trust

retrogirltdm

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I have cared for a feral in my home for about 8-9 yrs now. It's been trying at times but have come a long way. At this point I'm wondering if she will ever trust other people besides myself or will she just be a one person kitty? She is still afraid of my husband. Although she will be in the same room a few feet away from him. He is just unable to pet her. Any thoughts out there?
 

ondine

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Oh bless your heart!  The do worm their way into your lives, don't they?  I think you are doing the right things.

We have two 7-year-old former ferals.  They were brought in at 6 months old (before I have a clue what a feral was).

One will let me scratch his head for a few seconds once or twice a week.  The other, Teresa, has just discovered she loves being brushed and insists on brushing whenever we come near her.

She probably won't get much friendlier than she is now, although Teresa sure surprised me lately.  She's had her own room since we got her (she hates our other cats).  But now, she's even ventured out of her room once or twice.

Allowing her to be herself is the best approach.  Maybe she'll surprise you, too!
 

mservant

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How beautiful that you and your husband have allowed this cat to share your home and to have the space she feels safe with.  It sounds like she is very gradually choosing to adjust her boundaries so you never know. And although they were never strays and I took them in from 9 weeks, one of my girls was always shy of other people and hid away from almost everyone other than  me. She suddenly transformed when she was 18, turned out her sister was a huge stressor in her life and when her sister moved on she quickly felt able to predict her environment and move about it safely.  It was facinating.  I do think cats change as they age, just as people do, and often it seems like they will seek out greater levels of comfort and this becomes a greater priority for them.

Does she associate both of you with food, or is it just yourself?
 

susank521

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Does your husband talk to her, play with her, and feed her? If not, that would be worth a try. This is a different situation as these cats are not in my house, but in 2008 I relocated what remained of a feral colony I was tending to the Cat Castle on our property. There is one cat, Jo-jo that still will not allow me to approach within a couple of feet of him, much less touch him. Over the years he has seen the other cats develop acceptance of me, eventually coming to me and being touched by me, which is usually beyond helpful when trying to gain trust. Yet Jo-jo still does not trust me. I think that he is perfectly content with the status quo. He doesn't need anything else; he has safety, food, and comfort. Why should he take a risk? Even so, I'm optimistic that one day Jo-jo will conclude that I'm not a deranged cat boogie-man after all. Your kitty might eventually do the same with your husband.
 
 

shadowsrescue

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When I was to have surgery last summer, I was worried about my feral, Shadow.  He lives outside on my deck, but I was the only one who cared for him.  My DH decided about a month before my surgery to start working with Shadow.  He would take the food out and then sit and quietly talk with him.  Shadow loved to be brushed and it didn't take long for him to allow DH to brush him.  DH would also take out yummy treats.  Next came play time.  Shadow loved the laser so around dusk, they would play laser.  After 2 weeks, Shadow was jumping up on the love seat and sitting next to DH allowing him to pet him.  It was wonderful to see.  Shadow still prefers me, but at least I know that he has a bond with DH now too.
 
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retrogirltdm

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Yes, he tries to give her treats here and there. He has been able to just touch the top of her head recently. It will take time. I've had her since she was about 1 yr old. She's been with me for 8 1/2 yrs now. She will probably never be a lap cat but she is happy,safe, healthy and cared for. Maybe in time. We keep trying....very patiently....baby steps :-)
 

mservant

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There are so many stories of  building trust and kindness rewarded on this site to keep your hope alive.  She is so lucky to be sharing your life, she sounds very special and I truely hope she begins to share more of her trust with your husband as well as you.  
 

stewball

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My gentle was a feral even though she came in age 2 months. I had a 6 month old weird cat who more or less brought her up. 2 weird cats. Quick with her claws and teeth. She died age 15 but never really tamed. She'd sit on my lap for hours but I couldn't touch her. She slept next to me in bed under the covers but couldn't touch her. Sometimes I'd pick her up. She'd be still for 5 seconds and then shrieked and claws until I put her down
Blighty was a feral when he came age 2 months but he's got whisky who's been wonderful. These are 2 males but blighty thought whisky is his mum and he used to suckle and whisky let him. He'd lie on his side. And they wash each other non-stop. He's beginning to come and sit on my lap but he's still a nervous baby. Jumps at sounds and stays away when visitors come. I love my cats whatever they are.
 
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