A Man's View of Relationships

Oh, Ken

You've just confirmed the fact that all you males are preprogramed the same from the get-go!

When a guy sees a woman across the room he isn`t thinking "I bet she`s a great conversationalist". C`mon, ALL men think "Man, what a great a**", etc and then if she IS a good conversationalist, smart, funny, etc., once he talks to her then that will usually seal the deal as to if a guy can be with her for more than just that one thing. The "inner beauty" IS the most important thing, but men have to work past their libido first. Now, some guys might disagree, but for all intensive purposes, this is a generally correct point-of-view.

I know I'm a catch for any woman because I spoil the ladies I date and romance the heck out of them, but I admitt, I don't look at a girl for the FIRST time and wonder "Has she got a good personality?". It's just a guy thing.

But, I have NEVER "been with" a woman I wasn't completely and totally in love with. And, I give 110% everytime.

Well, honesty is the best policy. It has been said that men first check out a woman's ass/chest/legs before even considering getting to know her. But... I have a few questions.

1) So... (we'll use the name Olivia) Olivia doesn't have the best looking figure.. she's slightly overweight. Do you still check her out?

2) If you do check her out... what would it be. "Hmmm nope.. she doesn't look that good... NEXT!" ?? I surely hope not.

3) It turns out.. Olivia has one of the best personalities known to our world. She's very smart, funny, considerate, and mature. Would you try to find this out... even if she wasn't the most attractive woman you've ever seen?

I appreciate your honesty MeowMan. You don't find that often. However, I don't think its fair that most men have to get past their "libido" before they try to get to know a woman. When you marry a person.. I'm hoping you marry them because you love them as a person not because of their body. Yes, being attracted to the person is important. It's just not fair to the women out there that don't have the perfect figure.. but have the near perfect personality.

If this is truly how most men look at women when they first see them. I feel sorry for you guys... there are a LOT of women out there that you're passing up.. that are soooooo awesome.

Anyways, thanks MeowMan... honesty is the best policy.. especially when you're dealing with women:laughing:

Quote: "But, I have NEVER "been with" a woman I wasn't completely and totally in love with. And, I give 110% everytime."

Lots and lots and lots of smilies to you for that!! That is a fading trait in both men and women! :tounge2: :jarswim: inky: :flash: :laughing2 pposite: :blubturq: :splitter: :baloon: :rainbow:

I would and do talk to any woman, a lil' overweight or not. I've got a close friend (married though) who isn't physically perfect, but I think she's the sexiest. She has an incredible personality and attitude and YES! That does make a BIG difference. It will get a woman further w/ me than looks alone.

Men like you are rare MeowMan!

Why is it all the great guys show their faces when I'm taken?


Cass

Well, Chuck, that was a refreshing and depressing piece of honesty.

Now exactly where does that leave us: the hopelessly average?

It's no wonder so many women spend thousands of $ trying to elevate themselves to the male standard.

Speaking strictly for myself, I would say that I don't zero in on looks in a guy first. I think I would have to say that personality, etc. are the first things that make an impression on me.

Then again, maybe that's why I'm hanging out unattached.

At any rate, since I know I don't fall into the category of the "hottie across the room", I'll just slink back into my corner.

I guess I need to clarify one very, very important thing again so that you (and the other ladies here) aren't burning my picture: I love all women and consider the female of the species to be far more powerful than that of the male. I am NOT prejudice against women who don't have so much in the way of looks. As I have said, personality, attitude and the way they carry themselves will go a LOT further with me than looks alone! It's just a simple male fact and I am not proud or ashamed of it; it is simply the way men generally are. I must admitt, however, that I am feeling a little embarrassed. I suppose most men can't be man enough to admitt these kind of things, but I try and be honest with my thoughts. I'm too damn old to play the "maybe I shouldn't say this" games (Even though I must contradict myself immediately by stating that I do keep myself in check at times in fear of death and mutilation. LOL). Suddenly I feel like I've opened a can of worms that I shouldn't have and I apologize wholeheartedly for that.

I think I'll slink away like a dog w/ his tail between his legs now. lol. Maybe I should just shut-up and stop talking! As Bugs Bunny frequently says "what a maroon".

