I swear ! Men can't do anything

dejolane

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 20, 2012
Messages
3,891
Purraise
34
Location
Hebron,Ohio
Why can't a man clean,take out trash etc... ?  Tell us what your man does for you .

My husband rather sit on his rear and stay on the computer. He won't fix dinner,clean up after himself.
 

AbbysMom

At Abby's beck and call
Staff Member
Moderator
Joined
May 18, 2005
Messages
78,298
Purraise
19,406
Location
Massachusetts
Why can't a man clean,take out trash etc... ?  Tell us what your man does for you .
My husband rather sit on his rear and stay on the computer. He won't fix dinner,clean up after himself.
I don't mean to be rude, but you have complained before numerous times about your husband. You've been told that you need to tell him that he needs to change, although I'm not really sure how much he will after 35 years. If he isn't willing to change, perhaps you need to think about leaving or just accepting that this is the way it is going to be. :dk: Complaining to us about it all the time really isn't going to do any good.
 
Last edited:

Winchester

In the kitchen with my cookies
Veteran
Joined
Aug 28, 2009
Messages
29,730
Purraise
28,024
Location
In the kitchen
What does my husband do? Everything that I do. Maybe not as well, but he makes an effort. He cleans the house (he probably vacuums better than I do), he does laundry, he does work outside, he cooks (I do do most of the cooking, but there are times he'll cook....he's grilling our Memorial Day dinner on Monday and I'm doing the rest of it). And yes, he takes out the trash; in fact, on Wednesday nights, he's the main litter box scourer. He's the one who gets up every morning and feeds the cats while I go down to the treadmill. He cleans out the dishwasher every morning. At night after dinner, he's right there, helping me clean up.

He also works a 40+ hour work week, as do I. Because he works in a factory, his job is a lot more physical, whereas I'm pretty much stuck to a desk most of the time. Sometimes I have to ask him to do something and sometimes I have to ask him twice. But it gets done.

He has been taking Mondays off work and will continue to do so most of the summer...those are his vacation days. I have a "Honey-Do" list on the fridge door and he works from that on his days off work. It has things like, Paint the house trim outside, Pressure wash the concrete around the pool, Paint the bedroom, Paint the front door, etc. To that end, I even have my own list, which includes, Paint the outside chairs and the swing, Paint the lions (concrete lions on the front stoop), Plant the cannas and the elephant ears, etc. We will spend weekends getting these things done.

He's not perfect, far from it. But then, I'm not either. And we both get that.

Dejolane, you're not going to like this, but you really need to talk to your husband. Otherwise nothing is going to change. You need to tell him what you want him to do, what you need him to do. We've been married now for 42 years and, when we first got married, Rick didn't do much. He wasn't raised to do house work. But when I started working out of the house, we knew that he had to pitch in, too. It's fair.
 

swampwitch

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
7,753
Purraise
158
Location
Tall Trees & Cold Seas Vancouver Island
I'm really fortunate to have a wonderful husband! Monday is our 18th anniversary, and we were together 4 years before that. Had a husband in my mid-20's (I call him "Practice Husband")... and well, that was not great at all. 

When I'm in a situation I don't like, I've found I either have to change the situation or change my attitude about it. 
 

catlover73

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 3, 2006
Messages
2,627
Purraise
1,541
Location
Chicago area
My husband does pitch in with the cooking and the laundry.  If I want him to help with other stuff I just ask him.  I usually scoop at the cat boxes though.  

Back in 2006 I ended up with a really nasty sprained ankle.  I was out somewhere with my family and fell when I tripped on an uneven sidewalk.  I was not working at the time so I did not go to the doctor or use crutches.  My hubby and my dad had to help me get to the house from the car that day. My dad told my hubby what happened since he was not with us that day.  My hubby and dad sat me down on the couch.  My hubby went up stairs and got some pillows off the bed to help me get comfortable.  He asked me if I needed to go the ER and I decided not to.  My hubby figured out how to get my shoe off without cutting it up.  Once he helped me get comfortable he went to the store and got me 2 ice pack that I could wrap around my ankle and some chocolate because it makes anything seem better.  Even though I was unemployed and he was working full-time he took over everything.  He did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and scooping out the cat boxes.  He made sure that I had an ice pack in the fridge in the den upstairs when he was not home so that I could stay off the stairs unless I was hungry while he was at work.  He told me the day this happened to just stay off my feet as much as possible until the swelling went down,  I had pain meds for the pain because my brother had left over pain meds from when he had surgery about 4 months ago.  It took a few months for me to be able to wear most of my shoes.  I decided to try to help him by doing the laundry one day because he had to work late a few days in a row and I knew he had to be running low on work clothes. ( I do not have to deal with stairs to do laundry).   He was glad I was willing to help him but told me that he would prefer I give myself time to heal instead. My mom offered to hire/pay for a maid to come clean our house temporarily and he told her it was not needed and he would take care of the house.

