Dealing with parents who don't really care about our cats' health.

You may or may not know how frustrating it is to live with parents who don't want to hear when something is wrong with the cats.

Nearly 10 years ago, we took in a shih tzu from my great aunt who couldn't care for him anymore. His fur was filthy and in dreadlocks so we shaved and bathed him. It turns out he was flea-infested and gave them to the one remaining cat we had. My parents wouldn't believe me and, at the time, I thought the flea dirt on her manx tail was dust. I showed it to them and neither thought it was fleas. I told them I saw a bug crawling through her fur and they didn't believe me until I fished out a flea from her. Even then, they didn't treat them right away and, when they did, they got the cheapest flea collars they could find, which didn;t help at all. I was the one who was always bathing them and it would break my heart when the fleas would crawl across the cat's eyes to escape the water. There were even time when the flea dirt would melt and come off in streams from her belly. I thought she had actually cut herself open there was so much red. She became skin and bones and eventually died, but she was very old anyway. It wasn't until the cat and dog died that my parents flea bombed the house. Before that, I'd wake up with over 50 flea bites on each leg in the mornings.

Half a year ago, when we got two kittens, I noticed that had some occular discharge and sneezing. I said I think they have an upper respiratory infection and my step-dad questioned how they could have gotten it. I said probably from the shelter. The one kitten wasn't growing and had diarrhea everyday. Despite my concerns, they wouldn't take them to the vet. It was only once the smallest one was non-responsive one day that my step-dad took her to the shelter vet, who told him to take her to an animal hospital, where they had to euthanize her.

The surviving kitten, who never played and had copious amounts of gloopy mucus coming from her eyes, also really concerned me. My parents waited until her regular check-up to take her to the vet. They confirmed my suspicion of an upper respiratory infection. They gave her meds and her eyes looked clearer that night and she started playing the very next day. We were entitled to a refund or a free replacement because the one kitten died within two weeks of her adoption date and once Nala was all better, they let us have a second.

This new orange tabby showed symptoms of infection a couple days after coming home with us. He sneezed a lot, breathed like he had a stuffy nose and sometimes had to breathe out of his mouth. I said he needed to go to the vet before he got worse. They wouldn't listen. His nose got so stuffed up that he stopped eating because he couldn't smell his food. At his normal check up, my suspicions were confirmed again.

Two times after that, Simba's eyes started tearing excessively, with occasional pus, and his eyes got red and squinty. I mentioned it and said I thought it was conjunctivitis and they didn't listen again until his eye looked bad. Then they gave him leftover meds from the upper respiratory infection. It seemed to help both times. Lately, I noticed his teeth yellowing and some redness along his gumline and swelling and discoloration of his third eyelids. They didn't listen to me again and said his eyes and teeth looked fine, even when I showed them a photo of a healthy nictitating membrane.

I discovered today that Simba has fleas and they don't really believe me. I saw some crawling through his fur and saw the flea dirt melt into blood when I put it on a wet tissue. Nala has been scratching her throat a bit raw for a long time and I don't know if it's connected, but my mom is so sick of it all. She said today that she regrets ever getting the cats. She said things like,  "I have enough on my plate and now, everyday I come home, you tell me there's something wrong with them. The eyes, the teeth, and now fleas. Why do you have to dissect them? Can't you just leave them alone?" and "I got them to enjoy them." She was bitching to my step-dad in their room after that that she never had cats cats with problems and they all lived to be 20 years old. "

I guarantee those cats had problems but she never noticed or did anything about it. Cats hide pain and discomfort well, but I guess she doesn't know that. I made a vet appointment for Simba for this Friday and will need a friend to take me or hop on buses. We wanted to keep my step-dad from knowing I made the appointment but that won't be possible, as they will be home before I get back home. I don't care. I'll do what it takes to make sure these cats, which were a birthday present for my mom, remain happy and healthy, no matter what my parents say. They are heartless and selfish and I can't believe they would be mad at me for noticing when the cats are unwell and need veterinary care.

I'm sorry you're going through this. But I applaud you for sticking up for the rights of animals. And, just as humans have rights, so too do animals, including cats and dogs.
If you don't mind me asking: how old are you? Do you have money of your own to take care of the cats? From your post, it sounds as though your parents doubt your intelligence, maturity. I assume you can't simply move out of your parent's house.
In so far as how to deal with your parents in this issue: it's difficult. They won't believe whatever literature you give them. (Do they get bitten by fleas--what do they say about *that*?)
I would ignore them in this issue, do what you know is right. Take 100% of the responsibility for the cat, including feeding and cleaning the litter box. Is this cat indoors/outdoors/both?
Work with a vet regarding payments. Perhaps call the organization where you adopted this cat to see if they will have their own vet examine the cat (perhaps cheaper).
Good luck, and let us know how the vet visit goes.

