My baby Bella died suddenly on Wednesday, Aug. 28th.

di and bob · Sep 5, 2013

I cry as I read your story, I also feel terrible guilt and anguish over the senseless death of my beloved Chrissy 9 months ago. I still cry and feel so incredibly sad when I think of her, I'm crying right now to think that someone else has to go through this. We did give our babies incredible amounts of love, that's why we hurt so bad now. You have to mourn your great loss, there is nothing going to help you but time and the support of others. You had no way of knowing anything like this was going to happen, you would have moved heaven and earth to prevent it if you could. Hold her in your heart, she knew she was loved. RIP beautiful Bella, your mama will meet you at the Rainbow Bridge one day!

jlc20m · Sep 5, 2013

Di and Bob said:
I cry as I read your story, I also feel terrible guilt and anguish over the senseless death of my beloved Chrissy 9 months ago. I still cry and feel so incredibly sad when I think of her, I'm crying right now to think that someone else has to go through this. We did give our babies incredible amounts of love, that's why we hurt so bad now. You have to mourn your great loss, there is nothing going to help you but time and the support of others. You had no way of knowing anything like this was going to happen, you would have moved heaven and earth to prevent it if you could. Hold her in your heart, she knew she was loved. RIP beautiful Bella, your mama will meet you at the Rainbow Bridge one day!

I'm very sorry for your sufering. Thank you for reaching out to me while you are still in pain. I will write later as I now must go to work. God bless you. Hope that's okay to write...

jlc20m

jlc20m · Sep 5, 2013

Ebony was beautiful. God bless you (hope this is alright to write). Thank you for your love and taking the time to think of Bella and myself while you're struggling with your own horrible loss...

jlc20m

jlc20m · Sep 5, 2013

jlc20m said:
jlc20m

teddy_hurt.gif

jlc20m

Sep 3, 2013

My Bella,

Every word I wrote is true. I just wish your mamma could overcome her guilt. I tried so hard to protect you. But it wasn't good enough. I'm so very sorry. I feel like choking and screaming. When will the guilt lessen???? Please, forgive me.

Your mamma

(jlc20m)

marshmallow2013 · Sep 5, 2013

di and bob · Sep 5, 2013

Some things are meant to be, please believe it was a tragic accident that nothing you could do would prevent. You DID not EVER mean to hurt your baby. I still wake up crying over a senseless accident that I COULD have prevented if I could have just thought of everything, but I didn't and now I live without my baby. The guilt goes on, but you must go on too. Your baby would never want you to feel so bad, she loved you as much as you love her now, she would be heartbroken to know you are in so much pain. It's hard, but try to remember the good times. When you feel the guilt and horror returning, tell yourself to stop thinking of it and KEEP BUSY. Time is the only thing that helps. We will never forget, but we shouldn't, we must remember the good and happy times too. God bless you for loving so much. Somehow we will get through this.

jlc20m · Sep 5, 2013

Marshmallow2013 said:

Bless you for writing this. Please accept safe {{{{hugs}}}} for your love and kindness.

Bella's mom,
Jlc20m

jlc20m · Sep 6, 2013

Di and Bob said:
Some things are meant to be, please believe it was a tragic accident that nothing you could do would prevent. You DID not EVER mean to hurt your baby. I still wake up crying over a senseless accident that I COULD have prevented if I could have just thought of everything, but I didn't and now I live without my baby. The guilt goes on, but you must go on too. Your baby would never want you to feel so bad, she loved you as much as you love her now, she would be heartbroken to know you are in so much pain. It's hard, but try to remember the good times. When you feel the guilt and horror returning, tell yourself to stop thinking of it and KEEP BUSY. Time is the only thing that helps. We will never forget, but we shouldn't, we must remember the good and happy times too. God bless you for loving so much. Somehow we will get through this.

I'm sorry for your suffering and I thank you for your wise and kind words. You are absolutely correct. Working gives me respite from the crying but I do catch myself becoming emotional and tearing up. I hope with time the pain will lessen. Right now I'm still not ready to accept Bella not being in the world with me. I'm working through the quilt. It's so very hard. Thank you.

jlc20m

jlc20m · Sep 6, 2013

I'm feeling incredibly sad. I catch myself crying when I least expect it. I know Bella is gone because I was with her when she died and held and rocked her still body. However, there's a part of me that thinks someone's playing a cruel joke on me and that she'll be back at home anytime. I'm struggling with acceptance of her passing. I hope this is normal and I'm not cracking. Please, if anyone could share their thoughts with me, I'd be extremely grateful. Thank you...

