Lost my baby boy georgie last week...sorry this is so long but i need to explain everything

this is a semi decent pic of Georgie my son friend took about 3 weeks before he passed, as you can see hi eye is starting to go a little wonky and its right before the full blown eye infection. he is about 8-9 weeks old here and he is sitting on the blacket i put ont he floor so he could play and scoot around with out hurting himself..isnt he gorgeous? look at that beautiful face i miss covering it with kisses so much..you can see here his back end and see the one leg that wouldn't bend out straight and the other one bent underneath that one...he would move his legs all the time time just not for walking...if anyone can see this and think "oh i think i may know what was wrong" i would like to at least hear what it could have been..i have a video i took thats more recent and i can take still from that so you can all see how big he had gotten i was going to put this as my backround on my comp but i think it's too soon...i miss you so much baby boy losing you is killing me

Don't ever worry about posting too much, post as much as you need if it helps. I know I literally wanted to die when I lost my Chrissy, and the tears still fall when I think of her dying. It's been 11 months and even though the pain is not as bad as it was, it can come crashing back at times. We know what you are going through, it's the hardest thing that most of us has ever had to face. These sweet babies loved us unconditionally and we loved them back. But it was also the best thing we've ever had too, I would never not want to know that kind of love! Please take care, and bless you for loving so much.

I cant help remembering how sick he was when he had that cold he had a fever and I never took him to the vet I cannot believe I let a sweet baby like that be so unhappy I guess this is why people says people with no money should not have pets…poor georgie im so sorry I hope you know I adored you even though I was dumb and irresponsible we were only together maybe 6 weeks and in that time had lost the use of your legs got an eye infection and a [if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <woNotOptimizeForBrowser/> </w:WordDocument></xml><![endif]Really bad cold and 2 weeks later you passed away im sorry baby boy I thought love was enough and I thought you were just the most amazing strongest most determined to live little guy in the whole world and I should have known better I love you and miss you

You did nothing wrong, you gave sweet little Georgie the best care you could. I know the guilt is a terrible, terrible, thing, I've lived with it the last 11 months. You'll go through several 'stages' of grief, many more than once. I know our babies would NOT want us to be so sad, but it comes crashing back at times. The poem "I Only Wanted You" perfectly describes our anguish, but the line "if tears could have saved you, you would have lived forever" especially hits home. Please post as often as you like, you need friends right now to share your sorrow. Let Georgie live on in your heart, honor him by remembering. Keep a journal with your memories, it will comfort you in the years to come. Bless you for caring so much, and hurting so bad.

thank you so much

this is so hard this sweet little baby stole my heart and now its broken my brain keeps whispering mean this to me making me believe i was at fault still...this guilt is awful I am so sorry Georgie i miss you every minute of everyday living is getting harder without you

I KNOW the guilt is terrible, but you've GOT to hang on for your other babies, they need you. The only way you can get away from the whispers is to occupy your brain with something else. You've got to keep busy with something that keeps your brain busy. Play with your remaining babies, take care of another baby that needs you badly, you've got a lot of love to share. PLEASE KEEP BUSY and know we all care about you!

Georgiesmommy, I know you're feeling wracked with guilt and can't see the end. It will get easier, just hang in there. Know that guilt is a normal part of grieving and feeling guilty does not mean you did anything wrong. You acted with love and did the best you could. It's ok to have regrets and it's ok to be imperfect. If you feel you made mistakes, that's ok too. It probably seems impossible, but try not to judge yourself. And try keep busy and make sure your eating and getting sleep. It can be so hard to do normal things like that when we are grieving. But it is important to keep looking after yourself even if you don't feel like it. Get yourself out for a walk if you haven't done so in the last few days. I'm not sure if you live alone but reach out to friends or family, either to talk about how you feel or just for company. May I suggest that if you're feeling really overwhelmed, or can't cope, that you go speak to your doctor or someone like that who you feel comfortable with. Keep posting here as much as you want.

I think you celebrate his life by spreading the love you have for these beautiful animals... direct your focus to kittens in need perhaps? I have decided to spend time at a shelter, where my cat was taken to, unbeknownst to me initially, in her last minutes... you can read my long post about what happened. But my cat Lucy was put down in a shelter where I recently spent time with the kitties, and now am compelled to help where I can... Lucy having died in a shelter has perhaps helped her cat family by me going there and doing what I can to give attention and hopefully get some of these cats out of the shelter and into homes. Your l'il boy is gone, so is his pain... you must keep living and won't do it well if you drown yourself in grief.... turn it around and find ways to be a help to the feline family, pour your love into a part of cat life that resonates with you!

Beautiful Georgie

thank you so much for the kind words and that beautiful picture..i cannot seem to push past the pain and feelings of guilt and i have tried and tried but i miss him so much and i feel like i just didnt do enough to make sure he was happy and healthy and lived alot longer my brain keeps remembering things that could have led to his passing that i was the cause of or what i should have done to keep him alive and happy

I can relate to what you are saying, I wonder too about decisions I made... but I know I made decisions with good intentions, and I poured a lot of respect and love towards Lucy. It seems incredibly tough to watch a kitten go down, so painful... if there is anything to fate, perhaps this could have happened so that you will make good things come from your kitty's passing.... sometimes the most glorious things are so short lived, in people too! There is nothing you can do to change what happened, only learn from what did happen, and create good things... yeah, tell your story to a counselor, or anyone, everything. In talking with people about my cat, one woman told me a story about how she (accidentally) caused her dog to get hit by a car, and it died... she has to deal with that for the rest of her life. She and her boyfriend have a couple of cats and a dog now, all are happy, despite past memories. My cousin once had a kitten, and fell asleep next to it, and rolled over on the kitten and killed it. She is a super neat lady, and an avid and good animal lover, and has to deal with that guilt from the past.
Along with the awful memories you roll around in your head, it seems really important that you begin to take steps towards creating good actions towards the cat world... make up for whatever you think you did wrong! It is interesting seeing how people get to virtually know each other through this site, but I worry for you a bit, perhaps it is the natural grieving process... I actually today, two months after losing Lucy, have had the most tears to date, and I am at work, wiping tears from my eyes whilst talking to customers! I have worked every single day since my cat died.

