In case y'all don't hear from me . . .

*sigh* Things haven't gone well with Alex lately; those of you who read my previous thread will have some idea what I'm talking about. Alex said he wants space, since he doesn't know if he wants me in his life anymore, and he doesn't even know if he's still in love with me! He wants us to live apart for a month, so he can "see what his life is like without me." Whenever I try to ask him questions, he just says he doesn't know.

I am a basket case. I'm up at my mom's house. Fortunately, I have today and tomorrow off of work, so I can try to pull myself together. I've never been so miserable in my entire life! I miss him, I miss hugging him, at night I miss curling up with my head on his shoulder. I have one of his T-shirts that I've been sleeping with the past couple nights. At least it smells like him. Poor substitute for him, though. I can't eat, I barely sleep. Nothing holds my attention. Nothing interests me. All my hobbies are boring. Food tastes like ashes to me. And he hasn't even ended the relationship! We're still engaged! And I'm ready to curl up in a ball and die!

It's just torture not knowing. It's almost worse than if he just broke up with me; at least then I could move on with my life. He ignored me the last couple days we were around each other, unless I spoke to him. Wouldn't look me in the eye, wouldn't hug me, wouldn't kiss me . . . acted like I was something the dog brought whenever he had to acknowledge that I was there. Wouldn't say he loved me, even when I said it first . . . that was the worst, I think. I just don't know what to do guys! I love this guy with all my heart, and we had such a wonderful relationship. I mean, we were terrific together. I just don't understand what happened to make him do this . . . and our wedding in less than 9 months. Well, we probably won't have a wedding in nine months, now, but still . . .

Anyway, that point is, I don't have enough motivation to remove myself from bed in the morning, and I don't know where I'm going to be living the next few weeks, so if I'm not around that's why. Just wanted to let y'all know.

Viva,

I know it is hard, but don't let a man reduce you to this state. No man is worth it. Go get your hair done, or get it cut, buy a new outfit, join a club (hobby club) Go hang out with friends, but don't let someone who won't give you the time of day make you so sick that you end up in the hospital or worse! Start journaling it will help, but don't give in to the depression. Clearly something is wrong with him, YOU are FINE!

Viva:

I would be lying if I said I hadn't been there. I hope you can find the strength to get past this. Please do as hissy says and make yourself do something other than lay in bed all day.

Originally posted by hissy
Viva,

I know it is hard, but don't let a man reduce you to this state. No man is worth it. Go get your hair done, or get it cut, buy a new outfit, join a club (hobby club) Go hang out with friends, but don't let someone who won't give you the time of day make you so sick that you end up in the hospital or worse! Start journaling it will help, but don't give in to the depression. Clearly something is wrong with him, YOU are FINE!

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I agree hon.I done this one time with a guy I dated for almost 2 years.NOT worth it.I KNOW you love him,but DO NOT let him get you down.Go out with friends and have fun.Let him see that you have a life and you are not gonna just sit around by yourself every night hoping he will come back to you.If he is a smart man he will realize what he has in you,if not,you didn't need him anyway.

Hang in there...you can get through this.

I know you must feel just terrible. But what ever happens you can deal with it...folks here are ready and willing to talk, so don't shut down.

Take care

Oh Viva! I'm so sorry dear- I hope you and Luna keep safe at this time.

Take Hissys advice please....

*hugs*

The same thing happened to me a year and a half ago. Steven and I broke up after 2 years of living together. I stayed with my Dad for a few days and then moved into a hotel/apartment for a week. I refused his calls and tried to give him space. This helped us to see that we really did want to be together. We eventually got back together and a year later we are engaged and happy.
I am glad that you are staying with your Mom. Try to keep busy and know that things happen for a reason.
God luck to you and Luna and keep posting as much as you can

Ginger

My dear Viva!
I am so sorry you have to be dealing with this. This is so hard to deal with. When I read you post, I wanted to say to you exactly the same thin Mary Anne said in her post. Please try! You will feel better doing some changes to yourself, like a haircut, or if you buy some new clothes, and meeting friends and finding a hobby club will take you mind off Alex, and at least you will be smiling while you´re there! I also highly recomend a journal, it will make you see things clearer.
You are such a nice person, noone should make you feel this bad and uncertain. I hope Alex realizes that, if not, he really isn´t worth crying over.
((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))

Originally posted by hissy
Viva,

I know it is hard, but don't let a man reduce you to this state. No man is worth it. Go get your hair done, or get it cut, buy a new outfit, join a club (hobby club) Go hang out with friends, but don't let someone who won't give you the time of day make you so sick that you end up in the hospital or worse! Start journaling it will help, but don't give in to the depression. Clearly something is wrong with him, YOU are FINE!

