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Men (and everyone else, too) on the board: HELP!!!

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
WHAT is it with men and computers????? My fiance, Alex, is positively addicted! Grrrr! He tells me he'll get off to come spend time with me, then stays on for another hour! It happens ALL the time!! And then, I get all pi$$ed off, and he apologizes all nice and sweet, and I forgive him, and then he does it again the next day! I mean, he's really smart, so it's not that he doesn't GET it.

And each time, he's like, well tell me this or say that or something, and I'll get off right away. It's like, there's some magic trick that'll get him off right away. But, none of them ever work like he says they will!!!! What do I do? Start flipping the switch breakers????? Whacking him senseless???? HELP!!!!!!

P.S. -- And the worst part is, our relationship is like, PERFECT, except for this one thing! Ack!!!
post #2 of 26
Hon.I know EXACTLY where you are coming from.
Tell ya what you do.Tell him since he's not gonna spend time with you and talk to you then you are going to go over to a friends house for a while and when he gets done on the computer for him to call you and you will come back home. Do this every time he spends too much time on the computer and ignores you.He MAY eventuallly get the hint.
post #3 of 26
He sounds lovely ...They all have their funny-little-ways...that's why they love us ! My husband is a FANATICAL's his only vice so I go with it...
post #4 of 26
I might as well have posted the same post as you! I have a man that does the exact same thing! I hate the computer (when he is on it SOOO much!).
That is the reason I joined TCS, So I would have something to do while he online(we have 2 computers). Glad I did!
But back to the subject, we fight about him being online about once a month, I am so jealous of his time spent with the screen and the people he posts and chats with! Ugh!!!
post #5 of 26
I know. Take Luna and put her on his head. Sometimes I will pick up Amber and take her over to him and she proceeds to swat his head. its so funny! hubby likes to play 'Battlefield 1942' or something like that. what does Alex play?
post #6 of 26
Thread Starter 
Alex plays Everquest and Counter-Strike. *gag* Yes, I am jealous of the computer, too.
post #7 of 26
Been there, done that, have the t-shirt. As far as I can tell, there isn't much you can do honestly. Earl is still on the computer all the time, 'til all hours of the night. God forbid if his computer dies - we WILL find a way to fix it RIGHT NOW!!

I don't know how or when it actually happened, but I eventually realized that me nagging him and yelling at him was never going to change it. That's just who he is, it is what he does. I don't let it bother me anymore. It isn't a competition, and I realized I was being silly to be jealous of a machine! (Not saying you all are silly, just that in my case it wasn't worth the insecurity on my part.)

Of course, it does help that now I'm on my computer as much or more than he is when I'm home. He's definitely gotten a taste of his own medicine on more than one occassion. But even before I started working on Save Samoa and Stray Pet Advocacy and doing graphics and such, I just found a different hobby that kept me occupied (cross stitching), so I wasn't just thinking about how *he's on that #$&@^%(@ computer again!*
post #8 of 26
You hit the nail on the head, Heidi! I have one of them, too.

I used to wake up at 2 am and wonder if he was ever coming to bed, get up, go see what's up, and we'd both just get tense. He'd be that much longer finishing up, and I'd stay awake half the night. Ungood!!

But like you, eventually the penny dropped, and I learned to just roll over and go back to sleep, and not think about it. And give him NO sympathy in the morning when getting up was agony!! Mostly we laugh about it, now. And it truly is the only thing I have to complain about, so why get so worked up over it?
post #9 of 26
Count me in as well, so you're not alone Viva (not that that helps)!The only thing my boyfriend and I argue about regularly is how much time he spends on the computer playing games. He's a computer game programmer too so it's his job AND his number one hobby and it drives me nuts. I tend to read a book or work on a craft project when I have free time, and it's hard for me not to think of computer games like tv - rotting your brain!

Heidi, I have been working on reaching that level of understanding for a while and I'm making progress but slowly. He does remind me that nagging him constantly doesn't make him want to get off the computer and that he's always going to like being on it so I need to get used to it. Viva, we try to set specific times aside for activities or even just watching certain tv shows or reading in bed, etc., any time together, and it works pretty well. If we have a time set aside he is great about honoring it, it's just when he's on the computer and I come up nagging all night just because that he gets upset.

Good luck!
post #10 of 26
He plays EverQuest? Dear be happy you have a life with him. That game is addicting as all hell. LoL
post #11 of 26
LOL, Craig and I used to play Everquest together. Rather than him play without me, I joined in and we'd spend hours playing together. It was actually a very cheap form of entertainment. She's right though... that game is VERY addicting.

We no longer play it. I'm concentrating on school, and finding a better job, and he's concentrating on starting his own business. When I'm not studying, looking for a better job, or here then I'm helping him with his stuff.

