Family? or Love?

I to also had to choose between my now hubby or my family. They kept telling Peter that I wasn't good enough for him and they kept telling me that he wasn't good enough for me! Peter is 10 yrs. my senior but that didn't matter to me but it bothered my family to no end. What was worse than his age was the fact that he was married for 6 weeks when he was in his 20's. OMG!!! He's 10 yrs. older and divorced!!! Find someone without a past that might come back and haunt them.

After we got married they still didn't stop with the making up of stories. "He's fooling around on you" and to Peter they would say, "She's fooling around on you". Well the 2 of us sat down and had a really long talk about my so called family and we mutually decided to tell them never to call or visit until they could respect the both of us as a couple.

I don't like talking about this so I'm going to end it by saying this, Peter and I have been together for 28 yrs. now and we will be celebrating our 26th Anniversary on Dec. 31st!

I voted "give it time". My family didn't initially like my husband. They thought he was too old (there is a 14 year age gap) and they had someone else in mind for me. Once they got to know him a little bit they loved him. Geez, even my ex-husband thinks he's a great guy! My family took about six months to come around, the ex longer.

Try and keep in mind that your family is trying to watch out for you. I was in a situation much like yours (minus the child). I ignored my family thinking that they just didn't want me moving away from them. They were right. Period. Exclamation point. The guy in question sponged off me for a couple of years THEN decided that he wanted an "open" relationship AND wanted to keep working his 10 or so hours a week while I continued working 2 jobs to keep us afloat. Needless to say I ran home with my tail tucked between my legs. My family never went to the lengths yours has, and they welcomed me without the "I told you so" I so richly deserved.

time will tell

In all honesty in this situation you must think with a level head.
Ok, so you are getting benefits now, you feel loved and adored and to you this has great value. (a good thing) But the hard cold facts remain that this man you love has an unstable source of income and a 3 year old child to whom maintanence will have to be paid for the next 15 years (2018).
Whats going to happen when you want to have a family?
If you decide to go for a joint bank account wouldnt some of your funds be used for maintanace?

Think about the future...your future and wether or not you want to live a comfortable life for you and your future children.

You are in control of your life, not your family. A family is there for support and love, and even if they don't like your significant other, then so what? They should just DEAL with it, and support you for your decisions.

Go with your heart, hun.

I don't agree with how your family is treating you. My Mom and Dad HATED my ex-husband, but whenever they were over visiting, they smiled and acted like everything was peachy. They knew it was my choice.

My parents and hyubby can co-exist, but my mom doesn't necessarily like my hubby and my hubby doesn't necessarily like my mom. I am the mediator. I try to make things run smoothly. I have to tell my hubby at times not to bad mouth my mom and vice versa. The biggest issue we ever encountered was the fact that my hubby hates celebrating his birthday - he actually has a social phobia. My parents are huge on the birthday thing. The promised him that he would just be coming for dinner and then sprung a party on him forcing him to do what he hates most - be the centre of attention. He ranted when we got home and I could understand how uspest he was - they totally disrespected his feelings. The next day when my parents picked me up for church I told them that they had to learn how to respect my husband's wishes. That really got my dad angry - he said "he is part of our family now, he'll have to learn how to do things are way!" Dad and I got into a huge yelling match - I basiclly said that if you don't respect my husband you don't respect me. I cried throughout church and walked home that is how angry I was. My hubby was upset that I was upset, my mom was upset that I was upset and since then there has been an uneasy truce.

Originally posted by TTMom
Your family doesn't have to like your husband, but if he's a deadbeat Dad I'd think twice about having children with him. He doesn't sound responsible, but if you can live with him being irresponsible and it's not causing any psychological issues for you then you're fine. Just think twice about the kids. His child should be number one in his life, even over you and it doesn't sound like it is. My husband has a child from a previous relationship too and this child is number one in OUR lives. So I don't choose hubby over family or vice versa, but I would kill to protect that child.

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I guess one thing I should straighten out here is the whole Child support thing. He was asked by his mother to stop paying child support. When his sone was frist taken from mom's custody he was put into Grandma's custody. And Mike was still paying child support but it was going to mom not grandma. Mom proceeded to purchase a car for her boyfriend who is the one that caused the child to be taken from mom in the first place (abuse), Because grandma wasn't getting any of the child support money for the child she asked her son(mike) to stop paying it. In order to stop paying it he had to quit working. about one month after I came into the picture is when custody was given back to mom from grandma. Mike couldn't have custody due to not paying child support. which was at grandma's request. But she failed to mention that in court. exactly a year ago Grandma got custody of Dakota again because of more child abuse by step father. since she has gotten custody Mike has been paying 20 bucks here 30 bucks there. But it's not showing up on his case file because he is giving it directly to grandma.

His mother is screwing him over. And there's nothing he can do about it. we have tried to get a lawyer but since we have no money to pay for one. since we are paying to keep ourselves alive and sending what extra money we have to grandma for his son. we only get told that they can't help us.

