It's So Very Hard Nearing the End

I'm new to this site but I ended up here because my female adult cat Whiskers seems to be on the brink of passing on. She was at the vet yesterday and I am awaiting her blood-work back later today. She's been with me for approximately 14 years. I took her in off the street when she was just an adolescent cat. 

It seems she has a few issues. It started with her right hind leg. She has the feline equivalent of a torn acl. She's too old to operate on. I think it went from a sprained acl to a torn acl in the last week because she's having great difficulty getting around. She doesn't move much anymore. 

The vet also said that her kidneys feel "lumpy". We won't know what that means until the blood-work comes back. Cancer is usually in one kidney so it may be something else. She was dehydrated, so said the vet. 

She still does have that spark in her eye. She seems to want to be petted. She's still affectionate with me. But if she's in pain or if she has something terminal then I'm going to have to deal with that. I guess not knowing is the hardest part. But I'll know soon enough.

You see, I lost my mom a little over a year ago. My mom LOVED this cat. And when my mom passed it sort of felt like a part of her was still living through my cat. When I look at my cat I see my mom. There are just a lot of memories there. I already had to say goodbye to my mom once. This feels like saying goodbye all over again.

I guess that's the long and short of it. It's gonna be so hard to say goodbye. I know that when it comes to that, though, the kindest thing I can do for her is let her go. It's just the humane thing to do. To keep her around while I know she is miserable would be selfish. If I want to do the kind thing I have to what's best for her.

Thanks for listening. I thought maybe writing about it might help.

-Tony 

P.S. - any advice would greatly help as I am not exactly doing well with the prospect of putting her down. I don't know what I'm going to do. 

You will know more when you get the blood work results. I understand how you feel. It is also more intense because of the connection with your mother and the cat. I am dealing now with a fourteen year old cat who had a malignant tumor removed from his liver last year in May. About two months ago, the vet said he has another tumor. We have opted for no more surgery or intense treatment because of the age of the cat. He still has the spark in his eye and is enjoying his life. He has slowed down. He takes a thyroid medicine once a day and a steroid two times a day to keep him feeling well and eating. He has history of struvite crystals and always ate prescription food from the vet. He has lost interest in that food. My plan at present is love him every day, feed him whatever he will eat and take one day at the time. When it is apparent that his quality of life is gone, then we will say goodbye, Muffin. I am sure you will do the same. It is very clear how much this cat means to you and you will know in your heart what to do when the time comes. For now, make the most of every day and love the cat with hugs and kisses. I am sorry you are dealing with this issue. I am sure you will receive much support from our members because folks here understand and many have dealt with much the same issue. Good luck.

Tony, I'm very sorry you're going through this.

Like blueyedgirl, I can empathize because I was in a very similar situation just a few months ago, when our Jamie had to be euthanized due to congestive heart failure after a long battle with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. He was two months shy of his 14th birthday and had been very ill off and on for over a year.

All you can really do is take things one day at a time, keep her as comfortable as possible, rejoice when she has good days, cherish the time you have left with her and help her cross when the bad days start to outnumber the good ones.

that things aren't as bad as you fear, and if they are, that you find the inner strength to make her passing as peaceful as you can.

Sadly, I had to put Whiskers to sleep on Monday. The weekend was really tough. She couldn’t get around at all. Her hind legs just wouldn’t support her. I had to bring her to her litter box and hold her in there. I had to bring her to her water bowl. I had to assist-feed her with a syringe. She wasn’t eating much at all. I had been sleeping on the floor with her for a little over a week. I was hardly sleeping at all. I called the vet on Sunday and he said that I should bring her in on Monday to have an x-ray and further assessment. She had been on the medication since Friday night and there should have been some improvement by Monday. There wasn’t.

So I brought her in and got the results of the x-ray, which were that she had two calcified ankles and an issue with her knee. On top of that, the vet thought that she probably had cancer on her kidneys, which led to the kidney failure. He said he could have an ultrasound done but that would only give us additional information at an expensive price. It would not change the reality of the situation.

I also asked him how old she was (since I never really knew). It turned out that she was more like 17 as opposed to 15. Anyway, she was an old cat (although she didn’t act like one until she got sick, which seemed to happen so very fast). There were just too many things going on at the same time. She lost a lot of weight. Her legs were messed up. She had no strength because of what was going on with her kidneys. She was dehydrated. Wouldn’t eat. Etc.

