Helping Lucky go on

My wonderful companion and friend Toby died this week. Having him put to sleep was the most difficult thing that my husband and I have ever done and we miss him terribly. So too does Toby's brother Lucky.

Toby and Lucky came to me from a rescue, they we born in the same litter and have spent their entire lives together - about 17 years. Since Tuesday when Toby died poor Lucky has been lost -- he keeps walking around the house and yard looking for Toby. For the first 24 hours he kept "calling" for him. Since then he stays up in our bedroom where Toby spent a lot of his time. Lucky is just sitting there. At night he's sleeping on our bed, which is very unusual as he normally likes to sleep on the sofa downstairs. He's not eating very much either.

I don't know whethere there's anything I can do to help Lucky with his feeling of loss or confusion. Toby had been ill for a long time, he didn't die suddenly. Is he feeling the same way we are ? Does anyone have advice on what we can do to make him feel better ?

Toby was such a treasure, a blessing in our lives that meant so much, I love and miss him so much it hurts.

I am so sorry about your loss , it is never easy to lose some one you love .As for Lucky , maybe give him more TLC and in time he will be ok (((( HUGS ))))

Thanks for the hugs for Lucky, I think he's a little better today - at least he's sitting downstairs with us now. My husband and I have started to make a special garden to dedicate to Toby's memory and help us heal. It makes me smile and it makes me cry at the same time but I'm keeping close to Lucky and giving him more love than ever.

No suggestions, but I wanted to extend my condolences on the loss of your Toby. Hope making the garden is therapeutic, and Lucky will feel better with your extra cuddles and kisses.

I know this makes me certifiable, but if you tell Lucky what happened and that his friend is now gone, it really does work. When Shredder died, his brother Kabota was inconsolable. I finally talked to an animal communicator friend of mine and she told me to ask Kabota for permission to talk to him, sit him on my lap and just tell him about the struggles to keep Shredder alive and that shred was dead now. I have to admit to feeling foolish, but I did it, and after I talked, Kabota climbed up my chest and wrapped his paws around my neck and purred in my ear- something his brother was known to do. After that he was still sad, but much better.

I am sorry for your loss, it does get easier, on everyone.

I'm going to speak to Lucky tonight...I'm sure my husband will think I'm nuts but Lucky is still searching for Toby in the yard and in closets in the house and he seems to confused. I think the hugs have helped hopefully this will too.

Thank you so much for the kind thoughts and suggestions. It's hard to express to anyone how much we miss Toby so it's a relief to "talk" with people who know. I'll let you know how my chat with Lucky goes.

i agree with hissy...talking to them really does works...i always talk to boy boy and meow meow be it regards to their loss of father or how i feel... it draws us closer and helps them get over it faster... pls give lucky a good hug for me..tell him that everything's gonna be ok... please take care of yourself too... should you need ppl to talk to, just post it on the board..we'll be there...

Well, I did talk to Lucky and he was remarkable. I told him that I had something to say and he sat down and looked straight at me. Then I told him that Toby had died and would not be coming home. I reminded him that Toby had been ill for a long time and that although we had tried, at the end he was just too ill for anyone to cure. We had all had a lovely last day with Toby, it was sunny and warm and we had all sat outside together for a long time, it's a memory we'll keep for ever.

Lucky seemed to be listening very closely to what I was saying. After our talk he sat with me all night, being very effectionate - I hope it helps. It certainly felt good to me.

Toby was always the mischevous cat, the big personality in a tiny body. At the end he was so very small, no muscle left on his body but his little face was still so inquisitive, his eyes so large but so sad. Looking back on photos from long ago he was such a pudgy cat, so fluffy and healthy. Cancer is such a horrible way to go, and Toby fought it every step. Even at the end when his balance had goen he would be determind to get from A to B no matter how many times he fell over. Such a wondeful person.

OH my heart goes out to you! I think that cuddling and snuggling with Lucky and keeping on talking to him, when YOU are having a bad day, and he seems a bit confused too, will help you both! They become such an integral part of our lives, and it is such a HUGE transition to go through when they leave us behind. When my kitty got hit by a car, I buried him in my garden,as he ALWAYS wanted to be at my side when I was gardening. He had been a cat that I inherited and was used to being outside--and was NOT going to settle for being inside the house, all the time! He would BOLT out the door like he was shot out of a cannon, and there was NO stopping him! So, usually, on nice afternoons, I would be gardening and would let him out with me for a little while. He got hit by the car, when company was here, and he flew past them, when they opened the door that day! I put a heartshaped stone near where he is buried, and only my family knows what it commemorates. Because I did not want to put something there, that said "Beloved Pet" in case, when we ever move, that someone would get rid of it, first thing. The heart stone looks just like a nice stepping stone, near the sundial I have --and I think of my dear little kitty, whenever I look at it. {{HUGS}} to you, I KNOW how very painful it is....

I think I may have depressed Lucky by telling him about Toby. He really is moving out of the bedroom now at all. I'm sure he understood what I had told him and he's grieving.

I've been thinking about this idea of talking to cats more and more...I remembered doing so to a friends cat many years ago. At the time my brother had died suddenly, I had just moved to the US and had to come back to England for the funeral and to bring my Dad home with me. I was staying at a friends house and had a "conversation" with her cat Harry one night when I couldn't sleep. Harry is a very independent cat, not partcularly affectionate nor fond of being petted - very aloof normally. I asked him to be nice to my Dad when he came to stay, explaining about my fathers loss and terrible grief. Since then Harry has always been amazing around my Dad, trots right up to him, sits on him, let's my Dad pet him every time. Everyone who knows Harry is always amazed but I'm sure he was responding to my request.

I don't know why I forgot about this time with Harry, and didn't think about talking to Lucky - it was a good idea I'm sure, even though I think I've depressed him more. Hopefully he'll like the garden we're building for Toby, and it will entice him back out from the bedroom.

Thanks again to you all for your kind thoughts and wishes.