Shall I put my cat up for adoption?

   Hi all! Unfortunately I have had to come to a very upsetting conclusion and have had to make a tough decision and I'd like if you could all tell me if I'm doing the right thing. 
     A few years ago, we had a rescue cat named Snowey who was very very ill. We helped her the best we can with expensive vet bills and such and tried our best. She fell pregnant and gave birth to 4 beautiful kittens who I loved dearly and was as involved as I could be in looking after them at 11 years of age. We gave 2 to a family friend when they was old enough and one was advertised and given to a lonely old lady, the last one we kept and named Dragon. The very sick mother cat (Snowey) unfortunately showed no signs of improvement, no matter how much we cared for her. We took her into a vet to be put down as they suggested, but the vet looked at Snowey's condition and said that she would love to take her home and try nurse her to health as she would have access to far more than we did and could afford more than we could. We did so and had updates for a while on how much she had progressed.
    Dragon (Now 6, nearly 7), still lives with us. However, my mum is a police officer, as is my stepdad and my brother and I are in full-time education. My cat molts A LOT, although the vet said he is perfectly healthy. My mum puts him in the conservatory and refuses to let him wander the house so fur doesn't get anywhere. She stamps towards the cat to scare him back into the conservatory, she puts him outside in the rain, screams at him for meowing and just is generally horrible to him. I had a row with her earlier on because she won't let the cat in the house on firework night (Ridiculous, right?) and I'm now wondering whether to put him up for adoption to find him a happier home where he will be treated better and people will have more time for him. It hurts me how he's treated in this house and even at 18 years old, I get told off by my mum for hugging my cat because of the furr. 
 

  Is putting him up for adoption the right thing to do? I just want him to get the best out of life even though it hurts so much to have come to this. 

Thank you so much,

~ Abi

Hi Abi,

From the description that you have given from how your mom feels about the cat and that it sounds like you and the cat are living at your parents a new home may be better for the interest of everyone. How does your mom feel about finding a new home for Dragon, have you discussed this with her? For some people cats, or even any animal is not a good fit.

If you haven't yet I would suggest talking with your family about what you feel would be in the best interest for the cat and for everyone in the family since it sounds like he is a family pet.

Thank you so much for your advice. I was concerned that I was making the wrong decision when thinking about this. It's a family pet but my parents have stated we only have him still because of me so I class him as my own. I love him to pieces but, you're right, it's probably in his best interest. Thank you for your advice.

I'm so sorry to hear that Dragon is not being treated well by your mum, and that you have to come to this heartwrenching decision. I know it pains you a great deal to think that you have to give him up. It can be very difficult living with others who call the shots, and you feel like you have no say in the matter. There will come a time when you are ready to go out, live on your own, and be able to treat your pet(s) the way they should be treated.

Until then, I regret to say that I feel like Dragon is experiencing a form of abuse, even if its not physical. Stamping at him, yelling at him, etc. is emotional abuse, and cats can develop behavioral problems from this, such as fear, anxiety and aggression. He deserves a good life where he can be loved and accepted. I know you love him and treat him well, but that does not cancel out the emotional abuse he is experiencing from your mum.

I think so too. Whilst she allows him inside occasionally and still loves him and worries about him and stuff, he conflicts with her and after 12 hour shifts and little sleep, she's very intolerable and he's a very sociable cat. Whilst he cuddles and purrs constantly, he's a very happy cat nevertheless, all of my friends love him and love to come over and cuddle him. But he should experience love 24/7

I wouldn't by any means say it's abuse. She loves him too. But I don't think he's getting enough attention. My mum would NEVER hurt him and she worries about others hurting him such as when neighbours tried to throw rocks at him, she went there and spoke to their parents. She loves him and she does NOT abuse him. But I think he isn't experiencing 100% attention and 100% love for the kind of sociable cat he is. 

In your original post, you painted your mum in a very bad way, so I responded based on the information you provided. You said:

My mum puts him in the conservatory and refuses to let him wander the house so fur doesn't get anywhere. She stamps towards the cat to scare him back into the conservatory, she puts him outside in the rain, screams at him for meowing and just is generally horrible to him. I had a row with her earlier on because she won't let the cat in the house on firework night (Ridiculous, right?)

