An extremely confused, new, and loving cat mommy

lamiatron · Nov 18, 2013

I am a first time cat owner. I adopted my first cat from a shelter about 1 month ago. A 3 month old male named Charlie. I wanted to initially adopt him and his sister from the shelter, but, his sister was adopted by someone else. Either way, i brought Charlie home, and I swear he was a miracle cat. From all the stories I've hear about owning cats, and articles I've read on how to handle cats, Charlie seriously was not what I expected. Very friendly, and forthcoming from the start. The same night he came home he shared the bed with me, and he rarely ever hid under the bed, unless he was hunting for my feet.

However, despite the happy cat in our happy home, I noticed that Charlie was lonely. He was curious about other animals, and mostly other cats (those that he would see outside and online in videos). Seeing other cats instantly calmed him down. It was so weird. He would go from rowdy, energetic and ready to play to calm, quiet, sitting or rubbing against me and purring. He was lonely and no doubt he missed his litter mates. He still remembered them. So I decided to adopt another kitten closer to his age, but of the opposite sex, so that eventually they will be bff's. I adopted Jet (female, 3.5 months) from the shelter a few days ago. The people at the shelter told me she was a stray, but you couldn't tell by how affectionate she was when I met her. She just balled up and clung to my chest, and was instantly purring. Also according to the Shelter, Jet scored an 11/11 on her cat behavioral exam which is extremely rare for cats (as they say). She was rated as a beginner cat, perfect for first time pet owners, So i brought her home.

Unfortunately, without me knowing, my boyfriend decided it would be a good idea to introduce the cats to each other, which he tired to do while I was at work. And...I've had mixed reactions from Jet. Charlie on the other hand is SUPER excited and just wants to play with Jet all the time. And this is when the hissing started. After doing some research, i learned that stray cat means, feral cat...and I had adopted a feral cat. My heart sank immediately with the thought that Charlie and Jet might never get along. But observing Jet's behavior...I'm just really confused.

By now, my ever playful Charlie has learned to give Jet her space...because when he comes near her she hisses (8/10 times). But he is just dying to play with her and can't contain his energy and excitement. Sometimes i hear them both screaming like their fighting, but they're just playing...either way i separate them. And when i do, i notice Jet goes around looking for Charlie. When she finds Charlie (in his crate), she sometimes goes upto the crate and hisses at him, and sometimes she just sits and and looks at him and sniffs for him and starts to dig...like she wants him to be out.

Sometimes she will go up to Charlie and lick his face, or play with his tail, but when charlie reciprocates, she hisses. Its like she doesn't want charlie to do anything but stand there...and just...let her do whatever she wants?? I digress. Main reason for this really long post...please someone give me guidance...reassurance...will Jet ever get used to Charlie? will her hissing stop? is this normal? should i always keep them separated? when i separate them, one looks for the other. Does Jet need time to be normal??

An extremely confused, new, and loving cat mommy.

Willowy · Nov 18, 2013

Yes, this is normal. Sounds like it's going pretty good actually. Cats almost never become instant BFFs like some dogs will. If they aren't attacking each other you're doing very well. It's only been a few days and Jet isn't even used to her new home, much less a new roommate. Of course, a slow and gradual introduction would have been much better, but I guess it's a little late for that

. Although if you think things are going badly you could back up a few steps.

Here's our article for introducing cats to cats: http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats but at their age and the way it sounds, I think they'll be BFFs within a week or 2

.

Now, what makes you think Jet is feral? Feral means a cat is born in the wild and is not accustomed to human contact. If she's that friendly I reallyreally doubt she was born feral. Regardless, ferals can be tamed with enough time and patience, and can be very nice pets. But she's not feral at all, by your description.

sivyaleah · Nov 18, 2013

First, congrats on your new kitties and welcome!

Let me reassure you that stray, does not equal feral. A stray is a cat that has been lost/separated from it's owners in some manner. They have had human interaction and are socialized although, may can revert to being semi-feral if outside long enough. However with someone who is patient and willing to work with them, they will typically become loving kitties again. A feral, is one that has never had human interaction at all.

The fact that Jet initially allowed you to handle her, and was loving towards you points in the direction of her being a stray most likely - or was found at an early enough age and socialized in the right time frame to allow her not to fear humans. Ferals, would never allow this on such short notice. You need to work for a very long time with them in order that they learn to trust you, and sometimes, it's not even possible.

