Some may have seen my topic in the Cat Health section, but unfortunately, my poor kitty's story had to end here. Rolly was just a few weeks shy of turning 15 and I thought maybe, unlike his sister, he might get to see that next birthday. Alas, Caspurr may have been calling him to join her. Rolly's health went downhill very fast - it was on the 3rd of this month I noticed his first symptom: a distended belly. Considering he was acting relatively normal otherwise, I thought little of it and figured he was constipated or had worms, and according to the local vet and an X-ray, he was not full of fluid. When he didn't get better, I scheduled an ultrasound and scrambled to find information online, but there was absolutely nothing that fit his symptoms. How was he getting bigger and heavier, but with no fluid?
Well the local vets are idiots, it seems - when he got his ultrasound on Friday the 8th, I was informed that he was, in fact, very full of fluid and that he had a golf-ball-sized mass in his abdomen that had almost certainly originated from the pancreas. In addition to this, there were some accompanying nodules hanging around the surrounding organs. A lot of what the ultrasound tech said was a blur because he talked about a hundred miles a minute, but I believe what Rolly had was either adenocarcinoma or carcinosarcoma. It was a very long name, but I was told that it was too advanced and neither surgery nor chemo would have much of an effect anyway, so care for Rolly would be supportive with an estimated few weeks left for him to live.
It was sad, but I could do palliative care. But Rolly didn't have weeks. He started becoming withdrawn, not wanting any form of human contact, and over the span of about 5 days, he lost interest in food, didn't use the litter box despite drinking milk and water, and just lost energy. My poor kitty couldn't go more than a few steps without needing to lie down. His little nesting spot was in the garage - why there, I have no idea because the furnace is in there and makes quite a racket, but whatever made him happy.
Today, Rolly seemed extremely out of it, not moving much at all, refusing the milk he had been enjoying little by little, vomiting water I gave him via mouth syringe. I feared my emotions were preventing me from understanding that maybe he was trying to tell me he was ready to leave me, but needed help in doing so. So off to the vet for an emergency visit - I figured I could at least ask if she felt he was going to make it and maybe I was overreacting, especially since Rolly looked more alert in the office. Sadly, she told me that he had actually gotten bigger from fluid since his X-ray on Wednesday, and was also losing weight as his spine and hip bones were easily felt. I was told he had a few days, if he was lucky. Not wanting him to go through seizures like his sister did before I let her go, I made the tough choice to let my Rolly rest and be free of his illness. I was there with him the whole time, petting him. I don't know if my presence was more or less distressing, considering his desire to be away from me, but I couldn't just let him go all alone.
Despite the shape he was in, I still question if I let him go too soon. I was going to try appetite stimulants, but perhaps that would have caused him greater stress. And if he was vomiting water, he probably would have vomited up pills too. While he was a very vocal cat when he was healthy, he hardly made any noise when he was sick, and when he did, it sounded like it was distressed sounds. I at least got to hear one more little meow from him earlier today - he wanted to go back to the basement from upstairs, but I think he didn't have the energy to do so himself.
I miss him so much - I can't believe it's been nearly 15 years already. Where did the time go? I can remember so clearly Rolly being a poofy little kitten learning to walk, the way he would lick my hair right after I got out of the shower or how he'd only ever sit on my lap if I was trying to read, write or draw. I remember how easily I could get him to purr and how he'd drool like a spigot when he was really happy. Just a few days ago, we were playing...which involved me waving a chopstick in front of his face and he'd try to catch it with his mouth and claws. Quite possibly my favorite thing about him was how noisy he always was. Some days I could just ever so gently poke him on the back and he would meow. Some days I could sit and poke him and he'd meow each time like some kind of kitty keyboard. He loved when I'd scratch his back at the base of his tail too; for some reason, when I did that, he'd furiously lick and chew on his front paws. Such a strange kitty - despite having a relatively small appetite, he held steady at 17 pounds for years. He also resembled a cow, maybe a little too much. He was white with black blotches, and since the hair on his saggy belly was so thin, he looked like he even had an udder.
