HELP!!!! Is our beloved new addition just NOT a good fit?

Hi...I have posted a couple of times before....1st time feral Mom needs advice. I need honest advice whether our CC is a good editon to our home?...or if she would be better in a home with no other animals or small children.This Wed will be three weeks since we brought this feral beauty into our home. We suspect she was born on the street. Found in my sister's neighborhood. A kind lady who does TNR in the neighborhood thought she was adoptable and actively sought a home for her. I look this to this group since I have NEVER attemtped to socialize a feral. CC is really only the 3rd cat I have had in my adult life.Initially, CC showed some aggression, but slowly seemed to bond to me and make a connection to my husband. Over the last couple of days, my adult son began to interact with her. (She DID attempt to bite him a few times.) My daughther has some physical special needs and is only 5 years old. Her exposure to the cat has been minimal, but CC seems to be OK with the noise level in my home....thanks to the addition on Feliway and lots of one on one time.I should now mention that CC is NOW scheduled to have an incisional hernia repair on March 19th. My big fear is that CC will regress and become aggressive once again. I sought some advice as to the next step I should take...no answers in this forum.Following the advice of the lady who gave CC to us (and who knows the situation) , I decided to allow CC and my resident kitty, Pierce to sniff each other very a gait/baracade. I must mention, our resident male kitty Pierce immediately started hissing and growling, but we figured that was part of him defending his home. While tending to my daughter, CC (who is very smart BTW) scaled the baracade and wandered into the rest of the house (downstairs). CC charged my declawed Pierce (in a running crouching positon) and attacked his face...biting and swatting. She retreated back upstairs when my Pierce ran in the living room and my son stood in the doorway. She is now safely back in her room to calm down. Although now, she has had a taste of freedom, and is nervously scratching to door and carpet despite the Feliway diffuser.I know it was the first intro, but that was one of the most vicious ambushes I have ever witnessed. Is that the precursor to more aggressive behavior? Does CC simply need more time to "warm" up to Pierce? I fear for his safety...and ours....including my daughter. Because of her "wild" previous life, is she just prone to constantly defending her territory? I am heartbroken at the prospect of having to find her a different home...But would she be better off in a quieter home where she could be the Queen she is fighting to be? Our home has many stressors that may prove to be too much for a feral.

Hi Chinamom, first I'd say take several deep breaths!   To me it seems all that has actually happened is that the first introduction went out of control and CC reacting aggressively.   The same scenario could easily have happened with a non-feral cat.   There's supposed to be some articles somewhere on this site on how to carefully do introductions you might want to find.   For the first and many more meetings afterward you need to supervise every second of it - don't do them if you won't be able to give it your undivided attention.   I know that might be tough to find a time with a 5 year old though.    At first the cats should not have any physical access to each other until they are able to see each other without reacting with hostility.    You can start with them only be able to see each other slightly - like a crack in the door with door stops on both directions so it won't move open or even paws under the door.   Then maybe having both eat near the shared spot.  

More concern is about your daughter though....even with fully socialized cats a child of that age requires a lot of training and supervision on how to interact with them without terrifying them.   Her best bet will be to learn to never push contact with CC, never chase her, or grab her, ever.   Do you think she will be able to do that?    If she can I think there's still hope here, it's just going to take a more slow introduction process with Pierce.   You are doing a great thing providing a home for CC - it can still work out!

PS - About the hernia....does it need to be done right away?   Maybe a little more time for her to bond with you all?    Still it might be fine - I was amazed that Patches socialization held after her recent vet visit though I've had her a few years.  She seemed very grateful to be home afterward.

Here's one I found http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats looks pretty good has a good scent sharing trick.

I agree with Bastfriends.

Yeah, the first introduction was a little rough, but not horrible.  Here is an article specifically dealing with socializing feral cats/kittens (principle the same, just takes longer).

You could also try treat sharing:  CC on one side of the door, Pierce on the other side, Give each cat a treat through either a crack in the door or under the door (depending on the space between the door and floor/carpet). 

I wouldn't necessarily postpone the hernia operation, I don't know how much pain it causes CC.  Pain in cats can = agression and hiding.

I agree with everything said, but I'd like to add 1 other comment. I think as she was feral and still not quite used to her surroundings or all members of the family, I would work first on making her thoroughly comfortable in that respect, before then trying to do intro's to Pierce. Just my thought. Some cats can take many weeks to adjust just to new surroundings. Add people and animals to that, well you can see how it can sometimes seem overwhelming to a kitty. More so for ferals who really are not people oriented as it is. Give her time. And I am so happy you are doing this for her, thank you.
 

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I am still concerned for the safety of our resident kitty, and more importantly, my special needs 5 year old. I consider CC a special needs kitty and will do everything I can in order to give her a happy life.

CC is confined yes? Keep letting your 5 yr old visit CC with your supervision of course, in CC's room. See if you can have your daughter just sit on the floor with you and show her how to interact with CC, like hand out till CC comes for a sniff, ect. Kids love animals, and your daughter CAN be taught how to treat them. Let them get to know each other. Let your daughter give CC treats. Food is the best ice breaker. Cats associate food with good feelings. Show her how to play with CC if CC will play. Keep the visits calm.  Keep us posted.
 

Well said.  I want to add, keep on caring about Pierce too, so he feels he is nr 1.  Im thinking about his hissing at their first meeting through the net...  If he thinks the new be is a threat to him, taking the first place, he will be hostile...

I presume CC is spayed since long?  Although even spayed females may aggressively defend their core territory, they can.

CC was spayed on or around Feb 15, 2013 as a result of that surgery, she needed an umbilical hernia repair which was done this past Tues. (the 19th) She is doing great. We debated whether to have the surgery done right away, since we are still trying to socialize her with our resident man, Pierce. Since coming home on Tuesday, she is a different cat. She has not tried to bite and she is seeking affection/petting.  Granted she is still on a long acting pain med.Today, when out roaming the upstairs bedrooms (she has no interest in going downstairs, perhaps d/t pain) I placed treats near my husband's office where Pierce was hanging out. Surprisingly, when we opened the door a crack, enough for them to sniff but not see each other, CC was not aggressive at all...actually seemed a little timid when Pierce hissed and growled at her. Hoping she has had a change of heart (hey, I'm OK if the anesthesia and pain med has made her more mellow), and is interested in a calmer interaction with Pierce (hoping he will engage now). It is difficult to spend equal time with both cats AND my family/daughter, but I am hoping my efforts pay off. I would LOVE if CC and Pierce could one day end up buddies. CC does not seem as stressed around my daughter right now. We have not yet allowed her to pet CC, but are hopeful that things will continue in a positive direction.

I'm so glad the surgery went well!    Is the pain med buprenex/burpenorphine?   I find that makes them extra affectionate and goofy.

Very possible is her problems with hernia, was bothering and paining her.   Cats in pain dont have the same patience as usual...  Successful operation, this pain gone => they are more friendly.  The painkiller helping too.  

You have difficulty to be best friend with both at the same time... A common solution is, one in the pair is mostly with the resident, the other with the newcomer.  Your child can also pet extra your resident.

The same solution recommended btw if you get a new newborn child, so you dont risk the cat gets jealous.  It will of course usually be the mom with the child, and the father with the cat.  And they switch sometimes.

Good luck!