The Food and Drug Administration has just announced he following drugs have been released for trial in the US. These are the newest medications for women, available only by prescription:
D A M I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
ST. M O M'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
D U M E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, causing enjoyment of country & western music.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and diminishing the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. . .can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. Extra Strength B U Y- O N E -A L When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr Laura.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
S E X C E D R I N
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.
R A G A M E T
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself
Kev
D A M I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
ST. M O M'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
D U M E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, causing enjoyment of country & western music.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and diminishing the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. . .can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. Extra Strength B U Y- O N E -A L When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr Laura.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
S E X C E D R I N
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.
R A G A M E T
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself
Kev