Jlc20m

mandypine · Sep 7, 2013

I know exactly what you're feeling, I lost my Howie (my first and only orange tabby) the same way. I took him to the vet, and they assured me that with fluids he would be alright--and he died the next day. I loved him--like you, he was my baby.

I felt very guilty for a while because he was a homeless kitten that I took him and did all I could for him--tried to find his owners and the one person who thought it was theirs slammed the door in our face. So I took him home and gave him the best life he could have. He only lived to be about 15 months old--and the guilt of not being able to "save" him the second time around has been such a lesson. He was the sweetest, kindest and loving kitten I've ever had--and I know he was thankful for me because he spoke a language that not many animals are able to do with their owners and that was just love. All he wanted was to be loved and love in return---just know that your Bella felt the same way for you the way you did for her.

You gave her the best life any kitten deserves--and think of it this way, be grateful in knowing that it was YOU she loved and YOU she adopted. Howie adopted me and loved me long before I ever was able to with him--meaning he loved me from the second he jumped in my arms. Just know that your Bella could have been in the arms of someone else loving them and that someone else could only have given her half of what she deserved.

It's uplifting to know our animals in the end choose US and love US...so be happy knowing you gave her the best little life she ever could have. And just try to pass that on to the next little pet you find or who finds you.

It has been 4 weeks since my Howie passed away and not a day goes by I don't sit and think about him. How loving he was and kind and it makes me start to cry but I stop after I realize that it was me he loved and that it was me who was blessed to have the opportunity to care for him for his short little stay on earth. I gave him a great life, a good life.. the kind of life that most kittens never get to experience--YOU gave your Bella a great life and loved her in a way that nobody else would have or could have ever loved her.

Cherish that, embrace it and use it for the next little pet you adopt or who finds you--they will appreciate it more than you'll ever know. I am in the process now of getting a new kitten (for my older cat as he misses his friend) and it's been difficult, I don't want another one but I don't want my older cat to be lonely--but what I do want is to pass on to this new kitten what my Howie taught me and that was to just simply love.

I am getting a urn for Howie's ashes and inscribed I'm going to get my favorite quote from the book, "Everything is Illuminated" and that is:

                                                                     “I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you

                                                                      or has loved you or will love you and also I love you in a

                                                                      way that no one loves you or has loved you or will love you"

It is a quote that will always remind me of how I felt about Howie and pretty much how I'm sure he felt about me. He left a little paw print on my heart and it's something I want you to know--it is difficult, it is rough. Life just doesn't seem "fitting" as it was when they were alive and in our lives, but it will return to that. They came into our lives for whatever reason--to leave a little print, to teach us something about ourselves or of the world. Howie taught me that love has no barriers between humans and animals, so why should it with people? I am sure your Bella was the same way--so just remember whenever you get sad that she loved you despite everything else in the world--you were her comfort and her soul mate and she was able to leave this world knowing that she had somebody who loved her--it breaks my heart thinking about the other kittens out there that have nobody, but it comforts me to know that yours and my own had us. She is alright, and you will be too. Keep your chin up... the worse lesson of life is not losing someone you love it's having them lose you to a battle they cant tell you they're fighting...but she is somewhere and she misses you, but you'll get through it. Just pass on what she taught you to the next little kitten and remember to love and care for them as much as you would for your Bella.

Hope you're better today xx

jlc20m · Sep 8, 2013

mandypinetown said:
I know exactly what you're feeling, I lost my Howie (my first and only orange tabby) the same way. I took him to the vet, and they assured me that with fluids he would be alright--and he died the next day. I loved him--like you, he was my baby.

I felt very guilty for a while because he was a homeless kitten that I took him and did all I could for him--tried to find his owners and the one person who thought it was theirs slammed the door in our face. So I took him home and gave him the best life he could have. He only lived to be about 15 months old--and the guilt of not being able to "save" him the second time around has been such a lesson. He was the sweetest, kindest and loving kitten I've ever had--and I know he was thankful for me because he spoke a language that not many animals are able to do with their owners and that was just love. All he wanted was to be loved and love in return---just know that your Bella felt the same way for you the way you did for her.

