Saying Goodbye Tomorrow - Need Comfort

This is the week I have dreaded for 16.5 years - ever since I adopted my beloved cat.  I have made the agonizing decision to end her suffering and I can't stop crying.  I need to talk to people who love their cats the way I do and understand my heartache.  I feel as though I am going crazy with grief.

Kitty is the only pet I have ever had.  I adopted her in college, right after I moved out of my parents' home.  She has been my faithful companion through numerous jobs, moves, and stages of life.  She went in for dental surgery in May and was diagnosed with oral squamous cell carcinoma.  The vet estimated she had 2-4 months to live.  

We are now nearing the four month mark.  I (with the help of my husband) have cared for her, nursed her, cleaned her, and worried over her every cough.  I have agonized over whether she was in pain, whether I had done enough to help her, whether there was any more I could possibly do.  I feel now that she is in pain and I am keeping her alive (on pain medications) because I don't want to make the difficult decision to have her taken from me.  I have begged God to take her peacefully without having the burden on my shoulders, but that has not happened.

I am at the point where I feel agony either way.  I agonize looking at her - feeling that she hurts, seeing how dirty she is no matter what I do to keep her clean, seeing the difficulty she has breathing and swallowing.  I also agonize about having her put to sleep.  Her body is failing her but she still has her personality.  She still eats and goes to the bathroom - am I making this decision to early?  I fear the moment when the vet comes to the house.  Will she show a great burst of energy?  Will she be afraid?  Will she feel as her one caregiver through life has let her down?

I know in my heart that this is the time, but I agonize over what I have to do.  My husband just made the appointment for the vet to come to our house tomorrow.  Please help, anyone.

I am so very sorry about this tough time and decision. My heart grieves for you. I think you know Kitty best, and if your heart is telling you that it's time, then I would trust that. Whatever decision you make, know that you have our full support. Your Kitty clearly knows how much she is loved through all the care that you have given her.

I am very sorry you are faced with this. We have a lot of members who understand completely, having been there and done that. I am sure you will receive much support here in this forum. Please feel free to post again. Hugs and prayers.

Oh, you poor dear. And poor kitty. I am so sorry. As G.M. Hopkins wrote during one of his greatest periods of despair, "No worst, there is none." 

Your story was mine, almost in every single detail, in November of 2011. And my heart still has an empty space. As agonizing as it is, I retain the ache of the empty space. The day that space goes, a memory of the person I was with my cat will go too.

But aren't we both so fortunate to have had the blessing of an indescribably exceptional animal-being/best friend to shape how we went through the defining moments of our lives! I know it was not nearly as long as we want or need, or even as long as it should be. But what a gift. And yours is still right there with you, even though it's very possible she's hanging on more for you than anything else at this point.

You are doing the last loving thing that you can to help your Kitty. She can't do it herself. How very lucky she is that you have the strength and generosity to do it for her.

Your Kitty understands everything, and loves you for helping her. Before the vet comes, spend some moments doing something that you've often enjoyed (I held my sweet baby in the sun on the front porch, and he basked, and slow-blinked with me).  When the compassionate care vet arrives at your house, don't waste time being afraid. They know what to do, and we have no way of knowing exactly what will happen, so just be prepared to guide your kitty through it with love and gentleness. Try your level best to be happy and reassuring to your Kitty; only you can give her that sense of calm and normalcy she will need: even though you know different, put that knowledge away. Tell her it's okay, and believe it.  Just BE all the love you and Kitty have built up. Breathe it in. Give it back to her with your eyes. And then tell her how thankful you are, how good she is, that you'll always love her...and release her to whatever her next adventure will be, free from pain. 

I humbly suggest you sign off the computer now, and be fully present for this experience, as desolate as it is. We will all be here tomorrow. And the days after. 

I am so terribly sorry.

Oh honey, I'm SO sorry.  This is one of the hardest decisions you'll ever make.  I know, I've been there (as we all have), but I've been lucky enough that they always made the call for me.  I had one pass on the way to have him put down, I swear he wanted to save me the pain.  Your little girl needs peace, your decision is what is best for HER, though it will tear you to pieces.  You don't want her to hurt anymore, this will be your final act of love and selflessness from you to her.  Nothing we can say will ease your pain, but in time, it will get easier to bear.  It took me months when I lost my 19 year old girl, but I promise, it WILL get easier, for her the relief will be fast.  Watching a cat pass naturally is almost worse than having a doctor do it, just be there with her, holding her and telling her you love her, she will be at peace in her final moments, knowing she is safe in your arms like she always has been.

