Wednesday's Question of the Day (with poll): no-children weddings?

It's happened again, the second time we've been invited to the wedding of a dear friend (of 30 years), just my husband and I. We have a kid and it wouldn't be a problem except the weddings were and are 1,000 miles and 2,000 miles away, respectively. Our daughter was almost 12 last time and is 14 now, a well-behaved and intelligent girl. She's not old enough to leave at home alone, and leaving her here with friends for 4-5 days would be too much of a burden for them. There are hotel sitters, but do you really want to leave your kid alone with a stranger? Or do you leave her alone in a big city hotel room?

Maybe she'll use those 2 nights in the hotel room making up school work for the days she is missing so she can sit in a hotel room. Kind of sad, on the weekend while everyone else is at dinners and parties.

At any rate, it sure makes things complicated for people who want to come to your wedding and are willing to buy 3 plane tickets, rental car, 4 nights in a hotel, and a gift. 

I know, I know, the wedding day is all about the bride, it's completely her choice who gets to come to her wedding. 

What do you think? How do you feel about this trend? (You can click multiple answers on the poll.)

I'm not keen on kids at weddings. I've been to two where you couldn't hear the bride and groom say their vows because of the kids whining or crying. Then there's the reception where their running around nearly causing accidents when people are carrying a tray of drinks in their hands.

However!, the age your talking about is fine IMO, infact they would be able to go to the evening reception when there's usually a band and disco on

I dont like the idea of kids at weddings, Im in the beginings of planning mine and two of my friends both have kids, one has young teenagers and another has 2 under 5 however all of those kids are very well behaved and I wouldnt think twice about having any of them there, but in all honesty I would be hard pressed to invite any kis under 13.  

I also dont like the thought of kids being around alcohol to much and seeing "grown up's" being drunk and I think that people are wary about letting their hair down and having a couple of drinks because small kids are around.  I also know that people say kids make a wedding but I dont think that way

There should be a room set up with a sitter for the kids with snacks, movies, toys, etc. Yes it will cost more but..........

Kim
 

I don't like the idea of kids at a wedding either.

If I were to get married, it would be a no kids event. However, I would arrange a daycare-type setting away from where the wedding ceremony/reception were taking place, so that those with kids who didn't have sitters or were from out of town, could leave their kids.

Maybe a cut-off age for the kids.....say, 14 or under? There are a lot of kids of that age that know how to behave and do so.

When my brother married the second time, there were no kids allowed at the wedding or the reception. It caused some issues with my sister who has two children, who were fairly young at the time. But frankly, I'd sooner see no kids than a bunch of kids running around whose parents are too "busy" to keep an eye on them.

I've brought kids to a wedding.  Had no choice.  Dd was 2 and dh was in the wedding, it was either come or stay home with dd.  For the most part she was well behaved- I remember taking her out of the ceremony b/c she was kind of loud.  Then she decided that she wanted cake NOW, and one of the groomsmen caught her before she did a header into the cake

I don't know what we'd do.  I have girls- oldest is 19.  I know that someday a wedding will most probably happen.  Problem is dh's family.  They don't ever come here to visit.  We go there- a lot.  Including 2 weddings.  If we wanted dh's brothers families to come- we'd have to have kids.  My oldest niece has 2 under the age of 5.  The second oldest niece just got married- and she wants kids.  There'd be some hurt feelings if we didn't allow them.  Or they just wouldn't come- and that would just open a huge hornet's nest.

Cheryl

I've never been to a wedding without kids, but I think it's quite reasonable to not want a bunch of little ones running around, making noise and messes, etc. The inevitable kid stuff. (I've also never been to a wedding with drunk people, that would certainly change things! Definitely no kids there, it's dangerous!). But if someone is going to disallow kids, they absolutely need to do this:

kimkats000 said:

There should be a room set up with a sitter for the kids with snacks, movies, toys, etc.

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because what will out-of-town guests do with their kids otherwise? And the age of "kids" needs to be clarified---14? 16? Most of the brides I've known had younger sisters that age who were bridesmaids, and obviously teenagers are old enough to behave themselves at least as well as the adults (which isn't saying much, I realize! Especially if alcohol is involved).

