Dog person with his first cat

Hello,

First I should say that I've always had dogs, and I've never had a cat. I've had friends with cats and my sister has a cat, but I've never had one until this past Saturday. My complex absolutely forbids dogs of any size or breed (sticks in my craw and one of the big reasons I'll be moving in the fall... wouldn't have moved here if I had a better chance to house-hunt after getting a new job in Detroit while I was living in Philadelphia), and I wanted a companion, so I visited the local PetSmart last month during an adoption event and spoke to a woman working for the local cat rescue about cats.

Well last Saturday night I brought home Shyla, a 10-month old brown tabby. What I know about her is she and her brothers were found in a feral colony last spring (born March 12, 2012, in the care of the rescue by June) and were raised together in a foster home last summer. Last fall they were put in the adoption cages at that PetSmart. Last week her brothers were adopted. The family wished they could keep them all together, but three cats was too much for them all at once and so Shyla was left behind. Needless to say she was depressed for days according to the store employees and the rescue volunteers, and everyone was ecstatic when I decided to adopt her. When I visited her behind the cages, she was very affectionate. Cautious, and the store manager needed to use a stick-toy to coax her out, but she let me pet her, play with her, and even demanded attention a bit. She was there for almost four months. Everyone was very excited and happy for her because she's such a sweetheart.

Naturally when I brought her home she was immediately scared/frightened/timid around new surroundings. She wouldn't even leave the cat carrier I brought her home in. I let her stay in there while I setup her new box and her food/water dishes (her eyes were glued to me). Then I had to make her get out of the carrier. I opened the other end and pushed her on the rear to get her out. She hugged the ground and ran down the steps to the entrance (second floor apartment, ground level private entrance), seemingly trying to get out of the apartment. I went down to get her, she zoomed back up and hid under the couch. I let her be. Found her under a different couch sectional the next morning. I spoke to a lady at another pet store who suggested I try to pick her up with treats and show her around her new home... well needless to say that didn't well. Glad I have band-aids!

She piddled the carpet in the bedroom that night (1-bed apartment), and I used the soiled paper towels to plant her Urea in her litter box. That worked as I found her litter disturbed and piddled-on the following morning. I also found her behind the toilet, which meant I had to wait until I got to work to use the toilet. Each time she hides I try to offer her a few chicken Blue brand treats. I offer them to her near her mouth, get no response from her, and then leave them near her. She never eats them. I put a bunch of treats on her scratch post (complex demands she be front-paw declawed, but I want to try to get away with not doing that... kinda inhumane) and I think she ate one of those. I also spread catnip around the post, on top of the post, and around her food dishes near the post, 8 feet away from her litter box, sort of catty-corner to the rest of the room (dining, living, computer nook, hallway all one giant room with vaulted ceiling). At some point one piece of kibble sprouted legs and went for a swim in her water bowl, so I hope she's at least nibbling her food while I'm gone. Last night she hid under a deeper section of my L-shaped sectional, such that I doubt she could even see me, and this morning she was under the recliner section. The couch has no skirt, but there's maybe 2-3" clearance so I feel like she can't see me at all. With her under the recliner I fear she might catch herself on the mechanism. I never recline it, but the fear is still there.

She doesn't hiss, growl, scratch, bite, or anything. She stares me down when she can see me, backs away if I get near, breathes heavier, and her pupils are the size of saucers, so clearly she's frightened (doesn't help that I'm 6'4"). I've already decided to try sitting or laying on the floor in the room where she can see me, place her food and water between us, maybe toss a few treats over to her hiding place, and just read on my tablet or watch netflix with headphones and pretend I'm completely oblivious to her presence in the hopes she'll realize that I have no intention of "getting" her. I've currently watch Star Trek: the Next Generation, Lost, and Heroes, so there's no shortage of entertainment on my Nexus tablet.