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You wrote that you are hurt with the way Dragon is being treated, but are now defending the person/people whom you claim aren't treating him right.

So, I'm just trying to point out why I am confused.

I'm not sure if you missed the part where I said it was emotional abuse...not physical. I never said your mum would physically hurt him.

Yes I understand, I had just had a row with her about bringing the cat in and I probably shouldn't have written the post with a bad taste in my mouth. She's not a malicious person who tries to hurt him (emotionally or physically) but she with being intolerable after long hours, she does forget he's a cat and has a short temper with him. She doesn't actively try to hurt the cat. The point I was making is that he should probably go to a home which is a better environment for a cat as sociable as him. He is very healthy, I assure you, he doesn't have any illnesses emotionally or physically.

Gotcha...the things we say when we're still raging with anger, huh? 

Well, I guess you just have to weigh the pros and cons and think about his quality of life. I mean, if its a matter of hair getting everywhere, could you offer to vacuum the house and use a lint-roller for furniture and stuff? If he's meowing and wants attention, could you play with him a little more and try to tire him out? Have you tried to have a heart-to-heart discussion with your mum? Like a true sit down and talk? I know its hard to do when you're already frustrated and angry, but does she even realize how much this upsets you? I'm just trying to think of some ideas here.

Feeling a bit silly now, sorry for being so misleading. 

I do already spend quite a bit of time with him, cuddling him, I often carry him about with me (despite my mum's wishes). He's a fat lazy cat and won't play for much longer than about 5 minutes. I should probably try having a compromise with my mum about vacuuming and suggest making a rota for dealing with the fur. She says she has no problem with him, she just can't stand his fur. I'm looking into a better brush for him to see if I can find one that's better for his fur type as the one we use clearly doesn't work properly. Thank you so much for your suggestions, sorry for the confusion, I should have thought before typing...!

No worries!     Thinking before typing is an acquired skill. I've had to learn that myself. 

Anyway, I know you're new to TCS, so I want to say welcome.  

Do let us know how it goes and if you have any other questions. I hope you and your mum can work something out so that Dragon can have a full, happy life in your home.  

Well today I've learnt that! haha
And thank you so much for your welcome and advice!! and me too! Have a lovely day!

You said you need a better brush for a cat that moults a lot - can I suggest a FURminator brush - my cats don't moult too much but my mum's cat gets lumps of hair everywhere so I bought one for her and it gets rid of so much hair and there is now less cat hair scattered around the house.  They are more expensive that your ordinary cat brush but I think they are brilliant.  I got mine in a pet shop out here in the Netherlands but I think you can get them off amazon if you can't get them somewhere like pets at home.

Hello,

It is sad that he cat has been around for so long and because of a little hair you have to get rid of her.  I think if you can find a good home for your cat, you should do it.  That is not always easy.  What I do is vacuum more often and use a lint roller.  I have two dogs and a cat and could not part with any of them.  Good luck with your problem.

Oh, I just thought of something! You could give your cat a lion cut (carefully!) or take him to a cat groomer for a trim/shave. Now THAT would solve the fur issue! 

Abi, How does Dragon seem?  Does he seem fairly happy?  Or horribly depressed? 

In my experience, cats hate change.  They are become VERY attached to their people, other pets, and their home.  Personally, I think it would be harder for Dragon to be adopted by someone new.  And, you cannot control what happens to Dragon after he is adopted.  He may end up going to a situation which is actually worse than where he is now.  Or, it may start off better, and then get worse. 

Cats are pretty resilient.  They have a pretty high tolerance for grouchy people and grouchy cats.  He knows your mom by now, so he knows what to expect from her and he is probably okay with that if she is not abusing him.  And, he has you for cuddles and love. 

My guess is that it would probably be harder on Dragon to be torn from the people and place he is used to, than it is to put up with your Mom's house rules.  I have seen pets live  happily under worse conditions.  It probably hurts your feelings when your Mom stomps at him much more than it hurts his, so do be sure to step back from your own feelings and really take a good look at Dragon himself and see how HE is doing.   Most cats push their limits, and get scolded or shooed out of some place, and I have not noticed it really doing much serious damage to their feelings.  In fact, I have one now who seems to enjoy trying to get himself a scolding.