Taking a TCS Break

Fellow TCS Users,

I’ve had a few PM’s lately asking where I have been, as I haven’t been on the boards at all. I’m not narcissistic enough to think people would actually notice my absence on a site this big but since some have I figured I would just start a new thread so everyone is up to speed.

In October 2011 my Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It came as quite a shock as she was only 59 and had always been very healthy: never smoked, ate all the right foods, and exercised regularly. Her only symptom was a persistent cough that her doctor kept writing off as her being allergic to the new cat.

The past 20 months have been a roller coaster of ups and downs, good news and bad. Through it all she has had a fighting spirit and just kept on going. She went through 4 different types of chemotherapy, full spine radiation, and full brain radiation- twice (something that is almost unheard of). Her doctors told her most people at her stage rarely live more than 7 months- boy did she prove them wrong!

Last month our final chemo option stopped working. So, we started pursuing the option of a clinical trial. And, she got into an amazing one that was in the last phase before it goes to the FDA for approval. There were no placebos involved and we knew the dose of the medication that she would be getting. We found out after she was accepted that she not only got the last spot at our hospital here, but the last spot in the entire US. It seemed like fate.

But then, her health took a sudden turn. We had to do a bunch of tests to finish qualifying for the trial, and that meant almost 3 weeks with no treatment of any kind. At first she was just tired and a little out of it but then she totally crashed. She went from being up and active every day to unable to walk on her own. She couldn't feed herself and for several gut wrenching days, didn’t know who I was. We stayed optimistic hoping the new drug would help but when we went for the final appointment last week they dropped the bomb that in order to qualify patents have to be up and active at least 50% of the time. Since at that point she wasn’t she was disqualified, less than 18 hours before the trial was set to begin.

We had one more chemo we could have tried but it is highly toxic to even the healthiest patients. So, she elected not to do it. Instead, we have called in hospice and are trying to make her last few weeks as comfortable as possible.

So, that is where I am and why I am not around. I have moved all my necessities out of my house and I’m living with my parents to provide around the clock care. Given how quickly she has gone downhill I don’t think we have more than a few weeks left and I want to get every second I can with her. I don’t know when I will return to TCS, I just know that I will. Until then, lots of vibes and prayers for us please.

Thank you for all the support,

EB

Im so sorry Nicole! Lots of for you all at this time!

And we will be here when you come back.

 to you, my friend. Take all the time you need.

Lots of to you. We'll be here when you are ready.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. You will be greatly missed here. You have helped so many pregnant cats and kittens. Many hugs and vibes for you and your family.

, Nicole. Your mother, you and the rest of your family are in my thoughts.

Oh no, I'm so sorry, that is SO difficult! Sending vibes and prayers to you and your family. Please try to take care of yourself - going through stuff like this can take a huge toll on your health. 

Many good vibes sent your way!

Very sorry to hear this :-( :-( :-(, my mom died of cancer on her 60th birthday and it sounds like we went through something similar :-( :-(. I know how hard it is, being strong for your parent, trying to make her as comfortable as possible -whatever that takes- making sure the nurses don't screw up with bed pads, and fundamental things, getting her to eat whatever might be possible for her, which changes from day to day, spending as much time as possible with her, and most of all holding your own grief back. Really she is so young, and just at the time when she was probably starting to think about the best years ahead and spending more time with her husband, children, and family. I got out all the pictures of our family and went through them and also showed the home health care nurses so they could see how my mom looked before she was so very ill, and she really liked that, so they could see her more as a person, before she had so many needs and such a horrible illness. We also got her favorite oldies music, stuff that the family listened while we were growing up. We talked about what we used to do this time of year, past summer vacations and birthdays and things that the family shared. We watched funny movies even tho my mom's cancer spread to her bones and it hurt her to laugh. You and your family are in my prayers, I know this is hard and you are one special person to move home and help to make it easier for the family. 

You are in my prayers.  I know when my son died, Hospice was such a comfort to all of us.  This time with your mom is precious.  Take it a day at a time.

Oh Nicole, I'm so, so sorry. :heart2: I'll be holding you and my mom close to my heart.

Thank you all for your kind words and for your thoughts and prayers. It really means so much to me. 

