Sunday, 12/8, was the first anniversary of my precious Chrissy's death. It did pass like all the other days, somehow I expected it to last a lot longer. My husband and I tended to her grave, we replaced her marker with a beautiful black granite one with her picture and stating "Our precious little girl, we love and miss you" This one should last through the ages and now I can see her beautiful little 'owl' face with it's huge gold eyes when I walk by. It was only 10 degrees out, and I kept telling myself through my tears that the part of her that I loved was gone, not laying beneath the snow in the cold ground. Being a nurse, I've been with many who have died, I tried to ease their and their families pain and fear as they passed. I mourned the death of many of them. But I have NEVER mourned as I have this past year for my beautiful little girl. I've never felt such agony, the pain was like losing an actual part of me, my soul was torn, my heart was shattered. Over the last year I have learned to section off little parts of my life, to mourn, to hurt, then to tuck them away and go on. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, sometimes I swear I feel her presence with me and feel an ache that I can't describe in my heart. She was my soul mate for 10 years, my friend, my confidant. I still wake up sometimes with tears streaming down my face as I once again see that car striking her, and her lying there in that street. My screams still haunt me. Life is for the living, somehow we go on, but I do know I would never NOT have wanted her in my life, even this pain is worth the 10 years of her love and her devotion to me.Now I try to devote my time to comfort others who hurt like I do, I found it means a lot for someone to say "I'm sorry", or to acknowledge that a human can hurt just as deeply over a cat as they can over any other loss. My husband used to call her the little 'B', she never allowed anyone to touch her but me, she ruled her household with an iron paw, she made my two much bigger 'boys' walk a wide circle around her, she was the 'queen' of our house. I miss her growls, her hisses, and that funny chirp she would give when she brought me a present. I miss her beautiful grey and red tabby fur, her four tiny black feet, her special little side-to-side run she had when she came to me when I called. Chrissy, where ever you are, I want you to know I'll somehow find you, we WILL meet again. We had too special of a love to for it to only last one lifetime. In the meantime I'll carry you in my heart, you will never be forgotten, you are still very much loved. Your daddy and I miss you, RIP my precious little girl!