His son calls me mom, and I treat him like he is my son. We can't help the fact that Grandma has a very bipolar type of attitude. And won't let us visit him like the court order says. Once a month and on holidays.......WHEN GRANDMOTHER HAS THE TIME.

Anyway, That's the whole story of the child support thing. As told by His sisters, his father, and himself.

Originally posted by blondiecat
If I was in your shoes I would try to bridge the gap with my family before it is too late.

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My family put the gap there......not me. If it were my choice I would very much like to talk to my mom every week like I used to and hang out with my brother and my New neice. But they don't want me too.

Originally posted by Jellybelly
Arghh...this is a tough question, I'm wondering what yours and your new love's ages are? And why does he not have any incentive or drive to get a real job that pays well? Also the question would be are you the only daughter in your family? The youngest one? Were you always the type to follow and listen to your parents or are they the overprotective, possessive type? There are a lot of questions that could probably help better let us understand what's going on. Then you kinda fell in love with him after dating his bestfriend of two weeks right? What was so appealing of him that was different from the guy you were dating? Were your parents okay with the first guy?

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Well to answer your questions JB........He and I are both 26.....His goal is to run his HandyMan Business full time not just seasonal. I am the baby. With an older sister and an older brother. as I child I was always compared to my brother and sister by my mother.....I NEVER matched up.

The reason I left his best friend for him.....Because I could talk to him openly. tell him anything and he was there with a shoulder to cry on. our first date we sat and talked in a corner of a country bar. he told me most everything of his life and I told him most of everything of mine. He sparked something in my heart and head. as for his best friend......My parents HATED him. they had never met him but they HATED him from what they heard of his voice on the phone. From the things he did for my birthday. They out right hated him. Me on the other hand.......I just tolerated him. He was a sweet guy who to this day would do anything for me. But he has major personal hygenie problems as well as pyschological problems.

Originally posted by SkyKitty
now and we will be celebrating our 26th Anniversary on Dec. 31st!

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CONGRATS!!!

With the child-support issue clarified, I'd say it looks a lot better for you. It's good that he's trying to get it straightened out.

I know some women who make more than their husbands - for example, one makes very good money, and her husband doesn't make as much, so when they had a baby together he stayed home to be a househusband and take care of their child. The other is an older woman whose children from her first marriage are almost grown, and her husband is a younger man who doesn't want kids. He's a good companion for her, but he doesn't aspire to get ahead in life at all, he just works as a waiter and is happy with that. He makes her happy, they have a lot of fun together, and she's OK with supporting him. Both are partnerships where both partners are happy with the arrangements. But there are also a lot of guys out there who will happily take advantage, and then bail or become abusive when times get tough. Going into this with your eyes open and not blinded by love is the most important thing, that you can talk together about the future and share goals and ideals.

I chose my family because I was blessed enough to have a family that only wants to see me happy. If they hated my mate the only reason would be because he was abusive or a cheater or something. They have not liked a lot of my past bf's but they would NEVER force me to choose, and if they would it would be only because he is pure evil, and in that case I wouldn't want to be with him anyhow.

I feel bad for anyone whose parents don't support their choices, however misguided they may think they are. There's a point in life where they just have to admit they have no control and just hope for the best.

Ditto Annabella. Willow, with you clarifying that up, and the whole bi-polar granny LMAO, I swear bi-polar people are difficult to handle, just as bad as my damn mood swings after having a baby LOL! I inquired about the family, because I've always noticed a trend in either the youngest or the oldest, the 'responsibility' or 'expectations' that parents demand or phantom in their heads. Even in adopted families. Being the only child in my last adopted family and a female and they were military, my life was pretty doomed since I didn't follow or meet up to their 'expectations'. They haven't spoken to me since my last year in college and really after I called up the dad and told him I was moving away (finally escaped their claws and possessiveness). He hit the fan though when I told him later on that I met a 'foreigner'. And ironically I live about 15 minutes from them at the moment

Seriously though, he needs to get a job, any job, McDonalds, Walmart, Target, whatever he can get his hands on, I swear the business my husband is working on, I keep asking him, after a year of this b.s. (not going well thanks to Bush's cut back on wireless telecommunications), that he just needs to get a freaking job anywhere that is bringing in a steady flow of income. I don't know how many people, especially foreigners that bust their chops with more than one job trying to make ends meet, or my single-mom friends that have more than one job trying to support their children. I wish to goodness he would fold and let me get a job, but husbands, what can you do? Can't live with them, can't live without them LMAO!!!

Well as of 2 days ago he is applying for a job working with one of his friends at the local grocery store. He doesn't want to do it but between his friend and I we have him kinda "trapped" into doing it. Free rides to work, gets to hang out with his friend more, and get's to get health insurance that he needs badly! Him being Astmatic and all. so Hopfully he gets a job. Keeping my fingers crossed!