Marriage...How Soon Is Too Soon?

My husband and I knew each other for 13 months before we got married, but only spent a few weekends together before we moved in together, and actually decided to get married on the night we met (about 6 hours after we were introduced).

Neither of us ws looking to get married at the time, but in hindsight it was probably for the best for us to settle down and quit the partying. I was certainly getting tired of the dating scene, and jokingly told my friend the day before that I was just going to marry the next man who asked me. I lived with someone else for 4 years, and was broken up with him for almost a year when I met my husband.

It kind of just hit both of us, and stuck. He had about 4 hours of cold feet in the first week, but bounced back well. My best friend told me I was a moron, and his buddies had a pool to see how long we would make it.

We have been married for 5 years, have been through numerous crises (extramarital temptation (not acted upon), putting a cat to sleep, serious illnesses, unemployment twice for each of us, near bankruptcy, buying and building a house), and are day-to-day happy and very much in love.

I know it makes no sense, but that's the way it happened. You can never really know until you're there. Sometimes it's just fate, and sometimes you listen.

I am a big believer in fate, and listening to what the uncontrolled events in your life are telling you. Many good things in my life have seemed like silly decisions at the time, and if I had used only my logic, I would have missed out on so many things.

Didn't plan to get all philosophical there... oh well.

Julie

I'm a big believer in fate, too, Julie. I was kind of surprised when my last act upon faith didn't turn out the way I would have like it to.

Hmmm.

Maybe it will yet, Deb... you never can tell how things will turn out.

I read this on a calendar, and it has become my mantra:

"Sometimes we have the illusion that hurrying will get us there faster"...

Good quote, Julie. I like it.

Well I lasted 54 yrs as a single guy before finding my lady. Last year my views on this subject were radically different than today. Was it fate that prodded me to finally learn to use a computer,buy one,go to the cat chatroom and meet my beauty? I don't know the answer to that. I just know that during the next 10 months we found so many things in common and when we finally met it was as old friends. It is real hard for me..us being so far apart again. Both have things to keep us apart for a time and each understands and respects the other's sense of duty. Sure,we could just throw all aside and concentrate solely on our own needs,but that is what maturity is..a sense of duty to those around us. In my case an elderly mom who needs my affection and care too.

Plus we have several issues concerning our citizenshp,etc to decide. Lots of paperwork to figure out. Talk about testing your commitment.

When we both are able to reconcile our responsibilities I will be proud to marry this dear lady..or however she wishes.

BTW...her avatar reflects one of my pet names for her..because she can do 14 things at once and still talk to me...and no,I won't tell you WHAT 14 things!!!!!

KF

I may be really dense here, but what do you mean by citizenship? I have never been able to figure out where you are from.

in the words of the beer commercial..I AM CANADIAN !!!!!

Town of Bloomfield,province of New Brunswick,country of Canada.

Meme on the other hand is a US citizen. There are all kinds of legalities and things like visas and tax items to consider regardless of where we choose to settle.

Believe me this takes commitment to a relationship.

ahhh!

*smacks hand to forehead*


thanks for clearing that up!

By the way AP..I have been in the most advrtized place in North America...DETOUR,Maryland.

I've never heard of detour MD. it's a real place?

AP....
If you look all the way to the left of the messages you will see that under everyones name (that chooses to have it there) the town and country they are from. I am from a small town between Baton Rouge and New Orleans, Louisiana. 2000+ mile away from Kittyfoot. Sigh

It sure is,but don't trip or you'll be out of town by the time you hit dirt.:tounge2: Actually it's a nice little place with a huge hothouse where I delivered peat moss from NB. Look just NE of Baltimore on a map,follow rt 140 to Taneytown then drop down to rt 77.
Right there with Keymar. Truckers go everywhere.

I saw it, but I couldn't understand what NB & CA meant. in the USA it's city, then state, so using that logic I couldn't figure out why there were 2 abbreviations for states.

you come down to baltimore?

My husband and I dated for 3 months, were engaged for 3 months and then got married. That was almost 10 years ago now. However, we did know each other as friends for about a year before we started dating, but we didn't know each other well. The reason we rushed this was because he was going into the army, and we wanted to get married before he was shipped off.

We have a very strong marriage, but I also think this is by the grace of God, not due to the way we went about it. If my daughter tries to do this, I'll freak! I didn't know Doug all that well when we got married, so I was in for quite a surprise. Thankfully, we've weathered the storms and have come out well so far. We didn't have children until our 5th year together, so that also helped.

I think a more lengthy dating/engagement period would have been better, but I would never have lived with him before we got married. I just don't believe in it. (I'm Southern Baptist, that says it all! )

Anyway, just my 2 cents...

I met my husband in a bar when I was 20. I knew him exactly 7 months and we decided to move in together. My father said "No daughter of mine is going to live in sin." So we got married. 6 months later my father moved in with his girlfriend (later my stepmonster). My marriage lasted 4 years and produced a daughter, Amy Elizabeth, who is now 25 and my joyest treasure of that whole fiasco.

Talk about the saying "Don't do as I do, do as I say".

What can I say?? I was young and stupid.

This subject I know about from personal experience. I met my 2nd husband and was married 2 1/2 months later, no living together beforehand. We had 22 years together before he died of cancer.
My first marriage, we dated and the usual teenage stuff, got married and had 3 kids, in the meantime he was doing anything in any skirt.
Knowing for long time, living together, not living together, I don't think any of it makes alot of difference as to whether your marriage works or not. You have to love each other, LIKE each other and both of you work on the marriage and give at least 100% all of the time.
I'll take a breather now.

Jeannie

Jeannie:

It really does come down to 2 people who are willing to do the work that it takes to make the thing work.

I've never been married so I can't really judge on marriage but I do agree that a good relationship does not take only love - it takes a lot of work on both sides and a lot of understanding. If you never move a finger and try to understand the person in front of you then it will never work out.
I've had enough bad relationships and the one I'm now makes me happy because it is fulfilling although not as exciting as many of the previous. We've been together for three years and now I can hardly imagine what would life be if I had to start again without him. Still, from time to time I do envy my friends who do not have serious relationships. This seems to take some of the excitement out of life but in return it does bring new things into it, which are no less interesting.

Donna - My daughter's name is Amy Elizabeth too! It's such a beautiful name. I haven't come across any others expect your daughter that has it. Pretty neat.