I just attended a wedding a couple of weeks ago. No children allowed. It was my niece and she did let her sister who was maid of honor bring her three year old. But that was the only child. I don't mind kids at weddings as long as the parents don't forget about them, which they usually do and let them run around like monkeys the whole night. At my brother's wedding a few years back, a four year old was on the dance floor acting crazy and tripped up our elderly aunt. She broke her ankle. It was just awful. Since then, our family has had a no-kid rule at weddings with exception.

is unavoidable...:dk:

Question to those who think kids should be allowed at a wedding...

Most weddings have presentation where it is usually the norm to give what you feel is equal to the price of each meal (plus alcohol consumed) in your party, plus extra.  When kids' are brought to the wedding, do parent's increase their presentation amount to cover the cost of their kids' meals?

I don't believe children should be at weddings at all.  A teenager is not a child so that would be a consideration.  Little kids tho, no way.
 

Natalie_ca said:

Question to those who think kids should be allowed at a wedding...

Most weddings have presentation where it is usually the norm to give what you feel is equal to the price of each meal (plus alcohol consumed) in your party, plus extra.  When kids' are brought to the wedding, do parent's increase their presentation amount to cover the cost of their kids' meals?

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I think Miss Manners would faint at the concept of making guests pay for their own meals (even in a roundabout way), and at the concept that a wedding gift is for anything other than your sincere desire to give the couple something they might like to have to "feather their nest". :lol3: But, yes, if that's the concept someone is going for, I suppose they should increase their gift by that much.

Watching the little kids dance is the most fun part of a reception for me :tongue2:.

Children were not invited at my wedding. The only children were those in the wedding party. This didn't go over very well with my in-laws. We didn't have any out of town guests, so that wasn't an issue. I think they should find a reputable sitter for you.

I didn't expect so many 'no' responses, but I do agree.  There are ways around it.. a group babysitter or whatever.

This is a completely different situation, but I remember my mother's funeral.. a cousin brought her tiny baby who cried for most of it, and the mother chose not to take her outside (the cousin did not want to miss the funeral).  I was doing quite a bit of the ceremony and I remember being so upset with her... obviously it was a very upsetting day anyway.

A very different scenario, but still crying or disruptive kids could equally disturb the special day of the couple's wedding.

Having said that, it seems a shame to exclude a well-behaved 14 year old.

Its up to the bride and groom.  Otherwise I don't care.

We only had family and a few infants invited to our wedding.  The only out of town people that came with kids were family anyway.  But our local friends and family did not get invites for their younger kids.  I don't consider a teenager a kid when it comes to things like this.  So there were some from our church there; but not their younger siblings.  A few people didn't understand that the invite specifying to Mr. & Mrs X and Bobby meant that Bobby could come but not Susie, Tommy and Josephine.  That was fun to deal with. 

Now that I have small kids I've missed things like this because of it.  I've had to cut a reception short.  And we've traveled for 2 weddings with DD.  One she came to because it was an afternoon reception (the ceremony had taken place previously) the other we got a sitter (family, from my other side) because it was an evening wedding.  I would not have brought an infant to the ceremony.  That is where I find kids often out of place.  I did have some friends bring their kids to our ceremony (I recall no disruptions) but not to the reception.  For us it was that it would have increased the cost of the reception significantly.

Thanks for the replies!
 

The groom told us they have already gone over their guest limit for the venue - and the RSVP deadline is still a week away. I hope they switch to a larger place, if they can; he didn't say that and we didn't suggest it. My husband might be going by himself - that is the only solution we can come up with. That's kind of sad, too, we were both really looking forward to spending that time together. Instead he will be away traveling for several days. 

The groom said there are also a lot of people with hurt feelings because of the no-kid rule, especially older family members who don't see the family's children very often. It's a big mess. He said he's really regretting the no-kid decision and wish they'd have room for everyone. When you get married, it's not just what YOU want, you are marrying into another family and have to take their wishes into consideration.

There is also a Friday night cocktail get-together that can't include children.

It would be so much better to be at a backyard BBQ reception with everyone who wants to be there, than a small exclusive dinner that has split couples and families apart.

MoochNNoodles said:

 For us it was that it would have increased the cost of the reception significantly.

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Which is why I asked if people who take their kids, give extra in their presentation to at least cover the cost of the kids' meals, because it is after all an extra plate at the same price as the caterer is charging for the others.

The purpose behind giving presentation is to try to recoupe the cost of the reception, plus hopefully get a bit extra for maybe a honeymoon, or down payment on a house.