I'm 26. I have chronic and constant physical pain in many of my tendons and ligaments that's keeps me from working reliably enough to be able to afford a place of my own. I'm also currently in college. Because of all my issues, and several surgeries, it's taking me many years to get through community college.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I'm going to do. My parents get up before me and home before me, so they do most of the feeding. Both cats are indoors and our house is pretty dirty, too. I don't have the strength to clean it all so it stays dirty for the most part. In fact, I need to dust my room, which is where I spend most of the time I am at home.

The place I'm taking him for his appointment is the shelter we adopted him from. My mom seems to think they will give him his first flea treatment and give me more to take home. I don;t know why she thinks they'll just give me these things. She also said to wait to take him to see what they say. That will mean he's had the fleas for almost a week since I first noticed them before any treatment is given.

Thank you for your encouraging words. Simba and Nala seem to know that I care most for their well-being, as they are always looking to me for affection and spending time with me on my bed when I'm doing my homework or resting.

I'm also 26 years old and have a pain and sleep disorder called fibromyalgia. And I also live with stubborn parents and go to school! Lol. I give my parents literature I find online, like catinfo.org, and then they will believe me. They never understood the idea of wet food until I showed them that website.

Hi,

I just want to tell you I completely understand where you are coming from to have people in your life who just don't get it when it comes to concern and worry for your cats. My mom is the same way. I am close to your age but am solely responsible for my cats. She frequently tells me I am overreacting and that I "hover" too much over them. While I will concede that I do obsess sometimes over their health and well being, I don't believe she should give me the brush off when I am concerned about a certain issue. I get the same talks about "spending too much money" and whatnot too. It's my money though and I will spend it how I see fit. My mom does have her good points, like she'll come over and feed them and watch them sometimes when I'm in work. She also does like my cats and was quite devastated when she came with me to say goodbye to one of them a few months ago. However, she is certainly not as observant as I am and her blase attitude at times throws me. She considers me an "alarmist" as she told me yesterday too. It's true somewhat but still. I just want you to know you aren't alone and your cats are lucky to have someone who is willing to "go to bat" for them.

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I probably wouldn't obsess so much over their health once they are older but they are still babies. Well, not babies, they are more like teenagers now. But human children need their parents to keep an eye on them and look for anything out of the ordinary, too. Little kids won't always just come out and say something hurts or something bothers them, and cats CERTAINLY won't do that. I guess our mothers don't realize that cats hide pains and ailments until they become debilitating. One reason my mom thinks Simba is perfectly healthy is because he eats and plays like normal. He's got a strong and stubborn spirit and he's not gonna let some pain get in the way of his food or playtime.

I'm glad your cat has you too look out for them and that you choose to prioritize the health of your kitty. Hopefully, your mom will just let it be and stop bothering you so much about it.

Going to sound quite harsh here really but I don't think your parents should keep animals. To neglect them so much is cruelty. Thank goodness you are there to keep an eye on them.. but when you leave home, I would encourage them not to have animals in the future if you can.

I really do want to take them with me when I move out, but that won;t be for a very long time. I have medical conditions that cause me great pain and easily-damaged tendons and ligaments, so I won't be able to live on my own for quite some time. Perhaps I can convince them to let me take them when the time comes. And what you said wasn't harsh at all. I completely agree with you. The last time we had cats was when I was 17 and younger, so I really didn't know much about the real care cats need. I've taught myself a lot over the years, mostly since we got the kittens.

I completely understand how you feel, and it is the most frustrating and heartbreaking feeling in the world. How anyone could carry on and let a living creature suffer like that just baffles me. When I was younger I lost my childhood cat to a similar situation and was absolutely devastated. Even now that I'm working and willing to pay for all vet care it's a struggle just to convince my parents to get them to the vet. I don't know why but they refuse to deal with things. I have to fight until I'm in tears just to get them to a vet. Even though they won't have to pay a cent. Stay strong and keep fighting for your babies. I know it's hard but it's worth it and eventually they'll take you seriously.

I understand how you feel. Its so frustrating when you know somethings wrong but your parents dont believe you. I tell my mom and BEG her to bring our cats to the vet but she says "Tell that to your dad, I'm not in charge of that." but whenever I mention it to my dad he flat out ignores me or says something like "He's fine, he'll get better by himself, he's been doing it for years." Or "Ill take him to the vet when hes injured." just that makes me tear up, knowing he could Die because the signs of illness were ignored. They don't even take him to regular check ups despite me telling them many times how important it is. He is 5 years old and hes has been to the vet twice. He wheezes, coughs and sneezes regularly but they say "Its just a Hairball, he's fine." Its horrible.

Is money an issue? If so, perhaps you can open a GoFundMe account to fund the vet bills yourself. I'm so sorry that your poor kitten died because of neglect . I would advise if another cat of yours dies that you NOT get a replacement kitten. I'm not convinced your household is a safe place for sick kittens... Perhaps you could get an older cat whose immune systems are not as vulnerable.

Anyway, wishing you the best. Please, if your parents do not agree to take your kittens to the vet, please try to find a way to get them there through some other methods (GoFundMe, ask relatives, ask friends, etc.).