Hold them in your heart

I was recently browsing this forum and spotted a cat called Bella, so recently and painfully ripped away from the woman that clearly adored her. 

Bella was, without question, the most stunningly beautiful cat I have ever seen. The thread raised so much pain because her ending was so sudden, and the seperation so vicious. My heart goes out to her human companion. 

I wanted to write to her and tell her that her cat was beyond beautiful. I have never seen a cat like it. I wanted to tell her that I had nothing other than that to share with her. no words to comfort her. No pain I could take away. 

Then I felt the presence of my own cat Eva, and thought perhaps I should try anyway.

So what happens when you have a cat

You care for them
You love them
You feel a warmth when you look at them
You are proud of their beauty
You feel their wisom, their michief, their own love
You speak to them in your own way
They speak to you in their own way
They touch your soul

You enjoy their physical presence and when you cannot see them you hold them your heart.

So what happens when a cat is ripped from you

You STILL care for them
You STILL love them
You STILL feel a warmth when you look at images of them
You are STILL proud of their beauty
You STILL feel their wisom, their michief, their own love
You STILL speak to them in your own way
Sometimes, sometimes, they  STILL speak to you in their own way
They STILL touch your soul

You cannot enjoy their physical presence BUT YOU STILL hold them your heart

When a cat is taken from you the pain is horrific, you will go through every well documented stage of grief. You will be in shock. You will deny that reality is reality. You will beg with God to make reality not reality. You will make bargains. If you bring my cat back, I'll be a better person. I'll do anything. And you mean it. God, do you mean it. It's been four months since I lost Eva to the road, and for a long time I would havde given anything, and I mean ANYTHING to have her back. We even had new kittens and I shamefully would have happily given them up to have Eva back. 

and then one day I realised I wouldn't give up my little Loki and Mia. Because I STILL HAVE Eva. 

I still love her. I still smile and laugh at images of her. I am still proud that she was so stunningly pretty we had professional photographers falling over themselves to have images of her. I can still hear her breathing in my ear. I can still feel her head against my neck. I can still feel her heartbeat. My physical presence has gone, but that was a tiny fraction of my love for her. 

Eva lives even now, but she lives in my heart. She is curled up, purring softly. In my heart she is never hungry, unless she wants to eat. In my heart she is protected from danger. No illness touches her. No car overcomes the defences I have around her. Time has no teeth. She is still in the prime of her life at two years of age. Her eyes shine brightly and clearly. She feels safe, surrounded by my love, and I cherish and protect her there. There are no scary noises, just the beating of my own heart. I feel her love. I feel her tiny heart. when I am nervous, I imagine her purring in my heart and it comforts me. When I feel stressed I picture a tiny burmese cat stretching her legs in complete safety and the stress bleeds away. When I miss her so terribly I cannot think of anything else I remember she is with me always. I don't tell her I miss her, because she is with me. I tell her that she was the most amazing companion. I tell her that the new cats are wonderful, but different, and I know she is ok with that. Most of all I tell her I love her. 

And sometimes she whispers back. Eva is the voice of wisdom. Wise beyond her years. She is the voice of reason.

So if you have lost a cat, try to remember that you have lost a physical presence. The pain of that loss is very real, but over time will diminish. For some of us, that time can be months and years. But it WILL dminish. In the meantime, build a sanctury in your heart. Treasure your pet and keep them safe in your heart. Your love for you cat has not changed just because they died. The wonder of your cat has not changed because they are not physically present. Their life was cat short, but your cat's soul endures. 

I wrote this for Bella, whom I never met. Bloody hell you were beautiful. Rest, little one. Free from pain. and know this. You are still loved.

Thank you so much Gareth. You are such a beautiful writer to make it known to others exactly what they are feeling. It did bring me some comfort in my loss too, the pain just doesn't seem to ever go away. I'm sure Bella's owner is proud to have you acknowledge how beautiful her baby was, although we ALL think our baby is the most beautiful.     I'm going to try to think of my Chrissy being in my heart, there for me when I cry from the agony of losing her. I pray that Eva,  and Chrissy are together at the Rainbow Bridge, where there are no cars and no heartache. Once again, thank you for your beautiful thread. 

That was lovely, Gareth 

Thank you, Gareth. I hope this helps people to heal who have experienced such pain and loss. I'm sure I will need to refer back to it when the time is right.