As for the two of them interacting with each other, the best way to have two cats meet each other is a slow process. Putting them together too quickly will usually result in the issues you are describing. Typically, you put the new cat in a "safe room", and work towards things like scent exchanges between the two before actually allowing them to visually see each other. This process can take anywhere from a few days to many weeks - it all depends on the cats involved. Also, remember that Jet is new to another cat's territory and has to process this, learn her boundaries and such. The hissing is very normal given the circumstances. She isn't being abnormal - in fact, she's being completely normal!

There are a lot of good articles on how to integrate cats into the household on this site, but I'm at work now and can't dig them up. You can look for them yourself, or hopefully someone else will jump in soon to give you those links. And yes, you should separate them and go back to square one. There is nothing wrong with doing so and will be better for everyone involved in the long run if you do the introductions carefully. We had our second cat separated for a full month before she met our resident cat. By then, they had smelled each other through the door, we would rub towels on both of them and then on each other, feed them on opposite sides of the door, etc. By the time they saw each other, they were used to the odor given out by the other, and although there was a little bit of caution and hissing for a day or so - for the most part right after that it mellowed out completely, and they wound up being friends.

Good luck. Let us know how things go. And pictures if you can! The more pix of kitties the better!

EDIT: Yay! Willowy got in right before me with a link

red top rescue · Nov 18, 2013

First, let me assure you that they are doing just fine, but you can make it better. She has only been there a few days and she has not yet adjusted to you and her new environment, never mind Charlie, who is comfortable and ready to play. Your boyfriend didn't help by forcing the issue -- it would have been better to do "site swapping" for a few days, i.e. keep them separate but keep swapping them between rooms -- her in the bedroom when Charlie is out of it, then Charlie in the bedroom while she is out of it. Once she has gotten used to the house and you, and Charlie's SMELL, she will calm down. He's just too eager for her now anda if she's ony been there a few days, they really should be kept separate to allow her to settle in. Her hissing is from fear, also a way of telling Charlie to back off. Eventually you can get them both chasing the same "prey" like the laser pinter or DaBird and that will help them bond as playmates. Jackson Galaxy (the Cat Daddy) has some great advice for introducing cats to each other. You may have to search some but either on YouTube or on his web site, he has lots of advice videos. In the meantime, I suggest keeping them separate and letting her confidence build. When you do allow them together, she needs a place to get away from him if he gets too rowdy -- a cat tree, a cat house slightly elevated, where she can defend the door of it easily -- even brothers and sisters need this as often the boys get a little too rough for the girls and the girls will hiss and scream and seek refuge somewhere, and these guys grew up together!

Also, you need to know a stray cat is NOT a feral cat. She doesn't have a feral disposition at all. A feral kitten is like a little wild cat and takes a LOT of work. Jet is not feral at all. Find Jackson Galaxy's videos and educate yourself -- you will be a cat expert in no time.

http://jacksongalaxy.com/

lamiatron · Nov 18, 2013

Willowy said:
Yes, this is normal. Sounds like it's going pretty good actually. Cats almost never become instant BFFs like some dogs will. If they aren't attacking each other you're doing very well. It's only been a few days and Jet isn't even used to her new home, much less a new roommate. Of course, a slow and gradual introduction would have been much better, but I guess it's a little late for that

. Although if you think things are going badly you could back up a few steps.

Here's our article for introducing cats to cats: http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats but at their age and the way it sounds, I think they'll be BFFs within a week or 2

.

Now, what makes you think Jet is feral? Feral means a cat is born in the wild and is not accustomed to human contact. If she's that friendly I reallyreally doubt she was born feral. Regardless, ferals can be tamed with enough time and patience, and can be very nice pets. But she's not feral at all, by your description.

Hmm. wow. your reply has made me hopeful...

I assumed feral based on the research I did online. I figured she was born in the wild because the shelter said she was a stray kitten, and might have been born in the wild.

Although Jet is a cuddle bug, and is not irritated by human contact (on day 2 of her being home i held her and clipped her nails as well and clean her with kitty wipes, and she did not hiss, bite, scratch or squirm), sometimes when me or my boyfriend approach her, she does hiss and back away. when we come towards her for the most part (7/10 times) she just runs off into hiding. Sometimes i find her just staring at me from the corner of a room....and i slowly approach her and she doesn't do anything. its like sometimes she lets us approach and carry her, most times she runs off, once in a blue she'll hiss. The hissing is something i NEVER experinced. Charlie never hissed when we brought him home. but then again, like i said, Charlie was a miracle cat (he's my avatar, that pic is from the 2nd day he was home).

