How can a person that is such an animal lover, not be a good parent?

My sisters ex husband was visiting today, to see his two daughters (one in her twenties and one is in her teens). He is not a good father, barely pays child support, sometimes months go by. He barely sees his daughters, he is in and out of jail for things id rather not mention.

Since he is sleeping on our couch for the night, he hadnt seen his daughters in months and wanted to stay the night. He hasnt slept here in years. Anyway, i told him my cat sleeps loose, and if she visits him to be nice to her, because she is my baby. lol

Then my sister piped in that he would not do that because he is an animal lover. Then he started talking about his dogs that he has, all the animals he has had. Monkeys, cats, dogs, and many others that i cant remember. He only has 2 dogs now, as he doesnt have much money anymore. But he was saying he misses them and worries being away from them.

He says he wouldnt give them up for anything and feels less lonely having them with him. It was like he was a completely different person when he was talking about animals. Maybe he was lying or exagerating, but he couldnt fake the happiness on his face when he talked about animals.

I dont get it, he worries so much about the animals he left in his house, but he doesnt worry about the fact that his daughters are also living a hard life, that he is not there, and that they grew up with him so far away.

How can someone that loves animals so much, be such a bad parent???

Monkeys? Oh wow. Why did he cut back to 2 dogs I wonder. I think when you wrote this, the 1st "not" in 3rd paragraph was in there by accident? Because it's confusing. He'd automatically be nice. Was that what you meant to write? Or is he tempted to get alot of animals?

c1atsite said:

Monkeys? Oh wow. Why did he cut back to 2 dogs I wonder. I think when you wrote this, the 1st "not" in 3rd paragraph was in there by accident? Because it's confusing. He'd automatically be nice. Was that what you meant to write? Or is he tempted to get alot of animals?

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he cut back because he lost everything when he first went to jail, ever since then he has been in and out. he can only afford two animals.

I was worried he would get mad if my cat would try and climb on the couch while he slept and i told him to be nice to her. My sister told me that he would not hurt her, because he loves animals.

I was just surprised that a person can love and do so much for animals, but isnt there for his daughters.

I can only guess his issue stems from events during his childhood. It's interesting. I've never met anybody that matches his description.

Some people really are just not good at interacting with other humans; but feel safer with animals.  When you make a mistake with an animal; they don't judge you...but humans remember.  Animals dint see our failures; it's much harder to let them down.  They just love you anyway.  I wonder if it's not something related to that.  Animals also demand a lot less.  None of this makes his actions, or lack thereof, ok...but i think that could explain it some.

But. . .you also don't know how he cares for his pets. He may LOVE them, but not have the mental/emotional faculties to properly care for them. I know a lot of people who love their pets but really neglect them. Maybe he talks like that about his daughters to other people. Who knows? :dk: I'm not inclined to consider people who keep monkeys to be particularly responsible. And the fact that he's had so many pets kind of implies that he doesn't keep them very long :/.

But if he does take good care of his pets and not his daughters, well, I find animals so much easier than humans, honestly. Humans have all kinds of pesky emotions and opinions and issues, its hard to deal with. Animals are much simpler. Not that there's ever any excuse for neglecting children (that he CHOSE to create), but still.

terestrife said:

How can someone that loves animals so much, be such a bad parent???

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It's possible to like animals more than humans. I love animals, but I don't tolerate kids very well. I find them to be loud and obnoxious and very trying on my nerves.  Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. I chose to not have kids for several reasons, one of which was that I lacked patients for them, and didn't want my freedom compromised IE: having to find a baby sitter if I wanted to go out.

Pets are easier than kids. WAY easier.

Natalie_ca said:

It's possible to like animals more than humans. I love animals, but I don't tolerate kids very well. I find them to be loud and obnoxious and very trying on my nerves.  Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. I chose to not have kids for several reasons, one of which was that I lacked patients for them, and didn't want my freedom compromised IE: having to find a baby sitter if I wanted to go out.

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i do agree with that. but the problem is he already had an 18 year old kid when he got married to my sister, and then he had 2 daughters. if he didnt enjoy kids the first time around, why would he have more? its not even about enjoying kids to be a good parent.

he is not there not emotionally, physically, or financially. i dont think you need to like kids to take care of your responsibilities, you know?

but thanks for  the responses everyone it was interesting to see other peoples sides.

Originally Posted by terestrife  

if he didnt enjoy kids the first time around, why would he have more? its not even about enjoying kids to be a good parent.

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Sadly, some people are just plain obtuse about the consequences of their actions and only live for the moment, if you know what I mean.

StealthKitty said:

Sadly, some people are just plain obtuse about the consequences of their actions and only live for the moment, if you know what I mean.

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yeah i know. cant really complain as i love my nieces very much. one of them even looks like she could be my daughter. lol

SwampWitch said:

Pets are easier than kids. WAY easier.

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I totally agree with you.  I am not comfortable around kids, even in my own family.  Let somebody walk in with their pet and I am all over it in a second.  I'm being very honest when I say if two people walked in, one with their baby and one with their pet....you know who I would go to.

To compare the demands of human parenting to pet ownership is kind of absurd.

My cats don't demand anything but food and some playtime. They don't care what brand I buy. They don't complain that the neighbor's cat gets something better. They don't throw tantrums in grocery stores. I never worry that I have psychologically scarred my cats for life or that I have ruined their future because of my own shortcomings.

I don't have to co-parent with my cats' other parent. No one is bad mouthing me to my cats - telling them/me what a loser I am.

I think there is a difference between being uncomfortable around kids and being a bad parent, but yea.
I don't want kids but I think they are cute and what not. But as soon as I get around them, I realize I have no idea what I'm doing and just feel really awkward. Cats? I practically speak their language.

i understand and respect that some people dont like kids. i think that is fine. I like kids, but i dont know if i want to have them. because i do know how hard it is. I had to help my sister raise her youngest daughter. she was born when i was 11 and i was right there with her changing diapers and feeding her. It is a hard, thankless job. And i had to easy part cause i got to go to my room after watching her for awhile.

but the difference is that he CHOSE to have kids, they exist now and its too late. All i meant was that i was shocked that he seemed so loving to his pets, but not his kids.

ive had to watch my 15 year old niece cry many times over not having her dad around. ive had to watch my sister makes sacrifices to keep her kids fed and healthy. ive had to watch her call her ex to help her get medicine for their daughter and he wouldnt even help with getting his kid medicine.

i do know that pets are easier than kids. but it saddens me that he didnt give the same love and attention to the kids he chose to have.

Willowy said:

 I know a lot of people who love their pets but really neglect them. Maybe he talks like that about his daughters to other people. And the fact that he's had so many pets kind of implies that he doesn't keep them very long :/
 

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This was the first thing I thought of as well.

Willowy said:

 And the fact that he's had so many pets kind of implies that he doesn't keep them very long :/.

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i liked your post it made a lot of sense.

by the way, he says that he has a habit of caring for pets until he can find them a home. he says this is why he has so many pets. dont know if thats true though.

What do you mean "he CHOSE to have kids"?

Did he and your sister carefully plan to have children ensuring that they were both financially/emotionally prepared?

This guy doesn't sound like he can take care of himself let alone two children. You can't blood from a stone.

if someone engages in activities that lead to pregnancy, they've chosen to have kids. And they made 2 kids. . .I don't think lack of careful consideration means they didn't choose to do it. If that were true there would be very few people who qualify. . .:tongue2:

So are you saying that you have sex ONLY when you have decided to bear offspring?

And do you think many men are thinking about children when engaging in activities that lead to pregnancy?