I suppose it began over the Summer when my Prissi had kidney issues; through all of the tests, procedures, prayers, and visits to the vet while she was under their exclusive care, I knew things would never be the same. Though Priss came through this trying time with flying colors, my life and priorities had changed.
I never asked the vet at any point, where we were at in terms of a monetary balance. What difference did it make? We were going to see this through until Priss was healthy, regardless of cost. Looking back, things could have gone very differently...Priss's health could have plateaued at some arbitrary point - 60% or whatever - where she was living but there was no quality of life; what then? I already had begged my vet to tell me what to do in regards to continuing treatment when Priss was at her lowest point; they couldn't do that, nor would a reasonable person have expected them to (I was not a reasonable person at that point, I just wanted smart people to give me answers).
I guess I'm getting a bit tangential with this, and a couple of points are arising; one, I'm sure those that have that special bond with their pets have that transcendent moment where they know the the best thing for their pet is to have eternal rest from this life. That said, being that I obviously did not have that moment with Priss, I have to applaud all of you that have summoned the strength to make that decision for your pet. I could easily have a breakdown sitting here just envisioning that moment; not just for me and my own, but for anyone. I suppose it's a strength that you're blessed to receive only when you need it.
My second point, the reason I wanted to therapy-journalize this in the first place, is that I think I'm at a point where nothing else has much significance to me except my cats. I've never been a person that could adjust to having nice things (the fleeting euphoria and impending disappointment in "stuff" became too much of a cycle to ignore), but it's evolved to a point where everything sort of has this "been there, done that" feel. I bought some hockey equipment online a month ago, and it wasn't but a few hours after, when I almost vomited at the disgust in myself.
Mind you, I could afford the stuff. Buying hockey equipment is one of the few things I've habitually enjoyed indulging in over the years, as I'm pretty cheap, otherwise. But I didn't need it. What if one of my kitties needed medicine or a procedure, but instead of having an ounce of forethought with them as my priority, I now have a couple of pieces of leather and fabric sitting in my apartment.
I returned the hockey equipment. I also canceled my iPhone contract in lieu of a pay-as-you-go phone, and I canceled my cable television.
Another impetus to this was a book I read recently, "The Tiger". The book does an excellent job of painting a picture of the hand-to-mouth existence led by those who live(d) in Siberian Russia. After each chapter, I would feel a little more guilty, and a little less worthy. And a lot more contemptuous of humanity driven by excess.
It will be nice to be spending less and - as relatively insignificant as it is in the big picture - receiving a little less paper in the mail. Every little bit helps though, right (and to those online-payment folks, I was an identity theft victim, so there
. I like to give a donation at the end of the year to the Cheetah Conservation Fund (hint - please contribute! , and while it's not an enormous sum, I think about the fact that I didn't seem to mind paying almost $100/month for a stupid phone. And then I get sick again.
I have a good friend who got into Facebook a few years ago, and she's become a different person. It seems so many get wrapped up in their "Rock Star" status where (they think) everyone is hanging on their every word, they lose touch with basic elements of interaction; it all becomes competitions of one-upmanship and sorry attempts at self-validation.
I guess I'm wondering if anyone here can relate to any of this. I suppose some of it can be chalked up to maturity - that point where you realize the finite nature of life has a stronghold on you, and you become more reflective of life as opposed to assertive in quest. Or maybe that's depression talking.
Soooo...I know I've bounced around here a lot, but...anyone know where I'm coming from..?
I never asked the vet at any point, where we were at in terms of a monetary balance. What difference did it make? We were going to see this through until Priss was healthy, regardless of cost. Looking back, things could have gone very differently...Priss's health could have plateaued at some arbitrary point - 60% or whatever - where she was living but there was no quality of life; what then? I already had begged my vet to tell me what to do in regards to continuing treatment when Priss was at her lowest point; they couldn't do that, nor would a reasonable person have expected them to (I was not a reasonable person at that point, I just wanted smart people to give me answers).
I guess I'm getting a bit tangential with this, and a couple of points are arising; one, I'm sure those that have that special bond with their pets have that transcendent moment where they know the the best thing for their pet is to have eternal rest from this life. That said, being that I obviously did not have that moment with Priss, I have to applaud all of you that have summoned the strength to make that decision for your pet. I could easily have a breakdown sitting here just envisioning that moment; not just for me and my own, but for anyone. I suppose it's a strength that you're blessed to receive only when you need it.
My second point, the reason I wanted to therapy-journalize this in the first place, is that I think I'm at a point where nothing else has much significance to me except my cats. I've never been a person that could adjust to having nice things (the fleeting euphoria and impending disappointment in "stuff" became too much of a cycle to ignore), but it's evolved to a point where everything sort of has this "been there, done that" feel. I bought some hockey equipment online a month ago, and it wasn't but a few hours after, when I almost vomited at the disgust in myself.
Mind you, I could afford the stuff. Buying hockey equipment is one of the few things I've habitually enjoyed indulging in over the years, as I'm pretty cheap, otherwise. But I didn't need it. What if one of my kitties needed medicine or a procedure, but instead of having an ounce of forethought with them as my priority, I now have a couple of pieces of leather and fabric sitting in my apartment.
I returned the hockey equipment. I also canceled my iPhone contract in lieu of a pay-as-you-go phone, and I canceled my cable television.
Another impetus to this was a book I read recently, "The Tiger". The book does an excellent job of painting a picture of the hand-to-mouth existence led by those who live(d) in Siberian Russia. After each chapter, I would feel a little more guilty, and a little less worthy. And a lot more contemptuous of humanity driven by excess.
It will be nice to be spending less and - as relatively insignificant as it is in the big picture - receiving a little less paper in the mail. Every little bit helps though, right (and to those online-payment folks, I was an identity theft victim, so there
. I like to give a donation at the end of the year to the Cheetah Conservation Fund (hint - please contribute! , and while it's not an enormous sum, I think about the fact that I didn't seem to mind paying almost $100/month for a stupid phone. And then I get sick again.I have a good friend who got into Facebook a few years ago, and she's become a different person. It seems so many get wrapped up in their "Rock Star" status where (they think) everyone is hanging on their every word, they lose touch with basic elements of interaction; it all becomes competitions of one-upmanship and sorry attempts at self-validation.
I guess I'm wondering if anyone here can relate to any of this. I suppose some of it can be chalked up to maturity - that point where you realize the finite nature of life has a stronghold on you, and you become more reflective of life as opposed to assertive in quest. Or maybe that's depression talking.
Soooo...I know I've bounced around here a lot, but...anyone know where I'm coming from..?
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. I could afford a $300 purse more than they could and I don't have one. :lol3:
