New Cat Owner- Please Help!

Hello, everyone! I'm a new cat owner and was hoping I get can some insight on a few things. Me and my roommate got a new cat. She used to belong to a friend of mine who had to give her away because she was having another baby. The cat's name is Onyx, she is a female who is about 2 years old. She may have gotten shots as a kitten, but I do need to get her to a vet because her previous owner is unsure. She is NOT spayed yet either. She lived with my friend since she was about 2 months or so.

We brought Onyx to our home about a week ago. Before picking her up, we made sure to have all the essentials: food/water bowls, bed, scratching post, litter box, a carrier and a few toys. She was fine on the way home, a little meow here and there but that was to be expected. I asked her previous owner how she was feed and continued with that feeding schedule and we used the same kind of litter she used. She also provided me with one of Onyx's old toys so she would have something familiar to her at our house. We live in an apartment and gave her the living room as her area and set everything up for her there.

The first few days, Onyx hid a lot. She would hide under one of our couches, which is also a sofa bed so we had to get her out because we were afraid she'd get hurt. She doesn't hide there much anymore so that's a plus. Now, here are some concerns I have:

1) She does not sleep in the bed we got her. She sniffs it and will kind of step into it but she won't sleep there. We gave her a blanket for warmth. We also put the blanket that was in her carrier the day we picked her up but she won't even look at it. She'd rather sleep on the chairs in the kitchen. Is there anyway to get her to use her bed?

2) She hisses whenever we go near her. We have yet to be able to pet her because if we get too close, she hisses. She doesn't really swat at use with her paw, but she will kind of jump back if you get closer. When she hisses, I usually step back and give her space before attempting to walk in the direction again. I get nervous because I don't want to get scratched or bitten. A few days a go, she was meowing so I called out to her. I held my hand out for her to sniff, which she did but then swatted my hand with her paw (no claws though). We usually try to show her that the hissing won't get a reaction from us and that we are not going to hurt her. I've tried to offer her toys and treats but don't get much reaction. Is this normal? Can I ever expect for her to calm down and allow us to be near and touch her?

3) She meows a bit and scratches on our bedrooms doors at night sometimes, seemingly for our attention. But, once we open the doors, she runs off. Does anyone know why that could be?

I know this is all new territory for her and we are a whole new family she is getting used to. I am just concerned. I have always loved cats and wanted to own one. Her previous owner said she was like that when she got her too. She would just go about her day and eventually, Onyx came to her. Is that what I should do? I mean, I pay her attention but I usually just go about my routine so she sees how life is like here and can get accustomed. I speak to her in a calm voice and so does my roommate. She doesn't hide as much anymore and will be out in the open for you to see her, but will still hiss and run off when you get too close sometimes. Can anyone give me any advice on this? I just hope that she warms up to us and loves us like we love her. Thanks for hearing me out!

Welcome to TCS.  The first thing a new owner should realize is that Onyx will decide you are a good thing in her own time. You will have to take it at her speed.  I want you to read some of the articles that I recommend for every new cat owner.

www.thecatsite.com/a/cat-behavior-for-beginners        This is the most important one.

www.thecatsite.com/a/cat-sounds-feline-vocal-communication

www.thecatsite.com/a/cats-as-individuals

I also suggest you go to the articles section and read about Cat Health and Cat Care.

If you are still with me, here are the answers to your questions.

1) If she decides she doesn't want to sleep in her bed, there is no way to get her to. Just make it as comfy as possible, and maybe see what she is sleeping on and put it in there.

2)  Yes, it is normal. Her whole environment has been drastically changed. Cats like things to stay the same.  She will settle down eventually.  Getting her spayed should be one of your top priorities.

3)  She wants attention, but when you open the door, you are not her normal person.

I hope you will have many happy years with Onyx.  Please post some pictures to the Fur Pictures forum.

Her whole world has been turned upside down, so it's understandable that she's scared and uncertain of you. She will need time to learn that she can trust you. I would treat her almost as a semi-feral from your description of her. Let her approach you. Don't try to force any petting or affection on her. Don't make her feel cornered. It sounds like she is starting to feel more comfortable if she's not hiding as much. Spend time with her in the same room, on the floor if possible. Just let her get used to your non-threatening presence. You can read aloud so she gets used to your voice. You can try to play with her with a wand type toy, nothing too close at first. You can try playing soft classical music as that's supposed to be soothing to cats. You could try a Feliway diffuser.

