My baby Bella died suddenly on Wednesday, Aug. 28th.

  These words are truly beautiful jlc20m.  Thank you for taking time to share here.    

Bella's Mom,

Thank you for posting these heart warming poems. 

Hope you are doing better.

Bella, Forever In Our Hearts

Bella

July 1, 2012-August 28, 2013

Dearest Bella.

It's been a month since God took you away from me suddenly. It's been a month of unbelievable heartache and sorrow. Even though I know you are no longer with me physically, I wish for you to be by my side each and every day. I love you so much. I still can't stop weeping. I find myself waking up at night with tears in my eyes as I hold one of your favorite toys near my heart. When I walk through our apartment and picture where you used to sleep, eat, play, and keep me company, I begin sobbing. Even though your doctor explained to me what happened to you, I still don't understand it and feel guilty that I somehow didn't protect you enough even though I tried my very best each and every day. It's not fair that you are no longer here. You were in life such a beautiful, sweet, loving, smart, and good girl. You were such an angel. I cry not only for myself that I no longer have your companionship and love, I cry for you: that you suffered so and lost your life so early and needlessly. You had only one autumn, only one winter, only one spring, only one Christmas, only one birthday, and one-and-a-half summers. Even though I gave you all that I could give, you deserved so, so much more. For you were -and are- an angel. When I seen your beautiful baby picture on the SPCA website -the one shown above when you were just seven weeks old- I fell in love with you. Your beautiful, sad, knowing eyes spoke to me. I knew that I had to have you in my life. I was so lucky to have found you at the Vancouver SPCA shelter on August 20, 2012. You had just come from the interior of British Columbia (almost seven hours away from Vancouver) through the SPCA's Drive for Lives program. Because of my work, I just made it to the shelter on the following Wednesday by closing time. They told me that you almost were choosen but then the family who spent time with you decided to take your sister instead because you were quiet, shy, and held back. They told me that you were waiting for me, that I was your mom. When I seen you for the first time in person, my heart smiled and leapt with joy! I wasn't able to take you home right away. My adoption of you had to be approved. Once it was approved, I had to wait for you to gain weight so that you could be spayed before I took you home. You were just under two pounds when I first met you. I visited you often and each time I did I loved you more and more. You left paw prints on my heart from the very beginning. When I brought you home on Sunday, September 2nd, I was so excited! I decided to keep your name that was given to you because you were beautiful inside and out. You were my one and only Bella! I loved every minute taking care of you. I loved every minute we spent with each other. You were my everything. You gave me so much in return...friendship and love. When you died, a piece of my heart went with you. I wasn't prepared for that day. God took you away from me much too soon. As I mourn you and work through my sorrow, I wonder how I will ever live without you for the next many tomorrows. Your death left an aching hole in my heart that I don't know will ever heal. You are my baby. You are my squirt. You are my angel. I thank God for each and every day you were in my life. You were a gift from heaven! But I never wanted memories of you this soon. I wanted -and still want- you!!! I miss you so very much. I feel so alone without you by my side even though you are in my heart. Rest in peace my baby girl. As you sleep, may you be warmed by a cozy blanket made of my everlasting love. Until we meet again one day...

Forever,

Your mamma

MServant said:

 

  These words are truly beautiful jlc20m.  Thank you for taking time to share here.  

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Thank you, MServant. Your words are much appreciated...

jlc20m

Marshmallow2013 said:

 
Bella's Mom,

Thank you for posting these heart warming poems.

Hope you are doing better.

Bella, Forever In Our Hearts

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Thank you for your comforting words, Marshmallow2013. Yes, I'm coping but miss my baby horribly. I hope this is not against forum rules. May I please share a memorial of Bella? If not, this post may be removed and/or deleted. Please accept my apology if I've overstepped any boundaries. If not, thank you...

http://www.in-memory-of-pets.com/candleprayer.php?ID=92311

http://www.in-memory-of-pets.com/personalcandles.php?ID=92311

jlc20m (Bella's mom)

jlc20m, these are beautiful. 

Your story of how Bella came into your life was very touching.  She was destined to be with a sweet and loving Mom like you.  Though her life was short, she was truly cherished.

I really don't know if it's against the forum rules, but this is a beautiful memorial for your dear Bella.  She was just adorable.  Thank you for sharing the memorial and her story.

May you find comfort and peace.

MServant said:

jlc20m, these are beautiful. 

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Thank you, MServant. Safe hugs to you...

Jlc20m

Marshmallow2013 said:

Your story of how Bella came into your life was very touching.  She was destined to be with a sweet and loving Mom like you.  Though her life was short, she was truly cherished.
I really don't know if it's against the forum rules, but this is a beautiful memorial for your dear Bella.  She was just adorable.  Thank you for sharing the memorial and her story.
May you find comfort and peace.

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Thank you for your lovely and kind words, Marshmallow. They are very comforting as I'm still finding myself struggling with the reality of my baby being gone.

Safe hugs to you. Please accept them????

