I have a fear of dogs that I can not overcome...

and now the hubby is all but demanding that we get a dog!

When he married me he knew I had cats and no dogs and he married me anyway so I have to rant now.

I know that he loves dogs and he has always had one but I have a very real fear of dogs.  I was attacked at the age of 5 by a neighbors dog and came out of it with roughly 50 stitches to the face and head.  I was running after a ball in my yard and it just came out of nowhere and grabbed me.  Probably thought I was prey or something who knows.  I have no ill will toward dogs at all, I'm simply really nervous around them.  I know it was an isolated incident but it doesn't make me any less afraid.  I love to watch videos of puppies and dogs but I find it so hard to be around one.  I don't know if it's unfair of him to ask me to get over it or if it's unfair of me to deny him something that he really wants.

Question is have any of you guys ever overcame a fear of dogs "or anything for that matter" on your own?

I am also a dog lover but I do have an unrealistic fear of snakes.  I can imagine how I would feel if my husband wanted to get a snake.  I probably would even have problems sleeping at night.  I know there are psychologists who specialize in helping people overcome fears and phobias, it's considered an anxiety disorder.  They do it with increasing exposures coupled with training people in relaxation techniques.  They have had a lot of success with this approach.

I used to be terrified of dogs as a child, like you I was attacked, by my case was a pair of wild/feral dogs and I was 10. it wasn't so much the actual attack that caused me to be afraid, because the event lasted less than 10 seconds, but that 10 seconds caused me weeks of stress, and doctors visits, stitches, rabies jabs ect.

to this day I am not comfortable around some dogs, small dogs in particular as I have a rather large scar over my left eyebrow from being bitten by a toy poodle at the age of 12, in which my father literally had to pry the dog off of my eye, I am lucky I did not go blind in that eye, though my vision in my left eye is considerably worse than my right.

at any rate, when I was 17 I was given a chance encounter, I was asked to bottle raise a litter of newborn puppies, who's mother had been hit by a car (they were strays) half way through their raising, i was absolutely in love with those puppies, I adored them, as as I could not keep them, I decided to keep tabs on them and know where all 8 live to this day, I even walk a couple for their owners and they still, to this day, almost 6 years later still recognize and adore me.

as far as your husband goes, he is being a bit shelfish, if he knows you are afraid of dogs, but wants one anyway, I'd suggest that you demand he help you with your problem.

I wouldn't dive right in and just get a dog, what i would suggest is to perhaps ask to care for a friends dog, if you have any who have one, or even ask to foster a dog for the local shelter, get the calmest, quietest dog you can find, a middle aged dog, a puppy will tend to bite and nip in play, and if your root fear is being bitten by a dog, then a nipping puppy would not be best, nor would an elder dog as they can be fickle.
 

I definitely agree with Gibbly. Your fears should be the first priority here, not getting another pet. From the sound of things your hubby had "fair warning", as they say, that you weren't feeling fully "dog compatible". I doubt he'll suffer much anxiety or stress from not having a dog right away, but you can't say the same if he were to adopt one now, no?

Denice's suggestion isn't a bad one either... I've heard of such people who were able to treat people of very intense phobias of snakes, spiders, and dogs. The fact that you don't feel afraid just from seeing pictures of dogs, watching videos of them, etc., shows that you don't have as much work ahead of you as some of these folks.

Small dogs used to make me really jittery when I was younger; when I was six-ish some friends of my parents asked me to crawl under a dining room table and pick up their little Yorkie, which was ignoring them when they called it. (Dumb idea--I know my mom would've told them to get him themselves and then take a hike, but it was just me and them and they kind of guilt-tripped me into doing it.) Well I tried to just touch the dog, which proceeded to scream like a little psycho and snap at me. I knew the first question they'd ask if I told them I'd been bitten was "well what did you do to make him bite you?" so I kept my mouth shut and just dealt with it myself. I'm not actually scared of dogs as an adult, but aside from my old dog I'm still not very fond of them.

There are three things that do (or did) freak me out: centipedes, millipedes, and swimming. I know it's not that common for someone in their twenties to not know how to swim, but I really can't stand getting my face wet (another long story). So I'm still working on that one. Our apartment has a pool and I hope to use it, eventually. I've mostly managed to reason myself out of being afraid of millipedes, since they're just sluggish little mold-eaters and move like 1 MPH, tops. It was easier to stop being afraid of them once I learned to differentiate them from centipedes. Centipedes still give me the willies, but they're venomous, so I don't really plan on co-habitating with them anyways.

I'm uncomfortable around dogs too. I've never been around dogs, and I don't know what to do with them, or how to pet them. I don't like that many are so loud and yappy, and they run towards me and sometimes jump on me.