I think some men are not raised to do this.  My hubby lived on his own and was in the Navy before we knew each other.

I have a friend who works full-time and has an unemployed hubby and he does almost all of the household chores.
 

MoochNNoodles

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
36,646
Purraise
23,468
Location
Where my cats are
DH was raised to help and he likes things neat and tidy by nature.  He's even good at keeping the bathroom clean.  His Mama and 2 older sisters made sure of that and I've told them I'm grateful.  

DH and I split things; even back before we had kids.  I cook, he cleans the kitchen afterward.  At the very least he helps with the pots and pans.  He is a great house keeper.  He can get done in a few hours what takes me all day to do (even without kids).  But I handle most of that because I'm here.  He does the yard work with the exception of weeding the garden.  I sort of enjoy that little time to myself.  He takes out the trash, diaper pail and litter box.  He works long hours, does the car maintenance and finds time to play with the kids.  He's got a running list of little projects to do around the house too.  We don't watch as much TV as we used to.  Other priorities have taken over.  

We divided things this way early in our marriage.  I think starting out this way helped us both have realistic expectations.  And feeling comfortable enough with each other, confident enough in each other's affections, that we can honestly say when we need/want help or we don't like how something is being done, can't handle doing something, etc.  It's a work in progress as life changes too.  
 

little lucifer

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
May 23, 2013
Messages
24
Purraise
14
Men can't do anything? Men pretty much invented every device you use on a daily basis, including your computer and the internet, which you are now using to complain about how useless they are. 

My boyfriend of six years does a lot. I'm actually the lazy one in the relationship! There's a lot of great men out there. Just because you have a lazy husband that YOU settled for doesn't mean you need to generalize an entire gender. 
 
Last edited:

blueyedgirl5946

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Sep 10, 2005
Messages
14,593
Purraise
1,695
I am really enjoying these stories of all the great guys and husbands. Dejolane, it seems you picked one who needs some fine turning. I hope somehow you guys can communicate and life gets better in your house. My husband is another one of the great ones. He keeps the yard clean and manicured looking. He helps me clean up the kitchen every night. When I ask him, he will do whatever else I need help with. Plus he is very generous with money. I have not worked outside the home since 1982 and contributed financially. But he considers everything ours. I have to be careful about saying, "I want" or "I wish I had" because I will come home and find it in the yard or the house. He is a keeper.
 

Winchester

In the kitchen with my cookies
Veteran
Joined
Aug 28, 2009
Messages
29,730
Purraise
28,024
Location
In the kitchen
No Dejolane, you cannot depend on others for this.....you need to have a serious conversation with your husband and tell him what you need. It sounds like your husband is rather lazy and needs a bit of a kick-start, but you've been married to him for, what, 35 years? So it must not be too bad.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #14

dejolane

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 20, 2012
Messages
3,891
Purraise
34
Location
Hebron,Ohio
No Dejolane, you cannot depend on others for this.....you need to have a serious conversation with your husband and tell him what you need. It sounds like your husband is rather lazy and needs a bit of a kick-start, but you've been married to him for, what, 35 years? So it must not be too bad.
It's not that bad really but a man should help around the house
 

andrya

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 6, 2012
Messages
2,561
Purraise
147
Most do :)   l think that was the general response.

l'm no longer married, but l have raised two sons to be good, hard-working men.

My older one is living with his fiance (and their two cats) and they seem to have an equal and balanced relationship (they both work).

My younger son is still home with me and does his own laundry and the laundry that l trust him with 
, makes half the meals, does 90 % of the shopping, does all the garbage, yard, car, snow-shovelling etc. l figure as long as there is a guy in the house, l have no need to be doing those things. l think you need to raise your expectations girl, and voice them nicely and assertively, especially if you both work the same hours.
 

misty8723

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 16, 2006
Messages
7,688
Purraise
8,129
Location
North Carolina
It's not that bad really but a man should help around the house
Yes, he should, and I'm in the same boat as you are.  Been married 33 years and he isn't goning to change, but it's definitely a sore spot with me.  I'm getting too old and tired to do it all
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #18

dejolane

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 20, 2012
Messages
3,891
Purraise
34
Location
Hebron,Ohio
Yes, but do you?

Like the OP, I can't get my husband to do much of anything around the house.  Telling him he has to change doesn't do anything except getting me called a nag.  I think it's a lack of respect.
All my husband wants to do is hang on the computer.
 

blueyedgirl5946

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Sep 10, 2005
Messages
14,593
Purraise
1,695
Write down his good points and focus on them for awhile. I hope things get better for you somehow.:nod:
 

peaches08

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Messages
4,884
Purraise
290
Location
GA
My exboyfriend is an abusive alcoholic. However, one of the most painful as well as healing discoveries I made about myself was codependency. I had to face the fact that I tried to control his drinking which ultimately is wrong. Maybe the book Codependent No More would help.
 
Top