Am I on the right track? I'm used to dogs being super excited and ready to play the instant they meet you (my German shephard, Sammy, practically busted down the chainlink fence door when we first went to see him; the old man [16] lives with my parents in south FL now), so this behavior is completely alien to me and heartbreaking. Everyone says it's normal, to give it a few weeks or a month, so I'm trying to be patient. Any tips? I've heard to lock her in her own room, but that's not possible. My galley kitchen is too tiny for her to live in and me to use every day, same story with the bath/laundry combo, my closet has all my clothes and tools and snowboard equipment in it. She hid under the hutch on my nightstand once and waited for me to sleep before leaving it for the toilet space... and last night I could swear I felt something small walking on my bed, but I'm sure I was imagining it in my half-sleep haze. Neither her food nor her litter box were disturbed this morning.

I've decided not to bother her at all. I'm torn between cold/cruel ignorance and possibly frightening attempts to pet her. I did gently stroke her behind the toilet and she was tense, but did not try to run.

Ideas?

Welcome!  A little over two years ago I was in a similar situation.  First cat, Emily (gray cat in the avatar photo), 6 month old former feral female (rescued as a tiny kitten then spent 4 months in a cage), extremely scared when we brought her home. 

First, I wouldn't assume the laundry/bath is too small for her.  A small space might be just the thing she needs.  Our Emily hid in her carrier under a blanket for the first two days we had her.  (She would come out at night...we saw evidence in the laundry room, which was her safe room for a while.)  We just went in there and read aloud to let her get used to our voices.  We never tried to force her out.  The morning of the second day I dragged a string across her field of vision and she came out and played for over an hour.  Play was definitely the way to connect with her in the beginning. Wand type toys or string let you simulate a hunting type experience for cats....they almost always dig that interactive type of play.  Eventually, we opened the laundry room door and she was very nervous about exploring the whole house.  But she did it eventually at her own pace.  She was okay with being pet if she was resting somewhere, but did not (and still does not) like being picked up and cuddled or having someone swoop down to pet her (she feels like she will be grabbed I think.)  

Patience and time work wonders with a scaredy cat.  It took 6 months for Emily to really enjoy petting and 6 months for us to hear her first purr.  Now she requests petting and is the first to curl up next to me when I lie down and sometimes curls up on my lap.  (But it has to be her idea...some cats while let you plop them on your lap, not Emily....it's up to her.) 

Another thing, if you are not already, consider giving her scheduled meals instead of leaving food out.  This way she associates you with the goodness of meal time.  (And off topic, but scheduled meals usually allow for healthier food choices anyways.)

It sounds like you have done your research and are doing a good job.  (I love brown tabbies, by the way, and hope to have one someday.  We'd love to see photos if you get a chance.) 

Edited to add...although the bath/laundry may have been okay for a beginning room now that she has seen the whole house it may be more difficult.  Also, you've learned to play it cool and let the cat come to you.  You are definitely on the right track.

I would recommend keeping her in one small room for a while. Remember, she's been in a tiny cage for months. You don't want her to get in the habit of hiding from you.

Judging from your experience at the adoption center, my guess is that she may have a sudden turnaround in behavior any day. Right now, she just making sure you aren't going to eat her.

Hi, welcome to TCS!  I am happy you adopted Shyla.  I imagine she is just scared right now because she is in a new environment and doesn't really know you yet.  It may take a while, but I bet she'll warm up to you once she realizes you mean her no harm. 

Welcome to the site!

Others have given you some great advice. I am sure she is just scatrd, and will soon decide you are not a big scary monster.

Welcome! Yes, you're on the right track. It's heartbreaking, but you'll need to be patient. Our prior pair of cats were adoptees - the female of the pair had been born a feral kitten outside the place my wife was working at the time. We adopted Gracie at about 6 weeks old. Karen had to get down on her hands and knees and teach her how to use the litter, and Karen spent a lot of time getting Gracie to come out of her shell. It was a good couple months before she would have anything to do with me -- all we could figure is that she'd had a run in with some guy that had spooked her but good, and so she turned and ran as soon as I entered the room.

The thing to remember is...it's not you, don't take it personally. Just be there for her, and keep working on building an association between "daddy" and warm happy good things happening. It may take longer than you expect because she was born a stray, but give yourself plenty of time. Another thing to try -- when she stares you down, blink slowly, and keep your eyes closed for a couple seconds.