It doesn't help that our neighbor across the street has a big black lab that races over here every time we leave the house. She jumps up on us with her muddy paws - in the morning when we just got dressed, too. When we've complained, our neighbor starts telling us what WE are supposed to do to train and discourage her - like it's our responsibility. No, YOU control your dog! I don't blame the animals, I blame the humans. (His previous dog was hit by a car so you'd think he wouldn't let this one run across the road all the time, but he does.)

My opinion on your situation: you had an agreement when you got married and nothing has changed. What if you both agreed no children, is it okay for one person to go ahead with it anyway? What if your husband is asthmatic but you want to start smoking? You need to BOTH agree to change that agreement or it stands, imo.

When you say he "knew I had cats and no dogs," do you mean he knew of your phobia, or he knew that you didn't own any dogs? I'm just wondering if there was a miscommunication where he thought you simply didn't own a dog but might still be open to the idea later on.

Personally, I think it's unfair of him to ask you to get over it if he is being really pushy, but it's also unfair for you to not try and get over your fear. I understand that you're afraid, but you should at least try to get over it. Even if it doesn't end with you getting a dog, it will help you when you interact with dogs in the future. The problem I see if you refuse to try is that it would open the door to arguments about what he had to change about himself when you two got married, etc.

Thank you for the replys and suggestions and support  

I gave serious thought to seeing a psychologists to help me with the anxiety but I feel so silly about it and a little ashamed even.  There are so many people who have way bigger problems that my fear of dogs and I feel a little silly about it.  It has never been a real issue until now that he is basically having a fit saying that he should be able to have a dog.  I have had a lot contact with friends and relatives dogs and they run around me and even come up to me and I don't make a issue of it or even ask that they keep their dogs away from me.  I just sit there still but just can't get over that feeling of fear.  Its mostly larger dogs and agressive small dogs that really scare me.  My husband wants a retriever or boxer.  I think I would possibly have a nervous breakdown.

To answer a few questions, yes he knew of my fear.  We knew each other for 13 years before we dated and married.  He has even "run interference" so to speak when someone would let their dog come up to us.  He's always been really understanding about it.  Some of my scars on my face are still visible and it's a little bit of a daily reminder.   It's not like I scream and run out of the room or anything but I just don't know that I would ever be comfortable around one. 

He keeps saying "well you were in a car accident and you still drive so what's the difference?"   I think he truly believes that with conditioning I will get over the fear and be ok with it.  I guess anything is possible but do I risk things not working out

He suggested that we get a puppy and if I just absolutely couldn't do it then he wouldn't keep it.  I can't agree to that either because I have never been a person to commit to an animal only to say "well I can't do it so back you go".  No animal should be taken into a family on a "trial" basis!  That is my belief anyway.  Some of you may have a different opinion or even a solution, I'm open to all suggestions.

I don't want to be unfair to him but I'm just not sure how to go about this.

On a lighter note, I have an absolutely irrational fear of clowns!!  I've never been attacked by one that I can remember but I just find them really really creepy and seeing a clown WILL send me running out of a room screaming. 

My mother is terrified of dogs as well. In fact she used to walk around with food in her pockets to throw to any dog that might approach her.   However, it did help her greatly when we got a dog. She was very reluctant at first but caved eventually. It helped her because we got to train him how we wanted to and of course we knew he'd protect us and love us. Which he did. She became very attached to him. 

If you want to get over your fear, then seeing someone isn't a bad idea. Don't worry about it being a "silly problem", they are there to help with problems big and small. You could also spend some time researching. Learn about different breeds, behaviors and aggression and other dog related stuff. Having a good understanding of them may help ease your fears.
Dogs are amazing animals and awesome pets. Having a puppy, training it and watching it grow is a tedious but rewarding experience. 

I'm not trying to sound pushy or anything...I'm a huge dog lover and want everyone to experience the joys of raising them. I am unable to own a dog for financial reasons right now but my dream is to own a Mastiff. I want a dog that weighs more than me and will protect me. *Sigh*. Some day. Regardless, I hope you're able to work through your fear. I guarantee you wouldn't regret it! 

Can you borrow a mild-mannered dog from a friend or family member for a week or so (offer to dog sit) and see how you do? Both Retrievers and Boxers are excellent choices as they're usually very friendly. I have two friends who were terrified of dogs and married dog lovers. Both desensitized themselves by interacting with ours and have had dogs ever since, in fact can't imagine being without one.

Fear of clowns is actually a very common fear.  I think that comes from something in really early childhood probably don't even remember what triggered it.  Well meaning parents don't get that something like a clown that a small child doesn't understand can trigger a lifelong fear.  It's not silly to go to a psychologist for help.  Anything that is affecting your life in a negative way over a long period of time isn't silly and is a good reason to get help.  It also isn't something to be ashamed of.