You gave her the best life any kitten deserves--and think of it this way, be grateful in knowing that it was YOU she loved and YOU she adopted. Howie adopted me and loved me long before I ever was able to with him--meaning he loved me from the second he jumped in my arms. Just know that your Bella could have been in the arms of someone else loving them and that someone else could only have given her half of what she deserved.

It's uplifting to know our animals in the end choose US and love US...so be happy knowing you gave her the best little life she ever could have. And just try to pass that on to the next little pet you find or who finds you.

It has been 4 weeks since my Howie passed away and not a day goes by I don't sit and think about him. How loving he was and kind and it makes me start to cry but I stop after I realize that it was me he loved and that it was me who was blessed to have the opportunity to care for him for his short little stay on earth. I gave him a great life, a good life.. the kind of life that most kittens never get to experience--YOU gave your Bella a great life and loved her in a way that nobody else would have or could have ever loved her.

Cherish that, embrace it and use it for the next little pet you adopt or who finds you--they will appreciate it more than you'll ever know. I am in the process now of getting a new kitten (for my older cat as he misses his friend) and it's been difficult, I don't want another one but I don't want my older cat to be lonely--but what I do want is to pass on to this new kitten what my Howie taught me and that was to just simply love.

I am getting a urn for Howie's ashes and inscribed I'm going to get my favorite quote from the book, "Everything is Illuminated" and that is:

                                                                     “I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you

                                                                      or has loved you or will love you and also I love you in a

                                                                      way that no one loves you or has loved you or will love you"

It is a quote that will always remind me of how I felt about Howie and pretty much how I'm sure he felt about me. He left a little paw print on my heart and it's something I want you to know--it is difficult, it is rough. Life just doesn't seem "fitting" as it was when they were alive and in our lives, but it will return to that. They came into our lives for whatever reason--to leave a little print, to teach us something about ourselves or of the world. Howie taught me that love has no barriers between humans and animals, so why should it with people? I am sure your Bella was the same way--so just remember whenever you get sad that she loved you despite everything else in the world--you were her comfort and her soul mate and she was able to leave this world knowing that she had somebody who loved her--it breaks my heart thinking about the other kittens out there that have nobody, but it comforts me to know that yours and my own had us. She is alright, and you will be too. Keep your chin up... the worse lesson of life is not losing someone you love it's having them lose you to a battle they cant tell you they're fighting...but she is somewhere and she misses you, but you'll get through it. Just pass on what she taught you to the next little kitten and remember to love and care for them as much as you would for your Bella.

Hope you're better today xx

Hello,

Thank you for this lovely post. Its wisdom, kindness, and love brought me to tears. I will respond further tomorrow as I just came home from a long work day. God bless you for reaching out to me. My heartfelt condolences on the death of your precious Howie. Until tomorrow...

jlc20m

jlc20m · Sep 9, 2013

mandypinetown said:
I know exactly what you're feeling, I lost my Howie (my first and only orange tabby) the same way. I took him to the vet, and they assured me that with fluids he would be alright--and he died the next day. I loved him--like you, he was my baby.

I felt very guilty for a while because he was a homeless kitten that I took him and did all I could for him--tried to find his owners and the one person who thought it was theirs slammed the door in our face. So I took him home and gave him the best life he could have. He only lived to be about 15 months old--and the guilt of not being able to "save" him the second time around has been such a lesson. He was the sweetest, kindest and loving kitten I've ever had--and I know he was thankful for me because he spoke a language that not many animals are able to do with their owners and that was just love. All he wanted was to be loved and love in return---just know that your Bella felt the same way for you the way you did for her.

You gave her the best life any kitten deserves--and think of it this way, be grateful in knowing that it was YOU she loved and YOU she adopted. Howie adopted me and loved me long before I ever was able to with him--meaning he loved me from the second he jumped in my arms. Just know that your Bella could have been in the arms of someone else loving them and that someone else could only have given her half of what she deserved.

It's uplifting to know our animals in the end choose US and love US...so be happy knowing you gave her the best little life she ever could have. And just try to pass that on to the next little pet you find or who finds you.

