How to gain the trust of a feral?

My partner and I live in an urban neighbourhood with a few feral kitties, but one male in particular seems to have "adopted" us.

I noticed him around our property a lot this past winter and by the spring he was coming right up on our porch or chilling on the bedroom windowsill. We don't feed or water him but I guess he has declared our house his territory anyway!

Because he is un-neutered he can be extremely aggressive with our male indoor/outdoor cats, even yowling at them through the screen window when they're in the house, but when he's not being overtly territorial, he's rather sweet.

Last night we came home and he was lying on our stairs with his head on his paws, almost like he was waiting for us. He doesn't trust us enough to allow pats yet but I feel he's getting close.

We've contacted the local TNR program but received no response. We'll keep trying but is there some way we can help this kitty in the meantime and foster peace between him and our other cats?

Welcome and thank you for taking an interest in this feral tomcat. First and foremost, I would not wait another day to get him neutered. This will help with his territorial aggression and attempts at your resident cats. This is the only way to hope for peace. I would not take any chances with your indoor/outdoor cats and potential fights. I would keep the calls to the TNR organization. Really all you need is their stamp of approval to use their vet under their name. Then, you need a Havahart trap for this guy. Actually, since you say there are other feral cats then you may trap someone else other than the male you talk about befriending. I would be cautious about letting your other indoor cats outside due to the potential of them getting a disease. FeLK and FIV are just a couple to be aware of. See if you can get an appt. at the TNR vet - an open ended appt. That way on the day you trap this cat then you can take him right to the TNR vet. It only costs about $35.00 to TNR a feral cat. I would also recommend you start feeding him on a regular daily basis, preferably in the morning only. Get him on schedule to eat so he will be easily trapped. Your help with getting these feral cats all neutered will be saving more little lives being born out there in the wild. Thank you.

Here is an article on steps to socialization but this really pertains to bringing the feral cat indoors but will still give you some insight.
http://www.catnipchronicles.com/may2012/laurie.htm

Actually, the best way to keep the peace--which you're already trying to do--is to get the cat neutered.  And I wouldn't actually encourage him to hang around--which you're also not doing (by not feeding).

Meanwhile, you can put Feliway plug ins inside your house or outdoors, if you have an electrical outlet.  There is also a 'calming spray' you can try to spray where the feral cat hangs around.  You can close the curtains so your resident cat doesn't see the interloper.

Good luck, and let us know if/when you trap the feral cat and get his neutered.

Thanks for the responses! We have been in touch with our local SPCA and are getting the ball rolling on TNR-ing "our" kitty. We also joined our local neighbourhood association and found out there are other homeowners interested in TNR-ing more kitties in our area. Obviously the problem is quite visible right now as there are lots of adorable kittens running around and the shelters are overflowing with adoptable babies.

Will post updates as we go along ...!

I don't like your "idea" of not feeding him - all kitties need help with food regardless of whether you think they should hang around your house or not! I cannot stand to see an animal go hungry - shame on you!

Good for you for taking an interest in the cats in the area and trying to do something.  A lot of people just decide it isn't their problem.  It takes a good person to step up and try to help when they aren't obligated to.  You are obviously such a person and the deserves acknowledgment.  I hope you can get him caught and in to the vet.  I dealt with trying to get some strays in my area all fixed and it can be somewhat stressful but it is such a relief when it is done and you know you have done something that will make the cat's life a bit easier.