I'm just worried that Jet and Charlie might not ever be bff's, and they'll just tolerate each other...which would defeat the purpose of me adopting a 2nd kitty..I also am a self proclaimed dog person, who decided to adopt a cat after moving to a new apartment (as they don't allow huge dogs) because I love animals.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but this site has helped me a lot when it came to deciding on if i should adopt a cat, and then later, if i should adopt a second cat. I figured you guys would be helpful for my many feline curiosities =)

sivyaleah · Nov 18, 2013

Our first cat was a miracle cat too lol. He came into our home, and made himself at home immediately. Never had an issue with any negative behaviors at all. But, our second cat, had been a stray for an undetermined amount of time and was the total opposite. She was very lovable once in your arms but getting her there was difficult - lots of hissing and hiding from her like Jet. But in the end, with the right kind of introductions and working on building her confidence, she turned out to be quite the diva cat lol. I'm sure Jet will be fine once she settles in, and realizes her new home is one of safety, friendship and love.

lamiatron · Nov 18, 2013

sivyaleah said:
Charlie and Jet. (2 days ago)

photo11.JPG

lamiatron

Nov 18, 2013

Jet (2nd Day Home)

photo88.JPG

lamiatron

Nov 18, 2013

Charlie (a few days ago)

sivyaleah · Nov 18, 2013

Charlie looks like a big boy!

them both!

lamiatron · Nov 18, 2013

sivyaleah said:
Charlie looks like a big boy!

them both!

haha yes! i've realized how big charlie has gotten in the span of the 1 month that i've brought him home since getting Jet. =) He used to be the same size as Jet when we first brought him home....maybe a tad bit bigger.

Thank you. They are beautiful and handsome and very lovable. the both of them =)

lamiatron · Nov 21, 2013

Willowy said:
Yes, this is normal. Sounds like it's going pretty good actually. Cats almost never become instant BFFs like some dogs will. If they aren't attacking each other you're doing very well. It's only been a few days and Jet isn't even used to her new home, much less a new roommate. Of course, a slow and gradual introduction would have been much better, but I guess it's a little late for that

. Although if you think things are going badly you could back up a few steps.

Here's our article for introducing cats to cats: http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats but at their age and the way it sounds, I think they'll be BFFs within a week or 2

.

Now, what makes you think Jet is feral? Feral means a cat is born in the wild and is not accustomed to human contact. If she's that friendly I reallyreally doubt she was born feral. Regardless, ferals can be tamed with enough time and patience, and can be very nice pets. But she's not feral at all, by your description.

sivyaleah said:
First, congrats on your new kitties and welcome!

Let me reassure you that stray, does not equal feral. A stray is a cat that has been lost/separated from it's owners in some manner. They have had human interaction and are socialized although, may can revert to being semi-feral if outside long enough. However with someone who is patient and willing to work with them, they will typically become loving kitties again. A feral, is one that has never had human interaction at all.

The fact that Jet initially allowed you to handle her, and was loving towards you points in the direction of her being a stray most likely - or was found at an early enough age and socialized in the right time frame to allow her not to fear humans. Ferals, would never allow this on such short notice. You need to work for a very long time with them in order that they learn to trust you, and sometimes, it's not even possible.

As for the two of them interacting with each other, the best way to have two cats meet each other is a slow process. Putting them together too quickly will usually result in the issues you are describing. Typically, you put the new cat in a "safe room", and work towards things like scent exchanges between the two before actually allowing them to visually see each other. This process can take anywhere from a few days to many weeks - it all depends on the cats involved. Also, remember that Jet is new to another cat's territory and has to process this, learn her boundaries and such. The hissing is very normal given the circumstances. She isn't being abnormal - in fact, she's being completely normal!

There are a lot of good articles on how to integrate cats into the household on this site, but I'm at work now and can't dig them up. You can look for them yourself, or hopefully someone else will jump in soon to give you those links. And yes, you should separate them and go back to square one. There is nothing wrong with doing so and will be better for everyone involved in the long run if you do the introductions carefully. We had our second cat separated for a full month before she met our resident cat. By then, they had smelled each other through the door, we would rub towels on both of them and then on each other, feed them on opposite sides of the door, etc. By the time they saw each other, they were used to the odor given out by the other, and although there was a little bit of caution and hissing for a day or so - for the most part right after that it mellowed out completely, and they wound up being friends.

Good luck. Let us know how things go. And pictures if you can! The more pix of kitties the better!

