Goodbye Squeakers I love you

miri4191

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My four year old Squeakers died after midnight this morning, one week after having a urinary blockage. I've never lost a pet before. God help me I've never hurt this much in my whole life.
 

msbedelia

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Miri-

I am so very sorry to hear about Squeakers. Losing a pet is a horrible loss, horrible grief. Especially if its unexpected. You learn to live with it with time (some deaths I've "gotten over", some I haven't). I've always found some comfort in having loved them so much.

Thank you for giving Squeakers such a great life.
 

vball91

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I am so very sorry to hear this. I know how hard you fought for him. RIP Squeakers.
 

jcat

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My condolences. It's always hard to lose a beloved pet, but it seems particularly cruel when they're so young. RIP, little Squeakers.
 
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miri4191

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Thanks guys. I just loved him so much. It's not fair, he was just a baby. He had so many years ahead of him. I can't even bear to go into my room where he died right now. It was so fast. I thought he was on the mend...my stupidity. I guess I failed him. He was probably so scared and all I can keep thinking is what could I have done to have saved him....
 

vball91

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Do not do that to yourself. You did everything you could. You recognized his symptoms right away and got him help. You were doing all you could and more to help him recover. It's impossible to know if he had a reaction to any of the meds or if his body was just too weak to recover. I'm sure he knew how much he was loved. He would not want you to blame yourself.
 

heretohelp

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My condolences. When I saw the post last night of his trembles I expected this. I'm sorry I didn't act quickly for you. RIP Sqeakers. He is frolicking on the rainbow bridge now.
 
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miri4191

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Vball I know you're right...but I keep thinking about how scared he must have been and I couldn't help him. I expected a decade with him, why did he have to be taken from me so soon? He was my first pet that was mine you know. Not one my parents took care of for me. I nursed him to health as a kitten, he slept on my shoulder every single night. When I called his name he came to me. He seemed to speak like a person when I talked to him. He never left my side when I was sick, but I couldn't make him better. I loved him so much, I don't know how this pain can ever get better.
 

msbedelia

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Poor Miri. He sounds like a truly amazing pet. He certainly left far, far too soon. :(

When we're suffering, and/or when a loved one suffers, our brains naturally search for all the ways the pain could have been avoided. When someone has died, our brain naturally searches for how we could have prevented it; its trying to spare us suffering in the future. But some suffering cannot be avoided. And sometimes, things just happen. Our brains struggle to deal with the senseless or random; we end up blaming ourselves. Squeakers' death was horribly senseless, it seems, so of course you look for a cause, and of course you see only yourself. But I don't think that's objectively true.

It truly sounds as if you did everything you could for Squeakers, and I know he never even thought to blame you for what he was going through. I'm sure he was just glad you were there, and I'm sure he knew how much you loved him and were trying to help him. During this time, you are feeling enough loss and pain, and you probably will for quite a long, long time. I hope you don't add to your suffering by believing the thoughts your brain is giving you about you being somehow at fault.
 
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miri4191

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Thank you all so much for your words. I never imagined having to face this so soon. I never thought it would hurt this much. I want you to know I appreciate all of you for your support right now.


 
 

franksmom

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Thank you all so much for your words. I never imagined having to face this so soon. I never thought it would hurt this much. I want you to know I appreciate all of you for your support right now.


 
You really did everything you could! The pain of losing a pet is terrible especially because so many people will not understand. You were a very loving friend to him! 
 

heretohelp

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I remember when I lost my first cat, and my first pet. Its heart wrenching I know. But you will get through it I promise.
 
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miri4191

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Thank you guys.

It's like I go a while without thinking about losing him and then wham something reminds me of him and it hurts all over again...Even grocery shopping today and looking at cat food and seeing all his old favorite flavors, and them coming home and he's not there waiting by the door for me like he always was...I just loved him so so much.
 
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