I took off that gorgeous ring tonight . . . .

{{{{Viva}}}} im so sorry

I'm so sorry. I can't improve on what others have said, just know that I too have been there, and though it sure didn't seem like it at the time, and not for a long time, I now understand it was for the best for *me* as well as my ex-fiance, and I'm a lot happier with who I did marry later on.

If it's meant to be, he'll come back, but don't wait for him. Cry, grieve, get good and mad! There is no one else in the world who is you, he should value you enough to work through issues *with* you. Plus life throws tough things at all of us, you'll want a rock solid partner to get through them, so my wish for you is that no matter what you don't sit home waiting these next two months for him to "restart". If he does come back in 2 months, take a real good look before recommitting yourself to him.

wishing you all the best,

.............don't wait for him. Cry, grieve, get good and mad!

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I agree 100% with this. Go ahead and do your crying, but don't let him keep you on a string with that vague promise that he might be back in January. You know its pretty typical for guys to want the security of a fall back girlfriend. He wants to meet someone else, but if that doesn't work out, maybe try getting back with you again. Don't let him use you like that! You need to be strong on your own.

I have a slightly different opinion though. He may be right, although some people might do well with their school sweethearts, it is possible that you are too dependent on each other. Give some thought to that. I don't know you of course, but it is possible.

I also think, from some of the things you have posted here, that he is kind of envious of the "freedom" his brother has. I bet that has something to do with this decision of his.

And you know what, I give him credit for telling you this now, and not just going ahead with the wedding, and then feeling resentful, and fooling around. So, if the truth is that in his heart, he doesn't want to be married, and I think that is part of the problem here, at least you found out well in time.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, now might be a good time to look into getting that second cat!

(((((((hugs)))))))

Viva,

I can't give you any better advice than I have already read from others. I just wanted you to know that I feel for you and you have my support.

Viva honey, there's nothing I can add to anything that anyone has said here, so I 'll just tell you I agree with them, and hope that when you get over being treated this way you will understand that they were right. I'm guessing from the replies that most of these girls, myself included, have been in your shoes in some form or fashion, so if you need to vent or just talk, post it or PM one of us. {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hey guys. Well, I'm hanging in there. I'm trying to do what y'all said, and still live my life. It's just so hrad when someone you have devoted so many years to decides that they might not want you anymore.

I went out with my best friend last night, and my mom and I went to get facials done at a spa together today. I'm going to try to go visit my cousin tonight. So . . . I've been trying to just keep busy.

I still really, really miss him and love him, though. However, I am going to enjoy my new "freedom" and have some fun, and hope that whenever he comes back, we can work things out. If not, then I'll still live, I suppose, and just try to find my way through life on my own. But, what I have to worry about now are the next couple months, and I can definitely manage that. I'm just trying not to look too far ahead into the future; that gets too depressing.

P.S. -- Thanks everyone for being here for me; I really appreciate having you all have to vent to, and get advice from.

Great to hear you're moving forward Viva - way to go !

Hold your head up high. . . . and tell yourself that you deserve much better than this (because you do!).

When one door closes, another one opens.

When your boyfriend sees you happy by yourself (or with someone else) he will most likely regret letting you go. It will be his loss in the end.

Someone once told my sister and I (we're both divorced) that the best way to "get even" with your ex is to live your life well.

It will take time to get over the relationship and you will go through grief, pain, anger, . . . . . many stages. Get therapy if you get stuck for too long in one phase.

Good luck.

I am glad you are moving on , no matter what .

Viva, don't focus on the time that's been set down by Alex. Try to focus on you and do what you want to do. It's an opportunity to do things without having to consider another person's feelings/plans/schedule/opinions. It sounds like you haven't done that for a long time. You're allowed to be selfish. If you want to cry, then cry. If you want to scream in anger or frustrations, then scream. Feel like venting, then vent. If you want another cat, get one! Live your life. Make a schedule that suits you. Don't try to fit your life into someone else's schedule.

And while you're figuring out what you want to do, don't forget that there are people who do care about you and love you for who you are. Don't forget that you have family and friends that won't think twice about being there for you.

Viva, I'm so happy to hear that you aren't allowing youself to dwell and pity yourself. Just take it one day at a time, and do just what you are doing...keep busy, stay active. Of course, allow yourself to grieve too - that is important.

I have to disagree with what someone said, that personalities don't change after 16 or 17 years old. I am NOT that same person at all!! In fact, I've changed a lot in just the last couple of years. Sure, some of the basics remain - I'm honest sometimes to a fault, I have some of the same interests as I always have - but there is more different about me now at age 31 than the same when I was 16. But I really believe that when I finally found myself, my real self, was when I was single and by myself in the real world. I didn't have anyone else to answer to, so I was able to figure out what I wanted - whether that was what to do on a Friday night or what I wanted to do with my life. When you are in a relationship for a long time, it is so easy for you to take on personality traits of the other person. That is true with friends as well as significant others.

Once you get to know and like yourself, by youself, then you can truly be in a mutually respectful relationship. And when your personality changes as you mature, grow old, grow up, the person you are with can still respect you as they also mature, grow old, grow up. Just my opinion, though.

Viva- I am so sorry he hurt you. Try to look as this as a life lesson to make you stronger! You have your family and your friends to support and encourage you when you need it and don't be afraid to be sad and mad all at the same time!