I had some tears when I was able to pet and pick up that black cat at the shelter a few days ago, but it sure was sweet... I hope you make steps to be active in the cat world to give back to your kitty. Find something to do in the next few days!

Im trying and its getting a bit easier but the minute it does my heart feels like if i stop missing him and do everyday things its like he wasnt that important to me or i just am like "meh it was just  c cat" or that i should not be feeling responsible for his passing bc i am and i so feel responsible and...i miss him...i miss having him to care for and the love on his face and in his eyes when he saw me each morning and when i came homei miss his beautiful face and the love i saw in his eyes i miss his silent "meow" i miss his tiny baby kitten kisses  i miss the way he would try to use my nose as a substitute paw to clean his face after eating (he had to use his front legs for balance so he would improvise and lick my nose and rub his face all over it lol using it as a paw since i was constantly kissing and nuzzling him anyway )i even miss the biting...i have no idea how to celebrate his life when i remember all the good times and how wonderful he was it make it hurt more bc i no have him to be that happy with again..im sorry im droning on and on about this but he was so special to me..and i am really sorry i havent been able to help anyone else every time i read i start bawling my head off but ill get there

I'm so sorry for your loss

 

R.I.P beautiful Georgie.

Don't feel guilty about moving on, it is healthy to do so - just because you do doesn't lessen his memory or his importance in life. You can still be happy, and still think of him and hold him close to your heart. Also, he likely wouldn't want his legacy to be of sadness and depression....he would want it to be of happiness. He would want you to enjoy the memories you had together, the love and the bond. He would want to know that he left his human happy, the way he made you feel happy in life.

 

Don't try too hard to think of ways to commerate his life - it will come eventually. It doesn't have to be instant. Take your time. Take your time healing in the process, so you don't feel overwhelmed. You will find lovely ways to remember him! It will happen!
 

It is very hard, we can all understand. Especially when it is still so raw. It takes time, and the feelings can vary/go up and down. He definitely was not "just a cat!" he was wonderful companion, a living breathing creature with a soul.  And don't worry about "droning on" either  babble away! Mourning is a difficult and emotional process. It wouldn't be fair to criticise you over it, right?

 

All the best my dear, we are here for you! Many many many hugs and well wishes coming your way!

this is not getting any easier at all....i miss him so much

i cant help having this feeling that he is watching me and thinking I am happy without him here like he meant nothing to me that i could just get over him in such a short time...i hope he knows i feel dead inside and all the normalcy and smile on the outside are for survival purposes only...i have to put on this show for my co workers and kids and family  and a little for myself or ill go insane...i cannot even bring myself to feel love for my other cats anymore and Tinkerbell and Cuddles are suffering the "loss" of me but i cannot seem to help it or my puppy who adores me

Georgie was on this earth for the sole purpose of sharing love with you, your family and the other pets in your home (whether they got along perfectly or not).  If his time here was to make others happy, don't you think he'd want you to be celebrating the fact he lived with you for the time he did, instead of suffering and knowing everyone else he loved were suffering too?

I also believe our babies that have passed on understood how lucky they were to have loving, forever homes, and would want to know that another kitty's life could be saved and be able to enjoy their warm place and the love they had and not let it go to waste.  To me, doing that has always been a testament to the kitty who passed.

I once read that statistically, the happier and better their marriage was, and the more they loved their spouses, the quicker widows and widowers tended to get into relationships and marry.  Again, to me, that is a testament to the love, not a betrayal of it.

And the most comforting thing anyone ever said to me after I lost a dear friend was, "In time, you will forget that they died, and will remember instead that they lived."

i would never want to make him unhappy by me  being unhappy but its just..i have never been this in love with a cat before, not even my senior who i have had since he was 5 weeks old, I know i love him  but not like this, maybe it's bc he never really needed me the way Georgie did, he is perfectly capable of doing his own thing...i do love the others but not like this

 

I know exactly how you feel, my eyes still well up with tears when I say my Chrissy's name, and it's been almost a year now. I, too , have NEVER mourned another like her, even humans. I really wonder if it's the guilt we carry for thinking we could have done different and they would still be alive. I think we both desperately need a way to celebrate the love we had with them and not dwell on the death.  Now I am almost afraid to love my remaining two for fear of what I'll do when THEY die, I worry a lot about it. We've GOT to pull it together for those left behind, it's not fair for them to not have our love and attention now, they do need us. But I do know we would both NEVER do any thing to purposely hurt our babies. Cats will always die in a shorter lifetime then ours, but we love them so much it breaks us in two when they leave. Somehow we go on, not to forget them, because we never will, but to remember the love and the goodness and keep them alive in our hearts. Please mourn Georgie, but please don't forget you have others who are mourning the loss of YOU, and miss you terribly, give them a kiss and try to make memories that are good and loving with them. The dead are safe and happy, waiting to be united with us in the future, it's the living that need us now, don't let them down, what would they do without you, you who are their whole world?

I am sorry you lost your Chrissy...losing a beloved pet is so so so painful..I know you are right about my remaining cats I do love them very much and am trying to bring myself back to who i was with them before I lost so deeply..i know it is not fair to them and i don't want them to be sad