Life is so unfair!

Guess what?? After a whole month of struggling to get my bits and pieces of my life back, now it has come back to haunt me..i went for an interview recently and they told me that due to the nature of the job, it is best that i do not have anything negative to be held as "hostage" for security reasons... i went through many rounds of interview and all i got was a rejection letter stating that because of the abortions i had, they couldn't take me in... it hurts really badly upon seeing that... and at this point in time, a mutual friend had to come to tell me that he seems fine with his current girlfriend but yet he still keeps all my emails in his inbox and in a separate folder... of course he should be fine cos his girlfriend is pestering me and not him..anything that she is unhappy about him, she vents it right onto me. i chose not to tell him anything bcos i know he wouldn't believe me anyway, so why bother? i'm just so angry that everything that i've done for him would turn out to be things that hurt me and hinder me in my career..my god!! this is so frustrating!!!! and to think he can take it as if nothing of this sort has ever happened before!i must have been blind!


thanks for letting me vent.. i needed it..

Kate..I'm sorry to hear that!

But...isn't it illegal to deny you a job because of that? What about Equal Opportunity Employment?

Also, can I ask why they needed to know that information? To me that personal & doesn't affect your job duties. I dunno...something sounds fishy to me.

Kate, I'm sorry! that's so unfair!

hey shell,

it's a job with a defence department in the country...they need to check up your background to ensure it is clean before they can offer you the job and darn, i just missed it because of that!

That is so unfair! Why did they have to know this anyway? Would the any more have hired you if you were pragnant or with a small child, and single? Are they hiding something by telling you this is the reason?
I find this just very unprofessional.

How about your ex´s new. Are the two of you kind of "friends" or is she venting to you, just to give you pain?

Even though you ex still might be having trouble to let go of you, and keeps you email etc... he has no right to keep you on a liesh, and does not deserve to have another chance with you. ´Try not to let it into your heart that he hasn´t fully let you go...continue to let go of him.
Take care of yourself!

I guess different countries have different ideas of privacy. Here that would be a reason to file a grievence.

wow, I really dont know what to say. its very unfair that they let that be a deciding factor. Im sure there are other better jobs for you.

Originally posted by Pollyanna


How about your ex´s new. Are the two of you kind of "friends" or is she venting to you, just to give you pain?

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i never was a friend with her..she would just say things that she is not happy with my ex to me and complain to me how their relationship is turning...be it good or bad...

Originally posted by kateang
hey shell,

it's a job with a defence department in the country...they need to check up your background to ensure it is clean before they can offer you the job and darn, i just missed it because of that!

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Hmm...still sounds strange to me. To me, I don't think health issues like this one should be included in the screening process. It sounds to me like it's a violation of your privacy to me. Also, it's just stupid that they would base their decision on your abortion...don't they realize that there are many women out there that have done the very same thing?
IMO, the next time when the interviewer asks you about "coming clean with any negatives" don't mention that. It's your private personal issue & it doesn't affect your job. Plus legally they CAN NOT dig into your private health records without your consent & no one can give them any info unless you approve of it first. It's a fairly new law that went into affect in April (HIPAA) & had to train all the Walmart Pharmacy employees in Nebraska about this law...so I do know that for a fact.

Originally posted by DragonLady
I guess different countries have different ideas of privacy. Here that would be a reason to file a grievence.

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HIPAA laws are nation wide laws too. So it doesn't matter what state you live in, it's against the law to give out your private info (not just healthcare too) with out your consent.

So does she call you and force you to be in contact? That is so mean, you should not have to have anything to do with them, it does not make it easyer for you to keep on with your life, when they keep dragging you into theirs!

My ex kept calling me every day at work, like I was his best friend, and discussing every detail with his new, more to keep me on a leash, and it hurt so much, and gave me hope that I would "win" him back...But first when I got really mad and told him to go to $"$%"#$ (and felt really bad afterwards, since it´s not nice to say such thing to a person...) and he stopped calling me, I was able to start moving on with my life. At this time I called him too, since I considered him to be my friend (despite mental abuse for many years and the fact that he cheated on me...), but he told me he didn´t want me to call him, since his new didn´t like it. So instead he just called me during the day from work!
I have often wished, he had in fact just gone to %$$%&$%

i know what you mean pollyanna... she would just send me mails and stuff... sms me through my hp or icq... a lot of my friends have told me to change my hp no but i simply refuse to.. i dun see a point in giving way to them... while my ex is keeping quiet about things like that, she's talking way too much... and i've learnt to keep my cool and shut up in order not to mess up the whole thing.. she kept implying that he is not good and all that but in my mind, i was wondering to myself why is it that you simply refused to let go when my child needed a father?? and now you are complaining that he is not good?? whatever is between us is over and i really hope it is.. be it whether he still keeps my emails or not, it doesn't matter to me.. i really want to move on and get a proper job....

Man that really sucks What difference does that make as to whether you can do the job or not It was a decision that you made that was best for all parties concerned.

Originally posted by Shell
HIPAA laws are nation wide laws too. So it doesn't matter what state you live in, it's against the law to give out your private info (not just healthcare too) with out your consent.

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Shell, she is in a different country. Our laws don't stretch that far! It's a whole different world there.

Singapore has some laws that we would consider a violation of our rights. However, it is THEIR country and as long as they're not trying to force it on others......

Naturally, WE are free to disagree.

Originally posted by mzjazz2u
Shell, she is in a different country. Our laws don't stretch that far! It's a whole different world there.

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WHOOPS! I didn't even notice that! Thanks for bringing that to my attention...I swear I need new contacts!

well in singapore..we can speak up but nobody bothers to listen.. and given the fact that i'm applying for a job that required such clearance i can only blame myself for such a result... this job deals with intelligence work so i guess they need to do a proper check and ensure nothing is wrong all that... somehow, this is why i have always wanted to move to the states and stay with my aunt...

PS. shell...