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OK, My Turn To Spark Some Contoversial Discussions (Get Ready Kittyfoot)

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
First, let me say that 99% of the time I don't think it's possible to live this kind of lifestyle and keep a marriage/relationship together. That said:

If two people have been together for 10-15 yrs and, though they still completely love each other, they want to add some spice to their marriage, so they get into some truth or dare type situations where intimate things (short of actual sex) happen with other people. They trust each other and talk about it when everyone leaves, but how do you all think of such things? (Now, Kittyfoot, let's see what perculates).

And what if these two people progressed to more one-on-one things with one other couple, but still loved each other, still trusted each other and eveything else in their relationship was fine? But, their goal was achieved and they added some spice to the relationship.
post #2 of 11
This is definitely interesting.

I guess basically all I can say is.... its their relationship. If it works for them.. Yay! They have their own right to do whatever it is they need to do to stay happy in their relationship. Whatever way they do it is their business.

Would I ever consider being in a relationship like that?! No way in hell. Maybe I'm insecure, jealous, or whatever you wanna call me.. but it just wouldn't work. I'll give you my reasons.

1) Ok, so I'm insecure. I would constantly be worrying about my husband/boyfriend getting more pleasure from another woman. The act of sex is something that is supposed to be shared because two people love one another. It's a way to express emotion and love.. to show affection.

2) I'm a worry wort. I would constantly be worrying about my boyfriend/husband having more than just the pure "sexual" relationship with this woman.

3) If I was the person having the "sexual" relationship with another man. I'd worry about becoming to attached.. him to me or me to him.

4) Guilt would set in. Even though its "okay" with my husband/boyfriend.. I would feel as if I'm betraying him. Maybe I have too strong morals or something... but I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt I felt. Even if he said everything was ok.

5) I'd constantly worry about him having the exact same issues I would be having.. the jealousy, insecurity, the attachment issues, and the guilt.

6) If all this did happen. It is a LOT of baggage to carry around and is bound to cause problems.

So... no.. I don't think its healthy for ME. So I would never even consider it. As for others... well its their business and if it makes them happy. Well.. then good for them!

I knew someone who had a relationship with a woman. It was similar to this. He's a really good friend of mine. He told me how they had agreed that it would be fine for them interact with other men/women as long as they didn't have actual "intercourse". Needless to say... the relationship didn't last... she ended up letting temptation get the best of her... and took it too far.

So... if thats what I couple feels comfortable doing.. and they are happy with it. Yay. If they aren't.. well.. too bad. Who am I to judge?

post #3 of 11
MeowMan...first i gotta ask for a clarification of lifestyle to respond to that..

The free-swinging (no pun intended)relationship is not my personal cup of tea. However,I realize that in the entertainment mileau it is more accepted. However I think this is confusing love with sexual pleasure for it's own sake. I know a couple who exist very well without sex..he was badly injured and is not sexually capiable. She loves him dearly and is faithful in spite of what her "used to be" friends advise her.
And he still adores her. Two happier people you could not hope to meet.

On the other hand I know truckers whose wives are in the clubs before his tail-lights are out of sight. Most don't even bother to take off the ring.

Could I sit and watch my wife playing with another? No...but that's me. Sorry,but this seems to be a lead-in to the kind of who gives a s--- relationship my dear lady is in.

Oh...I have a spare battle helmet if you need it Chuck.
post #4 of 11
If 2 people decide that is their thing, then have at it. I would personally never be one of those 2 people. To me, when you're bringing a whole crowd into the bedroom, what exactly is it that defines you as a couple afterwards? Also, being a monogamous type, I sort of have to be in love with the person. There is more to "the act" than the act, at least that's the case for many women. (It's a girl thing, Chuck).

I know I am starting to sound like one of those people who has a story for everything, but several years ago a friend of mine and her husband and one of her female friends let caution blow to the wind one night while some drinking was going on. As she told it to me, she was all for the idea, she was in no way reluctant, and then the minute she saw her husband getting all into things with the friend, BAM!. Everything changed in a heartbeat.

Luckily, things worked out for them. They are still married to this day. But she had a really rough time with it for awhile.

I am not about to judge others, but don't push your beliefs on me.
post #5 of 11
Ok I agree with Kittyfoot and Cassie! Cass, yo summed it up perfect, except hte part of you being a worry wart or insecure. You're just normal!
In my opinion of it, like I said in Kittyfoot's thread, I'm not sharing my man with anyone else!!
post #6 of 11
Thread Starter 
In any relationship that I've been in I have always been faithful and monogamous. What made me think of this post was some of my open-minded friends have had some "difficulties" as of late and made me question the validity of that kind of lifesyle. It isn't for everyone and has it's own risks and dangers. I've come to learn that monogomy is the better way to go.
post #7 of 11
I couldn't agree more and have the utmost respect for you for being that way!!

I think I'm at 100 posts!! Cool!
post #8 of 11
so they get into some truth or dare type situations where intimate things (short of actual sex)
I wouldn't like to see my hubby in any intimate situation with another woman. Sex is not necessarily the most intimate. I would be angry even if he only went out with another woman and they'd spend the evening just talking. Maybe I'm just too jealous, but our intimacy is so special because it's only between us! It wouldn't be intimacy if other were involved.
post #9 of 11
Exactly what happened to my friends, except it didn't take 4 months, more like 4 minutes.

I'm with AP. That whole scene is not for me. Once you've crossed those boundaries, where exactly do you define "intimate" with your partner?

Anne, just curious, how do you separate this from your thoughts on the other thread. My mouth is still hanging wide open from that one! Do you more equate it to a guys' night out in a nudie bar? In which case, I can more clearly see your point.
post #10 of 11
Cassie...I liked what you said in your post....I would feel the same way.
I could NEVER stand by and watch my husband make love to another woman, even if I was supposed to be doing the same thing with her husband....ewww.
I wouldn't be able to enjoy it anyway...I would be wondering if she was going to be better at things than I am, or he would think she had a way better body than mine, or whatever...I am too insecure for that...and too jealous!!!! Our marriage would never survive something like that...and I don't think that's how God intended it to be.
However...I can only speak for myself, and will not judge anyone else for doing it, if thats what they choose.
I used to have a friend who got into a similar perdicument with her best friend. The best friend came to her and said that for her husbands birthday...he had always wanted to have a three-some...so they had agreed to ask my friend if she would do the honors, so to speak, because the wife felt that since they were such good friends, she would feel comfortable with it.
Well, it happened, and in the end it destroyed the friendship....my friend told me that her best friend got so jealous, and was always acting like she was out to steal her husband, and kept throwing what had happened up into her hubbys face....it ruined the friendship. Somehow that marriage survived, but barely.
I just don't think it's a good idea.
post #11 of 11
It also takes a lot of guts,not very much brains to expose several vulnerable bits of your bare anatomy to a potentially explosive and lethal war dept.
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