Afraid I made a mistake

I don't know that this should be a behavior thread per se, it's more my problem, I know. I got a cat about two weeks ago. He was very loving and sweet (about a year old). And he still can be. But he is also quick to be crotchety. He will randomly get irritated and growl and try to bite, even if he's just being petted normally and decides he's done with it. And just basically doesn't act like the sweet cat he was at first.
Today I tried to clip his nails, and he had an absolute fit. I've clipped many cats' nails, so I'm not unfamiliar with the process. I tried wrapping him in a towel and leaving one paw sticking out, but he would draw his paw back sharply, growl, hiss, and I was afraid he'd bite me.

I realize this is 'normal' cat stuff, and I've just been lucky thus far that my past cats weren't so 'normal' (they were more chill and dog like). He's only a year old. I'm afraid I'm going to spend years and years caring for and paying for this cranky, disagreeable cat and its making me cry. I wanted so much to have the sort of bond with him that I had with two of my old cats, but he's nothing like them. I feel stuck with him, and feel stupid because my boyfriend didn't even want a cat.

The shelter would let me take him back but I'd be so damned embarrassed. I already returned a cat previously (because one day after I got her, one of the strays I was feeding was badly injured, and turned out to be FIV+ and he probably would have been put down if I didnt take him, and I couldn't keep all of them. She was a great cat though.) I've also adopted two other cats there so obviously I'm not just screwing around, but still.

I'm just afraid that it was a bad idea to get a cat and I'm in it for the long haul.

Hi BreaMarie!

Don't feel guilty about your recent adoption....cats are a curious thing.  I had a similar situation...adopted a loving, sweet kitty at 5 months, and he changed at a year (he just turned a year in this June).  He was the light of my life, and now, I am lucky if he gives me the time of day.  I would just tell the shelter it wasn't a match.  A lot of people would disagree with me, but I am a firm believer in life is too short.  It also may be the summer weather could be making your cat a little testy.  If you feel it's not right--then it's not.  YOU have to think about your own happiness--and you will find that again someday with a little bundle of joy that is right for you!!!  Best of luck!

You adopted him two weeks ago? He's still settling in! It's all new to him and he's probably very nervous around you and still exploring his surroundings. I suggest giving him time to settle in. Let him go at his pace and try not to stress him out

I am with Draco on this. Put yourself in his place. He had to cope with the shelter and all that means -a cage and no loving home
Better than the streets yes but still missing someone maybe. He and you both need time and he will adjust. Nokitty is a mistake. Justva work in progress -a masterpiece according o Da abinci.

Keep in mind that it is normal to have regret and fear about compatibility this soon after a new adoption- even if it hasn't happened to you before!

With the petting, you'll likely eventually learn to read his body signs that he's had enough- they may not be "typical". Many cats hate having their nails clipped and freak out. Often, pairing a delicious food item with the clipping makes it manageable at least, as well as training; you could clip (or pretend to clip) one nail a day while offering a special food. You could then move up to "clipping" two, handling all four of his paws, or whatever you decide is best, but slowly.

It sounds like workable behavior. And keep in mind, he's not only the wonderful cat you fell in love with OR the cat who is so very difficult right now you're not use if you can keep him- he is both. The good can be brought out more and the bad brought out less in time.

It seems he is prone to be over-stimulated. This type of cats have certain limit as to how much they want to be touched. There is usually a sign (i.e. twitching of tail etc.) before they strike out, but there might not. Every cat is different. The game is to "quit while he is still wanting". You can time to see how many minutes of petting he will tolerate and quit one minute before. You can still be with him, but just don't touch. Often, cats with this tendency will tolerate a touch with a back scratcher because they have had issues with human hands. Be patient, he is still getting used to you. Shelter environment is no place for building a real trust in humans, no matter how loving the volunteers might be there.

Look into Linda Tellington-Jones' books on "TTouch"; It is very useful for dealing with cats with this problem.

Feliway diffuser is also recommended as he is still getting used to his new home.