So then we had the “quality of life” talk. I knew what that meant. I asked him if he thought she was in pain. He said he thought she was. I asked him if there was any chance of her getting better. He said, “If I thought there was 1 in 10 surgeons who might be able to make a difference in her legs, I would make that option available to you. There just isn’t anything that can be done at this point. She’s old, weak, and in quite a bit of discomfort.” His recommendation was that we euthanize her. I knew it was the right decision. I didn’t argue. I just wanted to do right by my cat. I didn’t want her to be in pain any longer. It was the one thing I could do for her to repay her for 13 years of companionship. Take her pain away. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

I stayed with her throughout the process. There’s an initial shot that just sedates the animal (heavily). Then, about 5 minutes later, they administer the lethal injection. I just rubbed her head throughout the whole thing. I wanted her to know that I was there and I wanted me to be the last thing that she saw and smelled. And that was that. Quite a number of tears were shed. The vet did say something that helped a little. He said, “I know it’s sad, but whether this day was today, next week, next year, or in 5 years, it would not hurt any less than it does right now”. And of course he was right. That’s quite true. Losing her would always hurt the same.

I came home and no more Whiskers. That’s the hardest part – the missing. My apartment is rather small and everywhere I look I think of her. She had her hands (err, paws) in everything. I have these instincts to open doors a certain way or get into bed a certain way because there was always a possibility that she was underfoot. I still find myself doing that only there’s no cat. It’s very strange and sad.

So that’s where I am now. I’m just trying not to get too sad every day. I guess every day is a millimeter away from Monday. Eventually the pain won’t feel like this. I know I’ll always miss her. I’m obviously biased because I was her owner, but she literally was the kindest, gentlest, most affectionate, good-natured, sweet, cuddly cat that anyone could ever ask for. I think she spent every day trying to thank me for saving her from certain outdoor doom. She was there every day for me, through thick and thin. She loved me unconditionally, with everything she had to give. And I felt that… for 13 amazing years. I consider myself lucky to have known her at all. Fortunate to have had her as my companion. 

Thanks for your responses earlier. It's nice knowing you're not alone. 

I'm very sorry. You did what you could for her, then gave her a peaceful crossing. RIP, Whiskers.

I'm so very sorry for your losses.  Whiskers and your mother will live on forever in your heart and in your wonderful memories of them.  Give youself plenty of time to grieve.

This is a picture of her that I took last week. I still think she looked very young and cute. She couldn't get around but she still had that innocent look to her. She never acted 17. I guess that's why I thought she was younger. That's also why I was hoping things weren't as bad as they turned out to be.

You can see her on the blankets that I had laid out on the floor. That's where we were sleeping for about a week.

This was her on the weekend. You can see that she had gotten skinny. Poor Whiskers. :-(

Your story made me choke up. I know it is so hard to get through this. You will cry and grieve, but it will pass, and you'll be left with fond memories of Whiskers that will make you smile and laugh.
 

I know where you are coming from. I had to have my cat put to sleep on Memorial Day. He was nearly 17 and I loved him so much. And he loved me, too. He wanted to be with me constantly the last few months. I knew he was nearing the end. He had kidney disease and hyperthyroidism and was on medication, and he was getting thinner and thinner. When I knew he was getting confused and in pain, I knew it was time to have him put to sleep. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I did it for him because I didn't want him to suffer any more. We have to go through some hard things in life and this is a decision you have to make for your pet. But I miss him so much.

I am so, so sorry. You are not alone. When I had to make that heart-wrenching decision to put my senior tortie Gypsy to sleep after a long and strenuous battle with renal failure, it was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. Like you, I laid with her, syringe fed her and gave her daily subcu fluids, helped her go to the litterbox and get around up until the very last day when she made it clear to me that she was just too tired and was finally ready to let go. Though everyone told me it was the right thing to do, and deep down I know it was, I still wonder to this day and find ways to blame myself. I'd only had her for a little over 2 years, but we were so bonded especially through her sickness, I felt like I lost a close family member or friend.

It is so hard, but you will get through the grieving. You will always miss her, but in time it will become easier to look back on the happy times you had with her. Thank you for giving a special little soul such a loving, long and happy life. Love to you both <3

I'm so sorry for your sad loss. What a pretty girl Whiskers is 

I'm sure Whiskers knew just how much you loved her, so keep that thought in your head 
 

To Everyone:

I just want to extend a tremendously heartfelt THANK YOU for all of the support that you've offered during this difficult time.

It's still very hard, day to day, hour to hour, but I know things will inevitably get better. I just miss Whiskers so much. When I lost my mom it was obviously awful. Beyond awful. And it still is. But this is a tad different because my mom wasn't in my apartment every day. Whiskers was a part of my every single day, both physically and emotionally. She slept on my bed. She sat on my lap. I fed her, petted her, changed her litter, etc., every single day. Now all that has changed and I am in an adjustment period. It feels very... empty, without her. Not only did I care for her every day but she was also such a terrific cat. 

So thank you all for your words. None of them went without notice. Every post helped. I think pet owners are a special bunch. It's great that we all support one another. 

Bless you all. 

-Tony

View media item 170522Beautiful Whiskers