Honestly, I have nothing against retrievers or boxers, but retrievers especially can be mouthy as they are bred to fetch things with their mouth.  I would go for a shepherd breed of some sort.  

I am not afraid of dogs... I have 3 of my own and have worked with them all my life and love them as much as I love my cats. If you're uncomfortable with the thought of getting a dog; tell your husband that. If you can't overcome your fear, you shouldn't own a dog you are afraid of. It takes a lot of guts to overcome your fear. It sounds like the dog you were attacked by was unstable, not all dogs are like that. I would maybe recommend a Lab, they are good dogs. Maybe a senior though or an adult as puppies are pretty energetic.

I hope you're able to overcome your fear. Dogs are wonderful companions. Why  not volunteer at a dog rescue or something? The people there can help you overcome your fear. I would also make sure the dog is good with cats if you're to adopt one.

And I wouldn't recommend a shepherd.. they have quite of a prey drive with small animals and cats.

I would stick with a dog that is past the puppy stage.   Along with being hyper puppies also want to chew everything including people.  It's not aggressive biting it's play biting and most puppies with proper training and plenty of chew toys are easily broken of the habit.

Maybe you can go to the local shelter. Walk around. Maybe interact with a puppy.  Puppys are rather harmless but still like to lick and mouth on you, but not harm and hurt.   I do understand your fear. Big dogs barking at me make me very uncomfortable. small dogs barking at me just annoy the crud outa me.
 

7irishkitties said:

On a lighter note, I have an absolutely irrational fear of clowns!!  I've never been attacked by one that I can remember but I just find them really really creepy and seeing a clown WILL send me running out of a room screaming. 

Click to expand...

OMG clowns x_x I HATE clowns with a passion, always have..I bit a guy once when I was a kid lol, we were at a fair and there was a clown and my mom wanted my picture with him, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I got so scared that i bit bit LOL, drew blood too, my parents were lucky he didn't press charges, but I was fully vaccinated, so

watching "it" as a child never really helped, today it's just the fact that 80% of clowns are nasty old men.

If you get a puppy.. remember they aren't puppies forever. I think fostering may be good for you, fostering puppies for a rescue or something if you're scared of adult dogs.

It is the adult dogs that make me so nervous.  I'm ok around a puppy for the most part and Miagi's Mommy makes a good point, a puppy won't be a puppy forever. 

I have to see if I can get used to being around an adult dog without feeling fear.  Other good points were brought up too, I have cats, both inside and out and I can't just bring any dog here to test the theory. 

I live is a very rural area so we don't have a lot of shelters but there is one that I have helped with in the past.  I didn't actually deal with the dogs but I helped with grants and fundraising so I'm sure they would be willing to work with me.

Thank you all for the advice!  I have decided to try and work on my fear head on.  I'm going to ask the shelter to let me have some contact with a very gentle dog.  I will do this in small steps.  I think this will give me the greatest shot a becoming comfortable around them.  If after a while I still can't get over the fear my husband said he will not push me anymore "for now" but he's glad that I'm making the effort with work on it.  So we shall see!

I'll let you know how I do

I'm so glad you are going to try to overcome your fear.  There are plenty of gentle dogs looking for a home.. even mixed breeds. So I am sure someone won't have a problem setting you up with a gentle dog to play with. Plus you will make that dog's day better playing with him or her. If you were closer you could come meet my Dixie. She's a Schnauzer mix and so sweet. She loves everyone.

I have a fear of big dogs a Pit Bull bite my ankle wen i was walking to a friends house she lived next to me for a can of soda (i was out of soda) and a raging pit bull was growling and barking at me so i was slwoly walking towrds my friends door the dog got more mad dont know why and she started chasing me and bit me so i ran like a lightning balt to my moms van <were she was in> i jumped in the passenger side and my mom asked whats wrong I looked at her out of breath since i have athsma i showed her my bloody ankle long story short i did not get my soda and i went to the hospital in a abulance and my area didn't do anything to the owner or the dog >( I have nothing against pit bulls it was the owners fault for not training the dog this was back in 09

before we got brisk the dachshund back in 08 i had a fear of all dogs when we got brisk i was kinda scared of him now he don't bother me small dogs i'm not scared of big ones i do you could ask him can he get a small dog only if your fear lands in the bigger range

Gibbly said:

OMG clowns x_x I HATE clowns with a passion, always have..I bit a guy once when I was a kid lol, we were at a fair and there was a clown and my mom wanted my picture with him, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I got so scared that i bit bit LOL, drew blood too, my parents were lucky he didn't press charges, but I was fully vaccinated, so

watching "it" as a child never really helped, today it's just the fact that 80% of clowns are nasty old men.

Click to expand...

nasty old men lol clowns are okay to me Bucky Covington the guy in my profile picture dressed as a clown once it was funny so you have a fear