- Joined
- Feb 19, 2001
- Messages
- 34,872
- Purraise
- 77
Tired of Martha's Way?? Try MY Way!!!
>________________________
>Martha's Way:
>Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice
cream drips.
>MY Way:
>Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone for Pete's sake, you
are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
>
>Martha's Way:
>To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
>MY Way:
>Buy Hungry Jack Mash Potato Mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
>Martha's Way:
>Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato
based sauces and there won't be any stains.
>MY Way:
>Feed your garbage disposal and there won't be any leftovers.
>
>Martha's Way:
>When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry
cake mix instead & there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
>MY Way:
>Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
>
>Martha's Way:
>If you accidentally over-salt a dish, drop in a peeled potato and it will
>absorb the excess salt.
>MY Way:
>If you over-salt a dish while you're cooking that's too damn bad.
>My motto is: I made it, you will eat it, I don't care how bad it tastes! Or
better yet, EAT out.
>
>Martha's Way:
>To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted
>water. It sinks, it's fresh, but if it rises to the surface, throw it away.
>MY Way:
>Eat, cook or use the egg anyway. If you feel bad later, you will know it
>wasn't fresh.
>
>Martha's Way:
>To cure a headache, take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your
forehead.
The throbbing will go away.
>MY Way:
>Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on
your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem
isn't the headache anymore; it is because you are now blind.
>
>Martha's Way:
>Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future
use
in casseroles and sauces.
>MY Way:
>What leftover wine?
>
>Martha's Way:
>Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw
>potatoes on the stains and rinse with water.
>MY Way:
>Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the antibacterial soap in the handy
>dispenser next to my sink.
>
>Martha's Way:
>Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it.
>MY Way:
>Brown sugar is supposed to be "soft"?
>
>Martha's Way:
>Now look what you can do with Alka-Seltzer: To clean a toilet, drop two
>tablets in, wait 20 min, brush and flush. To remove a stain from a vase or
glass cruet, fill with water and drop in 2 tablets. To polish jewelry, drop
two Alka-Seltzer tabs into a glass of water and immerse jewelry for two
>minutes. To clean thermos bottle, fill with water and drop in 4 tabs and
let
sit for an hour or more (if necessary).
>MY Way:
>Put your jewelry, vases and thermos in the toilet. Add a bottle of
>Alka-Seltzer tabs and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.
>
>
>
>________________________
>Martha's Way:
>Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice
cream drips.
>MY Way:
>Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone for Pete's sake, you
are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
>
>Martha's Way:
>To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
>MY Way:
>Buy Hungry Jack Mash Potato Mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
>Martha's Way:
>Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato
based sauces and there won't be any stains.
>MY Way:
>Feed your garbage disposal and there won't be any leftovers.
>
>Martha's Way:
>When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry
cake mix instead & there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
>MY Way:
>Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
>
>Martha's Way:
>If you accidentally over-salt a dish, drop in a peeled potato and it will
>absorb the excess salt.
>MY Way:
>If you over-salt a dish while you're cooking that's too damn bad.
>My motto is: I made it, you will eat it, I don't care how bad it tastes! Or
better yet, EAT out.
>
>Martha's Way:
>To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted
>water. It sinks, it's fresh, but if it rises to the surface, throw it away.
>MY Way:
>Eat, cook or use the egg anyway. If you feel bad later, you will know it
>wasn't fresh.
>
>Martha's Way:
>To cure a headache, take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your
forehead.
The throbbing will go away.
>MY Way:
>Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on
your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem
isn't the headache anymore; it is because you are now blind.
>
>Martha's Way:
>Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future
use
in casseroles and sauces.
>MY Way:
>What leftover wine?
>
>Martha's Way:
>Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw
>potatoes on the stains and rinse with water.
>MY Way:
>Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the antibacterial soap in the handy
>dispenser next to my sink.
>
>Martha's Way:
>Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it.
>MY Way:
>Brown sugar is supposed to be "soft"?
>
>Martha's Way:
>Now look what you can do with Alka-Seltzer: To clean a toilet, drop two
>tablets in, wait 20 min, brush and flush. To remove a stain from a vase or
glass cruet, fill with water and drop in 2 tablets. To polish jewelry, drop
two Alka-Seltzer tabs into a glass of water and immerse jewelry for two
>minutes. To clean thermos bottle, fill with water and drop in 4 tabs and
let
sit for an hour or more (if necessary).
>MY Way:
>Put your jewelry, vases and thermos in the toilet. Add a bottle of
>Alka-Seltzer tabs and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.
>
>
>
