Followup to "Men Don't Listen"

We had a thread recently about men and their selective hearing.

Here's a good example: Went to the pharmacy to pick up Paul's prescription from his kidney/diabetes dr. (that's the one that was originally priced at $115 - but they changed the prescription to either a generic or another manufacturer and it was $5). Anyway, we picked it up and I wanted to read the flyer that comes with it to find out exactly what it does. Beginning said "high blood pressure" - but Paul is already on blood pressure meds. But then I read where it says that it also is used to treat diabetics with kidney issues. I specifically read this to him in the car (on our way to shop at Costco). Ten minutes later he said "but why are they giving me another pressure pill"? He completely did not pay any attention to what I read (and told him) that it is also for kidney/diabetic issues. HELP!!! When will the really listen? This is definitely "selective hearing". Good thing he has me around to pay attention to things!

LOL, that's a funny story! But I wouldn't call it selective hearing; more like distracted hearing. If he was driving, most of his concentration would have been focused on that task and he might have been paying less attention to the prescription than even he realized. But to combat selective and distracted hearing, I find that being selective about when I talk to my guy works wonders.

Have you asked for the RX prices at Costco?  Or looked into Mail order.  

To funny though.  My husband does this I am a Smart @$$ and will say ok what was the last sentance? 

catsallaround said:

Have you asked for the RX prices at Costco?  Or looked into Mail order.  

To funny though.  My husband does this I am a Smart @$$ and will say ok what was the last sentance? 

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We do usually get good prices at Target. And a lot of their prescriptions fall under the $4 rate. We get a slight discount for Triple A membership. The only fairly expensive med he takes we do get from Canada and at a tremendous discount.

Men are crazy. It goes in 1 ear and out the other. lol   4 times I told my husband to take out the trash and he rather stay on the computer.

dejolane

Did you really ask him to take out the trash? In exactly those words? Or did you come at it obliquely? That minor distinction is the fodder for a lot of stand-up comedy!

I do have to laugh.  See my husband is from a culture where women take care of the house 100%.  If I ask him to lift something its a go.  Ask him to wash a dish.  Oh boy.

Where is the soap?

Where is that thing(sponge)?

What water temp?

Did I do ok?

Where does this go?

I am serious.  It was this bad when we started.  This has been a source of fights.  I like house work but if I am dead tired I don't want to talk.  BUT!!! He has come ALONG way.  He has learned how to do the basics.  And that you can't wash everything in hot water "to kill the germs" and "get it extra clean".

He will go where is xyz?

Did you look?

Yes.

Oh then we must be out lets go to the store.  

He finds it fast

He tries

mrblanche said:

Did you really ask him to take out the trash? In exactly those words? Or did you come at it obliquely? That minor distinction is the fodder for a lot of stand-up comedy!

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One time, I was boiling water for iced tea (we drink a lot of iced tea here, esp in the summer, but in the winter, too) and I asked Rick to please get me 14 tea bags from the container in the pantry. He got the tea bags, placed them on the counter, and turned around to walk away. It went like this:

Me: Hey, aren't you going to open the tea bags?

Rick: You just asked me to get your 14 tea bags; you didn't say to open them!

Me: Isn't that implied?

Rick: No! If you want me to open them, tell me!

Both of us: *mumble, mutter, mumble*

We have a lot of conversations like that. 

LOL

I know how you ladies feel! Ricky just has the selective hearing thing going on from time to time. I will tell him something and literally 30 seconds later he forgets! GAAH it is so frustrating!! But there is a solution that works well it seems.

My therapist suggested that you make sure you have their attention. Walk over to them. If they are on the laptop, shut the screen. If they are on a desktop, turn the monitor off, turn the TV off, blank out the screen on the phone- whatever is distracting them. Then look them in the eye and tell them what you need. It seems to work so far- most of the time Ricky will be on the computer and if it is something important I need him to know or do, I walk over and shut the screen for a minute until I convey my point, then I check for understanding. "Okay, what are you going to do?" or "Okay what d id I say?" 9 times out of 10 he knows! So I think it is just a matter of getting their attention.

And yes this is the same concept and theory that works for children. In Child Development classes I was taught to get to their eye level and remove distractions. Works at age 2, works at age 26, and works at age 200 I'm sure!

If it is something they are doing when you can't, such as driving then make sure you tell them "When we stop I need to talk to you" or something like that! It isn't fair to expect them to endanger themselves or their family just to get your point across.

Try it

Another thing I know happens (though have no solution yet lol) is faked ignorance. They will pretend they don't know how to do something, just to get out of doing it!!

Originally Posted by Nebula  

My therapist suggested that you make sure you have their attention. Walk over to them. If they are on the laptop, shut the screen. If they are on a desktop, turn the monitor off, turn the TV off, blank out the screen on the phone- whatever is distracting them. Then look them in the eye and tell them what you need. It seems to work so far- most of the time Ricky will be on the computer and if it is something important I need him to know or do, I walk over and shut the screen for a minute until I convey my point, then I check for understanding. "Okay, what are you going to do?" or "Okay what d id I say?" 9 times out of 10 he knows! So I think it is just a matter of getting their attention.

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Like I said, very often the problem is distracted hearing, not selective hearing. "Selective" implies they do it on purpose (I know that does happen!) but many times the cause is simply not being able to give full attention to what's being said (or even being expected to read minds!). I don't think it's fair to say that men purposely ignore what's being said, when the issue is that their concentration is elsewhere and they aren't given time to redirect their focus to the person speaking to them. (I agree that getting a person's eyes away from a screen is a good way to assure you have their attention, I just wouldn't turn off the screen without first telling them I wanted their attention for a moment; I know I'd hate it if someone just walked up to me and *bam* closed my laptop out of the blue.) </soapbox>

mrblanche said:

Did you really ask him to take out the trash? In exactly those words? Or did you come at it obliquely? That minor distinction is the fodder for a lot of stand-up comedy!

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sometimes I ask and sometimes like today he just took it out on his own. 

dejolane

StealthKitty said:

Like I said, very often the problem is distracted hearing, not selective hearing. "Selective" implies they do it on purpose (I know that does happen!) but many times the cause is simply not being able to give full attention to what's being said (or even being expected to read minds!). I don't think it's fair to say that men purposely ignore what's being said, when the issue is that their concentration is elsewhere and they aren't given time to redirect their focus to the person speaking to them. (I agree that getting a person's eyes away from a screen is a good way to assure you have their attention, I just wouldn't turn off the screen without first telling them I wanted their attention for a moment; I know I'd hate it if someone just walked up to me and *bam* closed my laptop out of the blue.) </soapbox>

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I will say something before closing it, and when he doesn't acknowledge me- i close it lol

Nebula said:

StealthKitty said:

Like I said, very often the problem is distracted hearing, not selective hearing. "Selective" implies they do it on purpose (I know that does happen!) but many times the cause is simply not being able to give full attention to what's being said (or even being expected to read minds!). I don't think it's fair to say that men purposely ignore what's being said, when the issue is that their concentration is elsewhere and they aren't given time to redirect their focus to the person speaking to them. (I agree that getting a person's eyes away from a screen is a good way to assure you have their attention, I just wouldn't turn off the screen without first telling them I wanted their attention for a moment; I know I'd hate it if someone just walked up to me and *bam* closed my laptop out of the blue.) </soapbox>

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I will say something before closing it, and when he doesn't acknowledge me- i close it lol

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Oops, hope I didn't sound like I was implying that you would do that! I was just making a general observation.