Bea Arthur

I lost the love of my life a few weeks ago and I am still a mess. Does this get any easier?
I rescued Bea fourteen years ago. Her family had moved and abandoned her.  I was in my early twenties when I found her. Bea was all mine and I was all hers. She was there with me through three breakups, a bout of depression, the death of two family members and the final episode of the Sopranos
I used to call her mama because she would look out for me like I was her kitten. She would run over to groom me every time I cried and she was there exactly 5 minutes after I went to bed each night to crawl under the covers with me. She was polite and she would tap my leg if she wanted mashed potatoes anytime I was eating them and she would tap my shoulder in the morning to wake me up. She was weird, she would make yodeling sounds at other cats outside our window and she was good. She was just pure and sweet and good.  She was my best friend. 
This summer Bea started to get skinnier, which I thought was because we had her on weight control food(she was quite hefty once upon a time) It was such a busy summer for me. I got married, my 6 year old step son came to live with us, we had family and friends in and out of our home and I can't get over the guilt of not noticing sooner that she was fading away. My husband and my step son got up early on August 12th to fly to South Carolina and by noon, I had Bea in her carrier and at the vet. I ended up going to a different vet than her usual one because this was an emergency trip. The vet said she had some small spots on her lungs and then sent us home with her pumped full of asthma medication and other stuff to the tune of almost $700 dollars. He said she  would be fine. We came home and snuggled together for the rest of the evening and went to bed as normal. I woke up the next morning and knew sometihng wasn't right. I called in sick at work(luckily my boss is an animal lover so she understood how much Bea meant to me...how much a pet can mean to their owner)
Bea collapsed and I wrapped her in some blankets and sang to her with her little head in my hand and within 45 minutes she passed away. I continued to lay there with her on the floor for hours. I even slept there with her overnight until I could get her cremated the next day. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever been through. I still feel as if I should've done something more. Does that feeling ever go away?
The head of the vet clinic refunded some of the vet bill which we donated to a local no -kill shelter which was nice but didn''t bring Bea back.
I have cried every night since it happened. 
Just a couple of weeks ago, i went to the SPCA and adopted a cat who needed me as I much  as I needed her. I told her that we were going to save each other.  She's a giant loveable cat who was shot 7 times with a bb gun(and still has the bb's deep in her chest. the vet says they cause her no pain). I still cry at night but our new cat Alvy, is a wonderful addition to our home. She's funny and silly and has a lot of baggage.  I'm going to help her get over that just like she's helping me get over the loss of Bea.
Has anyone else adopted a new cat shortly after losing one? At first I felt horrible, like I was trying to replace Bea but i know I never could. Alvy is completely different than Bea. She's wonderful in an entirely different way.

 

Beautiful tribute. The pain of losing a loved one never goes away, but after some time, it will not hurt as much. I still desperately still miss my Psy, and she died three and a half years ago.

Yes, many of us can relate to what you're going through.  When I lost my Skittles at the age of 17-1/2 to kidney disease, it was one of the most painful times of my life.  She died almost four years ago and like you catspaw66 with your Psy, I miss her desperately, too.  I thought I'd never want another cat.  But I have to say, three weeks after her death, I had adopted not only one new kitty but two (brother and sister I didn't want to split up).  Of course they're not a replacement but new loves, in different ways.   

It's so good you could open your heart and your home to another kitty.

Thank you for sharing your story about Bea. She was truly a special cat and you will miss her forever. Life is never the same after we lose one we love so much. We just adapt. One thing that helped me when I lost my soul mate, Max in '05 is writing his life story. It was difficult at the time but I didn't want to forget any little detail of him and the joy we shared. Now when I read the story, I do still cry, but I am glad I have it to remind me how truly special he was. Congratulations on your new fur kid. Don't feel any guilt because you didn't get the new kitty to replace Bea. Whatever it takes to help you through your grief is acceptable. In this case, it was the new fur baby. What a blessed cat, one who has been so abused and now will spend the rest of its life being loved. Thanks for sharing so much love. Hugs and blessings to you and your new family member. Bea knew how much she was loved. Now she can rest in peace. :nod:

I'm sorry for your loss. Not sure if you read about my Baby Moses, but I'm not ready to get a cat right now. I'm not sure how you can do it. I spent so much time training him, teaching him, playing with him, etc. He was so special and did things I've never seen another cat do. He was so much like me. I just can't bare the thought of going through all of that again. I also feel like it's too soon to bring a different cat home. I wish I had your courage to go bring another cat home. 

Thank you so much for your kind, kind words blueyedgirl5946! I really appreciate them.

 

thisorthat: I'm not sure if it has anything to do with courage but more to do with feeling lost. Sleeping with Bea was my routine for fourteen years. Feeding her, brushing her, talking to her and having movie date cuddles with her...my life revolved around her in so many ways. For three weeks I walked around in a stupor. I would sit on my back deck and pray that some neighbourhood stray kitties would come by. For me, that scared feeling of loving and losing all over again was less than my desire to love another cat and give it a loving home. My closest friend waited almost 4 years before she adopted another cat. I guess it is different for everyone. Take your time. You'll know when and if you're ready to love another cat. I am so sorry for your loss.
 

betsygee  and catspaw66: thank you for your sweet words. It's comforting to know someone else has gone through it but heartbreaking to know, at the same time, that someone else had to suffer through the loss. 

I also know how it feels to lose a cat that was so special. When I lost my Tom, I didn't get a cat for nearly 7 years, but when my Galaxy died we adopted another cat about a year later then another a year after that and then another just 2 months after that (which was last week hehe) and they are all my precious babies.

Your love for Bea shows in every word you wrote about her. RIP, sweetie, you were so important in your human's life.


We lost our cat on March 1, after nearly 14 years together. It was way too quiet around here, and we talked about getting another cat in late summer. On March 9, I went to our local shelter to get a "kitty fix" and ended up adopting a 9-month-old kitten. He moved in, demanded love and filled an empty spot in our hearts. He can't replace Jamie, but we don't expect him to. I don't think there's a "right" or "wrong" time to give a loving home to another cat who needs one.

Beautiful Bea

Bea can never be replaced in your heart, you have plenty enough room for another love. Time is the only thing that helps. Please don't beat yourself up over the could haves and the should haves, we can't change anything and you did what you could do at the time. Bea knew you loved her greatly, and you will keep her alive in your heart and by opening your heart to another  who needs you desperately. God bless, and take care of yourself. RIP beautiful Bea!

What a lovely picture that is of both of you. I'm so sorry you lost your best friend

BEA