle Fester!!!

Oh! Your sense of humor is wicked, I LOVE it!

Originally posted by Uncle Fester
Now if you're gonna tell story on me, tell it right. I told her to put on some cold cream, put 'yer hair in curlers, burn me a steak and nag at me some, I'm homesick.

Click to expand...

<-- mzjazz2u

Hey! I was trying to at least protect your evil side! LOL

OMG I am in tears now The dentist one was really good , your wife taking away your Oreo's thats just to fuuny .
I almost peee in my pants when I was reading the one what M.A. posted that is just tooooooo funny . And then you just had to corect M.A.

I'm also available for wedding's, parties and barmitzpha's!