Not sure if I mentioned this or not, but I might have a sister.
Back in 1995, my brother calls me to tell me that a woman called him up and announced herself as our deceased father's first daughter, born in 1939.
When I was a small child I had been told that my Dad had lived with a woman before having met and married my Mom, and that the woman had died. I also heard that he had had a child but the baby had died as an infant.
My brother who is almost 6 years older than I am, remembers hearing hushed conversation between my Mom and Dad about a baby, where my Mom would harshly whisper for my Dad to be quiet because my brother was approaching. I never heard such conversations and if I did, I don't remember them.
Anyway, back in 1995, I had been in nursing school about 6 months and was under a great deal of stress; a lot of sleepless nights because I was working full time and going to school full time and basically living on 3 hours of sleep per day. It was also less than a year prior that I remembered that I had been sexually abused by a cousin when I was 9 years old.
So when my brother told me about this woman, Gloria, I shut him down and told him I didn't want to talk about it, and that there was no proof. Plus when I asked some of my Aunties about it, they all had told me that Gloria's mother was quite the tart who lived with my Dad for a few months over one summer. She also slept with 2 of my Dad's brothers, having fathered a boy child with one of them. I was also told by my most favourite Aunt, who would never lie to me, that Gloria's Mom loved the army guys and during WWII, she was seen on the arm of a different soldier almost nightly. This same Aunt also told me that Gloria's Mom had visited with my Aunt when my Dad was there, as well as another Aunty. She had brought her baby with her and was pushing my Dad to hold her, which both my Aunts thought was strange.
Anyway, I was under so much stress, and was an emotional wreck. I just couldn't deal with the "Congrats! It's a girl!" announcement. I was on the verge of cracking up and was barely holding it together. I just didn't need that in my life at that time.
My brother readily accepted Gloria into the family. I refused. I wanted DNA proof. We fought about it which caused me even more stress and anxiety, and created a great deal of distance between us.
I did meet her once during that visit. She did resemble my Dad a little, or at least my Dad's side of the family. But again, her Mother slept with 2 of my Dad's brothers, plus what seems like countless other men, so who could say for sure. That was the last time I had anything to do with her.
My brother went down to the USA to visit her a few times, and she came up to visit him. She was even there once for Christmas, and I refused to go to my brother's that Christmas.
Eventually my brother finally stopped talking to me about her because I would get so angry with him, and tell him that I've walked away from him in the past, and if he didn't drop the subject of Gloria, I would do it again, but this time I wouldn't walk back. I told him that if he wanted to accept her into the family, that was his business, but I didn't, and he better stop talking about her to me. He did.
Over the years, she has crossed my mind from time to time, but not enough for me to reach out to her. This past couple years, I've been doing a great deal of self-reflection and emotional healing, and have come to realize that part of my anger back then was because I suddenly felt replaced as "Daddy's little girl!" Suddenly that position was threatened, or so I felt.
I eventually turned my thinking to the fact that I was Daddy's little girl, and would always be, because I had the grace of having had his love and attention in my life and no one could ever take that from me.
This past week I made the decision that I was going to ask my brother for Gloria's phone number so that I could call her and talk to her. I'm not 100% convinced that she is my Dad's daughter, but I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. The way I figure it is that if she is, she didn't have the chance to know him, and as my Dad's daughter, it would be selfish of me to not let her get to know him through my eyes.
Tonight my brother said that he called her on Christmas Eve and the first thing she had asked him was how I was. He said that he wanted to tell me that she has asked about me each time he talks to her, but he didn't know how to approach me about it because I always got so angry with him. I told him that he had done the right thing not talking about it to me, because it was something that I needed to work through on my own and deal with when I was emotionally strong enough to do so.
At this point I don't even know what to say to her. But I guess a good start would be "Hi Gloria, It's Linda....."
Back in 1995, my brother calls me to tell me that a woman called him up and announced herself as our deceased father's first daughter, born in 1939.
When I was a small child I had been told that my Dad had lived with a woman before having met and married my Mom, and that the woman had died. I also heard that he had had a child but the baby had died as an infant.
My brother who is almost 6 years older than I am, remembers hearing hushed conversation between my Mom and Dad about a baby, where my Mom would harshly whisper for my Dad to be quiet because my brother was approaching. I never heard such conversations and if I did, I don't remember them.
Anyway, back in 1995, I had been in nursing school about 6 months and was under a great deal of stress; a lot of sleepless nights because I was working full time and going to school full time and basically living on 3 hours of sleep per day. It was also less than a year prior that I remembered that I had been sexually abused by a cousin when I was 9 years old.
So when my brother told me about this woman, Gloria, I shut him down and told him I didn't want to talk about it, and that there was no proof. Plus when I asked some of my Aunties about it, they all had told me that Gloria's mother was quite the tart who lived with my Dad for a few months over one summer. She also slept with 2 of my Dad's brothers, having fathered a boy child with one of them. I was also told by my most favourite Aunt, who would never lie to me, that Gloria's Mom loved the army guys and during WWII, she was seen on the arm of a different soldier almost nightly. This same Aunt also told me that Gloria's Mom had visited with my Aunt when my Dad was there, as well as another Aunty. She had brought her baby with her and was pushing my Dad to hold her, which both my Aunts thought was strange.
Anyway, I was under so much stress, and was an emotional wreck. I just couldn't deal with the "Congrats! It's a girl!" announcement. I was on the verge of cracking up and was barely holding it together. I just didn't need that in my life at that time.
My brother readily accepted Gloria into the family. I refused. I wanted DNA proof. We fought about it which caused me even more stress and anxiety, and created a great deal of distance between us.
I did meet her once during that visit. She did resemble my Dad a little, or at least my Dad's side of the family. But again, her Mother slept with 2 of my Dad's brothers, plus what seems like countless other men, so who could say for sure. That was the last time I had anything to do with her.
My brother went down to the USA to visit her a few times, and she came up to visit him. She was even there once for Christmas, and I refused to go to my brother's that Christmas.
Eventually my brother finally stopped talking to me about her because I would get so angry with him, and tell him that I've walked away from him in the past, and if he didn't drop the subject of Gloria, I would do it again, but this time I wouldn't walk back. I told him that if he wanted to accept her into the family, that was his business, but I didn't, and he better stop talking about her to me. He did.
Over the years, she has crossed my mind from time to time, but not enough for me to reach out to her. This past couple years, I've been doing a great deal of self-reflection and emotional healing, and have come to realize that part of my anger back then was because I suddenly felt replaced as "Daddy's little girl!" Suddenly that position was threatened, or so I felt.
I eventually turned my thinking to the fact that I was Daddy's little girl, and would always be, because I had the grace of having had his love and attention in my life and no one could ever take that from me.
This past week I made the decision that I was going to ask my brother for Gloria's phone number so that I could call her and talk to her. I'm not 100% convinced that she is my Dad's daughter, but I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. The way I figure it is that if she is, she didn't have the chance to know him, and as my Dad's daughter, it would be selfish of me to not let her get to know him through my eyes.
Tonight my brother said that he called her on Christmas Eve and the first thing she had asked him was how I was. He said that he wanted to tell me that she has asked about me each time he talks to her, but he didn't know how to approach me about it because I always got so angry with him. I told him that he had done the right thing not talking about it to me, because it was something that I needed to work through on my own and deal with when I was emotionally strong enough to do so.
At this point I don't even know what to say to her. But I guess a good start would be "Hi Gloria, It's Linda....."