Jlc20m

Wow, I'm seriously thinking of talking with a grief counsellor about my baby Bella's death. I'm struggling with guilt and pondering if she felt loved and wanted. I'll write about this later because I'm going to work. But she had such a hard year with allergies, a biopsy, an unnecessary surgery by an unethical vet that almost killed her, and other things. Her year wasn't easy and then she died in a freak accident that caused her horrible pain and suffering. I'm so brocken by all this I'm still having trouble sleeping (constant waking up), weeping jags, and frequent episodes of needing to scream. People have already told me it's time to move on and I need to stop crying. They just don't get it. Bella wasn't "just" a pet to me. She was my fur baby, my best friend and companion. I live with a lot of disabilities and have no close friends, just people I know at work, etc. She was my support system. I loved taking care of Bella and looked forward to seeing her after coming home from work. I miss her so much and struggle with the thoughts and feelings previously mentioned. I'm sorry for complaining. Thank you for putting up with me. Yes, I need to talk with someone irl about this. Bella's unexpected death (and witnessing of it) was a shock and traumatic for me. I'm so heartbroken she lost her life. I had so much more love to give her in irl. She was very loving but needed love. She often meowed and cried to be picked up for hugs, kisses, and head and nose rubs. Okay, enough. Sorry for this...

Jlc20m

Jlc20m, I can not believe that Bella would not know how deeply she was loved by you.  Cats and other animals have a much greater sense of these things than humans do, and your love and devotion are clear for even us fellow humans to see it clearly and without doubt.  That you are thinking this is nothing more than a sign of how deeply you are grieving for her and how low you are feeling right now.  No matter what events passed during her little life she will have felt safe and loved in a furever home that you made for her.  All our kittens and cats go through difficulties and hard times in their lives, however long or short these may be, but they sense those people who love and care and those who do not. She would not have stayed with you, cuddled and kissed you as you describe unless she felt the same strong bond that you felt with her.

That Bella had allergies, or biopsy, or a vet nearly killed her, were not of your making, you were responsible for her but not responsible for things about which you could not control such as her genetic make up, or her treatment by professional people such as vets.  Nor were you responsible for a freak accident in your home that your vet has since reassured you about. You were responsible for giving her a loving furever home where she could be her self and give her love to you.   I have had my heart in my mouth too many times with Mouse where I have thought I'd lost him or that he had suffered terrible injury due to my negligence in creating a safe home but the reality is that cats explore and climb and run about and unless you tie them down and don't allow them to be a cat and be happy then accidents can and will happen.  I can only hope that he lives a long and happy life, and that he feels half as loved as Bella has been.

If you feel so low that you are doubting whether Bella knew she was loved as well as doubting that you did everything you could to keep her safe then I feel you should ask for support where ever you can as you need help to see where your thinking is altered because of your grief.  I am sorry the people around you are saying it is time for you to move on, and hope that you find the support you need to get through this and get back to believing you are a good and loving person.  Believe you can do this.  Honestly, I cried for weeks driving home from work when I lost the first of my girls, and when I was left without a cat at home I avoided being in as much as I could, I cried every time I went back to the house for over 2 months, and struggled to sleep.  I had an awful feeling of emptiness, loneliness and of not being needed without my cats to give my heart to. You can get through this and you can feel better - and still feel the same level of love for Bella as you do now.  Use what ever support you can to get to that point.

   

You shouldn't feel guilty for Bella's death.  You loved her and gave her the best care you could give.   Counseling is a great idea.  You need to talk to someone who'd listen to  just what Bella meant to you.  I too never thought of my cats in my life as pets.  To me they were and always be family.  I know, how important Bella was to you.  Try to not blame yourself for her passing.  She knew for sure, how much you loved her. 

Sorry, but I'm not a good writer like you, so I can't express my thoughts fully.  I was thinking about your great loss and I hope I can comfort you a little bit.

Peace and Love to you and beautiful angel Bella

Thank you so much for your kind message on my thread. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how stubborn guilt feelings can be, but you obviously gave your sweet girl the best love and care and I'm sure she still feels your love. Your beautiful letters to her brought tears to my eyes. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for your grieving, you alone know the special bond you and Bella shared. I hope counseling can help you find a bit of peace. Hugs, keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

To Bella:

Poem For Cats

And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

But don't they understand? asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is....forever and ever and ever.

Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever.

Author Unknown




I love you very, very much, Bella. I miss you very, very much. I wish every day I could turn the clock back and have you with me again. I will always be your mamma. You will always have a forever home in my heart. Always. The tears I cry are tears for you...

jlc20m

Every picture of Bella is so adorable.  I love her little tufts on her ears and her beautiful eyes. Thank you for sharing the poems.  Please take care.  Wishing you the best. 

jlc20m said:

jlc20m

love2.jpg

• jlc20m
• Oct 16, 2013

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Your soul has awakened, you share your heart openly, and you deserve to find peace and contentment again.  Still thinking of you, I hope you find the help you are looking for soon.    

MServant said:

Your soul has awakened, you share your heart openly, and you deserve to find peace and contentment again.  Still thinking of you, I hope you find the help you are looking for soon.    

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People are telling me to move on and get a new kitty. They obviously haven't loved and been the recipient of love from an innocent animal. Bella can't be cast aside. It will be a long while before I find another special kitten to love. Thank you, MServant...

Jlc20m