Good luck!

There is a TCS article on Bringing Home a New Cat that has some good suggestions. Since you already have your cat you will have done a lot of the things noted in the first part of the article. The sections near the end titled The Sanctuary Room and Bringing Kitty Home should be the most helpful for your situation.

Welcome to the world of cats and good luck with your new kitty.

Thank you all for the advice. Last night I went to PetSmart bought a few different flavors of treats (chicken, tuna salmon) to experiment and find what she likes. I left 14 tuna pieces on the floor about 8' from the recliner and found 5 missing this morning. I also picked up a hooded cat bed and put a few tuna treats in it in the hope that she might consider it a more comfortable hiding place. It's under an end table. After cleaning and grooming her litter, I sat down on some pillows 5' from the recliner, beside the TV as far as I could while still being in sight, and just sat there with my Nexus 7 watching Hulu and Netflix, with her food and water between us. She never came out, and I didn't anticipate that she would. After a few hours of that, I laid on my side my with my Droid Light app on (so I could see her under the dark recliner) and played with the feathered/bell'd stick toy near the edge of the recliner. After a minute, a little paw and some claws came out to "get" the toy for a few minutes. Then she stopped that and I saw her nose dart around, following the toy with some interest. Then I played with the laser pointer in the same fashion, and again her nose darted around, following the dot. She didn't paw at it, but she followed it. Then I started talking to her. Bunch of random thoughts really, but reinforced the idea that she had nothing to fear. I pick a few bits of kibble from her bowl and slowly slipped them under the recliner, near where her face was. I was happy to see her eating some of it, without much caution. I expected her to stare me down while eating, but she was more interested in the food. She'd eat one or two, then look at me. I would give her more and the process repeated before she stood up and shifted position. We did that for about half an hour before I went to bed. Until then I was just leaving her food out 24/7, but I decided to take the advice and put her food on the counter. I left the water out. I put the food back down before leaving for work and told her what I was doing, hoping she would see me doing it. Kind of hard from her vantage point though, unless I put the food in the living area. I don't want her to be accustomed to eating there, though.

I suppose that's progress. A friend of mine adopted a black cat, Neelix (yes, after the strange Star Trek Voyager character... he wants me to rename her Kes, or Janeway lol) last June after he moved to DC, and said it took Neelix a month to stop hiding in his closet.

A couple ladies working at PetSmart suggested I get a small can of wet food to try feeding her with. The idea being that the stronger scent might help lure her out more often. I'll do that, and repeat sitting on the floor tonight after work and again after the gym.

RJK87 said:

Thank you all for the advice. Last night I went to PetSmart bought a few different flavors of treats (chicken, tuna salmon) to experiment and find what she likes. I left 14 tuna pieces on the floor about 8' from the recliner and found 5 missing this morning. I also picked up a hooded cat bed and put a few tuna treats in it in the hope that she might consider it a more comfortable hiding place. It's under an end table. After cleaning and grooming her litter, I sat down on some pillows 5' from the recliner, beside the TV as far as I could while still being in sight, and just sat there with my Nexus 7 watching Hulu and Netflix, with her food and water between us. She never came out, and I didn't anticipate that she would. After a few hours of that, I laid on my side my with my Droid Light app on (so I could see her under the dark recliner) and played with the feathered/bell'd stick toy near the edge of the recliner. After a minute, a little paw and some claws came out to "get" the toy for a few minutes. Then she stopped that and I saw her nose dart around, following the toy with some interest. Then I played with the laser pointer in the same fashion, and again her nose darted around, following the dot. She didn't paw at it, but she followed it. Then I started talking to her. Bunch of random thoughts really, but reinforced the idea that she had nothing to fear. I pick a few bits of kibble from her bowl and slowly slipped them under the recliner, near where her face was. I was happy to see her eating some of it, without much caution. I expected her to stare me down while eating, but she was more interested in the food. She'd eat one or two, then look at me. I would give her more and the process repeated before she stood up and shifted position. We did that for about half an hour before I went to bed. Until then I was just leaving her food out 24/7, but I decided to take the advice and put her food on the counter. I left the water out. I put the food back down before leaving for work and told her what I was doing, hoping she would see me doing it. Kind of hard from her vantage point though, unless I put the food in the living area. I don't want her to be accustomed to eating there, though.

