desperate - need an idea on what this is/happened

I'm pretty desperate, I am new to this site in general. I hope someone can help me possibly. My 8 month old kitten passed away, sadly enough, but I really am bothered because I don't know what happened, it was sudden, even though I sorta expected it.

Anyways, when my kitty was born he had eye problems (red, puss, swelling, eyes wouldn't open well) so we took him to the vet, they gave us medicine and eye drops and gave him a de-worming shot. He was 3 months old at the time. Time went on and he seemed fine, his eyes didn't have those problems anymore. Well over the past couple of months I noticed my cat always seemed mentally out of it and didn't act like his other brothers and sisters did. He never meowed, and when he did it was very silent. He always seemed very lethargic. I didn't realize this was a problem until after his death (I feel like a failure) that his third eyelids were always sticking out, ALWAYS and his eyes seemed to always look cloudy looking and like they were not fully open. In the last weeks of my kittens life, he did something very strange. He stood on my porch and peed completely still and I clapped my hands and was trying to get his attention and he didn't move, he didn't do anything but just stand there. Well I found him dead laying on his side Wednesday morning in his box with his mouth and eyes wide open with his legs stretched out. Please anyone, if you could tell me what could possibly have been wrong with my cat, you will clear me of so much heart ache I have of constantly worrying and researching.

he was the runt of the litter (there was only 2 others)

he was always wanted to be petted though.

First off I am so very sorry for your loss, it is never easy losing a beloved pet.  As to what could have been wrong with him, it is very hard to say there are lots of things that can cause sudden death in cats, things like heart conditions, congenital birth defects, Feline disease such as FIV/LEUK etc.  It does sound like he had something significant wrong with him though.  If he just passed have you thought of having a necropsy done by a vet?  That way they could most likely tell you if anything was wrong with him.  I had a 9 month old kitten collapse and die on me, he had Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (congenital birth defect).

Thank you I didn't do a necropsy on him, but I definitely thought about it, I never knew the cost. I already buried him on my farm, and it was painful. I just wish I did have a general idea on what it could have been because it's all I can think about.

Sorry for your loss .

If he was born with problems that weren't treated until he was 3 months old, that could definitely have caused some permanent harm. Timely treatment is important for a good long-term outcome. But really it could have been anything.

So very sorry for your loss, I know first hand what you are going through, especially the 'not knowing' part.

You did not fail him, not by a landslide, you gave him the love he needed, cared for him, and he felt he belonged.

My personal thoughts are, he had something going on internally, even neurologically.....always.

You mention his inner lids were always out, my dear these are like windows into their insides. A crystal clear picture that he was NOT well, not okay. Big problem going on. Kittens rarely show these inner lids like that.

I do not believe it was felv/fip or other diseases they sometimes get and die from, this was very likely an unfortunate baby who, if born and cared for outdoors by a feral mom, she very likely would have taken him away and left him, because they know these things. It's so sad to think about, but nature dictates who will survive and who is just not strong enough to.

As humans we intercept, heal young kittens, bottle feed to supplement, give meds to make well, etc but without this, many would surely have not made it as far as they did.

He lived only 8 months, but he likely was born with a defect, or a weakness, and your care and love allowed him to stay for awhile. But as you said, he was never quite right. It's our own instincts

It's been a very long road for me, being in rescue, to come to terms with the fact that, some kittens are just not meant to survive.

I have a very, very hard time with 'dead end' rescues, I HAVE to make them well, give them the life and health they so deserve.

But despite all my experience, many years, hundreds of little kittens, there are indeed some who just are not meant to stay here with us.

Baby Bear was my turning point, tiny little girl, long haired all black toy she was. And she sooo loved me. Only 4 weeks old, she was just so small, but with nursing her she grew a little, but she had calicivirus, and I worked day and night on her for months, 2 months, watched her attempt to play, but just didn't have it in her, covenia shots every 2 weeks, oh the meds, the time I spent on her, she was special, and at 3 months old, I lost her. I beat myself up terribly, and even now, after Baby Bear left me so many years ago, I still feel the ache in my heart for not being able to save her.