I'll say a prayer for you for peace in your heart.  Not a soul here doesn't feel your pain so please feel free to come back, when you are ready to share her pics and stories with us, keeping her memory alive.  Sending hugs your way and my most sincere condolences

I'm very, very sorry you're going through this painful experience and, like many others here, have also had to make that difficult decision. It's perfectly normal to question whether you're rushing things, but you have to listen to what your heart is telling you:

I know in my heart that this is the time, but I agonize over what I have to do.

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One of our members wrote about how to deal with having to put your pet out of his/her pain. Maybe his words will help you, too.

When the moment comes...

Thinking of you today.....

Thinking of you. 

Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words. I can't tell you how much they meant to me in my time of need. I can't believe that complete strangers would take the time to write to me.Kitty passed away today with me at her head, speaking sweet words of love to her. It didn't happen quite the way I had envisioned. The vet said it would be a slow process, and I should anticipate her gently slipping away. It happened so fast. The vet had difficulty finding a vein. Kitty was very patient and still at the beginning, but she started to fight the vet's prodding at the end and we had to hold her down a little bit (that will haunt me). There were a few meows and as soon as the medication was injected there was a final soft meow and her head went limp in my hands. I was caught off guard, because I had anticipated several minutes of holding her and feeling her slip away. I will have to deal with this. At least I know she died hearing my voice and my loving words. The vet said she was ready to go.Before the vet came, Kitty enjoyed a meal of water from the tuna can. She lapped it up... eating more than my husband and I had seen in a long time. I am now trying to sleep... at home for the first time in 16 years without my sweet Kitty to put to bed and care for. My husband had a particularly difficult time tonight. He has cared for me so much over Kitty's illness that today was his time to grieve for her. We are both wrecks.Anyway, sorry to ramble and thanks for "listening". I will post some pictures of my better memories sometime.

The house feels so empty without her.

Kitty was in a place where she felt safe, with the people who loved her and no matter what else happened you did your very best for her, and knew she was ready.  I am so sorry is wasn't as you had hoped as, like too many of us on this site, I know how this memory will stay with you. But so will all your other memories of her and they will come back to the fore. My thoughts are with you and your husband. Take care. 

Hello, our daughter

We have spent many months agonizing over Kitty's health with you - both in calls and e-mails.  And we will continue this as we grieve for your dear Kitty.  As you know, we loved her to bits.  As we did our own Ben who we had to make the same decision for just last December.  You supported us then.  We support you now.

We want to thank everyone on this site who has been so generous with their time and so kind with their words of encouragement.  The words you write are so helpful - and so true.  

You people are truly amazing.  You have no idea how much you have helped our daughter.

Forever grateful ...

Wow, Kealex was blessed with a great cat AND a great mom...     (which totally makes sense, when I think about it!)

I am sorry for your loss of Ben.

The cat-love-of-my-life turned 16 in July of 2011; he got sick in early August; despite all desperate measures, his decline was rapid and intense -- and I made that same call to "the vet who comes to the house" in the 3rd week of November, exactly one week before "Thanksgiving."

Every time I summon the courage to replay that reel, it feels like "the day of," and is just as unendurable.  A soundless wail.

After the vet left, we kept our sweet baby overnight (in a box-bed we'd specially prepared for the refrigerator in preparation for bringing him to the crematorium the next day, and believe you me, I made sure every last bit of dust and bone came straight back home with me). But I digress. That night my friend was singing some jazz pieces at a place in town, so we forced ourselves to go hear her. When we came home, I started buoyantly up the porch steps and froze halfway up -- realizing I couldn't bear to go inside and have it confirmed that my kitty wasn't alive. Several times later that month, coming home, I saw a shape in my peripheral vision and for a blissful second thought it was my kitty and felt my heart lift...only to deflate even more painfully a split-second later.

We've all been there.  People say it gets better, and I believe it does, but I have to be honest:  I'm still waiting.

I'm new here, but I hope y'all stay on the forum.  

-cate

oops, where is my feminism??!! the first line of my last post should have added "and great dad."   Sorry!