I suppose that's progress. A friend of mine adopted a black cat, Neelix (yes, after the strange Star Trek Voyager character... he wants me to rename her Kes, or Janeway lol) last June after he moved to DC, and said it took Neelix a month to stop hiding in his closet.

A couple ladies working at PetSmart suggested I get a small can of wet food to try feeding her with. The idea being that the stronger scent might help lure her out more often. I'll do that, and repeat sitting on the floor tonight after work and again after the gym.

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It sounds like you are making good progress with her. 

Well she very briefly came out last night. I was again on the floor watching Netflix on my tablet, had my dinner there, then went and did some things for my car club (I'm the Secretary for it) on the computer near where she's been hiding. I went back to watching my tablet, and heard a slight rustle. I slowly glanced over and saw her behind the end table beside the recliner. She had turned around by then and slowly went back under the recliner, but she was out for 15 seconds. Huzzah!

I've been putting her food on the counter at night lately, but all my friends keep telling me to just leave it and let her pick at it when she wants. She finally started drinking her water, which I always have available. I guess where feeding times are concerned I'll just have a half can of wet food near her in the evening when I get home and toss it when I go to bed if she doesn't eat it. She seems to like Salmon treats, so I'll try some Salmon cans next week.

I'm hoping she comes around soon. I spoke to my parents and it seems my dog, Sammy, is steadily showing his age. Somehow he got pepper-sized ticks all over his body, and has been getting sick. Not eating, and the vet thinks his brain isn't communicating with his hind legs very well, since he can hardly stand on them anymore. He's 16 (105 dog years) and has been healthy up until recently... I could use a furry companion right about now. We've had him since the spring of 1999 when he was 2-3 years old.

I'm sorry about Sammy.  I hope you are able to enjoy your new furry companion too.  That's great that she came out for a bit.

but all my friends keep telling me to just leave it and let her pick at it when she wants

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Most agree that scheduled meals are better for the cat and better in your type of situation where you want to bond with the cat.  BUT if you have any doubt as to whether she is getting enough food, I'd leave it out longer. 

txcatmom said:

I'm sorry about Sammy.  I hope you are able to enjoy your new furry companion too.  That's great that she came out for a bit.

Most agree that scheduled meals are better for the cat and better in your type of situation where you want to bond with the cat.  BUT if you have any doubt as to whether she is getting enough food, I'd leave it out longer. 

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I haven't noticed any change in the level of food in her bowl. She ate some of it when I slowly fed it to her under the recliner, but so far the only thing she's gobbled up is the salmon treat. Tonight I'll leave a small dish of wet tuna food out near the end table I saw her behind while I mind my own business on the floor with my tablet. I left that out yesterday near her food dish and she didn't touch it. I thought maybe her food might be too close to the litter box, but it's 8' away, sitting on a catty-corner wall, and she's been drinking her water at night, next to where her food is during the day.

I also maybe thought she might not like the food (Lamb flavor, formula for sensitive stomachs), but it's what the rescue has been feeding the cats in the store and she should be used to it. When I go to get a can of salmon tomorrow I'll pick up a bag of salmon kibble as well... mix them and see what happens. Hopefully talk to the adoption folks who will be there for an adoption event. Maybe I'll get lucky and her foster parent will be there.

[COLOR=#"Blue"]Hola y bienvenido a TCS, ...Catulina & Milky te saludan!!!........[/COLOR]
(Translate: Hi and Welcome to TCS, Catulina & Milky say hello to you!!!...)

Please feel as you home here, we can learn so much and deep about out kittys in this marvelous site, I just only please ask you read the rules and other stuffs that can help you to feel as you Real home!.. here you have the link my friend.
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82565

Please ask whatever you need to know, there are plenty of good members and of course our tireless Mod´s to help us here!....

See you on the forums!, Glad you join us!