Thank you everyone for the advice! I think I was a little...emotional last night, lol. I feel better about it today. I do think he gets overstimulated and is still settling in. He's still cuddly when it isn't his "run around like a maniac on speed" time of night. I'm just not used to a young cat, I think.
Again, thank you everyone, it made me feel better!

Glad you're feeling a bit better. I understand being overwhelmed and emotional- cats can do that to you, wonderful as they are! Hope things continue to settle and you two are able to get through the inevitable ups and downs.

I would guess that you're stressed and anxious about your new addition.  That's totally understandable!  I would give it a few more weeks and allow him to get settled in.  I would also suggest a Feliway diffuser to help him de-stress.  (Too bad they don't make these things for humans!  LOL)  We adopted a one year old kitty a year ago and she was so lovey when we met her.  When we brought her home, it was a totally different story!  It took her a good 6 months to calm down enough to allow petting when she didn't initiate it and to get totally comfy in our home.  She's come a long way and it took a lot of patience and TLC on our part.  So, take a deep breath, enjoy your kitty, and work on slowly increasing petting and cuddling time. 
 

BreaMarie said:

Thank you everyone for the advice! I think I was a little...emotional last night, lol. I feel better about it today. I do think he gets overstimulated and is still settling in. He's still cuddly when it isn't his "run around like a maniac on speed" time of night. I'm just not used to a young cat, I think.
Again, thank you everyone, it made me feel better!

Click to expand...

I have a one year male (new to us) after we lost our elderly cat.  I had forgotten how much energy they had!  When Dexter gets a little bitey, I know that's my cue he needs a "Kitty Stix Workout" - aka Run And Chase Toy on Wand.  If he get nippy, can you try draining that energy with appropriate play?  One I've taken Dexter through his routine:

Lots of high jumps - acrobatics

Up and down the kitty tree

Running the length of the house several times...

He's pooped, pettable and docile.  Down for a nap afterwards - esp. if you give a treat afterwards.

The problem is, their high energy times are not on OUR schedule.

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time and like other posters have said, if you give him more time, he may come around.  Adopting a kitty is a life long commitment with ups and downs.  I don't believe giving it back should be an option - it's not like returning a shirt that didn't fit you.  

I just wanted to update, almost a year later. I still have Rami, the cat I posted about, and I love him very much. I really appreciate everyone's replies and private messages at the time, it made me feel better. He's can still be a crotchety little crab, but he's MY crotchety little crab, lol . He can also be a big cuddle bug though . I adopted a brother for him in December, and they love each other so much, and he's been very happy to have a friend to play with.

At first I realize I was trying to replicate my old cat and comparing Rami to Romeo, and once I let him be his own cat, essentially, it got a lot easier.

Again, thank you to everyone

Thank you so much for the update! I for one often wonder how things turn out and I'm so happy it turned out OK for you, good luck!

Oh that is so wonderful! I just read the whole thread, and I'm so happy to hear that you are a happy cat family now

I'm glad he's doing better (or maybe he's just trained you a little better). Either way, it's nice to hear that it's worked out.

Good to hear all is well everything settles in time. X

I just read this whole thread and I too am happy everything worked out.
I also don't believe in returning adopted animals. They
have been through an ordeal, being at the shelter, that we have to consider when adopting them from a shelter. They most likely have bad memories from their ordeal. Like their beloved owner no longer wanting them for whatever reason or being abandoned in the streets to fend for themselves.

When adopting from any rescue organization you have to consider that. If you can't or don't have the patience to deal with it then don't adopt from those places. Adopt a kitten from a home otherwise you will be causing more trauma to the animal who is already traumatized.
All my fur babies are rescues and I have always been patient with them knowing that they have been suffering from something or another. You give them time on their terms and they will be the best and most grateful fur baby ever.
They know you truly love them and they will treasure you for it. They are not a piece of furniture. They are living creatures that have feelings and like humans who have gone through traumas, have emotional baggage except they are more forgiving.
Thank You for being patient with him. I wish more people were like you and just give them a chance. Sometimes, in a kill shelter, their last chance.

^^ agree