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- Feb 19, 2001
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One of my cyber friends who walked out of an abusive marriage and has been fighting for her self-respect and trying to gain full custody of her children, just sent me this in my email. Knowing what a talented writer she is, it would not surprise me if she wrote this based on her own Life's experiences. In light of how open this forum is, I think this is a good forum to share this in and hope it sparks some thought and maybe some good threads in reply.
"A time comes in your life when you finally get it... when in the midst of
all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the
voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or
struggling to hold on.
Like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to
subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a
mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and
waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to
come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that
he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real
world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter)
and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in
the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will
always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's
okay. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn that people can't always say what they mean or mean what they say
and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always
about you.
And then you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how
you should behave, how you should look and how you should drive, how and
where you should live, and what you should do for a living, who you should
sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage,
the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is
power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering
through life merely as a 'consumer' looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated
ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation
upon which you must build a life. You learn that you can't know everything,
it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance
of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and
that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love.
Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when
to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or
your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more
beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on
your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would
have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love... and you
learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms... just to
make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely... and you
look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a
size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside
your head and agonizing over how you 'stack up.'
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love,
kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you
allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his
touch... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care
for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking
more water and taking more time to exercise.
You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear.
So you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels
our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you
deserve... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that
wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it
happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need
direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it
all alone and that it's okay to risk asking for help. You learn to fight for
your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think
you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good
people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn
that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just
life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -
the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment
misunderstood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and
poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are
wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we
take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only
dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a
long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by
yourself and to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to
never ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open
to every wonderful possibility, Finally, with courage in your heart, you
take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you
want to live as best as you can.
"A time comes in your life when you finally get it... when in the midst of
all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the
voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or
struggling to hold on.
Like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to
subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a
mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and
waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to
come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that
he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real
world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter)
and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in
the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will
always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's
okay. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn that people can't always say what they mean or mean what they say
and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always
about you.
And then you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how
you should behave, how you should look and how you should drive, how and
where you should live, and what you should do for a living, who you should
sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage,
the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is
power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering
through life merely as a 'consumer' looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated
ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation
upon which you must build a life. You learn that you can't know everything,
it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance
of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and
that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love.
Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when
to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or
your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more
beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on
your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would
have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love... and you
learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms... just to
make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely... and you
look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a
size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside
your head and agonizing over how you 'stack up.'
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love,
kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you
allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his
touch... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care
for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking
more water and taking more time to exercise.
You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear.
So you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels
our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you
deserve... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that
wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it
happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need
direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it
all alone and that it's okay to risk asking for help. You learn to fight for
your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think
you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good
people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn
that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just
life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -
the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment
misunderstood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and
poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are
wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we
take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only
dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a
long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by
yourself and to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to
never ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open
to every wonderful possibility, Finally, with courage in your heart, you
take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you
want to live as best as you can.