Can't completely blame the guys though - some of it was "bred" into the human race. It isn't survial of the fittest it is the survial of the genes - who breeds children that breeds children. Those male genes that were passed on were those that sowed their oats and the female genes passed on were those who found good protectors and had the ability to have multiple children. So we have men who look for hot women. Kind of sad though that men look more at body then women - guys get off so easy! And heck I'm built for having babies (only kind I have or want are the fuzzy kind) so I'm not in the hottie group either - in fact I don't know many females over the age of 22-23 that are. But I also know I worry about how "fat" I am a LOT more than my husband! He won't even let me have a weight scale 'cuz he says I'm fine (according to the Dr. I'm a bit overweight) and I obsess. He says (like we ever believe them ) I look great...

AHA!!!! I knew it was too soon to take the gear off.

Now lessee here...guys are always checking out the bod and ignoring the less than perfect. Yup,we do unfortunately do that;I admit it. I suppose it runs back to the caveman/ape days of looking for prime breeding partners...animal instincts as it were. Plus all the re-inforcement of playboy,et al while we're growing up. Hopefully we grow wiser as we mature. I often look at the young guys drooling over the Hotties these days and chuckle at the heartaches they have in store.

Which brings me to the second point. You sweet young things are hardly discouraging all this attention to your "equipment".:tounge2: Bikini sales have never dropped and the jean companies are pouring those skin tight pants out by the truckload. Ain't nothing comfortable about them.

And finally,(edging closer to the exit) let's look at the female view of us guys. The Stomping Clydesdales or whoever(you all know their proper name)male stripper review is always a sellout. Playgirl sells every copy they print. Arnies movies aren't such a hit because he's a good actor(even tho I think he's better than he's given credit for).And may I point out(reeeeal close to the door now)the reaction here to the pics of a very handsome,well muscled young man on a different thread. I didn't see anything inquiring about his mind.

So lets remember the saying about glass houses and agree that both genders have a lot of learning to do.

Hit the dirt guys....INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!! :tounge2: :foot:

Movies are one thing - what we go out with is another story! Sure I like looking as much as the next woman - but the guys I've gone out with and or said "if I wasn't so happily married or married in general (though I am VERY happily married) this is a guy I would be interested in" have never been drop dead gorgeous. I love my husband but he isn't god's gift to women in the looks department. He isn't ugly either, but he's 6 foot tall, skinny as a bean pole (though his shoulders have filled out and he is getting a small pouch in the belly area) but he is intelligent, hates sports, is good to me and we just click - he's my other side, about half the time - my better side. However, when I asked unmarried men what are they looking for (I have a couple of 30 something men who REALLY want to find that someone special) the first thing out of their mouths is - good looking. Ask a women and it is usually nice or intelligent and then decent looking (so it is still high on the list )

Don't take this badly - I'm a big male basher! So take everything I say with a large grain of salt. Men just look at things differently than women - neither way is better... (or so I've been told! BIG :tounge2:

Heather

Oh Chuck,

Don't apologize for stating things as they exist. I just find it sad that they do.

I can't disagree with anything that you or Kittyfoot said. I completely agree that women keep the whole game going via clothing, make-up, and other outlandish attempts to garner male attention. I personally can't think of anything sadder than a web site where you send in a picture of yourself so guys can "rate your rack". Talk about needing attention in the worst possible way.

I'm just personally not somebody who goes in for all of that (dare I say?) crap. So consequently, I am not being noticed left and right. It's ok because the person I have to face in the mirror every morning is not compromising any beliefs.

To the other topic, Kittyfoot, I gotta say that I think the whole "male revue" thing is NO WAY as popular as the topless bar scene. I'll admit, I've been to one once. I thought it was a waste of my time.

Originally posted by Deb25

To the other topic, Kittyfoot, I gotta say that I think the whole "male revue" thing is NO WAY as popular as the topless bar scene. I'll admit, I've been to one once. I thought it was a waste of my time.

Click to expand...

I completely agree. You will find a 'traveling' male review, or a strip club that features men one night a week, but you will find at least one or two full blown strip clubs in any respectable size town. I know because I have been the maid of honor 4 times and had the esteemed honor of the bachelorette party, and believe me it's not easy to find a strip club to take the girls too. you are limited to certain nights of the week, if you can even find a place that has guys on staff. As a man throwing a bachelor party, you have your choice of any number of clubs & can go any night of the week.

yes, we have playgirl, but men have dozens of other choices. i would imagine the ratio of male to female sex publications is probably something like 10 to 1 easily.