Some are just not meant to stay with us.



What I do believe in my heart, I have to, is that he is alive and well in spirit, healthy without defects, his spirit isn't gone because his little body failed. This is what the universe is made of. So much energy can't possibly just disappear because the body is gone.

Thank you for your kind words, that story touches my heart. It is so painful. I believe whenever an animal passes, they are alive in spirit as well. Thank you for making me feel a little better. I don't want to think that I failed him because I gave him shelter, food and love, but if he was in pain (I didn't know) I don't want him to think I was some kind of monster for not helping him. I didn't know the eyelid thing until after he passed and I did research, and I felt so bad after it. The momma cat never rejected him, she nursed him as much as the other two I believe until they all stopped nursing. He did have the third eyelid in both eyes for as long as I can remember and when we went to the vet at 3 months, it was because for a while his eyes were fine (minus the third eyelid thing) and wasn't pussy or anything like that but then it happened again so we went to the vet.

I only wanted to share my story of Baby Bear because I understand so well what you are feeling. I have lost more than her, many kittens through the years, and every single one of them was so very loved, but she was the turning point for me, because it broke me down something terrible, the feeling of failure, the questioning why, what am I NOT doing right, so much time spent with her, then the day she was bad, no good, sudden turn downhill, and I held her in my arms that entire day, making sure she knew she was so special, couldn't have been more loved.

See?? haha, if you could see me now.....after years to accept losing this one little girl, it's still a very tender spot in my heart.

Just know you didn't fail him. In no way. If he were in pain or suffering, despite the way cat's will hide it, you would have known. Something was not alright in him. His eyes, well the infection is common, not going to kill a kitten, but the inner lids are a big deal. I'm sort of suprised the vet didn't think anything about them being out.

 Very possibly a heart defect, a liver shunt (though he likely would have jaundice/yellowing whites of his eyes etc) other internal defect, but it was something big.

Big enough in my opinion that the best vet care in the world couldn't fix. I would bet on that.

So grieve, but then let it go. It wasn't you, he knew he was loved.

catwoman707 said:

 
I only wanted to share my story of Baby Bear because I understand so well what you are feeling. I have lost more than her, many kittens through the years, and every single one of them was so very loved, but she was the turning point for me, because it broke me down something terrible, the feeling of failure, the questioning why, what am I NOT doing right, so much time spent with her, then the day she was bad, no good, sudden turn downhill, and I held her in my arms that entire day, making sure she knew she was so special, couldn't have been more loved.

See?? haha, if you could see me now.....after years to accept losing this one little girl, it's still a very tender spot in my heart.

Just know you didn't fail him. In no way. If he were in pain or suffering, despite the way cat's will hide it, you would have known. Something was not alright in him. His eyes, well the infection is common, not going to kill a kitten, but the inner lids are a big deal. I'm sort of suprised the vet didn't think anything about them being out.

 Very possibly a heart defect, a liver shunt (though he likely would have jaundice/yellowing whites of his eyes etc) other internal defect, but it was something big.

Big enough in my opinion that the best vet care in the world couldn't fix. I would bet on that.

So grieve, but then let it go. It wasn't you, he knew he was loved.

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Even if something was wrong with his heart, he still had the biggest one to me but I was wondering, since you also mentioned in an earlier post about a neurological thing could have been going on, can having a defect in his heart cause him to act mentally out of it as well? Thank you

I wish I had the answer to that, and I would think it likely can, although what his behavior sounds more like to me is an ongoing lethargy due to just not feeling well and healthy.

 Lethargy varies in it's degrees, it can be from mild dehydration in a cat/kitten and feeling 'not up to it', excess sleeping, lacks interest in play, etc.

All the way to limp and lifeless kitty, which is obviously extreme.

