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My idiot brother

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
My middle brother, Mike, has been involved with this awful woman for about 8 years. She sleeps with any man, who will give her money and/or buy her things. (They have a name for women like that.) Mike's kids are living with my parents, because she doesn't want anything to do with them, yet she expects Mike to take care of HER kids. He never gives my parents any money, toward the kids' keep, yet he buys dirt bikes and quadrunners for hers.

She has a good-paying job but Mike pays her mortgage, space rent, utilities, etc. On top of that, he's bought her two trucks, during the past year. Usually, Mike gives her the money, to pay the bills. Usually, she blows the money and doesn't pay the bills. This happened, this week.

Last night, they got into a fight about it and Mike tried to commit suicide. Thank goodness, he is a bad shot. He spent the night, in a mental hospital. The hospital is cutting him loose, tomorrow and he is moving in with my parents. My dad had me drive him over to the w***e's house, to pick up Mike's truck and clothes. Sure enough, some man was there with her.

Now, Mike is no angel - he'll jump a snake, if someone will hold its head and he regularly cruises Tucson's strip and picks up hookers. This is getting totally out of hand, though. She and Mike have split up before, when she finds a new sucker. When those fall through or she sucks them dry, she shakes her big, fat @$$ under Mike's nose and he runs back, like the hound dog that he is.

If it weren't for the kids, I'd say let those two have at each other. Mike's ex-wife is a crackhead (he can pick 'em, huh?) and my parents are the only ones, to take the kids. However, its getting to be a bit much for my dad. He is 76 years old, taking care of all of Mom's care, doing most of the housework and running his business.

Bill and I are getting very worried about him. Pop's in good shape but everybody has limits. Mike is never going to take responsibility, for the kids as long as my parents are around to take them in. My parents don't want to just dump the kids on Mike and wash their hands. That would be tantamount to putting two girls, 12 and 13, on the streets. Mike's 16-year-old son is in high school and has a job. He's no problem for my parents. My dad lets AJ drive his truck to work but AJ buys the gas, as well as his own clothes and school supplies.

HOW do you knock sense, into a 40-year-old man, whose brains are in his briefs? If anything happens to my dad, before the youngest one turns 18, Mike is in for a big shock. Bill and I are NOT going to take the kids, my oldest brother certainly won't and my youngest brother is living in his van.

Bill and I will have our hands full, seeing that Mom is taken care of. Pops is leaving everything in my hands. He knows that I won't stick Mom in a dump of a nursing home and forget about her.

I am almost sorry that Mike didn't succeed, last night. At least, the Social Security survivors' benefits would have helped my parents out. They're doing OK, for now but if Mom has another major health problem, things will tighten up again.
post #2 of 13
Gosh Cindy, I'm a bit lost for words right now. Sounds like a horrible situation for everyone involved! I'm sorry that you're put in the middle to deal with such crap. I wish I had some advice for ya, but I honestly don't know what I'd do in that situation.

Sounds very screwed up to me & sounds like he needs a swift kick in the a$$!
post #3 of 13
Your brother needs some serious counceling. Is he even aware that he has a problem, or in complete denial about it? I'd bet on the latter, and by the irresponsible behavior you described, I'll also guess either alcohol or drug abuse. Can someone intervene now that he has taken that attempt at suicide? What he is doing is not fair to anyone in your family, particularly his kids and your parents, but also to you, his siblings. Look who is worrying about him now!!!

My brother is both suicidal and an alcoholic. He's been giving our family a roller coaster ride for the last 35 years. He lived in Tucson for many years and was in and out of treatment centers a lot. I wish I could refer you to one of those centers but I don't know the names. If you want to get involved, suggest you start with calling the psychiatric ward at Tucson Medical Center. Perhaps they can refer you to someone that can help your brother. The first thing he needs to do is admit he has a problem. If he has an alcohol or drug abuse problem, you should contact al-anon for your own support. This behavior can drive you crazy!!!
post #4 of 13
Gosh, that is so awful. Families can be great, but they can really drag you down.
Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he has completely hit rock bottom yet. With someone, especailly at his age, that is too often what happens before they can see past the next drink or fling. I am so sorry that you are going through this.
post #5 of 13
First off I'm amazed that the hospital is releasing him already! They are NOT supposed to let him go if he's a danger to himself or others. I'm being bad and assuming it's an insurance issue.
This guy sounds like an *** true, but it also sounds like he needs some major help. That's the only way he's going to wake up, and even then it's a maybe.(I've got a sister that takes enough meds to choke a horse and she's still a b**** that brings up her suicide attempts at Thanksgiving when she doesn't feel like she's getting enough attention.)

As for helping your parents out IMO it would probably help if you took your nieces for a weekend or something. I say that in the hope that there are no major personality conflicts between them and you. I know you don't want to help your brother, but at this point it would be helping your parents not him.

