How do you get over killing your cat?

This may get lengthy...

It's been 9 days since I had to put one of my cat down - the one in my avatar.  I came home one night to him being extremely lethargic, rushed him to the ER vet and by that time he was too far gone.  The vet pulled me aside and said that they could do all these things on him and I'd be looking at least a $2500+ vet bill with the good chance of him not coming through.  Well I didn't have that much on the spot so my hands were tied...there wasn't anything I could do at this point.  Cause of death - urinary blockage, he was just under 5 years old.  This happened last Tuesday.

The previous Saturday morning I was home picking up/cleaning and he was acting normal - playing running around.  Left to a BBQ that afternoon, wasn't really around all day on Sunday and worked late on Monday.  I didn't notice anything until it was too late, I didn't notice anything because I wasn't around.  And I could have prevented this all by feeding wet and getting one of those fountain things that cats actually like to drink from.

Just before Christmas I had to put my 13 year old lab down.  It was a hard day but it was time, I didn't want her to suffer and she was just such a great dog that she didn't deserve to suffer either.  I am having a harder time with my cat dying (I can't even type his name or look at pictures yet sorry) then my dog of 13 years.  This is probably because the cause of death of my cat was an inattentive owner verse dying at a ripe old age.

So how do you get over something like this when it's directly your fault?  Or do I not deserve to get over it and there is no way.

I am kinda of going through the same thing you are. I can only imagine what it must be like to be a vet and see cats and other animals put down daily, must be a very hard thing to watch. My cat was just getting worse by the day but while not in pain she had lost a lot of her quality of life. Its hard to make a decision to put them down but you have to realize that you are human and we sometimes take spending time with our pets for granted. I wish I had done more as well...

You did NOTHING wrong. You would have taken him in sooner, but we can't be with our babies every moment, and you did not know anything was wrong. As to the feeding and the fountain, they may have helped, but some cats are prone to blockages no matter what you would have done. I lost my baby through my fault, I crossed a road and did not know she was behind me. The guilt is tremendous. I don't think we'll ever get 'over' it, we just learn to live with it. Our babies love us and I know they forgave us, now we just have to find a way to forgive ourselves. But I was told; how do 'forgive yourself' if you didn't mean to do it? Just hang in there, time will soften your pain, it does come in 'waves' though, fast, hard, and high at first, and given time, will come further apart and will not hurt as bad. I'll pray for you, and if you find anything or any way that helps, please post it on this site to help all of us. Your baby loves you, and is playing at the Rainbow Bridge with your lab, they'll be waiting for you! 

Di and Bob said:

As to the feeding and the fountain, they may have helped, but some cats are prone to blockages no matter what you would have done.

Click to expand...

and blockages can happen very, very quickly. Often people second guess themselves and their decisions when they have to have a pet put to sleep and it can take a long time to come to terms with.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Your boy is at peace now and certainly won't be blaming you for what happened. RIP, little one.

I lost my Ridley in a very similar situation.  He had his first urinary blockage when he was only 10 months old, which he made through.  I bought jugs of distilled water for him, and made homemade raw for him.  I got some non-absorbent litter and pH tested his urine from time to time.  He recovered great and there were no more signs of problems.  One day about six months later, he was acting normal and just suddenly let out a painful yowl.  I took him to the vet and sure enough, he was blocked again.  I left him at the vet to be cleared up again and five minutes later, I got a call saying his bladder had exploded and the urine was poisoning him.  They said they could try to reconstruct his bladder, but it was unlikely he'd even survive the operation because it would be virtually impossible to remove the urine from his body. He was given a 20% chance of surviving the operation, and long-term survival was practically zero.  His reconstructed bladder would be small, weak, and misshapen, and it would only be a matter of time before it failed again.  

So, I asked them to euthanize him.  It was a hard decision to make, but I couldn't see his quality of life being very good and he was going to end up back at the vet and die from urinary problems sooner or later.  I felt horribly guilty about not doing more to prevent problems.  I still don't know what I could have done to prevent it, though.  If I were to go back in time, I don't know that I could save him.  I think the same goes for you.  We don't always know why cats get blocked or how to prevent it.  Some cats are more prone than others.  We do what we can and we say good-bye when we have to.  

I'm sorry for your loss.  

Aqualoon, How horrible, that our friend(s) are taken way too soon, but you did nothing wrong - these things happen to our friends, I don't know why - I understand your loss and you are in my prayers, as well as all others here who posted - Prayers and sympathy to all~.

I found a poem that gave me great comfort, I will post it here too, for all of us dealing with loss, it's called "Lend Me A Kitten":

[font=Geneva,Arial]Lend me a Kitten[/font]

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"[/font][font=Geneva,Arial]I will lend to you for awhile a kitten,[/font][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"[/font][font=Geneva,Arial]  God said.[/font]

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"[/font]For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he's dead.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe two or three.

But will you, 'till I call him back, take care of him for me?

He'll bring you his charms to gladden you and, should his stay be brief[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif].[/font]  you'll always have his memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return.

But there are lessons taught below I want this kitten to
learn.

I've looked the whole world over in search of teacher's true.
And from the folk that crowds life's land I have chosen you.

Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take my kitten home again?[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"[/font]

My heart replied, "My Lord, Thy Will Be Done -
For all the joys this kitten brings the risk of grief I'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay.