I have been to my share of 'shops' and seen the selection. it's pitiful for us women. I'm not complaining because I don't care. I don't read any of them & have no interest in them, so it doesn't matter to me. but I do know there is a lot more catering to men then women.

And how! On my way to work in a mile-long stretch near my school there are at least 15 nudie joints. Tampa is a veritable mecca of these places.

There is no full-time male revue club that I know of. I could be wrong, not being a participant.

The whole point is that those of us women who aren't wired into arousing the male libido every second with the way we dress, etc. pretty much get shoved to the back burner. If you're not a player, you might as well forget it.

OK..(peeking out from my deeeep foxhole) now I basically agree with you.

However,we truckers often wind up sitting in the seedier parts of cities. So I got to know a few nightclub/stripbar owners and workers. One fine night a bartender friend slipped me in on "ladies night". These were housewives and "respectable"ladies out on a tear. Lordy....I thought us men were bad. Those male strippers should demand hazard pay!!! That ain't stuffing in those briefs...it's protection.

Also,I got to know a few strippers and noticed the guys are much more jumpy at shadows and sudden movements. :tounge2:

Back to the pit..... :foot:

Kittyfoot,

Off the market, huh??? Damn! Got any friends, brothers, cousins, uncles, nephews, fathers, grandfathers that are available??? Boy do I sound desperate. But what the hell, you don't know unless you ask.

She's a very lucky lady. If it doesn't work out, call me!



Donna

Hmm, where do I start? LOL

I agree with AP and Deb about the ratio of sex publicity men v. women being 10 to 1.

And Deb has a point. Just like all men aren't after "just a body". All women don't care to flaunt what the good Lord gave em. But....

For those women who do wear the tight pants and wear bikini's and low cut tops.. etc... what do you expect.

You guys have openly admitted that you look at the "body" first. So in order to ge tyou to consider getting to know us.. we've got to physically impress you. Once we do that.. we're officially in the game.

Now... you have a woman with a leather mini skirt and a low cut shirt on.. and beside her.. you have a women with a long sleeve baggy dress on. Which woman is gonna get your attention and keep it?

So.. keep in mind there is a reason behind all those women wearing those clothes. They have to get your attention some how. It's all one big competition.

I was gonna say thats my two sents.. but its more like two dollars.

--Cass

I must say that when I was in Tampa one weekend for a work seminar I visited the Galaxy 2000 and *ahem*, one of the girls said the sapaceship lounge upstairs was the place to be and for a "little extra" you could get the royal treatment! I was blown away (BY HER REMARK, OK? I DIDN'T GO UPSTAIRS.LOL).

I used to live in Orlando in some very nice apt.'s on Orange Blossom Trail, right in that same strip club/sex shop run just before the Florida mall. I lived in the middle of all the "nicer" establishments, as apposed to going towards I-4 where they got seedier.

Ya know, it really IS a sad thing the way things are! Kittyfoot couldn't be more right too, because ALL of my lady friends (married or not) STILL dress to the nines in form fitting, sexy, short skirts. It is about "the game" and we all have played it. Personally, I'm no good at it (which might be a evidence to why I've been single for 4 yrs now) and hate doing it. But, with Kathy, though I did fall in love with her, I did indeed seduce her. The first time I saw her though there was something akin to a flash point explosion chemistry when we stared into each others eyes I have to admitt, I saw her from behind first and thought "awsome"! And then she turned around and looked at me and that was it! I was a goner and I KNEW W/O A DOUBT she was THE one. Too bad it didn't work out. Ironicly, she got married to a guy who got her pregnant that she didn't love and who beat her. She still calls me once a week to talk and she is now living back at her Mom & Dads w/ her son and he's moved in w/ the girl he was sleeping around with. Funny, how the grass always seems greener. She still wishes she was with me. And I'd love to be with her as well, but I don't want to be a (step)-father and she is SO die hard southern baptist that I couldn't deal with it. It was her families constant badgering (when we lived in Orlando) of us "living in sin" that helped in our split.

