Have you stopped buying certain groceries?

So I have a question for anyone out there with Teenagers, or Husbands that act like teenager.

Are there any food items that you refuse to buy due to continued abuse?

Let me give some examples...

-- Gallons of Milk, because they are continually drinken straight out of

-- Snack items because they get eaten imiedetely and nobody else gets a chance to get them

I fnally got to the point where I felt I had to eat my entire portion in one setting to be assured of receiving it...... it's craziness!!

Etc...

Well our ever-growing list has now included Milk. I have not bought Juice in over a year, because hubby would drink every drop of it before I even got a chance to get a single glass.......

Now I catch him last night drinking directly out of the milk carton (which we all know is a developed habit over time) and he claims it has "only happened this once". When I pinned him down, ghe finally admitted he has been doing it everytime I buy Milk.

So far our list includes

Juice

Sodas

Snack Cakes

Granola Bars

and now Milk.

Anyone else like this or have this happen? Any thoughts?

Sounds like you are punishing yourself as well as him. :dk: It's never good in a marriage to treat your spouse as a child. :dk:

AbbysMom said:

Sounds like you are punishing yourself as well as him. :dk: It's never good in a marriage to treat your spouse as a child. :dk:

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I figure my husband brings home the money, he can eat up the groceries how he sees fit. I wouldn't necessarily like drinking from the jug. I would probably buy two half gallons and write his name on one and ask him to drink from that and leave the other one to use for cooking etc.

AbbysMom said:

Sounds like you are punishing yourself as well as him.

It's never good in a marriage to treat your spouse as a child.

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That's my thoughts as well. I know what l would say lf my husband refused to let me buy certain things

There's another way around it, buy extra

I think babysitting a husband sounds like a relationship I wouldn't want (on either side). Grownups should act like grownups instead of bickering over snack foods.

I agree that separating the servings would be a good idea. Get 2 half-gallons of milk--1 is his to drink out of however he wants, the other for you to drink out of however you want. Snack foods--buy 2 (or single servings) and write names on them. That's what we did when we were kids to make sure nobody got more than their share. If an adult agreement can't be reached, that's about the only way to handle it.

I would buy two jugs of milk/juice so he can drink from his own special jug!!! Problem solved. I don't have the problem with snacks because when we do snack we try to limit ourselves. :lol3: But, I figure if he wants to snack and eat a whole bag, so be it. I also try to buy healthier snacks for my hubby and he appreciates it too. I would never not buy something to try to prove something to him. In fact, I would buy more of what he loves.

My SO likes to drink out of cartons too. I just buy juice boxes now instead of the jugs most of the time, although I don't drink a lot of juice anyways so it doesn't really bother me. I guess I don't mind as much when he does it because then it's just another glass that I don't have to wash later, lol. We also let our friends or whomever is over that he has a tendency to drink out of the carton if they want juice. With milk, I pour half of it into a pitcher because it's easy for me to handle (I have wrist problems with heavy things), so that's not an issue.

As for snack foods, I figure we both live here and we both pay for the food so we can eat whatever we want. Our friends on the other hand, I limit. We have one friend that will come over and you'll find him snacking in the kitchen - which I don't normally mind, but he's a big guy and will eat all of our snack foods, lol. We had a 1.5kg box of cracker sandwhiches from Costco that was gone in 2 days when he was over, we only had a few of the bags. Now they're kept in a separate pantry away from the kitchen, our friends that I trust with our food know where they are if they want something, but those that I don't need to ask, lol.

I have always tried to avoid snack foods so if my ex ate more than "his share" or all of it it was less temptation for me.  My ex did have the habit of drinking right out of the milk too.  After the kids started drinking milk I did the two containers.  I didn't put his name on it I just left his at the front of the refrigerator.  I never tried to control what or how much my ex ate.  I did that with the kids and junk food.

blueyedgirl5946 said:

 would probably buy two half gallons and write his name on one and ask him to drink from that and leave the other one to use for cooking etc.

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  DH and I will share a glass to drink out of; but I'm sorry...drinking from the carton is gross.  But I wouldn't stop buying it because he can't control his actions.  

I'd also have a loooong talk with him.  My DH knows I have food issues thanks to siblings who would devour all the "good stuff" as soon as it walked through the door.  Even fruit.  I got that "get it while you can" mentality and it's hard to break.  (Guess who is the fat one out of all 5 of us kids?)  We usually stick to dividing treats up and practice this little thing called self control; most of the time.    I've learned to let stuff go sometimes too.  We don't often buy junk or snack foods anyway.  But it's for everyones benefit.  Snack cakes, granola and soda aren't good for you anyway.  Juice is iffy but milk is a bit extreme.  I would talk to him and come to some sort of understanding; a compromise.  Is it really worth making this an issue in your marriage?

Drinking from carton/jug does not bother me at all.  I mean I kiss him right?  I would not share with a kid cause they do not know how to drink with out getting it back in jug.

We both love our snacks.  I just buy in bulk at BJ's and stock up while on sale.  If we get tired of something I will give it to family-and family does the same. Does not happen to often so not a worry to me.