It's so hard to say, there may have been other signs that you may have not noticed as abnormal, like the inner lids out for instance, that would be more helpful in giving a better idea of just what may have been wrong.

There are so many things it could have been, genetically. Blood, kidneys, liver, heart all have a variety of signals and can all cause his early death.

As long as you understand that I am not an expert, I only have personal experience with many different health issues with cats and kittens being in rescue, I will do some digging around, see what things in particular that seem to point to his symptoms,  his inner lids to be out always along with anything else you can tell me.

Was he small sized, or slow to grow? Did he ever play? What color was he?  Eat well, normal poop, vomiting? Anything you think of.

By the way, the peeing standing up thing may have been a seizure.

Thank you. Anything in general, can put my mind at ease. I wish I would have saw the warning signs earlier. He was a white kitten, he had blue cloudy eyes with his inner eyelids always out. He ate normal cat food and every now and then he would eat some scraps I would give him. I never really noticed him drinking anything, but I always had water for him. His poop seemed to be normal and he did not vomit. He was in a litter of 3. He was the smallest out of his brother and sister and yes, he did seem to grow slower than the rest of them. He didn't play much, but he sometimes did. Sometimes I'd swing a piece of yarn back and forth for my kittens to play with and he never could seem to do it, like it made him dizzy and confused. I don't ever recall seeing him groom himself much, which was kinda weird to me. Towards the end of his life, I remember he made a coughing sound and it wasn't very loud. He wasn't vocal, he never meowed except twice his whole life and it was very silent and squeaky. The seizure thing, I have came across that and I believe that when that incident happened, he was indeed having one. It's weird that he wasn't vocal at all because he meowed a lot when he was a baby and you could hear it just fine, but after his baby stages, never did but twice like I was saying, But thank you, and I am sorry if this is too long, lol.

I am so sorry you lost this little kitten. Please do not be hard on yourself.  You gave him a loving home, petted him all he wanted, and you cared for him as best you could.   Your little cat sounds as if he was unwell from when he was born and you could not help that.  You took him to a vet and your vet did not offer advice on anything significant other than giving your kitten eye drops, medicines and worming shots.  You trusted your vet and continued to offer love and care to your cat.  That is not wrong.  You can not change anything from the past but you can learn from it, and that will help even more cats.  When you are ready to put that love for your young cat in to something positive and give life and love to more cats then your experience and learning will be precious, and what better thing can come out of something sad and painful? Keep your precious kitten in your heart and move forward to make the most of his life.

Without a necropsy I do not think anyone can tell you what illness your cat may have had, or what caused his death, but from your description of his 'seeming mentally out of it' as well as being lethargic, and the incident of his standing peeing and not responding to you it does sound more like there was something major affecting him, and like catwoman707 I wonder about something neurological.  Whether that was viral or genetic or some form of brain disease that could certainly present with things like the unresponsiveness and lack of awareness when toileting.  I have lived with 2 cats that had neurological problems over the years.  

One was a young cat about 9 months old that had 'moved in' to the house when he was about 4 months old.  He suddenly started to poop on the carpet, we then observed him having a major seizure and rushed him to the vet - the seizures were caused by a virus damaging his brain, he was very sick and the vet advised us not to let him continue to suffer.