EDIT: Yay! Willowy got in right before me with a link

Red Top Rescue said:
First, let me assure you that they are doing just fine, but you can make it better. She has only been there a few days and she has not yet adjusted to you and her new environment, never mind Charlie, who is comfortable and ready to play. Your boyfriend didn't help by forcing the issue -- it would have been better to do "site swapping" for a few days, i.e. keep them separate but keep swapping them between rooms -- her in the bedroom when Charlie is out of it, then Charlie in the bedroom while she is out of it. Once she has gotten used to the house and you, and Charlie's SMELL, she will calm down. He's just too eager for her now anda if she's ony been there a few days, they really should be kept separate to allow her to settle in. Her hissing is from fear, also a way of telling Charlie to back off. Eventually you can get them both chasing the same "prey" like the laser pinter or DaBird and that will help them bond as playmates. Jackson Galaxy (the Cat Daddy) has some great advice for introducing cats to each other. You may have to search some but either on YouTube or on his web site, he has lots of advice videos. In the meantime, I suggest keeping them separate and letting her confidence build. When you do allow them together, she needs a place to get away from him if he gets too rowdy -- a cat tree, a cat house slightly elevated, where she can defend the door of it easily -- even brothers and sisters need this as often the boys get a little too rough for the girls and the girls will hiss and scream and seek refuge somewhere, and these guys grew up together!

Also, you need to know a stray cat is NOT a feral cat. She doesn't have a feral disposition at all. A feral kitten is like a little wild cat and takes a LOT of work. Jet is not feral at all. Find Jackson Galaxy's videos and educate yourself -- you will be a cat expert in no time.

http://jacksongalaxy.com/

UPDATE:'

Charlie and Jet are well on their way to becoming BFFs. I've tried to separate them again, but they are constantly searching for each other! If i put Jet in another room, she looks for Charlie and vice versa. Their behavior towards each other is improving daily.

The hissing from Jet's is almost all gone. She does not hiss at Charlie or us anymore. She does not back away when we (my boyfriend and I) approach her. She isn't so forthcoming just yet, but I feel that there is progress because she doesn't run and hide like she used to. She is alert when we come in the room, but she goes back to whatever she was doing (eating, playing, lounging on the bed) instead of running for cover.

Charlie as also calmed down a bit and is not constantly hounding Jet to play with him. He gives her space and plays with her whenever she allows it. Sometimes i separate them because i hear Jet screaming, but once I do, she goes right back to Charlie. its cute. They sort of love each other i guess. we're taking it one day at a time, and keeping them separated from time to time still =). They sleep in the same bed now (which is my bed -__-). although they are not in full blown cuddle mode, and they sleep on separate ends of the bed, i feel like its some progress.

I've noticed and learned a lot about both of my cats' personality by seeing how they react with each other. Charlie is super social and loves to play and hates being alone. Jet is a trooper she's super calm, and she's mostly a loner. She LOVES attention from me and my boyfriend tho, and we don't mind giving it to her!

I am some what concerned about her. When we adopted her, the shelter told us she was 3.5 months old. but she is not behaving like a 3.5 month old (i have experience from Charlie, who was 3 mo. old when i adopted him). Here are some of the things i've noticed:

-Jet is EXTREMELY tiny. much smaller than Charlie when we adopted him. I know cats are all different shapes are sizes, but she is too small i feel. it could be malnutrition from being in the streets...which is leading her to not grow properly...

-She is still teething, and has the tiniest baby teeth (if that makes sense). So much so, that she has a really hard time eating. My cats eat mostly dry food (blue wilderness kittens). When we brought Charlie home he had no problems, but Jet never eats. I try to give them wet food twice a week...but i have to give more to Jet as she can't eat dry food and i don't want her starving. i see that she tries to eat it, but she eats like 2 or 3 pebbles, and then gives up. this leads her to not go potty frequently either. I don't want her to starve..

-She's like....baby clumsy...if that makes sense...she hops around...and wobbles and stuff, and she gets from point a to point b, with quite a few slips and falls. she's fine otherwise

me and my boyfriend both feel she is MUCH younger than we were told. Is there any way to find out? would the vet be able to tell? not that her age matters when it comes to love. we wouldn't love her any less, but I want to know so that we can take proper, age appropriate care of her....and maybe not let her around Charlie as much...he does like to play rough. Any advice???

lamiatron · Nov 21, 2013

Based on when I adopted Charlie, and when I adopted Jet, realistically, Charlie would be older than Jet by 2-3 weeks, but please see photos below. She is SO MUCH TINIER. Any Experienced Kitty Mommies out there that can offer some insight??

cj.JPG

lamiatron
Nov 21, 2013

sorry if the pics are kind of dark. Jet is the black cat, Charlie is the Tabby (view from above)

photo.JPG

lamiatron
Nov 21, 2013

look at how tiny (and adorable!) she is compared to Charlie. She's supposed to be only 2 weeks younger...