Rolly, my big boy with the sweetest meow, just could not fight his pancreatic cancer any longer and I helped him cross the bridge on the night of February 10th. I question whether or not the life I gave him was a good one, but rest assured, he has given me so much in these last near-15 years that I would probably need my entire lifetime to try and repay him. He and his sister gave me so many smiles and good memories, cheered me up when I was sad, never hated me when I was gone for months at a time in college, and simply brightened up the house and my life in ways nothing or no one else could. Maybe not right now, but eventually I hope I can remember my dearly departed Rolly with a smile rather than with tears.
Well the local vets are idiots, it seems - when he got his ultrasound on Friday the 8th, I was informed that he was, in fact, very full of fluid and that he had a golf-ball-sized mass in his abdomen that had almost certainly originated from the pancreas. In addition to this, there were some accompanying nodules hanging around the surrounding organs. A lot of what the ultrasound tech said was a blur because he talked about a hundred miles a minute, but I believe what Rolly had was either adenocarcinoma or carcinosarcoma. It was a very long name, but I was told that it was too advanced and neither surgery nor chemo would have much of an effect anyway, so care for Rolly would be supportive with an estimated few weeks left for him to live.
It was sad, but I could do palliative care. But Rolly didn't have weeks. He started becoming withdrawn, not wanting any form of human contact, and over the span of about 5 days, he lost interest in food, didn't use the litter box despite drinking milk and water, and just lost energy. My poor kitty couldn't go more than a few steps without needing to lie down. His little nesting spot was in the garage - why there, I have no idea because the furnace is in there and makes quite a racket, but whatever made him happy.
Today, Rolly seemed extremely out of it, not moving much at all, refusing the milk he had been enjoying little by little, vomiting water I gave him via mouth syringe. I feared my emotions were preventing me from understanding that maybe he was trying to tell me he was ready to leave me, but needed help in doing so. So off to the vet for an emergency visit - I figured I could at least ask if she felt he was going to make it and maybe I was overreacting, especially since Rolly looked more alert in the office. Sadly, she told me that he had actually gotten bigger from fluid since his X-ray on Wednesday, and was also losing weight as his spine and hip bones were easily felt. I was told he had a few days, if he was lucky. Not wanting him to go through seizures like his sister did before I let her go, I made the tough choice to let my Rolly rest and be free of his illness. I was there with him the whole time, petting him. I don't know if my presence was more or less distressing, considering his desire to be away from me, but I couldn't just let him go all alone.
Despite the shape he was in, I still question if I let him go too soon. I was going to try appetite stimulants, but perhaps that would have caused him greater stress. And if he was vomiting water, he probably would have vomited up pills too. While he was a very vocal cat when he was healthy, he hardly made any noise when he was sick, and when he did, it sounded like it was distressed sounds. I at least got to hear one more little meow from him earlier today - he wanted to go back to the basement from upstairs, but I think he didn't have the energy to do so himself.
I miss him so much - I can't believe it's been nearly 15 years already. Where did the time go? I can remember so clearly Rolly being a poofy little kitten learning to walk, the way he would lick my hair right after I got out of the shower or how he'd only ever sit on my lap if I was trying to read, write or draw. I remember how easily I could get him to purr and how he'd drool like a spigot when he was really happy. Just a few days ago, we were playing...which involved me waving a chopstick in front of his face and he'd try to catch it with his mouth and claws. Quite possibly my favorite thing about him was how noisy he always was. Some days I could just ever so gently poke him on the back and he would meow. Some days I could sit and poke him and he'd meow each time like some kind of kitty keyboard. He loved when I'd scratch his back at the base of his tail too; for some reason, when I did that, he'd furiously lick and chew on his front paws. Such a strange kitty - despite having a relatively small appetite, he held steady at 17 pounds for years. He also resembled a cow, maybe a little too much. He was white with black blotches, and since the hair on his saggy belly was so thin, he looked like he even had an udder.
Rolly, my big boy with the sweetest meow, just could not fight his pancreatic cancer any longer and I helped him cross the bridge on the night of February 10th. I question whether or not the life I gave him was a good one, but rest assured, he has given me so much in these last near-15 years that I would probably need my entire lifetime to try and repay him. He and his sister gave me so many smiles and good memories, cheered me up when I was sad, never hated me when I was gone for months at a time in college, and simply brightened up the house and my life in ways nothing or no one else could. Maybe not right now, but eventually I hope I can remember my dearly departed Rolly with a smile rather than with tears.
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