BarbB said:

Very sorry to hear this :-( :-( :-(, my mom died of cancer on her 60th birthday and it sounds like we went through something similar :-( :-(. I know how hard it is, being strong for your parent, trying to make her as comfortable as possible -whatever that takes- making sure the nurses don't screw up with bed pads, and fundamental things, getting her to eat whatever might be possible for her, which changes from day to day, spending as much time as possible with her, and most of all holding your own grief back. Really she is so young, and just at the time when she was probably starting to think about the best years ahead and spending more time with her husband, children, and family. I got out all the pictures of our family and went through them and also showed the home health care nurses so they could see how my mom looked before she was so very ill, and she really liked that, so they could see her more as a person, before she had so many needs and such a horrible illness. We also got her favorite oldies music, stuff that the family listened while we were growing up. We talked about what we used to do this time of year, past summer vacations and birthdays and things that the family shared. We watched funny movies even tho my mom's cancer spread to her bones and it hurt her to laugh. You and your family are in my prayers, I know this is hard and you are one special person to move home and help to make it easier for the family. 

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You definitely hit the nail on the head with so much of this so thank you for writing and giving me reassurance that others have been here and come out on the other side. I love the idea of getting out some old pictures and videos and I'm going to start that. I think she would really like it. It's such a hard time but we are just going one day at a time. 

You are so right- I think that is all you can do, is take it one day at a time. With my mom, as she got sicker and was in bed more, we did more to just help her forget about her illness and limitations, so it wasn't a constant dark cloud hanging over everyone. We looked at magazines and articles- talked about clothes, recipes and makeup, and we got all her best recipes too. Pulled perfume and cologne pages out of the magazines and smelled them and decided which smelled best. Watched TV and talked about the people on there like which celebrity is nicest, which meanest, which prettiest, or what do you think of that lady's hairstyle. Got her a remote with larger buttons on it when she started having trouble seeing the buttons on the remote. Helped her to the bathroom as long as she could get up. Got her a sponge toothbrush when it got too hard for her to use a regular one for her teeth. One day we made a large spot in the yard with pillows and blankets to look up at the trees and birds and laid there talking about our favorite garden vegetables and the trees in our yard and where we used to hide when we played hide and seek when we were younger, and altho she couldn't stay there very long it was a time none of us will forget and she said that too, as being outside had become more infrequent for her. And we helped my dad who didn't know what to do with himself and felt like he had to figure out funeral arrangements ahead of time. The music brought back memories for her (and us) too. We knew her favorite songs and later on we found one for her funeral. The church would not let us do our own music but the funeral home did.

I don't know about your mom but mine did not want to talk about dying at all, so I/we stayed with the present and tried every day to give her as many things to enjoy and savor as she could. I remember one time I made a fabulous dinner which she positively could not eat and then my sister brought home a bucket of chicken and potato salad from fast food and she loved it. We were just so thrilled that she ate.

Sorry I am reliving that time period, it was so precious and painful all at the same time. You will come out the other side of this definitely, it will take a while but living each day as you are, that is the best thing and as you know, there isn't really any other way :-(. You are making this time very meaningful for your mom and all your family in a way that it could never be without you and without her family around her. 

Thank you all so much for your kind words and for your prayers. They really meant a lot to me. 

My Mom did pass this past Sunday. Even though hospice kept saying most people choose to leave when they are alone my Mom chose to go with me holding her hand. I'm am very heartbroken but also very relieved that she is no longer suffering. The last few weeks were incredibly difficult for her and, by extension, for us. I know I still have a lot of grieving to do but for now I am so busy trying to prepare for her funeral that it doesn't really feel real yet. I'm sure that part comes later. 

I just wanted to update for those who have so graciously offered their support. It is deeply touching during a time like this, and I am grateful to be a part of such a wonderful community. 

I'm so sorry, Nicole. Know that we're all with you at this sad time 

As you say, the relief of knowing your Mum is no longer in pain ls a blessing 

 I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's not an easy time for you right now. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

 I am so sorry for your loss.   My mom died of cancer  after going through every option for treatment.   It was a heart wrenching time  and I can imagine what you have been going through.  I still miss Mom very much but it doesn't hurt as much as it did. 

You & your family are in our prayers . 

 Hang in there and we will be happy to see you back here whenever you are ready to return. you are a very valued member and have helped so many people and cats.  

I am so sorry :-( :-( :-(. I know it just gets harder and I feel so bad for you, that you are going through this :-( :-(. The funeral part helped me too, because there were things that had to be done and a lot of people that kept everyone busy and were there as support. I know for me it was hardest when I woke up in the morning. And you wonder how things will be after this, as you know they will never be the same but you don't know how they will change.You are in my thoughts and prayers and it is true, if you need anything I am there for you in whatever way possible. 

I'm so sorry    The firsts will be the hardest, and then it does get easier.  In time you will be able to think about your Mom and smile.

In the last 10 years or so what I've been doing is celebrating her birthday (June 30th).  Every year on her birthday I go out for a maple walnut ice cream cone (her favourite) and sit and just think about my Mom.  My brother joined me last year for the first time.
 

You and your family are in my thoughts.