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family issue

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
Many of you know about the problem I had with my mother about 2 years ago. Anyways, it is her b-day on Sunday, and my dad called while I was @ work saying he is taking her out to dinner on Suday, and I am not sure if I want to go. You see, she still never asks about my husband, and neither does my dad. I dont blame my husband for not wanting to go, if I ask him, and I will not force him to go, either. A friend at work understands how I feel and she says I should just be up front with them and tell them that he and me have been a package since we got married. I know my husband won't go. And, me, I will only go to keep the peace, which I dont think is right either. All I know is that I hate family things anymore. My parents will always be the way the way they are. All I will get is a run around and they will just question me back. and, it feels like I can never just tell them no, without making an exuse up what would you do?
post #2 of 7
IMO, I would be honest & upfront with them. Tell them exactly what your friend told you...you two are a package deal & have been since you've been married. If they can't deal with that, it's their problem. It's awful that they put you in the middle & it's not fair at all to do that.

If they start questioning you, just tell them that you do not feel comfortable answering their questions & feel it's none of their business. It's hard to do that especially since their your parents, but maybe they'll realize the hard way that they need to compromise a little.

Good luck! I wish I had the magical answer for you, but it's really your decision. It's sad that they've put you in this kind of situation to make this decision. Honestly, it sounds like a control issue...you need to take control now. Wish you the best!

Edit: I need to learn how to spell!
post #3 of 7
I do not know the situation, but from what you say I think I get the picture.

This is just my opinion. I feel when you marry your husband or wife comes first. It seems your parents could act politely for one evening.

I would only go as a package, you are a couple.
post #4 of 7
hmm, it seems like your parents don't want to accept that you are an adult and can make adult decisions.

Take a deep breath and tell them otherwise!

Good luck!
post #5 of 7
Tigger I don't know about what happened between you and your parents a couple of years ago but I'm going to give you my opinion based on my problems with my parents.

My parents wouldn't accept my husband or me for that matter because we couldn't have children, hence we had a huge argument. That being said since that time it was an invitation to my parents for every occassion but my husband was never invited.

I laid down the law to both of them immediately, if they didn't invite my husband then stop the invitations all together!

We've been extremely happy ever since, no arguments between my husband and myself which is the worst thing that can happen. We're going to be celebrating our 26th Wedding Anniversary Dec.31 and people still think that we are Newlyweds!

Both my parents now are deceased it's going to be 5 years for my Mother and 2 years for my Father both in October.

You're all grown up now, don't let your parents come between you and your hubby!
post #6 of 7
Thread Starter 
I asked him if he would go, and he said no, and I can understand. I will just call my dad and finally have it out with him, if he will even let me.
On labor day, my mom called me to ask "how are the other people in your house doing?" and she was not referring to my husband, she was referring to our cats! I replied if she was referring to my husband, he was playing a computer game, and she didnt say anything, she went right past that and still said , "what about the other people" Seriously, I wanted to reach thru the phone and knock her out.
And, to be honest, if his parents never asked about me, which they ALWAYS do, I would not go to dinner with them, either. And, I think they would understand that, whereas my parents will never.
post #7 of 7
I don't know the situation also, but I support skykitty's advice. My last adopted family didn't accept my moving away from their 'controlled' hands or the idea of me marrying, let alone marrying a foreigner. You are grown up now and they shouldn't have that type of idiotic control. It's their loss that they will never get to know the son in law that they could have, for their arrogance. Just be nice to them of course if you do decide to turn down the dinnerplans. I am really sorry you have to go through that, it's unfortunate. If you want to really ruffle their feathers, you and your husband could show up and laugh about it later at their reactions LOL!! okay, i'm being funny here
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