It has been 4 weeks since my Howie passed away and not a day goes by I don't sit and think about him. How loving he was and kind and it makes me start to cry but I stop after I realize that it was me he loved and that it was me who was blessed to have the opportunity to care for him for his short little stay on earth. I gave him a great life, a good life.. the kind of life that most kittens never get to experience--YOU gave your Bella a great life and loved her in a way that nobody else would have or could have ever loved her.

Cherish that, embrace it and use it for the next little pet you adopt or who finds you--they will appreciate it more than you'll ever know. I am in the process now of getting a new kitten (for my older cat as he misses his friend) and it's been difficult, I don't want another one but I don't want my older cat to be lonely--but what I do want is to pass on to this new kitten what my Howie taught me and that was to just simply love.

I am getting a urn for Howie's ashes and inscribed I'm going to get my favorite quote from the book, "Everything is Illuminated" and that is:

                                                                     “I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you

                                                                      or has loved you or will love you and also I love you in a

                                                                      way that no one loves you or has loved you or will love you"

It is a quote that will always remind me of how I felt about Howie and pretty much how I'm sure he felt about me. He left a little paw print on my heart and it's something I want you to know--it is difficult, it is rough. Life just doesn't seem "fitting" as it was when they were alive and in our lives, but it will return to that. They came into our lives for whatever reason--to leave a little print, to teach us something about ourselves or of the world. Howie taught me that love has no barriers between humans and animals, so why should it with people? I am sure your Bella was the same way--so just remember whenever you get sad that she loved you despite everything else in the world--you were her comfort and her soul mate and she was able to leave this world knowing that she had somebody who loved her--it breaks my heart thinking about the other kittens out there that have nobody, but it comforts me to know that yours and my own had us. She is alright, and you will be too. Keep your chin up... the worse lesson of life is not losing someone you love it's having them lose you to a battle they cant tell you they're fighting...but she is somewhere and she misses you, but you'll get through it. Just pass on what she taught you to the next little kitten and remember to love and care for them as much as you would for your Bella.

Hope you're better today xx

Hello,

I appreciate very much your loving and wise post. Thank yoy for it. Yes, I realize that Bella and I chose each other. She was a gift of pure love. I needed her love and she needed mine. I remember when she was really small, perhaps 2-3 months old, she'd often follow me around my apartment crying and meowing. I thought she was either hungry or in pain. I quickly figured out she wanted to be picked up, cuddled, hugged, kissed, and caressed. Once she received what she needed, she'd go to sleep on her favorite blanket on our bed or on her condo. Her vet many times commented that she didn't want to be touched by anyone but me. Bella loved my mom and enjoyed her company, but -according to my mom- never showed her affection (e.g., kisses, head rubs) like she did me. When Bella died and I was rocking her still body, her veterinarian commented that in all his years of working in his profession, he's never known a person to love their animal as I. He also commented that I gave Bella love in one year less six days to last 20 lifetimes. A few days later, when I came to take Bella's ashes home, he urged me to adopt another kitten when I'm ready, that I'm obligated to adopt another animal who needs a home because of the love I still have in my heart to give. I'm not yet ready to do this as I'm still not yet accepting Bella's death and want her in my life still. Our relationship and bond was very special. I don't know if I can find that again. I hope I can one day. Thank you...

Jlc20m

jlc20m · Sep 10, 2013

I wish to thank everyone who has reached out to me after my baby Bella's death. The pain is absolutely incredible. I knew I loved her but now that she's gone I realize how much I loved her. She was my friend and companion and soul mate. My life is so empty without her. I still want to scream. It will be two weeks tomorrow that she left me. It's so hard. I have disabilities and she was a therapy pet to me too. Outside my mom, my therapist, and Bella's vet, no one irl cares about the loss of my precious Bella. Thank you for all your support. You have no idea how much it meant and means to me. Bless you all...