We have a great relationship. We practically do *everything* together.
post #12 of 26
My husband is the same way. I call myself a PC Widow. From what I understand this is rather common today for both men and women.
post #13 of 26
At least he isn't like my hubby - every time the computer runs a little slow he thinks something is wrong with it and he will reconfigure it from scratch - that can take days! Trust me smacking in the head doesn't work. Withhold sex? But that would be cruel.
post #14 of 26
OMG, the number of times hubby has reconfigured his whole darned PC is indefinite. He'll do it at the drop of a hat.
post #15 of 26
I guess I am not allone in that , my husband is also a addict to the computer . He goes all the time in the chat rooms . In the beginning I was jeleuos (sp) of all the woman he talked to . But now I am over it . I still get ubsad about it at times when he don't spent time with me .
post #16 of 26
Thread Starter 
Cassandra and Rayne: Alex and I DO play EverQuest together. After the first several months of us going out back in high school (we were living together even back then, due to VERY bad family situations on both sides), I decided if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. So, whenever our accounts are activated (and they aren't always), I play a little druid alongside whichever tank class he's enthused with at the moment. I do NOT, however, play Counter-Strike. It's a really bloody game and the whole point is to kill the other players. I hate shooting games like that.

Everyone: I do try to get used to it. I don't mind him playing in general. I DO mind him playing and not doing his share of the chores, then being to tired to do them when he finally gets off the computer. It drives me nuts! Or, when we do set aside time for him to be off, he is late! By sometimes half and hour or more! Sooooo . . . that's what upsets me. Not just that he plays, but that he plays and neglects other aspects of his life.
post #17 of 26
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by adymarie
Withhold sex? But that would be cruel.
Hmmmm . . . that's funny. Unfortunately, it's not something I can take away at the moment; that's hard to do when he doesn't have it in the first place. (We're waiting til we're married.)
I COULD start marking off "no sex" days on our honeymoon . . .
post #18 of 26
I do understand the frustration of not doing chores and such, or being late because of the computer. That's one thing I haven't accepted! I don't know what to tell you about that. I haven't found a solution to that problem either.
post #19 of 26
This thread cracks me up! Mine is also the same way and we developed a theory about this. If you are old enough (before the computer age but this is still somewhat true today), you know the joke about a man and his TV remote control? A man won't give up his TV remote for nothing! The modern man has traded the remote for the mouse. So, if we could only figure out what drove men to hold a remote, we'll figure out what is driving them to the mouse!

The only way to keep Steve off is to beat him to the computer. I also bought him a couple of guitars to give him something else to do.

post #20 of 26
I love this thread also! First of all...pick your battles since your relationship is in tip top condition! When he won't get off the computer, don't stand over him with a switch like I use to...instead go off and hang out with friends and do things you want to'll waste hours that will turn into days if you are not careful, too bad it took me a year to figure this one out the hard way. He'll come around...because he'll turn away from the computer for a brief second and realize you aren't there around him...he'll come hunting for you It's not's just making him realize that you aren't going to be around him every second of the day waiting for him to get off the computer.
post #21 of 26
I hate it for all of us, but is kind of nice to know I am not the only computer widow in the bunch. He put me a computer together so I could have computer time, too. They are close enough together that he can lean over and kiss me sometimes. I guess it could be worse.
post #22 of 26
That's so very awesome that you guys play together. Rob hates the game, so when I was playing, I played alone. We do play NWN, Diablo2, Dungeon Siege together though. We spend most of our time together online as we do offline.

Everyone is saying about men addicted to their computers... What about us Fems who are just as addicted?

I think I'm more addicted that he is. =)
post #23 of 26
Originally posted by Sylent Rayne

Everyone is saying about men addicted to their computers... What about us Fems who are just as addicted?

I think I'm more addicted that he is. =)
I am normally only on the computer at work - at home it is books and reality TV. I don't even want to see the computer when I get home - I am on it all day!
post #24 of 26
Sandie had the same problem with me a few years ago...

So... I built her one shared the internet connection, and the rest... is history.
post #25 of 26
Ken, that was pretty much Earl's solution for me as well. Give me my own computer. Actually, I insisted on it because I would bring home actual WORK, you know overtime pay and all, and I still couldn't pry him away without a fight. So now we have 3 computers, each of us have a Windows box and he has a Linux box as well.

I don't know that I'm an addict (except to this site!). I just have a ton of stuff going on at any given time, building and maintaining 2 websites and a few other odds and ends, so my evenings and weekends are spend on the computer. But I am being productive (most of the time) and not just messing around. And I do go to bed on time almost every night.
post #26 of 26
My hubby never goes on the computer only me and the kids,
he says he just can't get into it like i do
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