Thanks in advance !

sivyaleah · Nov 21, 2013

First, excellent progress, great to hear. And Jet is just darling!

Second, I'm no expert with kittens but she does not look 3-1/2 months at all to me. I'd say closer to 2 months or a tad more.

She would need different food requirements than your older cat in that case, may not have been fully weaned even. Are you able to get her some kitten milk? Not cow milk - it's something completely different. Cow milk really isn't very good for cats.

Also, kibble is probably not the best yet; I think she's trying to tell you that. While you may not have the money to feed wet - unfortunately you may have to for a while with her to ensure she gets the right amount of nutrients. It's very dangerous for a cat not to eat regularly. There are wet foods meant for kittens, I don't know them off hand but I'm sure someone will be able to advise you on that.

lamiatron · Nov 21, 2013

sivyaleah said:
First, excellent progress, great to hear. And Jet is just darling!

Second, I'm no expert with kittens but she does not look 3-1/2 months at all to me. I'd say closer to 2 months or a tad more.

She would need different food requirements than your older cat in that case, may not have been fully weaned even. Are you able to get her some kitten milk? Not cow milk - it's something completely different. Cow milk really isn't very good for cats.

Also, kibble is probably not the best yet; I think she's trying to tell you that. While you may not have the money to feed wet - unfortunately you may have to for a while with her to ensure she gets the right amount of nutrients. It's very dangerous for a cat not to eat regularly. There are wet foods meant for kittens, I don't know them off hand but I'm sure someone will be able to advise you on that.

you know i had a hunch. i just knew it. I will be taking her to the vet this weekend. Maybe they can make sure for me. I will look into cat milk. I've seen it at the grocery. After i see the vet and see what She has to say, I will get some cat milk. Man.....I love this site. I had the craziest hunch. and my boyfriend too. He said she's really "clumsy" (as he spends the most amount of time with the cats), like very young kittens are.

I'm comparing more pics of Charlie at 3.5 months and Jet now...and it just doesn't make sense. I'm kind of upset at the shelter...why would they not be able to tell the proper age.....

sivyaleah · Nov 21, 2013

It could have been one of two things. Either a) they honestly didn't know and guesstimated - which of course seems kind of odd because she obviously is so young but hey, I guess some people aren't very good at aging cats or b) they did it on purpose to get her adopted, knowing that the younger the cat the more difficult it is to care for them. Which of course, kind of unethical but it probably costs them more overall to have to give constant care to a younger cat.

Again - I might be wrong but I don't think I am. She just has that baby look that they seem to grow out of a little bit by 3+ months.

lamiatron · Nov 21, 2013

sivyaleah said:
It could have been one of two things. Either a) they honestly didn't know and guesstimated - which of course seems kind of odd because she obviously is so young but hey, I guess some people aren't very good at aging cats or b) they did it on purpose to get her adopted, knowing that the younger the cat the more difficult it is to care for them. Which of course, kind of unethical but it probably costs them more overall to have to give constant care to a younger cat.

Again - I might be wrong but I don't think I am. She just has that baby look that they seem to grow out of a little bit by 3+ months.

YES YES!! that baby look. she's so tiny. and you know what she's not vocal at all! she tries to meow but no voice. only time i hear her is when her and charlie are playing...but then it sounds like screams or squawks...(like birds)..

my concern is...she has to be at a certain age to be spayed and to receive certain shots...how can they do that to a 2 month old kitten (if thats how old we are guessing she is). She's been spayed, and she's received some shots too....i CAN NOT WAIT to take her to a vet. hopefully they can clear it up/confirm it for me...

ondine · Nov 21, 2013

Some shelters will spay younger kittens. The vet should be able to tell you better exactly how old she is.

She and Charlie are both adorable!

lamiatron · Nov 21, 2013

Ondine said:
Some shelters will spay younger kittens. The vet should be able to tell you better exactly how old she is.

She and Charlie are both adorable!

Thanks. They are my life right now =) They're both first time cats for me. So i guess i freak out over them a little bit more than i should...but yes. I can't wait for a vet to check her out. my main concern is that she gets the proper care...

sivyaleah · Nov 21, 2013

Ondine said:
Some shelters will spay younger kittens. The vet should be able to tell you better exactly how old she is.

She and Charlie are both adorable!

True. The lowest weight they will spay at is 2 pounds.

A good vet should be able to tell you her age. It's more difficult when cats are older; they were only able to estimate mine at 3-5 years old although having had her for a year now we think she may possibly have been more like 2ish due to her behavior and the fact that she seems to have actually grown in that time period.

And true - both adorable!

An extremely confused, new, and loving cat mommy

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