It will take some time, but I think your love and patience will be rewarded.

Oh, and the bed, cats will sleep wherever they feel like. I got mine a cat bed she never used. She prefers a folded up fleece blanket.

Good luck and thanks for giving this kitty a home. I am sure she will come to love you.

Thank you all so much! She comes out more often now and even came up to me to sniff my hand (before running off, of course LOL). She's still skittish but I think we are making progress!

VampKitty33 said:

Thank you all so much! She comes out more often now and even came up to me to sniff my hand (before running off, of course LOL). She's still skittish but I think we are making progress!

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Sounds good.  Just keep up what you are doing.  Once she decides you are harmless, she will come to you more often.  Get some cat treats and every time she comes out, give her a couple.

You might try putting her bed up on the couch or some other place up off the floor.  Most kitties, especially in new environments, find security being up high (off the floor).  However, as another poster commented, they'll sleep wherever they like.  LOL  Also, as others have said, just sit on the floor with her and talk calmly to her.  Don't make sudden movements with her, read to her, and when you go into the room where she is, talk to her so she becomes accustomed to your voice.  Let her set the pace on the pets and contact.  One thing that might help is to not leave food out for her, but to be her food source so she associates you with good things (food).  Also, get a toy on a wand and use that to play with her.

Hey I have a question... Is it ok of I hiss at my back when she hisses or swipes at me or my friend? It's something we would really like her to break out of.

Good Evening! I'm probably a bit late for replying on this thread, but I'll give it a go in any case.

The bed problem: Yes, cats will sleep wherever they want and there's nothing you can do about it. We got a beautiful handmade basket as a gift for our Rasberry when we adopted her, she didn't want to have anything to do with it. Eventually I decided to tuck it away in a corner on top of the tumble dryer, just to get it out of the way (used to be right next to our bed), and lo and behold! Suddenly Rasberry was sleeping in that basket like it was her favourite thing to do. No amount of comfy blankets, little handmade pillows, catnip or anything could get her to like that basket, until it was moved to another location. Try to move Onyx's bed to another place in your apartment. Especially where there is some sunlight during the day or near a window. It might help her to actually use it.

Also, I'd suggest taking her to the vet as soon as possible for vaccinations and to have her sterilised. It should be your top priority, I think.

As for the behaviour, it will pass eventually. Just make sure she gets a lot of attention and treats. She needs to get accustomed  to you and the new environment. And cats do things in their own time. We hiss at Rasberry if she's being naughty or hurts us. It's a way of teaching them what is okay and what is not. After you hiss, you leave the room and ignore her for a while. She must understand that hurting you equals no attention/affection. I don't know how much help that'll be for a cat that is still getting used to the environment, but I think it should be safe to try anyway. Just remember, no shouting, and no hitting (even little slaps on the back or butt). It will just stress her out more and it won't stop the bad behaviour.

Hope all is well with Onyx, and if you can, please post some photos! We'd love to see her. Good luck and please keep us posted.

Give her time as has been suggested, but I would definitely get her spayed ASAP. In my experience cats who aren't spayed or neutered are more aggressive and less friendly, especially females. She will also go into heat if she isn't spayed and may get out of the house and get pregnant.

Personally I wouldn't worry so much about the vaccines if she is an indoor cat... you can over vaccinate a lot of times.

Once she is spayed and has time to settle into a brand new environment with nice people and fun things to do, I'm sure she will settle down. I'm sorry your friend felt the need to give her up. Do you have anything with her scent on it from her old home? That could help make her feel a little more comfortable.

I wouldn't bother to hiss at her when she does it to you, just ignore her.

I wouldn't worry too much about the hissing, I think she's nervous and wouldn't claw you, it's a warning. I do wonder though if you hiss at her now while she is so new it might stress her out more. I wouldn't push her, offer your love often but back off if she gets upset. Just give her lots of love and time. Definitely get her spayed, they become the cat from you-know-where if you don't, meowing constantly, peeing on everything, etc. But wait awhile until she is less nervous. Good luck!

hey everyone! onyx is actually doing great! we got her spayed and i think it REALLY helped. She still has her moments but she's much more well behaved. she barely hisses or scratches us anymore. she loves to cuddle with me now! she's got that tortiude thing going on LOL. and that's ok! shes got her own personality and she's really starting to become part of the family. we love her to death! here are some pix!

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Aw, that's great! Glad it's working out for you.

She's a cutie, still a baby.