But should you call him back much sooner than we planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.
If, by our love we've managed your wishes to achieve,
Then in memory of him who we loved, please help us while we grieve.
When our cherished kitten departs this world of strife,

Please send yet another needing soul for us to love all his life.[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"[/font]

~Author Unknown~
Adapted from 'Thy Will Be Done' by Edgar Guest

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]([/font]Submitted by Eileen and Angel Daisy[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif])[/font]

I'm so sorry for your loss    I've been going through something similar  ... I lost my 6yr old Abyssinian cat Cairo in December-2012 ... I also blame myself because I didnt see the 'signs' or know that he was sick.  Cairo died from Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (heart failure)  .. one minute he was fine .. playing and running around ..  the next minute he collapsed and died ....  Looking back .. I'm sure there were signs that I missed ...  that there could have been some way that I could have saved Cairo.

I torture myself with this guilt every day, with the 'whats if's' and 'shoulda coulda woulda' ..... even though logically I know that cats are very good at hiding disease .... it doesnt help my broken heart ...  I had lost another cat Chino about 7 years ago.... but he was 13 yrs old and had  Lymphoma .... I know exactly how you feel -- the loss of Chino isn't even close to as heartbreaking it is to have lost Cairo ... he was only 6 yrs and still my baby .....

You did everything you could for your little kitty ...  sometimes .. there's just nothing that we can do ... except try to love them as much as they love us ..

He'll be in your heart always  .. and waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge

*HUGS** 

Hugs to you.  Know that no matter what you did or did not do, your beloved kitty loved you dearly.  Some kitties just don't get to stay with us as long as we would like.  Please be gentle with yourself and don't beat yourself up.  Know that guilt is a common part of the grieving process, so what you are going through is completely normal.  Find comfort in knowing that your kitty would not want you to suffer so much and blame yourself like this.  I will pray that you find peace and healing.  RIP, little kitty, you are dearly missed...

Hugs,

Amy

I too lost a cat to cardiomyopathy.  One minute alive, the next second not.  I knew my cat had this disease so I was constantly watching her.  There were no signs.  Cardiomyopathy is a horrible disease and is a killer no matter what you do.  Please release that guilt.  Even if you had seen signs there would have been nothing you could do.

Our kitties are the masters of hiding when they don't feel well. It is very very hard to tell if they are sick- until they are very sick. Also, as mentioned, some things like blockages happen very fast. You didn't kill your kitty by being inattentive and you made the best, kindest decision you could to spare him pain

I agree. Cats are very private about not feeling well. I think it must be because they're not driven to be social like humans are; so they have to hide any weakness from predators. When they came into our homes, most of them kept that tendency to want peace and privacy when they are in pain. I don't think you can blame yourself for this.

I have had the same issue, with having to leave a cat behind with my mom when I went to college, and Mom letting him out even though it was dangerous... I lost him within a year of when I left, thanks to the local wildlife. I felt like, if only I had protected him better... But realisticially, I couldn't. I can't control what my mom does and no matter how much I tried to explain to her that she should keep him in, she wouldn't listen to me. She never does.

Though, maybe in a weird way it feels "better" to blame yourself, because that way it feels like you could control things, protect your cat no matter what. Because that way things seem less random and scary and we can convince ourselves that if we could only do everything right, all the time, we could keep them with us forever. It's not rational, of course, but try telling your feelings that. We feel like we ought to have been able to prevent it, if only, if only...

I'm sorry. This sounds like it's really hard to go through. But you didn't kill your cat. Cats can get urinary blockages even if every possible precaution is taken. You loved your cat while he was alive, and your guilt now is evidence of just how much you cared and just how responsible you felt for his well-being. And your cat loved you, too. I think if he knew, he would purr and headbutt you and tell you that it's okay, that he knows how much you love him and that he doesn't blame you.

Buying cat health insurance was helpful for us, always afraid of some kidney dysfunction lurking around the corner. We paid each year for the insurance with rarely a claim worth submitting over the deductible... then our 10 year old got congestive heart failure, recently the 14 year old with hyperthyroidism... having the insurance helped make treatment decisions easier.

For the situation with euthanasia, there was a point with the congestive heart failure where the medicine no longer helps, and I had terrible problems with the euthanasia. It sounds like that could be what you are dealing with. There is a post on this forum from 2011 by Gareth called, "When the moment comes..." or something akin to that title. It helped me tremendously.

Reading what you are saying though, it sounds like you did the best you could - and yes cats mask pain and illness well...

My hope is that you will read the post by Gareth and get some relief...

I wanted to thank everyone who posted.  4 months later and I'm finally able to move forward and am thinking about getting another kitten.  Took me a long time to not blame myself and get over the guilt.  See I'm not what you would call a cat person, Avery was my first cat.  I've had dogs my entire life and as many of you know, it's a tad easier to know when they aren't feeling well.

Avery's passing really hit me hard, much harder then I would have ever thought.

I couldn't take the cat carrier out of my car, had to have a friend do it, then I had to leave it at their house as I couldn't even look at it - keep in mind I'm not really all that much of an emotional person.

Since Avery's death I have bought a cat fountain, I now feed wet twice a day and leave out pH balanced dry food throughout the day.  I don't think Cooper likes the taste of the pH dry stuff as he tries to eat my dog's dry food whenever he can (guess he likes Duck and Sweet potato!) but he goes nuts over the wet stuff and I have learned that I can't enjoy a tuna sammich without him getting into my face.