I had to put my baby Moses to sleep last night. I need help

Moses

Hi thisorthat, how are you doing?  Still thinking of you and hope you've got some support around you, not shutting your self away.  Take care of yourself. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your little Moses, he was a beautiful boy, he looks very much like my oldest baby Nova so it really tugs at my heart that this happened to you  Nothing like that should happen to a kitty and their owner I don't know what I would do if something happened to my babies but I do kinda know where you're coming from with a tragedy like this. When I was a little girl someone took my dear Tom and tied him to the back of a four wheeler by his neck and drug him down multiple streets. Somehow he survived the initial attack but his legs and paws were horribly mangled. He had no skin or claws and you could see the bone in some places. I sincerely hope that Moses passing was at least an accident and not straight out abuse/cruelty, neither are good but if it were me I would rather it be an accident than knowing that someone intentionally hurt one of my babies. I wish you the best in recovering from your loss of dear Moses.   

Thanks again everyone. 

So it's still been difficult. As I come across Moses's things I put them in a closet dedicated for just his things. I guess when I get another cat one day they'll be for him(or maybe I'll bury some of it with him if I bury him). I still haven't gone in the bathroom where his liter is. I am thinking today is the day I will box up his things from the closet, empty his liter, clean the liter box out, put it away as well, and put away all the unused liter somewhere. I feel like at some point I have to move on, just don't know how.

I still have difficulty with things like, closing the toilet lid so he doesn't drink out of it, closing the door downstairs and checking as I come up to make sure he's not in the basement, coming home and not leaving the front door open to long in case he wants to run outside, etc. Last night I even called for him while lying in bed watching a movie. It's hard.

I have to make a decision of what to do with his body by Monday. They can cremate him and dispose of the ashes, I can have him cremated separately and keep the ashes, or I can pick up the body. My choice is to get the body and bury him properly. I am Jewish and we do not believe in cremation of human beings. I'm sure it doesn't carry over to animals(after-all we eat them) but he was my baby and I named him after Moses in the bible(just like my last cat was named Noah after Noah in the bible). The only problem is picking up the body, building some sort of coffin to put him in, finding a spot to bury him that won't be disturbed, etc. etc. The reason I've waited so long is that I was going to send his tissue samples off to a tissue bank and have him cloned later(I know I'm crazy), but I waited too long(tissue sample has to be very soon after death). I felt like I owed it to him and it was the one thing I could do to bring him back.

On that note, this is my holiday season. Last weekend was Yom Kippur the day of atonement. It's a 25 hour no food no water fast, most of the day in services. I thought it would be particularly bad because of Moses, but it actually was not  bad at all and helped me with all of this. I really miss my little guy, that hasn't gone away at all, but at least I am somewhat functional now. 

Yesterday I lost a big real estate deal that I've been working on for five months now. It didn't help things that I spent an entire week completely in a daze. Obviously everything happens for a reason, but you know the saying, "when it rains it pours..." Well it's so apropos in my life. Hopefully there's some good things to come soon(I really need my spirits lifted). It's now the holiday of succos, which is a really joyous holiday so perhaps it will kick off some joy in my life.

Thanks again everyone for your well wishes. I'll keep you updated with the burial, cremation, cleaning up his things, etc. Any suggestions are appreciated..

(oh and for the person who had their cat dragged and abused, that is horrible. If I knew something like that happened to my cat and who did it...well let's just say it wouldn't go unnoticed.) 

I am glad that you found Yom Kippur helped you to start your path to healing.  I am sure you will continue to miss Moses, but with time you will remember more happiness and less of the pain, and start to be able to take on the world again.  I (and strangely my family though they were not that close to my cats) still use my previous cats names when talking about Mouse, and I still miss them though I lost them several years ago now. I feel my heart has healed though and I can love Mouse for the cat he is and how he brings me joy and love every day.

No real estate deals lost for me but I too struggled to hold it together at work after I lost my cats and I felt such an idiot: no one else there was an animal person and I had to hide how I felt. My work was definitely not up to my usual standards. When my first cat left me I had just started a new job and I still think that my distress at that time has affected how people saw me and how incredibly difficult the job has been ever since.

I think it is lovely that you plan to have a burial for Moses and hope you are OK when you go to pick him up. I know I would have found that very hard.  Do you have access to a garden, or to a shared open space where people would not object to you placing him, perhaps with a planting of a shrub or small tree?  I know many people who have planted things to remember family and also pets, and if you plant where he will rest then it should help for him not to be disturbed.  If it is somewhere you can go and sit and spend time with him when you want then this might also be a good thing.  

oh my goodness, what a horrible experience. i am so very sorry that you're going through this. 
sending so much love your way.

I'm so sorry that your precious Moses -like my precious Bella- suffered horrendously (maybe you read my response to your last post in my thread). We both lost our soulmates. This is very traumatic and will take much time to recover from as both deaths were needless and senseless. I'm truly very sorry...