Mind you I've got a huge soft spot for kiddies, and to be quite honest I'm thinking of them in all this too. I actually teared up reading about those poor little girls, and I want to personally find your brother, his exwife, the new woman and knock ALL their heads together.
post #6 of 13
Thread Starter 
Its not drink or drugs with Mike and he'll never admit that something is wrong with HIM. He's one of those people who blames everybody BUT himself.

He hooks up with these trashy women, gives them everything and gets blown away when they act like what they are. It seems that these are the only kinds of women that he is attracted to. Any time that he goes out with a "nice girl", it never lasts more than one or two dates.

I don't know what his problem is - we certainly weren't raised that way. Growing up, the women in his life were Mom, Granny and me and WE are/were "nice girls". My dad always took care of the family, first.

He's always said that he wants a home, family and a woman who loves him but, he doesn't do anything to achieve that. More than once, he's told Bill that he's jealous of what we have. Bill tells Mike, "Quit running around with those w****s and find a good woman." Mike is the one who set Bill and me up, on a blind date.

Mike's kids don't understand why he likes that trashy woman and her kids, more than he likes them. How do you tell little girls that their father is a total idiot, whose brains are in his briefs?
post #7 of 13
You don't tell little girls things like that. They'll figure it out on their own. What they need to hear is how many people love them and care about them. They also need to be told that their father loves them, but has problems.
post #8 of 13
Thread Starter 
I've come to the conclusion that Mike needs to be NEUTERED! Since he was 15 years old, every major decision has been based upon the question: "Will it get me laid?" I told Mom that she should have started slipping saltpeter, in his oatmeal, at puberty.
post #9 of 13
Originally posted by katl8e
I've come to the conclusion that Mike needs to be NEUTERED! Since he was 15 years old, every major decision has been based upon the question: "Will it get me laid?" I told Mom that she should have started slipping saltpeter, in his oatmeal, at puberty.
I'm sorry to laugh about such a bad situation, but your post cracked me up! Maybe you could try the Trap, Neuter & Release program on Mike!
post #10 of 13
Your parents need to see a LAWYER! They need to set up child support and force him to be a resposible parent. The support can be taken right from his checks.
post #11 of 13
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by DragonLady
Your parents need to see a LAWYER! They need to set up child support and force him to be a resposible parent. The support can be taken right from his checks.
We've looked into that. As a matter of fact, I researched the Arizona Revised Statutes for them. The problem with that, is that my brother's ex will be brought into the mix and she can try to get custody, herself. Actually, since my brother has legal custody, SHE is under a child-support order. Mike won't go to Child Support Enforcement, though (he still sleeps with her, too and doesn't want to get cut off).

I tried to get my parents to file for legal guardianship. The ex has already been judged an unfit parent and it wouldn't take much to have Mike declared one, too. Financially and emotionally, they aren't up to it and they don't want to put the kids through a custody fight. Mike could volontarily sign over guardianship but, under AZ law, his ex would have to agree, too. She hates my parents and won't cooperate. Its not my parents that she's hurting, but the kids. The main thing is to keep the girls away from her. She would not hesitate to put them out on the stroll, to support her drug habit. She's out there, herself.

Mike seems to have an affinity for two-bit tramps. Wonder how he'd like it, if his daughters turned out like his women?
post #12 of 13
Thread Starter 
They kept Mike, after all. My parents went to visit him, yesterday. As they were leaving, guess who came waltzing in? Yep - Ms. Streetwalker 2003. Mike HAD to have called her and told her where he is and put her on his visitors list.

Bill wasn't going to say anything at work but, Mike called in and told Luann, the shop manager, everything. She told the rest of the guys and they were bugging Bill to tell what he knew. All my guy would say was, "I haven't seen Mike since Friday. I don't know what's going on." He figures that its none of their business.

The hospital is supposed to release Mike tomorrow. We're betting that he goes trotting right back to her place and the same old S*** will keep on. Meanwhile, my dad has to take the time to drive clear across town, pick Mike up and take him back to my parents' house. Of course, he won't stay there. After all, its been at least three days, since he got any.
post #13 of 13
Thread Starter 
Sure enough - he got out, today and guess where he's at, tonight? I talked to Mom, when I got home and she's so disgusted, with Mike that she's almost ready to disown him. He stopped off, at my parents', just long enough to get his truck and stuff - didn't even stick around until HIS kids got home from school.

The doctors put him on Prozac. Bill says that its supposed to make Mike feel good about giving all of his money to that tramp. Mike's supposed to be at work, tomorrow. We'll see how it goes. Mike doesn't whine to Bill, any more, 'cuz Bill is disgusted with him, too.

Bill would do anything in the world for me but, if I was blowing all of the money and messing around, I'd be looking for a new place to live.
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