Haven't got off to the best start . . .

. . . and it's my fault, *sighs*

We took Misty into our home about a month ago. We had to trap her and get her to the vets. They checked her over. She was fine, about 2 to 3 months old, no fleas. They fleaed her anyway and sent us back home with worming granules which she took fine in her food. Anyway we put her in a small safe room and here's the first mistake. We left the sofa in there not thinking she could possibly get ubnder it, well guess what, she did. She came out for food while i sat in the room and ate her food. I even managed to get to the point of playing with her, then suddenly she just stopped playing for two days. She still came out for her food while i was in the room but would crawl under the sofa straight after she'sd eaten. This is when i made the next mistake. I was worried that the sofa was a barrier in trying to socialise her so  We moved the sofa out while she was still in her safe room. I'd had a go at blocking the sofa off but it hadn't worked, then to make matters worse, later in the evening, i tried to pet her, hoping she would suddenly know that strokes were good and brought comfort. She lashed out, bit and scratched me and jumped up on the window sill. I didn't go after her. I just stayed on the floor turned my back on her for a few minutes, then crawled out of the room.

Thanks to my stupidity things didn't go well from there on. She seemed so unhappy, isolated up there, so i thought, 'Okay, I'll purchase a dog crate and bring her down to the dining room,' and of course, to do that i went and grabbed her and put her in the carrier. There goes the force handling again. She's now been in the crate for three days and she hates me. God, i'm such an idiot, i did this all wrong. I've forced contact when it was the kitten that should have initiated it. I just feel so bad. I don't think she will ever trust me again. I think i've blown it and i have terrible thoughts that i'm going to have to hand her over to a feral rescue centre because i failed. Can this still work? The poor little mite needs to go to the vet on thursday to get spayed, vaccinated. The reason i bought her downstairs on saturday was so she could get use to being in a crate so that when she got back from the vets she wouldn't have to cope with new surroundings on top of everything else. She's eating and using her littertray at night and has ate once in the morning yesterday and once in the afternoon the day before. I'm just so worried about her and so angry with myself Guess i need some advice.

Anything is possible, sometimes just more difficult, but I doubt that it would have done any permanent damage. However I would recommend to start with safe room when returning from vet and make sure there is place for her to hide and let her hide, day, two, week, as long as it takes for her to eat when you are around and also if possible spend lot of time in same room, but ignoring her completely, reading book etc.

It took really long time with my first ones, there were several trappings, room changes etc, but eventually they started to examine a bit of me when I was napping in same room, bringing food, getting her to associate food to your scent, it is what will make her consider you safe. She probably will forget those bad experiences soon enough, especially as hormone activity settles and her mind becomes more calm.

There can be always setbacks, sometimes completely unexplained setbacks too, but eventually it will get better. It can be bit slower start of course now, but not necessarily.

I think that general advice was 48 hours with no visiting except only food deliveries, sandbox care and fresh water, as few times a day as possible, but it varies of course from cat to cat. Then gradually increasing time spent in the room.

One here took over 6 months to get state where she will tolerate being in same room, but still so shy that rarely can hand feed and no possible to touch, even walking in room sometimes spooks her, at outdoors she did eat from hand quite often originally, so it can take really long time, just something to be prepared to. Fastest one was just few days to similar stage I think, so you see general guidelines are not very good as there is 'slight' variation, but I would still start with alone in safe room for a day, then see if 2nd day she is much better. Usually they go very shy and spooked after captured, so it is normal condition.

Hi Annie, it's okay just be patient with yourself and her.    Is there any way you can postpone her spay for a couple weeks to build up a little more bond with her?   2-3 months is not old at all, if you keep her crated and work with her carefully she should be tame in no time.   I would strongly suggest not to let her loose in the room until she reaches a point you can easily pick her up out of the crate handle her with her remaining calm  (while not letting loose of her)  and put her back in the crate.    I caught and worked with my feral kittens when they were two months old and the crate was invaluable.   They are so little and fast!    Once it feels safe and she'll tolerate it, try combing her with a flea comb - this was what did the trick to "flip" both my kittens, they felt like I was grooming them so I was okay.    Others might disagree, but I think some forced handling is okay with a kitten because they are so close to flipping to tame but definitely keep stress low as you can.  Avoid creating any situation in which you have to chase or corner her.