Tension between boyfriend and sister growing

I'm having my own troubles with my sister and boyfriend. We had this big fight last year. That involved my sister and boyfriend. They have been at odds since last year. The fight was over me taking sides with my mom and sister whom my boyfriend hate. However, my boyfriend and mom were able to come to terms and made peace. But just talking about my sister to my boyfriend when something good happens. He can't listen to that. My sister and I do have big fights and when I share them with my boyfriend he just says told you so. I wish I could just get them to talk to each other and find some common ground. I don't want to have to pick one over the other. Any thought's on how to solve this awful problem?  

SBVITOLA85 said:

I'm having my own troubles with my sister and boyfriend. We had this big fight last year. That involved my sister and boyfriend. They have been at odds since last year. The fight was over me taking sides with my mom and sister whom my boyfriend hate. However, my boyfriend and mom were able to come to terms and made peace. But just talking about my sister to my boyfriend when something good happens. He can't listen to that. My sister and I do have big fights and when I share them with my boyfriend he just says told you so. I wish I could just get them to talk to each other and find some common ground. I don't want to have to pick one over the other. Any thought's on how to solve this awful problem?  

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Do some soul searching, you are the common ground and you don't have to choose. Look at it this way, you have both of them and you love both of them right? That's what matters, if you know they make each other miserable then that's a starting place. Ask yourself some questions like why it bothers you, why they dislike each other, are their reasons valid and why can't you have both of them? You might find that peace is possible if everyone can just learn to control themselves when they need to interact. Getting upset over it with your boyfriend or sister will just get them more riled up, it's best to sit down and talk to them one on one without accusing them of starting the problem. It's tough when loved ones don't get along but it is something many of us have to learn to live with or learn to let go of. It's up to you in the end, it's your feelings that are hurt not theirs, they already dislike one another.

Is there anyone that you don't get along with? How do you deal with those emotions when you have to be around that person? It could be a school mate, coworker, distant relative or your best friend's other friend. You will find the answer, you could always see a therapist if this issue is always on your mind.

Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't like your family and your family doesn't like them?

Relationships should be harmonious for the most part.

Relatives hating each other will make for a very difficult life in the future.
 

Natalie_ca said:

Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't like your family and your family doesn't like them?


Relationships should be harmonious for the most part.


Relatives hating each other will make for a very difficult life in the future.

 

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I don't think it's always as cut-and-dried as your first line. Family is supposed to be your strongest relationship, but sometimes they just aren't worth being around. Every crappy manipulator, liar, deadbeat, etc. is SOMEONE's family.

Now, OP, I'm not saying that's the case with you at all. I'm just saying your boyfriend may have good reason for disliking your sister. And she may have excellent reasons for disliking him. Try to talk to both of them and see if they can come to an "agree to disagree" type of arrangement.