With Helen, I had cast her in a short film I was doing and she was young (18),tall (6'), skinny, long hair down to her butt and drop dead gorgeous! Well, she came onto me! What was a 30 yr old filmmaker to do? It's not like I could say NO! Say no? hahahahaha! I did indeed get stupid and when I opened my mouth to talk it was "goobleblobhabslobdrool". It was all about the lust (I'm still not sure it was worth the pain in the butt things for how much fun she was behind closed doors). But then we had a bad break up, didn't speak for 2 months and she met Allen (who she eventually married) and then I actually got to KNOW her. And we became best friends. And now, she says shes in love with two men, her hubby and me. And that we'd (finally) make the perfect couple! Oh, the irony is just wonderful ain't it?

Well, in these 2 relationships I learned a LOT about women and about myself. Just like with my cats, I'm a total push over (I think it stems from being too sweet). But, I also realize that the reason BOTH relationships ended wasn't so much because of me (though I was far from faultless), but bewcause of their youth and life inexperience.

My best guy friend, Mike, told me that when you treat a woman well, they will ALWAYS come back one way or the other later. And he was so right! They both came back! Though I couldn't be w/ Kathy again and Helen is married, they did indeed come back.

Which leads me to pose a question: HOW MANY LOVES HAVE YOU CALLED UP MONTHS OR YEARS LATER AT LEAST TO SAY HI BECAUSE YOU REALIZED YOU MISSED THEM?

What a great post this is. It really is insightful and interesting!

MeowMan... hehe the first thing I have to say is that most of the time a break-up consists of both parties and its "usually" not just one persons fault. I also think you are right to some extent about that "coming back" thing. I've seen quite a bit of women go back to their ex after a while.. wanting to reconcile (sp?).

I, however, have *never* called or even crawled back to a man. Maybe because up until now.. I never had a guy that treated me right? I'd put up with them for 6 months to a year before I'd finally burn out or they'd cheat on me... and I'd throw in the towel. The last one was horrible.

We were living together... he left for a week straight to stay with his mom because she was in town for a week. Well.. his mom was a crack addict. Nice huh? So anyway.. he comes back after the week. Only for me to find out he'd been on drugs *sigh* and that he cheated on me. It took me two days before I could gather the strength to break it off. This entire thing was horrible... and I ended up moving out of state to escape it and everything I went through in the weeks after. I was avoiding him at all costs. The last I heard.. he's in prison for 5 years. I'm soooo glad I'm away from that.

The man I'm with now can only be described as a dream come true. Craig treats me like a queen, spoils me rotten, and never fails to tell me how he feels. He is very honest, straight forward, and he knows the meaning of comprimise and sharing. This is one man I think I'd crawl back to in a heartbeat if we ever broke up (GOD FORBID).

So, as of yet.. I haven't crawled back to anyone MeowMan... but thats not to say that I won't. I'm still young


--Cass

Originally posted by MeowMan
I was blown away (BY HER REMARK, OK? I DIDN'T GO UPSTAIRS.LOL).

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Chuck,

First off, you had me rolling on the floor with that one! If you know that joint on Dale Mabry, you must know the Mons Venus across the street. I've never personally been inside the door, but I know plenty of guys who have been. It's about the same deal. There's always more to be had. Funny thing is though, many of these girls are lesbians.

I won't say that I've exactly crawled back, more like never quite crawled away. My ex, Kris, is probably my best friend. We were together for 6 years. I do not think things will ever work out, but there's a nagging feeling of something still being there.

At any rate, I agree that this is about the best thread in awhile. (I was literally dashing home from class tonight to see the latest post). If only men and women were this open and honest out there in the real world, perhaps things wouldn't be as screwed up as they are, and more people would end up happy in this world.

Kittyfoot, you can crawl out of the foxhole and take off the gear. There aren't any weapons drawn.

Thanks Deb..(peers suspiciously about) but I think I'll wait a bit...

Anyways..I agreee that it's a pity we can't be more honest and open with each other. I grew up a skinny kid who got the same treatment from the girls. So it goes both ways. It took me this long to find a dear,sweet lady....more on that in a different thread later. But you'll forgive me if I take a slightly doubtful view of any "women don't judge" statements. We men are just more obvious about it. Both sexes have a lot to learn.

And it hurts just as bad to be rejected offhand for us guys. Most of you ladies would breeze by me on the street without a glance. But now you see what a great guy I truly am...modest too.

Incidentally...many strippers and hookers are gay. NO..I did not equate gays and sex-trades!!!! Don't even go there.

So lets get the opposing views in here...this armor is getting heavy. :tounge2: