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I took off that gorgeous ring tonight . . . .

post #1 of 34
Thread Starter 
That's right, Alex and I have broken up. I'm so sad! He's moving to Colorado, too, in two weeks. He put in his notice at work today. He took me out to dinner to tell me this.

Basically, he still loves me, and has missed me the past few days. But he thinks that since we've grown up, we haven't really had individual identities. He says we were great together as kids, but we don't know about as adults. He thinks we need to separate for now, figure out what we want out of life, and then see if those adults that we have turned into can really get along and be happy together. (Our relationship had been stressed before this . . . ) So, he has promised to come back in January to try to restart a relationship, and "start over". But, also, we are both free to "date" other people over the next two months. So, he could always find someone to replace me.

Anyways, I just got home, and went and took my engagement ring off. It felt like I was tearing my heart out. Just wanted to keep you guys posted. Thanks for listening.
post #2 of 34
Oh dear, I'm so sorry. I know this is kind of cliche' and probably not very comforting right now... but better now then after you were married. And who knows what could happen in the next 6 months?

post #3 of 34
Oh you poor thing, I'm so sorry. You must feel just horrible.

But you were very brave to take the ring off - it's a step forward in your life and I really wish you luck with the road ahead. I'm sure you're going to feel so sad, but it will get better and in the meantime there are "virtual" hugs out here for you. I'm sure your kitty will want to be with you more too.

Take care my dear.
post #4 of 34
Awww sweetie things will work out for the best. Alot of people break up before they get married. Rich and I broke up, actually we broke up in october and got back together in late december. It was really really hard on both of us, but it always showed me how much a truly loved him and he showed him how much he loved me. We starting dating in highschool and when we started to grow up I felt like things just weren't right. But it turns out he was right for me. Life has a funny way of working itself out. I know it hurts so bad right now and it feels like it will never stop hurting, I have felt it too, but it will. You know the old saying, if you love something let it go, and if it comes back it is meant to be. You are a BEAUTIFUL sweet girl and there is someone out there that will treat you like a princess even if it is not him.

If you need to talk or anything just email me, I'm good at listening.
post #5 of 34
Sweetie, I know first hand how hard it is for you. I've been there & I felt like I wasn't going to make it through. It's gonna be rough...I won't lie, but it will make you a stronger person.

Many hugs to you Viva!
post #6 of 34
I know it's hard but let this be a time to find out what you really want in life and all that... I'm recovering too... do feel free to email me if u need somebody to talk to.I'll be around.

post #7 of 34
I am so sorry . I know you are heart brocken right now . I also know how it feels , bin there done that . And as Shell said it will be hard in the beginning , very hard . But you have to be strong now and move on with your life . Yes I know it sounds easy to say and hard to do . But this is the only thing you can do to move on and this will make you strong . Don't make the mistake and meditade on why and why me and so on ... that is not good . Right now you need to focus on other things in life . Go out with friends , join a health clup or something . That also will help to bring your mind on something els . Be sure I will keep you in my prayers every day ((((HUGS))))
post #8 of 34

I'm so sorry, hon. No matter what, remember that we are always here for you. I have to agree, if it is meant to be then it will happen. And if it doesn't happen then there is something even better waiting for you somewhere.

I know it's hard, but take these couple months and get to know yourself. Find out what YOU like to do, without Alex. Try new things.

And hold Luna close....she will bring you more comfort than anything. You're her Mommy and she will help you through this difficult time.
post #9 of 34
Originally posted by mzjazz2u
Oh dear, I'm so sorry. I know this is kind of cliche' and probably not very comforting right now... but better now then after you were married. And who knows what could happen in the next 6 months?

I just wanted to say the same thing, but I'd rather quote mzjazz2u. But, like she said, who knows what could happen in the next 6 months?

Seriously what could happen are 1 of 2 things, either you get back together or you both find someone else. Only your heart and his heart can determine the outcome.

Best of Luck!

post #10 of 34
Viva, Honey I am so sorry that you are going through this I know that no words will ease the pain that you are feeling right now. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to PM me.

post #11 of 34
Tell him you aren't waiting around, and don't! You don't need someone that will so casually toss you aside. His arguement holds no water for me. My best friend Marcie, met her husband in grade school, in high school they were steadies, and the end of the our senior year they got married. They just celebrated their 28th wedding anniversary.

I'm sorry Viva, I know you hurt, but you are better off and you will realize that down the road.
post #12 of 34
Aw Viva, how painful!!!!! There's so much to say, but the bottom line is it just sucks and it hurts. The best thing to do is let it hurt - and take Heidi's advice.

valanhb wrote:
I know it's hard, but take these couple months and get to know yourself. Find out what YOU like to do, without Alex. Try new things.

And hold Luna close....she will bring you more comfort than anything. You're her Mommy and she will help you through this difficult time.
Snuggle lots with Luna, and as you work through the tears rediscover who Viva is. You don't need to go looking for love. If it is love between you and Alex, it will happen. But make sure you love Viva now, that is what is most important. If you love yourself, the rest will follow. Being independent IS the hard part.


post #13 of 34
Oh, dear Viva!
This is so sad
I am so sorry, you must feel so bad. This is so hard to deal with. It might not make you feel better now, but try to remember that it will get better, but not righ now, you will need time to recover.
Please try to take care of yourself, do things for you that make you feel good and try to be aroung people that make you feel good.
Please feel free to PM me or email me. It might help you to talk to someone that is not personally involved.
post #14 of 34
Viva... I am sending tons of support waves your way.

I tend to side with Hissy on this one though. As hard as it will probably be, you have to move on and don't waste too many tears on him. When you read between the lines, this just seems to be his way of getting the freedom to date and do whatever he wants etc..... And to tell you that 'maybe' in two months you'll get back together is like holding you on a leash of some kind and if you let him do this, in two months time, he'll either pull you back in or release you. But, it'll be his choice. You don't deserve that Viva...nobody does.

The reason I'm saying this is because an ex boyfriend did the same thing to me but in my case, I let it go on for 3 years before finally waking up. He'd leave me for a while, meet someone else, come back to me and say: "but it's you I love" and I'd take him back again and yes, I'd believe him. And it would happen over and over again. It was the hardest 3 years of my life.

Take the time you need to cry and mourn and then.... move on. Please do this for yourself. Go out, meet other people, do things you've always wanted to do.

Viva... if you two are meant to be, it'll happen. Just don't sit at home and wait for him.

post #15 of 34
Viva, I don't know what to say but that my thoughts are with you. You know we'll always be here if you need to vent or talk or whatever. Sending many (((((hugs))))) to you.
post #16 of 34
Gee Viva, I am so sorry. Maybe Alex will see things differently after he has moved away from the situation. Sometimes people can't see a situation that they are close to. I know this sounds cliche, but if it was meant to work out, it will. Time really does heal all wounds. A good friend of mine had her fiance break up in a similar way. By the time he realized his mistake, she had met someone else and wasn't interested in giving it another try. She and that other guy are happily married to this day. Keep your chin up.
post #17 of 34
hi Viva,
i've been reading your story and decided to comment along with some of the others...i'm going to agree with Hissy and Whisker's mom. he's really just telling you he wants to date other people and seeing if you'll actually stick around for the two months he's given you to wait. i've seen people do this all the time, and i can never believe it. i'd hate to see you go throw a series of these heartbreaks before he either decides what he really wants, or you decide it's not what you want out of life.

my own husband and i are "growing up" together...but we didn't need time apart to know that we'd be compatible as adults; after 16 or 17, your personality really doesn't change anyway. i feel like he gave you a bit of a cop out form answer which really wasn't necessary.

my heart goes out to you though, and i hope you can find the strength and courage you need to make it through this! i'm rooting for you Viva!!!
post #18 of 34
Viva- Darling I know how upset you must be!

Take time out with Luna and let us know what happens.....