Well it has been almost two weeks. I had a friend over from Philly Saturday until last night (he has a cat himself and lives at home with three cats and two dogs) and she seemed to warm up to him in the last few days, as well as me. She's swapping between under the couch and behind the toilet, but when I pet her behind the toilet I found she warms up quickly and becomes very affecionate, walking around, pushing her head into my hands, purring, stretching her paws and claws out, etc. etc. But when I open the door to try and convince her to come out of the bathroom she gets wide-eyed and darts back behind the toilet.

I dropped him off at the airport last night, came home and found her hiding under the hutch on my nightstand nearest the bedroom window. Spent about an hour scratching her head and butt and got her to walk around on the bed while I sat on the floor petting her. She seems to like when I pull her skin on her neck and shoulders, almost like it's a massage for her. After I went to bed she came out of the bathroom, sat by my door and meowed. Darted away when I turned on the light and called her to me.

Progress. She seems to be becoming fond of me, even snuggling her head to my face. I also noticed she hasn't been cleaning her rear-end, so I might have to take her to the groomer eventually to get that cleaned up... the fur is matted with dry you-know-what.

Awww, poor kitty!!! But she seems like she's getting used to you and her new environment! 

Word of caution on the fish-based food: I fed my cat fish-base only cat food (and a good brand too: Avoderm) and he ended up with sterile feline lower urinary track disease (FLUTD). Apparently, a lot of fish can cause inflammation in the bladder and lead to that. That being said, female cats are less likely to get it than males, but just make sure you're not feeding her just fish. Learn from my mistake, padawan! 

And yes! Get that butt cleaned  

So glad she's warming up to you!  Is Philadelphia your home town? I live in the suburbs.

I love brown tabbies. I have one too.

Hi there welcome along to TCS

Some great advise given and its great shes coming round to you  

 I'm so glad to hear that Shyla's coming around to you. With time, she may even greet you at the door when you get home. It sounds like you've made excellent progress since you first brought her home. Everyone on here has given very good advice as well. One word of caution though, as one other Lilas has stated:

Lilas said:

Awww, poor kitty!!! But she seems like she's getting used to you and her new environment! 

Word of caution on the fish-based food: I fed my cat fish-base only cat food (and a good brand too: Avoderm) and he ended up with sterile feline lower urinary track disease (FLUTD). Apparently, a lot of fish can cause inflammation in the bladder and lead to that. That being said, female cats are less likely to get it than males, but just make sure you're not feeding her just fish. Learn from my mistake, padawan! 

And yes! Get that butt cleaned  

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Fish is bad for cats long-term, though I understand right now getting her to trust and bond with you is the main concern. Many people believe fish is good for them because they love it so much, and so they've made food with it in tuna and salmon flavors, but that's an old belief and many people still think it's good so they sell in as cat food flavors in stores. It's more to market the food than for the pet's health, so I would consider only giving it to her once in a while if you really want to give it to her. Milk is also bad for cats, another common belief that cats love milk as a treat, which they do, but it's bad for them. Most cats are actually lactose-intolerant after they're weaned from their mothers, and so it will upset their stomach, not to mention the calorie count for one small bowl of milk for a cat is about the equivalent of 10 bowls of ice cream for a human (I heard this comparison from Animal Planet's Cats 101, I didn't make it up I swear lol). Also obviously, human food is bad for them as well. As for the fish, these pages explain it better than I do:

http://www.littlebigcat.com/nutrition/why-fish-is-dangerous-for-cats/      

http://pets.webmd.com/cats/ss/slideshow-foods-your-cat-should-never-eat

I had a problem with some of my older cats after feeding them Purina dry for years (Purina is a good brand, but dry food doesn't give them as much nutrients and protein as wet food does) so they said to opt for poultry flavored canned foods, chicken flavor being the best. When I asked them for their personal preference on food brands, they said 9 Lives and Friskies are fine for most cats, and wet food also helps keep them at a healthy weight. Dry food eaters tend to put on pounds easier, and get more urinary tract infections. This is a lot, but I hope it helps. Good luck with your new kitty.