I also had a 17 year old who behaved like a kitten.  She'd always been a gentle cat other than at the vets and because of her fear of vets she didn't go for checkups.  She got slightly more passive than usual over a period of 2 months but I didn't think anything about it: she seemed fine. Her eyes didn't respond to bright light any more but I didn't think about that either as she was jumping about like she always had. Then 2 things happened over about 3 days. The first was she walked over me, on to a chair arm, on to a coffee table and then straight in to a lit candle. No burns but wax everywhere. I thought that was odd and checked her eyes, thought her sight was going but as she was coping well I didn't rush her to the vet.  Then on the Christmas eve I was hoovering my apartment and she was following me about, being a pest like always. She jumped up on a sofa and sat there, and I carried on hoovering. I went over to where she was and hoovered around her.  She didn't move like she normally would so I stopped hoovering and  I tried petting and moving her on the sofa. She was breathing, but it was like she didn't know what to do to move herself.  That was it, straight to the vet. She showed not fear so I knew it was serious. I figured it had to be some major neurological event like a massive stroke but she still seemed to have strength and everything was the same right and left side, front back, no shaking or anything. There were no experienced vets around who knew what was happening so I had 3 days with her, carrying her everywhere and giving her tiny tastes of water and food, mopping up her toileting where ever she was.  Then an experienced vet finally gave me a diagnosis: her retinas were covered in tiny tumours.  They said these were probably in her brain too. What almost certainly happened that day when she 'switched off' was that something (a tumour) pressed on a specific bit of her brain.  She was very calm, she had no pain or distress at all.  She just wasn't 'there' anymore.  That reminds me of what you describe with your boy standing on your porch, though for him it was less sudden.  I have always taken comfort in knowing my girl felt no anxiety or pain, she was totally calm and at peace,  please try to think like that too. There were signs of things happening for my girl but I didn't know what they were at the time.  Your boy didn't have any obvious infection or sign of pain that you knew about but there was something inside him that no one could see.  Know you are not on your own with these feelings, there are no definite answers, but you can move on and if you do you will have even more to offer other cats because of the time you shared with this loving little kitten.

More and more it sounds like a heart defect. The slower growth, the lack of playing, how he seemed to not be able to keep up with the yarn play, and especially the small cough towards the end.

It's not that uncommon.

But as MServant said, whatever it was that he had going on, it doesn't seem that he actually suffered. That surely must be a comfort to know

jessbrooke said:

 In the last weeks of my kittens life, he did something very strange. He stood on my porch and peed completely still and I clapped my hands and was trying to get his attention and he didn't move, he didn't do anything but just stand there. Well I found him dead laying on his side Wednesday morning in his box with his mouth and eyes wide open with his legs stretched out.

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I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. Sudden death like that is always hard because you never get to say goodbye, and then you're apt to start replaying everything in your head thinking you could have done something to prevent it.

What you said above though has me concerned that he may have been having seizures. I'm not sure how common epilepsy is in cats, but I have epilepsy and that almost sounds like a complex partial seizure. I was only diagnosed after I ran my car into a storm drain. My neighbor, who was also in the car with me, told me that she was screaming in my ear to stop - and I vaguely remember hearing her screaming at me - but she sounded far away, I could not respond, and I was oblivious to the fact that I was in the process of crashing my car. What I'm saying is that your kitty may have been having a complex partial seizure that day he peed and didn't respond. This might also explain why he was mentally out of it most of the time. I was having seizures in my sleep, and I'd often wake up confused, forgetting familiar phone numbers, my house number... I also peed myself while I was asleep once - you can lose bladder control during a seizure. What may have happened in the end was that your kitty may have gone into 'status epilepticus'. I know a prolonged seizure can actually stop your heart and damage your brain. Complex partial seizures are often so brief in the beginning, virtually unnoticeable, but untreated they tend to become more frequent and last longer. I'm not sure this is what happened to your kitty or not, but something to consider. It's so sad though.

Complex Partial Seizure:

http://www.epilepsyfoundation.org/aboutepilepsy/seizures/partialseizures/complexpartial/

Sudden Death in Epilepsy:

http://www.epilepsyfoundation.org/aboutepilepsy/healthrisks/sudep/SUDEP-FAQ.cfm

Thank you all for your thoughts, it has really helped clear my mind a lot. I truly believe my little one was born with a problem and there was just nothing I could do about that. I can only hope he died in his sleep, since he usually slept in his box on his side and that's how I found him (minus his legs being up) so maybe he wouldn't have felt much pain (hopefully) but then again I do not know. I do not know if it is normal for cats when they pass, to pass with their eyes and mouth open as well as poop/pee before their death, I have read that it usually happens.