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{{{{{{{{Viva}}}}}}}}}}}} Been through this, too.

Spend quality time with Luna. She'll help.

Hmm...weren't you thinking of getting another kitty but Alex said no? A trip to the shelter in a few days might be something to consider. (Sorry, being naughty here.)

Hang in there, we love ya, we are here for you!!!!

Thanks, guys. Any prayers would be appreciated, too, that we can work things out. The other tough thing is that I left Luna there with Alex. I didn't want to make her move with me if it's only gonna be for a couple weeks. We're going to a counseling session Wednesday, and I'm going to bring it up there. If he wants to be separated for more than a week or two, I'm going to get her and bring her with me.

(((((Viva))))) I'm so sorry dear. The one thing you can do that will make this guy think twice is act like it isn't affecting you. Go about your life and be strong on the outside. But give yourself time in private to grieve. I agree with you...what he is doing is worse then just breaking up with you. Give him his month but let him know that is all he gets and you won't let him draw it out any longer then that.

We are all here to listen and to hopefully cheer you up and make you laugh! It sure helped me when my husband and I seperated. Everyone on this site were a god send! Take advantage of us!

Tammie

I am so sorry to hear this. Honey hang in there it will get better, trust me on this. Do what Hissy has suggested. Try your best to not dwell on this it will just make you very very sick.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Oh I am so sorry ((((HUGS)))) There is not really more to say for me what was not already said . But don't get yourself down becours of him . You need to get busy , go out with your friends and have some fun . I know you are grieving right now . But being depressed would not help getting him back at all .Please hang in there , we are all here for you .
I will say a prayer for you

Is there any chance Alex could just be getting the pre-wedding jitters? I know I did about 3 months before the wedding and I suddenly panicked that I might not be doing the right thing.

I went to stay with my mum for a night and just that short time away made all the difference. I realised that yes, Martin was the one for me and I would hate to lose him.

We got married last year and have a baby on the way and we are both really happy.

Maybe a bit of time away will help him get his head straight. If it doesn't, then it proves that he wasn't the one for you. Just try not to let yourself get ill over him.

I'm a stong believer in fate and I'm sure everything will work out for the best; it will just take time.

Take care of yourself.

awwww viva Don't worry. Hubby and I broke up for about a month before we got married. It didn't end up lasting the whole month. I was just scared and being stupid and decided we needed space. In less then a month we were back together. Try to be strong, things have a way of always working themselves out.

Viva -I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know that you love him, but please love yourself more. There is nothing wrong with you, he is the one with issues.

Viva:

From one who's not only been there, but one who's suffered suicidal depression....FORCE yourself to go out and do stuff. Do things you really don't want to do because they're what you need to do. Don't dwell on it, just focus on the here and now (he's not with you right now so you can't think about him then). Go do something fun, see a comedy, take a long walk, play with Luna (I hope you have her with you, kitties are a very good cure for what ails you).

With any luck, if he sees you out and about and enjoying yourself he'll kick himself for what he's done and realize what a jewell he has in you. If he doesn't, then you may want to move on because no man is worth this. Believe me. The good ones won't let you go through this.

Viva being in a rotten relationship before with someone who who wasn't smart enough to realize what a catch I was , I know it hurts. Viva I know you love this man, but trush me if he doesn't realize what a wonderful, caring, special person he has in you then girl he doesn't deserve you.

Everyone's advice here is really good - the only things I can add are
prayers and *hugs*

I'm so sorry Viva!
Many hugs Sweetie!
((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))