Jlc20m

OMG.. I am so so so so very sorry for your loss. I thought the tragedy that struck me a year ago was something, this just takes it to another level.  May I ask if you ever found out what did happen to him? Not that knowing would make it better, its just odd that he is fine one day and less than a week he is dying. Truly tragic!

I know how you feel . You were a good pet parent.  Do not become entrapped in guilt. I am living in that now and working on coming out of it. How could you know? Nothing could prepare you for this!  That's the most important thing . Do not drown in the guilt. It will do no good.

First what you need to do is look online and find animal bereavement groups close by. Ask your vet for assistance in finding you an outlet for your intense pain. I had to do this after losing my one boy last August 2012.  I had 11 great years with him. Not 20, but 11.  Please, do this as early as possible. You need to start the healing process and you need to be around others who care and know what you are going through...

As I have learned over time, is that our friends are family. They are non judgmental. They care not what you drive, where you live or what you wear . Its called unconditional love. Love you don't always find in humans ... You lost your boy... No questions asked... You have been dealt quit a blow! Your pain is my pain and reading this just hurt me to the core.

What did you do with his body?  Did you get the ashes back?  I think what would  be a wonderful thing for you to do is pick something special as a memorial to your loving friend.  What I did that helped me was to get a picture album and place pictures of your friend in it.  I went to Michaels and found white adhesive letters and put his name on front and used it as my coffee table book.  Plant a tree in his honor.  Write a poem. Buy a bundle of balloons and take a marker and write all your feelings on the balloons. One by one let them go. Look up as they disappear. Weep, get mad and or do whatever emotion your feeling at the time. Order a fake ornament garden rock with his name on it and use it indoors or out. Donate to a local shelter in your friends honor. Have a special picture blown up and hang it on your wall when you are ready...  Whatever it takes... please do it! Talk to friends .. anyone who will listen ... But please find a bereavement group! It's imperative!

Love is not measured in time, but quality... Your friend loved you and he knew you were there... He waited for you...  Please do something constructive... You must... Your friend would not want you to give up... He showed you a part of life that was uniquely yours. If he could talk to you again, he would tell you, dear friend, I love you. Thanks for rescuing me. Now, go show love again when you are ready. I would want you to.  Only you will know however when you will ever love again... That's too early to even think of right now... But you will love again....

Just go find some help from those groups... They work... We are here if you need us and I am here too... Feel free to write me... I don't mind listening...

Take care please... Hang on!

Dear thisorthat,

It sounds as if you are slowly getting over your loss. It's a long and arduous process, I know, and sometimes you feel that your back at the beginning and will never get over this, but I promise you: In time you will start to feel better.

It's interesting that the day of fasting helped you. When my cat went missing, six months ago now, I couldn't eat at all for about four days. Somehow not eating helped me to hold on and not completely disintegrate into grief. I'm lucky enough to live with several cats and they really helped me keep it together. Even though no one can ever replace that special cat I'm glad to hear that you are at least thinking of getting another cat one day.

As jaymetal said, you need to do something positive to remember Moses. Something like planting a tree or making a garden or even just planting a few flowers for him. You mentioned you work in real estate; is it possible to buy a tiny plot of land where you could bury him and make a garden as a kind of memorial?

I think you know that you have a lot of support from the people on this site. We can understand how you feel. Moses was so much more than just a cat.

You're often in my thoughts.

Take care of yourself.

This was a terrible tragedy, but don't second guess yourself.  If you need to, see a grief counselor.  These kitties are like our children.  Like most of us we know the feeling of an empty space in the house where our kitty used to be.  Take care, and I'm praying for you.  Time will lessen the pain.

I'm so sorry to hear this about your precious Moses. He seemed like he was one in a billion... He was meant for you and you for him even though it was for a short while, he has given you that unconditional love that most humans out there can or won't never give.

I know it is hard now, but the pain will ease in time. Remember all those funny and joyful moments that nobody can take away.

Try having a celebration of his life, by setting off balloons, bubbles with a couple of close people you know, in rememberence of your precious Moses.... Until you will meet him again across rainbow bridge where your hearts will beat as one again...[emoji]128049[/emoji][emoji]127752[/emoji][emoji]10084[/emoji][emoji]127752[/emoji][emoji]127939[/emoji]

Hi Thisorthat, It's a while since you posted, I hope you are OK and you are healing a little, that you coped with picking up Moses and finding a way to commemorate his precious life.   Still thinking of you...   

So sorry for your loss.  I just lost my 5yo a few weeks ago.  I am still buying flowers - it makes me feel a little better.  Your Moses is out of pain now.  He held on long enough to say goodbye to you.  I understand you are feeling the loneliness without your special friend.  My vet told me you only get one favorite.  Maybe if you bury him, you can get a little cemetery rock made up for the spot.

Sorry I haven't checked in. Things haven't been good. I still haven't gone into the bathroom where his liter is. In the next couple days I'll brave that. I miss him so much. Just tonight I reached down in bed to pick him up and put him on my chest and he wasn't there...

Some people have wives/husbands, some people have kids, I had Moses....

I made some decisions about his body, etc. I'll post when I have more time. Gnite