I think there is a serious issue if you have a banned list that can not even come into the house. 

Growing up if mom bought something in demand(dunkaroos or fruit roll ups say) we had to keep track of what we had left from the split box.  Sometimes we would trade or ask the other can I have one of yours as I ate my 4 and next box you take one of mine? We did that from ages 10 and 5 on.  Just being civil on snacks was part of our life early on.

I guess if it is such a extreme issue I would do a shared food budget for regular meals and then divide up some money for snacks that you can spend on what you want with it being just yours not to be touched unless you offer the other one some.

I would not be happy to not have a cupcake or yodel or something when I want it due to not having it in house ever.

Codependency is a very lonely way to live in a relationship. So glad I'm away from that now.

But as far as foods that I try not to buy: sweets and canned foods. I try to buy more fresh ingredients and freeze more often. Tastes better too! I do buy the occasional sweet or canned product because sometimes I'm tired and a can of beans is all I can muster. But very few canned foods actually taste good to me anymore.

blueyedgirl5946 said:

I figure my husband brings home the money, he can eat up the groceries how he sees fit. I wouldn't necessarily like drinking from the jug. I would probably buy two half gallons and write his name on one and ask him to drink from that and leave the other one to use for cooking etc.

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He doesn't work. I do, and I get my check........... I "bring home the money" in essence.....  I love the idea of buying 2 half gallons though.

Everyone has given me some great ideas, we have had months of counseling and it isn't about the Milk- we have plenty of root issues of trust etc.. Add to that the immigration issues......

I grew up in a house where if say mom bought a box of Little Debbie brownies- (there were 6 in a pack)........ My brother and I each got 3. Often, my brother would be at home (he was younger) while I was at school, mom would go grocery shopping- and all 6 would be eaten by the time I got home by my brother. So I finally started eating/drinking my entire portion of stuff at once....... I love love love the idea of "his" and "hers". I will get 2 half gallon jugs and put his name on one.

Each of us will also get a plastic shoebox and we will each get to pick out 1 box per month of the 100 calorie snack packs. (There are like 10 or 15 in the boxes), then we can fill our snack boxes, and trade if we want. I know I have developed some unhealthy food habits, and I do love Milk- and especially need it for cooking......... It sounds childish & silly but it just might work. That way, he doesn't have to worry about me jumping on him for eating up every snack before I even get one, and I don't have to worry about losing my portion.

Nebula said:

He doesn't work. I do, and I get my check........... I "bring home the money" in essence.....  I love the idea of buying 2 half gallons though.

Everyone has given me some great ideas, we have had months of counseling and it isn't about the Milk- we have plenty of root issues of trust etc.. Add to that the immigration issues......

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To me, the biggest issue here (at least it would be with me) is that he is not working. And you are. Why does he not have a job? And I don't want to hear that it's because he's not an American. He can find something, if he really tried. I don't care if he's flipping burgers or working on a garbage truck....there are jobs out there.

Add the other problems to that and man, Nebula, I'd be gone. Sorry, I'm really sorry, but I'd be gone. You are married to a very immature and childish man. This post, combined with your other posts, just make me think that he's using you. And you're allowing it. Co-dependency is not pretty.

You are working. You are going to school. And what is he doing? Other than scarfing down all the food? 

Sure, you can buy two 1/2 gallons of milk. You can get a shoebox for the snacks. And what happens when his milk is gone? And his snacks are gone? Ultimately? The issues go way beyond this.

I'm sorry. But that's my two cents. I'll keep quiet now and I won't say anything else.

Putting names on food adds to the false control a codependent thinks they have over someone else. Just being honest here.

Winchester said:

To me, the biggest issue here (at least it would be with me) is that he is not working. And you are. Why does he not have a job? And I don't want to hear that it's because he's not an American. He can find something, if he really tried. I don't care if he's flipping burgers or working on a garbage truck....there are jobs out there.

Add the other problems to that and man, Nebula, I'd be gone. Sorry, I'm really sorry, but I'd be gone. You are married to a very immature and childish man. This post, combined with your other posts, just make me think that he's using you. And you're allowing it. Co-dependency is not pretty.

You are working. You are going to school. And what is he doing? Other than scarfing down all the food? 

Sure, you can buy two 1/2 gallons of milk. You can get a shoebox for the snacks. And what happens when his milk is gone? And his snacks are gone? Ultimately? The issues go way beyond this.

I'm sorry. But that's my two cents. I'll keep quiet now and I won't say anything else.

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Pretty much my thoughts exactly.

I'll also add to that there is likely some self-esteem issues at play here. I remember when I was in an abusive relationship, the guy had my mind so messed up that I truly believed that it was better to stay in the relationship than to leave it and be along, because he had me completely convinced that no one else would want me.

I know better now.

I've said this before Neb, but you seriously need to get out of that relationship, because it's toxic.

Your husband sounds like a little kid with behavior problems. It's rough to have a child like that, REALLY difficult to have as a partner.