I'm so sorry for your loss. What an agonising time it's been for all of you

You made sure Kitty didn't suffer by letting her go, and l'm sure she'll thank you for that when you both see her again 

Have a wonderful time at the bridge sweet girl, but keep watching over those that love you  and miss you so much 

View media item 170522Kitty

Dear Kaelex,

Our hearts both lost our kitties on the same day, 8/14/13.  One of the saddest, most difficult days in my life.  Please know, I KNOW how you felt that exact day.  The grief consumed me beyond words.  A week and a half later, and numerous days of sleeping until 3 or 5pm, I am "improved" and have stopped bursting out crying or having total sadness on my face.  While I am still in mourning, I am beginning to heal.  I am finally able to talk about his last day, and that difficult decision to put him to rest after he fought to stay with me all day, and speak calmly, and not cry with those tears that literally drip off of your face.  I have begun to look at my pictures and videos of him with love rather than remorse.  I am finally able to start hugging and kissing my cats that are still here rather than being angry that their group was broken up from 3 to 2.  The hardest part has been getting "used to" the new "normal" of him not being here.  So, for the moment, I just visualize him, I remember how he would look if I were sitting on the couch and where he would be, or if I were in the kitchen, I can remember how he'd prance around and be excited.  I am not pretending he is still here, I wish he were, I just want to remember him still being here and all his quirky ways that made us a perfect match.  So I just see him in memory and it makes me feel better.  I can see him walking around, licking his paw, stretching, or waking me up with a friendly meow on my bed.  And I talk to him.  Maybe that is crazy, but it helps.  My boyfriend accidentally says his name a lot instead of one of the other cats (we always listed his name first on pictures, cards, etc), and my boyfriend apologizes for it, but I like it, his name is not taboo.  I want to hear it.  I still sing his songs out loud.  My heart is still broken, and I will always go over that last day and last moments in my head as I know you must be doing.  Keep writing, it has helped me.

Hugs,

Colleen

I'm so sorry. I've had to have two cats put to sleep over the last few years. Lost another one last September to lymphoma. It's a hard decision to make, but they no longer had any quality of life. I stayed with them even though I cried my eyes out. It hurts and you always miss them. It does get better. Just takes time. Here's a poem I found a few years back. Author unknown. It's a little long but it helped me. "If it should be I grow frail and weak, and pain prevents my peaceful sleep, then you must do what must be done when this last battle can't be won. You will be sad I understand, selfishness might stay your hand. But on this day more than the rest, your love and friendship take the test. We've had so many happy years, that what's to come can hold no fears. You'd not want me to suffer so, when the time comes please let me go. Take me where my needs they'll tend, only stay with me until the end. Hold me firm and speak to me, until my eyes no longer see. I know in time you too will see, it is a kindness that you do for me. Although my tail it's last has waved, from pain and suffering I've been saved. Do not grieve it should be you, who must decide this thing to do. We've been so close, we two, these years.....Don't let your heart hold any tears." Hope I didn't miss part of it. Hard to type through the tears.

What a touching thread, I am literally sobbing......

I remember so clearly when I lost my first love, my Great Dane, how time was just a blurr, how incredibly quiet it was, how my chest ached physically from the extreme pain inside.

After many years, I still was unable to talk about her for more than a short minute, or I would go back to that place.

Now it's Krissy, my angel who fell from the skies, meant to bring me happiness and smiles, at a very dark, lonely time in my life.....speaking of she just came and rubbed up against my legs and stopped, waiting silently for me to pet, squeeze, tell her how cute and sweet she is. She was sent to open my eyes to the world of cats, given to me by some guy saying she was left behind by her momma who had just delivered them, then moved all but one. My Krissy, and she would have surely died.

She turned 11 in April, and for nearly the entire 11 years since coming to me, I have rescued/tnr'd, recovered, made well and healed, cared for and loved literally countless kitties in need, started my rescue group, which alone has saved nearly 2,000, and adopted out over 1500.

Impressive, big numbers, all because of one little cat.

Now at 11, I know that someday, I will have to say goodbye. It's surreal, unimaginable to me. Her voice, her eyes, her kneading, her fur pattern, the way she walks, waits for my return, sleeps with me in the same place, same position, flips her tail tip when I speak her name, how she smells flowers like a child would, rides in the car like a dog, and her soft fur, undescribable coolness, so soft, bunny fur soft,  the softest fur I have ever felt. Ever. Her nickname has always been bunny for that reason.

Anyway, the dread of that time, that will inevitably come no matter how much I beg and plead for it not to, it will come.

Hard to imagine time not standing still for a while when it does come.

So very sorry for anyone and all of you who already know what it will be like to lose my Krissy.

 My chubby little bunny girl.

Kealex, everything you did for Kitty was giving her heaven on earth. Be so glad you had the chance to share those years with her, and know she knows, and smiles in her heart as well.

Hugs.