Building my feral's self-esteem

Hi everyone, this is my first post on this forum, but after reading a few other threads it looks like you all have a lot of fantastic advice to offer! I adopted one of my cats, Tuna, two years ago from a rescue group. Tuna was a part of a feral colony that was being abused by a group of local kids. As a result she is extremely skittish and not very trusting. Over the past two years she has made some progress, but every time she does she relapses back into her old habits. For a while she was sleeping on top of the guest bed and hanging out under the kitchen table during the day, which I would consider the height of her progress even though I couldn't pet her during this time. She is currently back to staying under the guest bed 24/7 (as she was when she first arrived), but now she trusts me enough to let me pet her when she comes out for wet food. Being able to pet her is a recent development, I'd say the past 2-3 months.

She has zero interest in toys and my other two cats want to play with her, which scares her. I reprimand my other two cats when they chase her, but I can't prevent it from happening when I'm at work. Also, it confuses the other two because they chase each other around the apartment all of the time. Any tips for boosting her self-esteem and coaxing her out from under the bed again? She's also not a big eater, so I'm trying to figure out how to boost her appetite. I appreciate any and all help/tips you can offer!

Also, side note, I read a thread about stage 1 baby food as a trust builder and I ran out to the store and bought some immediately. She gobbled up the first tablespoon like a pro How much of this should she be eating a day?


My sweet Tuna Belle.

Oh thank you so much for helping Tuna.  And for being patient; two years, wow.

Really, it will take time and patience to build Tuna's confidence, some cats never really fully socialize to humans. 

It's a pity toys don't interest her because that is one way you can build trust with her.  Ritz is like that; the only type of toy she likes is when I play with an ornament grass and have her 'catch' and 'eat' it.  She might like some stort of prey toy--DaMouse comes to mind--since she lived outside for a while.  You can also go into the bedroom and simply read, work on your computer, knit, etc.  And play some soft music.

To get her to move closer to you, put the baby food in a spoon and hold it out to her to eat.  Use the baby food that ONLY contains meat + broth--no cornstarch, lemon.  Have you attempted to brush her?  First with a feather, then progress to a real brush.

Ritz and her litter mates and the mother cat were abandoned in October four years ago, and survived the 20 inch snow storm DC/Montgomery County/PG had (I lived in New Carrollton at the time).  So Ritz still has trust issues and is still skittish; I just accept that, say calming words.  Give her Rescue Remedy and use Feliway plug ins.

Ritz is an only cat and my first cat ever, so I can't address the behavior issues among the three cats.  Someone more knowledgeable will come along with great advice.

Keep us posted.

I have two cats who came from the same abusive home.  Neither is friendly toward other cats, although they co-exist.  One Gracie, runs every time she hears the kids' voices across the street.  The other, Josie, runs anytime she hears anything outside our house.  There are days when I don't see either of them and there are days where each wants to sit in my lap.  I just let them decide.

It took me several years to get either of them to the point where I could pet them, so you may be right on track.  I know Gracie loves two toys - the laser pointer and a wand toy with a long skinny strip of colorful felt attached.  It's called the Cat Dancer.  That one will bring her out of hiding almost every time.

You can also use a toothbrush or backscratcher to pet her.  Just the feel of someone else touching her will startle her at first but if you are far enough away, she may allow you to "pet" her.

Good luck and thank you for helping Tuna.

I have had really good luck with Feral Cat Rehab flower essences from Spirit Essences.  Just a few drops in their wet food or sprayed around the room daily really helps.  You also could try a feliway adapator or spray.  I have also had good luck with Composure liquid or treats.  I originally used the treats on a feral/stray I brought into the house in late May.  He was a mess every single night.  He stopped liking the treats so I switched to liquid in the wet food.  The liquid is more expensive, but works quickly.  The treats take 30-45 minutes to work.  How about playing some soft music for her?  I love the harp music specifically for cats that I downloaded from Amazon.  I used to play it 24/7 for my cats when they were stressed. 

I always find that when working with ferals there will always be set backs.  My outdoor feral is almost 4 and I can now pet him, lift him up as well as he sits on my lap.  Yet there are days when I move too quickly and he will run and hide.  They just never seem to completely lose their lack of trust for humans.

What a wonderful thing you did in rescuing Tuna. 

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for your tips!

Ritz, last night I played music softly in the guest room and read on top of the bed for a few hours. I also called my mom and spoke on the phone for a while so she could hear my voice. I live alone, so unless I'm on the phone or sweet talking one of the other cats she doesn't hear my voice that oftern. I never thought about hanging out with her in her safe space before, but I plan to keep it up so she can get more comfortable with my sounds and scents!

Ondine, I just ordered a Cat Dancer from Amazon. The laser pointer keeps her attention, but she'll never go for it, just watch it. The toothbrush is a good idea! I tried using one of those mittens with the rubber teeth (my other two LOVE this), but I think the mitten aspect of it all scared her. I want to work up to brushing her because she's got some pretty serious matting on her ruff and belly.

ShadowsRescue, thanks for the tips about the treats, that's excellent! I just ordered a pack on Amazon. I used the Spirit Essences "Self-Esteem" and that's how I started being able to pet her. It truly worked! I spray a little bit on her plate before I put the wet food on it. I think I will also order the Feral Cat Rehab and try a blend of the two and see how it works.

Thank you everyone for the tips and kind words. It's so nice having people thank me for taking care of Tuna. Everyone in my life gives me a hard time about her, which can get discouraging. Someone even told me once I should put her down because she would be better off (needless to say, I don't talk to that person anymore!) So thank you, thank you! You've built MY confidence in working with my tiny feral

You may have to accept that this is the way she will be. I'm sure your other cats scare her without meaning to, but I would bet she is not unhappy and just wants to be in a safe place. It took over two years for my two boys to finally accept each other, and they still have their fights once in a while. Good luck!

dccatlady said:

Thank you everyone for the tips and kind words. It's so nice having people thank me for taking care of Tuna. Everyone in my life gives me a hard time about her, which can get discouraging. Someone even told me once I should put her down because she would be better off (needless to say, I don't talk to that person anymore!) So thank you, thank you! You've built MY confidence in working with my tiny feral

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So many people just do not get working with strays and ferals.  I have heard it all and sometimes it's really hard to stomach.  This forum is such a wonderfully supportive site where you can find great info and advice as well as be totally understood.  My family likes to pretend that my cats don't exist.  They also think that I am totally nuts for building a winter shelter for my 2 outside ferals.  They think I should just let them fend for themselves or force them to live inside.  I have learned to just save my breath and look for supportive friends.

She may have hesitated about the glove because it smelled of your other cats.  Try buying a new one just for her.

And hang in there!