So sorry! (((())))!

post #19 of 34
I'm sorry to hear about this. As others have said, don't wait around, keep your life moving forward. Whatever happens is what is meant to be. Sometimes hard times are good lessons for later in life, as unfair as that can be. Stay strong, and snuggle with your kitty.
post #20 of 34
(((hugs))) I agree with Hissy and the others, you did the right thing taking off that ring. Who knows what will happen in the future, but I don't like at all what he told you either, it's not right at all. Lots of hugs to you sweetie
post #21 of 34
{{{{Viva}}}} im so sorry
post #22 of 34
I'm so sorry. I can't improve on what others have said, just know that I too have been there, and though it sure didn't seem like it at the time, and not for a long time, I now understand it was for the best for *me* as well as my ex-fiance, and I'm a lot happier with who I did marry later on.

If it's meant to be, he'll come back, but don't wait for him. Cry, grieve, get good and mad! There is no one else in the world who is you, he should value you enough to work through issues *with* you. Plus life throws tough things at all of us, you'll want a rock solid partner to get through them, so my wish for you is that no matter what you don't sit home waiting these next two months for him to "restart". If he does come back in 2 months, take a real good look before recommitting yourself to him.

wishing you all the best,
post #23 of 34
.............don't wait for him. Cry, grieve, get good and mad!
I agree 100% with this. Go ahead and do your crying, but don't let him keep you on a string with that vague promise that he might be back in January. You know its pretty typical for guys to want the security of a fall back girlfriend. He wants to meet someone else, but if that doesn't work out, maybe try getting back with you again. Don't let him use you like that! You need to be strong on your own.

I have a slightly different opinion though. He may be right, although some people might do well with their school sweethearts, it is possible that you are too dependent on each other. Give some thought to that. I don't know you of course, but it is possible.

I also think, from some of the things you have posted here, that he is kind of envious of the "freedom" his brother has. I bet that has something to do with this decision of his.

And you know what, I give him credit for telling you this now, and not just going ahead with the wedding, and then feeling resentful, and fooling around. So, if the truth is that in his heart, he doesn't want to be married, and I think that is part of the problem here, at least you found out well in time.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, now might be a good time to look into getting that second cat!
post #24 of 34
post #25 of 34

I can't give you any better advice than I have already read from others. I just wanted you to know that I feel for you and you have my support.
post #26 of 34
Viva honey, there's nothing I can add to anything that anyone has said here, so I 'll just tell you I agree with them, and hope that when you get over being treated this way you will understand that they were right. I'm guessing from the replies that most of these girls, myself included, have been in your shoes in some form or fashion, so if you need to vent or just talk, post it or PM one of us. {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
post #27 of 34
Thread Starter 
Hey guys. Well, I'm hanging in there. I'm trying to do what y'all said, and still live my life. It's just so hrad when someone you have devoted so many years to decides that they might not want you anymore.

I went out with my best friend last night, and my mom and I went to get facials done at a spa together today. I'm going to try to go visit my cousin tonight. So . . . I've been trying to just keep busy.

I still really, really miss him and love him, though. However, I am going to enjoy my new "freedom" and have some fun, and hope that whenever he comes back, we can work things out. If not, then I'll still live, I suppose, and just try to find my way through life on my own. But, what I have to worry about now are the next couple months, and I can definitely manage that. I'm just trying not to look too far ahead into the future; that gets too depressing.
post #28 of 34
Thread Starter 
P.S. -- Thanks everyone for being here for me; I really appreciate having you all have to vent to, and get advice from.
post #29 of 34
Great to hear you're moving forward Viva - way to go !
post #30 of 34
Hold your head up high. . . . and tell yourself that you deserve much better than this (because you do!).

When one door closes, another one opens.

When your boyfriend sees you happy by yourself (or with someone else) he will most likely regret letting you go. It will be his loss in the end.

Someone once told my sister and I (we're both divorced) that the best way to "get even" with your ex is to live your life well.

It will take time to get over the relationship and you will go through grief, pain, anger, . . . . . many stages. Get therapy if you get stuck for too long in one phase.

Good luck.
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