Jlc20m

di and bob · Sep 10, 2013

I don't want you to think you are all alone in your sorrow. There are a lot of us here at this site who know exactly what you are going through, and each one of us cares very much about your Bella. It's so incredibly hard to try to help someone else though the pain and anguish, we all must go through these horrible times in our own way. I just wanted you to know I care, and we all want to try to support you through this in any way we can. The pain is unbearable at times, I still cry when I think of my Chrissy, I would give ANYTHING to have her back, or that day back, but it is not to be. I'm still trying to get through my own grief, and my heart breaks to think there are others going through the same thing. I'll pray for you and Bella, she IS waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge. Please believe me when I say she would not want you to be so sad. Take care and try to keep busy.

marshmallow2013 · Sep 10, 2013

You are such a sweet person and I see you're hurting a lot. Please don't try to think about it all the time. It becomes overwhelming. Bella would want her Mom to be happy. No kitty can replace your precious Bella, but as your vet suggested, sometimes getting another kitty is a good idea. You have so much love to give and there are many loving cats needing a good home, it can really make you feel better.

mservant · Sep 10, 2013

Your photographs of Bella are so beautiful and the close and loving bond that you shared shows what a big heart you have. Please do not feel you are alone in your pain or that no one will understand or be able to share this with you. I am so sorry that you and Bella have been parted while she was so young. You have no reason to feel guilt, you provided Bella with a loving home where she could enjoy life as a cat. None of us can protect our furbabies as much as we would like and for them still to be happy, and none of us can predict everything that can cause harm. I hope that one day you are able to feel more of your happy memories and less of your pain, and that once you are there you are able to open your heart and home to love another cat as Bella watches over you - comforted to see another cat experiencing the wonderful life that she has had and for you to be happy. You are a beautiful person, Please take care, and know that there are a lot of us out here who can relate to your pain and would not want you to feel like this on your own.

I know that for me I felt too alone without a cat to care for and that my Pal would not have wanted me to be alone so found another furbaby to care for as soon as I could but each of us has to find our own way of moving through our loss. I cried on my way home from work for well over a month and struggled to be in my home without her until I brought my Mouse home with me several months later. Wishing you and Bella comfort and peace.

nbrazil · Sep 10, 2013

Marshmallow2013 said:
You are such a sweet person and I see you're hurting a lot. Please don't try to think about it all the time. It becomes overwhelming. Bella would want her Mom to be happy. No kitty can replace your precious Bella, but as your vet suggested, sometimes getting another kitty is a good idea. You have so much love to give and there are many loving cats needing a good home, it can really make you feel better.

With so much love to share, and when you don't know whether you are ready or not to love and be loved again, a special-in-their-own-way kitty will be found and touch your heart. For sorrow creates a space to be filled when the time is right...

... when will that be? Only the heart knows. For now feel gratitude that you have had such a love, cherish it and know that grief is self-limiting. It is not fur-ever, although it feels like it. The heart is much more than a muscle, it is the seat of the soul and a magnet for love.

Be open for love.

starlyte · Sep 11, 2013

It is such a shock to lose a pet suddenly like that. Or to lose a pet in any manner. They give their love to us freely, and ask nothing in return. Bella was lucky to have had you to share her love with. xxx I hope you feel at peace soon, as Bella is at peace over the Rainbow Bridge, with my loved animals who are waiting for me there, one day.

jlc20m · Sep 11, 2013

Oh my goodness. I don't know what to say to all you dear souls who are reaching out to me in my time of loss. Thank you for thinking of Bella and myself. I feel uplifted in the knowledge that others share in the tragic loss of my baby Bella. It is two weeks today that I took her to the doctor. He initially thought she had a bought of pancreatitis and would come home in the evening. It wasn't meant to be. As I get ready for work and try to get ahold of myself and stop crying for just awhile, your compassion and loving thoughts are helping me cope. Thank you. I will write more after work. This is a very difficult day but feel comforted in that I'm not alone in my pain and grief...

Jlc20m

runningkeith50 · Sep 12, 2013

Just read your post and I said a prayer for you and baby Bella. Even shed a tear when I read your post. Thinking of my baby Shebah who passed this past January. We were blessed with 17 years of sharing life with her. She had passed overnight at our vets unexpectedly. I never had a chance to say goodbye to her. We had her cremated and but into a beautiful urn. We still miss her dearly and think of her often. Having her home with us I still hold her and talk to her remembering all those happy memories. I prayed that she would be in heaven and I believe she is there. How unfortunate Bella passed at such a young age. My heart goes out to you.

My baby Bella died suddenly on Wednesday, Aug. 28th.

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